Chapter Thirty-Eight
They climbed out of the cab and Sam paid the driver, turning to find Drew staring at the house in trepidation.
“Not nervous, are you?” he asked.
“Who, me? No. Besides, they’re your team. I like your team.”
Of the two of them, Sam was probably the more nervous, but he was better at hiding it. Drew tended to show his emotions all too readily. It helped Sam read him better.
“Come on, let’s not be late.”
“I thought we were early.”
“We were and then those works on Plaid Avenue delayed us.”
They bickered good naturedly as they walked to the door. Sam rang the bell, hearing the sounds of people talking and laughing on the other side.
Tom answered, a dishcloth thrown over his shoulder.
“Gentlemen, you’re right on time. Come on out to the back.”
They followed Tom through the house, saying a quick hello to his wife, Sandy, who was preparing the salad. Tom returned to the barbeque, nudging Warren out of the way.
“I hope you like your meat well done,” he called over his shoulder while Warren muttered something about him being a perfectionist.
They went to say hello to the rest of the team, who were spread out across the garden, some with their partners. Drew had met most of them before, the day they’d rescued him, and one time since, when he’d joined them for drinks with Sam after work.
Sam’s nerves abated after he went to grab them some drinks, coming back to find Drew and Warren thick as thieves discussing some new piece of tech. The discussion might as well have been in double Dutch for all the sense it made to him.
Tom called him over and roped him into helping with the cooking.
“Let the techies talk, Warren hardly ever gets the chance to speak with someone who actually knows what he’s talking about.”
He could have said the same about Drew. Except for some online friends that he’d got back in contact with, Drew didn’t know a lot of people. Sam wouldn’t begrudge him a friend, even if that friend was his team mate.
“How’s he settling in?” Tom asked.
“Better than expected. There was a rough patch for a few weeks there, when the stress with Theo eased off and everything slowed down. But he’s got his consulting business up and running and he’s applied to college to start the next semester and finish his degree.”
“That’s great. And how’s Theo doing?”
“Bounced right back like nothing happened. The doctor says he was really lucky.”
“You were due a bit of luck right about then.”
“Maybe. I think it’s taught all of us not to take things for granted.”
“And you Sam, how are you doing?”
Tom turned to face him, reading his expression carefully. There was no need, Sam couldn’t hide it even if he wanted to. He grinned. “I’m doing great, Tom. Really great.”
Once Drew made the decision to come clean to Logan, Sam knew it would have to be all or nothing. Drew talked it over with both him and Matt, and they convinced him that it might be better to break it to him one piece at a time.
Sam was the one to make contact with Logan and set up the video-link. All Drew needed to do was be there, and be truthful.
He gave Drew some privacy in the apartment, knowing he was starting with the piece of information that was most important to him, the thing he had always feared would lose him his brother. If that was the case, Logan wasn’t the man Sam thought he was.
When he returned, the laptop was off and Drew was sitting on his bed. When he pressed him about how it had went, Drew told him Logan was like a fish out of water at first, mouth opening and closing before he repeated Drew’s words back at him a few times and then ended the call.
Drew was upset but not surprised and took the attitude of ‘at least now I know’.
Only it wasn’t over. When Logan called back a day later, Sam stayed nearby, listening in to the conversation.
“Did Dad know?”
“What?” Drew glanced over the screen and met Sam’s eyes before turning back to his brother.
“When we were kids, did Dad know?”
“I think maybe he guessed.”
“Damn it. I thought all that stuff was just macho crap. I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry, Drew. I keep thinking of all those terrible things that we said in front of you. That’s not me, that’s not who I am. It just kept Dad off my back if he thought I was ‘one of the boys’. I don’t expect you to forgive me, not right away, but maybe one day?”
Drew stole another look at Sam, who nodded encouragingly. If Logan was willing to offer an olive branch, they were well on their way to mending things between them.
Drew came clean about the gambling after that, and then Russell and the whole mess that followed. And, finally, he opened up about him and Sam. All in all, it took about six phone calls over two weeks.
Sam was really proud of Drew for plowing through. And proud of Logan for stepping up to the plate as his big brother. Logan wasn’t so happy when he realized Sam and Matt had known about everything while it was actually happening, but found it hard to fault their reasoning for not keeping him in the loop.
After that, there was radio silence for a while. Drew thought it was a bad sign, Sam thought Logan was just processing. It was a lot of information to have landed on you at once. And years of childhood memories to re-frame.
Sam arrived home on Drew’s birthday with a cake, a six-pack, and a bag of Drew’s favorite coffee beans.
Drew was working away on his laptop.
“Got a new client today,” he called over his shoulder.
Sam stepped up behind him, resting hands on his shoulders and leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek.
“Congratulations. Does that mean there’s no time for cake?”
“I’ll be finished in a minute,” Drew promised. Sam decided to keep him to that promise, lowering his head to press slow kisses along Drew’s neck. Drew groaned and twisted, giving Sam better access. “You’re not playing fair.”
A while later, work put away, they sat on the couch eating cake.
“Logan didn’t email,” Drew said in between bites. “He always emails on my birthday, or before, if he knows he won’t be free.”
“Maybe something came up. Maybe he’ll send it later.”
“He’s back home on leave. I think he just doesn’t want to talk. I thought, after everything, he would-”
There was a knock on the door.
“That’s Matt, he said he’d join us for cake.”
“And we started without him,” Drew said, looking guilty.
“He won’t mind,” Sam replied, wiping a smudge of chocolate from Drew’s lips.
Sam padded to the door while Drew went to get another plate.
He ushered the new arrivals in, a little surprised to see three people on his doorstep and not one.
“Drew,” he called as he turned.
Drew had stopped dead beside the table, setting down the plate in his hands.
“Logan?”
“Happy Birthday.”
His brother was standing in the doorway, with Matt and a woman he distantly recognized as his brother’s girlfriend, Haley. It felt like an ambush.
Drew glanced at Sam. “Did you know?”
“No one knew,” Logan said quickly. “Not even Matt, we just met him outside. Drew, this is Haley. Haley, my brother Drew.”
He’d seen one or two pictures but she wasn’t quite what he’d expected. She smiled warmly.
“Hi, Drew. It’s nice to meet you. It’s partly my fault we’re here. I pushed Logan to come see you now that everything is out in the open.”
He shouldn’t have been surprised that Logan had shared the fact that he was gay with his girlfriend, but he was. He’d thought his brother was ashamed.
“Why don’t you all come in and sit down. We’ll have coffee and cake,” Sam said.
Drew busied himself making the coffee, taking as long as he could, while Sam cut the cake and passed plates around.
Finally, knowing he couldn’t dawdle any longer, he took a seat next to Sam.
“I’m not sure I understand why you’re here,” he blurted out a moment later. Sam set a steadying hand on his arm.
“You’re my brother, Drew. There’s been so much distance between us that didn’t need to be there. If only I’d looked a bit deeper, tried a bit harder. You were in real trouble and you felt you couldn’t come to me.” Logan sounded torn up about it, guilt heavy in his voice.
“But I did come to you. And you got me to Sam, and Sam… Sam saved me.”
“If I’d known, there’s so much more I could have done.”
“That isn’t all on you. I kept a lot from you.”
“I can’t blame you for that,” Logan said bitterly. “The kind of person you thought I was, you think I am…”
“You did what you had to, to survive. Sam told me that joining the army was your escape, not your dream. I couldn’t see that because Dad was so proud of you and so happy to use that as a stick to beat me with.”
Logan snorted. “Yeah, he left a lot to be desired as a father. But I didn’t come here to talk about him. For you and me, that’s a conversation for another day.” But one they needed to have, eventually. “I’m here to talk about family.”
“But you just said…”
“Family being me and Haley. You and Sam,” he added with a smile.
“I don’t follow-” he started to say. Sam squeezed his hand. “Hear him out, alright?”
“Maybe this is something I should say?” Haley interrupted. “I’ve never had much by way of family. My parents died when I was a baby, I was raised by my great aunt and she passed away before I turned twenty. When it comes to family, for me, Logan is it. I’d been pushing him for years about mending fences with you. I just didn’t understand what the problem was. Now that you and he have started talking again, I’d really like to take the chance to get to know you, too.”
It was then Drew noticed the ring on her finger.
“You’re engaged?”
She blushed and all but hid her hand as every eye turned to it. “As of this morning, he proposed in the arrival’s hall.”
“Now that we’re starting a family of our own, Haley and I don’t want our children to grow up how she did or how we did. We think, we hope, we can do better. For their sake. For all of our sakes.”
“When are you due?” Matt asked and Haley blushed again, her hand going to her stomach. “Logan had a week of leave in Germany four months ago, so I flew over to see him. I’m due at the end of June next year.”
“Congratulations,” Matt replied and Sam echoed him.
Sam nudged him but Drew couldn’t get a word out.
There was an awkward silence before Haley spoke again. “I’m sorry, Drew. We shouldn’t have turned up like this and sprung this on you. Logan wanted to take it more slowly, but he’s only home for a few weeks and then back out again. By the time he comes back, the baby will be born…”
Drew could see a hint of desperation, of loneliness, in her voice. And recalled Sam talking about his childhood, his Dad away, and his Mom trying to cope alone, with three kids and an illness that was eating away at her.
“No, I’m really glad you’re here.” He had to force the words a little. They’d come more naturally with time, he was sure of that. “And I’m so happy for you both.”
Haley broke into a smile, her hand holding Logan’s.
“You’re going to be an uncle,” Logan said.
“Isn’t that a scary thought?” he replied.
“You’ll be the cool uncle, who can teach them coding, not to mention how to make really great coffee,” Sam joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Drew got to his feet, feeling the situation needed more than words. Stepping towards Logan, he hesitated.
“Congratulations, the engagement, the baby, it’s really great to see things come together for you.”
Logan stood and closed the gap he was afraid to, pulling Drew into an embrace.
“It’s so good to see you looking well, and happy.” Logan pulled back, his gaze straying to Sam. “You are happy?”
“More than I’ve ever been.”
It wasn’t perfect. He and Sam were still working out the finer points of the give and take of their relationship, but they were getting there.
He found Haley at his elbow and turned, surprised when she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tightly.
“I’m so happy we’re here and that the two of you are talking, really talking.”
Tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them away. “Sorry, it’s the pregnancy hormones. I cry at everything.”
Laughing, Logan slung an arm around her shoulders.
“And she means everything. You know that ad with the puppies with the mohawk hair…”
Drew slipped back into his seat next to Sam as the conversation moved onto more general things. It gave him a minute to catch his breath, leaning against Sam, a hand on his knee and Sam’s arm around his shoulders.
Later, as they were seeing everyone out, he pulled Logan to one side.
“Have you talked to Dad?”
Logan looked uncomfortable. “We don’t talk much anymore. A phone call now and then. I haven’t told him anything about what you told me. That’s for you to tell, if you choose to. He’s not going to be around forever, especially with the way he lives these days. It’s tough to know how to handle things, especially now, with a grandchild on the way. What do you think?”
“I think it has to be your choice.” Drew wasn’t about to dictate terms on that. “Your relationship with Dad isn’t my relationship with Dad. And I hear that sometimes people who were awful parents make better grandparents. I guess some people mellow in old age.”
“And some get more cantankerous, like my great aunt,” Haley said, slipping a hand into Logan’s.
“We had better get going,” Logan said. “Happy birthday, Drew. I’m really glad we got to celebrate it with you.”
Matt walked out with them, promising to call by at the weekend to catch up. He was looking better and better these days and while Drew knew Sam still worried about him, it wasn’t the same worry as before.
Drew was sad to see them all go but happy to have some peace and quiet for himself and Sam.
Sam slipped an arm around his waist. “Time for bed. Long day, huh?”
“Yeah. But good, all the same.”
“It’s okay if it wasn’t. Seeing your brother like that…”
“He looked good. He and Haley seem really happy.”
“They do. But so do you. I know it’s early days, with your consulting business, and putting your life back together…”
Drew turned so he and Sam were face to face. “I am happy. Right here, right now, with you.”
Sam smiled, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together. “Let’s go get some sleep.”
Sam’s phone buzzed at four am and he glanced at the screen, groaning as he sat and threw back the covers. Drew stirred, lifting his head from the pillow.
“Team’s been called in early. Go back to sleep.”
Blearily, he stumbled to the bathroom, washing briskly, a few splashes of cold water on his face waking him.
Returning to the bedroom, he blinked at the empty bed as he busied himself getting dressed. When he got to the kitchen, he found Drew waiting with an open flask of coffee. Sam took it with a smile, swallowing a few mouthfuls before sealing it and tucking it into his gym bag.
“You didn’t have to get up.”
“Hey, if you’re going out to save the world, the least a boyfriend can do is see you off.”
“The guys will be jealous. They love your coffee.”
“They’ll have to get their own live-in barista,” Drew said, wrapping arms around Sam. They kissed, shorter and sweeter than Sam would have liked, but there wasn’t time for more.
“Be safe,” Drew said as they pulled apart.
“Always,” he promised. “See you this evening.”
“Love you,” Drew called as he got to the door.
“Love you too,” he called back, glancing over his shoulder to see Drew leaning against the wall with a tired smile on his face.
Give and take, right? This was what it meant; someone there for him when his day started in the middle of the night, someone who didn’t blink an eye when he needed to spend time with his team, or when he just needed to sit on the couch and process the events of the day.
It had never been like that before. He’d given everything, and when the tables turned, and he needed something, it was always too much. But not for Drew, who seemed to crave Sam needing him as much as he needed Sam. That was love.
The End