CHAPTER 18

FINN

I texted Jerry to make sure he was still out front. He texted back letting me know he was and that I had three new parking tickets. Fucking hell. My tickets could’ve paid for half the city budget in the past, which was why I started using the impromptu valets. I would deal with the ticket after my wedding day. Because I was getting married. To Maggie.

Jerry waited beside the SUV as we walked outside. “You must be Maggie.” He greeted her with a handshake before opening the back door.

She accepted his hand but turned to look at me with a questioning stare.

My mother would kill me for my poor manners. “Maggie, this is Jerry. Jerry, this is my fiancée, Maggie.” I emphasized the F word. I had a new favorite F word.

Maggie glanced between the two of us. “You have your own driver?”

Shit. “Don’t freak out on me. Jerry is more of a friend than an employee. He’s a better driver than I am, so it’s more of a safety thing.” She was totally freaking out. I could read her mind through the expression on her face.

The wheels in her head turned for another twenty seconds, but then she smiled. “You’re right. No more freaking out. Let’s do this thing.”

Disaster averted.

Jerry held the door open for me as well. “Sounds like you had a productive meeting, sir.” He did a poor job at hiding his smile.

I looked at Maggie, sitting in the back of my SUV looking like she had always been there. “I did. I got engaged and kidnapped some people. Maybe not in that order. It was confusing. Speaking of, we might want to make ourselves scarce in case the heat shows up.”

Jerry leaned his head inside the door after I slid in. “It’s New York. This has to be the third time they’ve been technically kidnapped this week. They’ll get over it.”

Maggie and I had used the time in the elevator to solidify our wedding plans. I never understood why people stressed so much over planning a wedding. We yelled out the first ideas that came to mind, they matched, and our plans were set. So easy. The only thing we lacked were witnesses, and Maggie was on her phone lining up those.

She put it on speakerphone and a woman answered.

“Cici! You’ll never guess what happened,” Maggie chirped.

“No, I won’t be able to, so just tell me.”

“No! You have to guess!” She smiled at me and bounced in her seat.

“I’ve never guessed correctly once. Let’s skip the middleman and tell me already.”

“I won’t tell you until you guess.”

A loud huff vibrated her phone. “Fine. You have chlamydia, and you’re going on a talk show to tell the world.”

“No! You’re not even close. You’re so bad at this game.”

Another huff. “Jesus Christ.”

“I’m getting married!” Maggie danced in her seat.

No noise came from her phone.

“Cici? Did you hear me?”

“What do you mean you’re getting married? To who?”

Maggie huffed and rolled her eyes. “What do you mean to who? Finn, of course! He’s in the car with me. We’re headed your way.”

A loud inhale and exhale came from the speaker. “Maggie, I know you can’t see me, so I’m telling you I’m adjusting my invisible glasses. Are you sure about this? Are you really sure? Really, really sure? You just met him. This has to be your craziest idea yet.”

“What happened to I’m going to do whatever I want so you might as well enjoy the ride?”

“You decided to get married, that’s what happened. Are you sure about this? I think you should sleep on this one.”

Maggie laughed. “Don’t be silly. I’ve known him most of my life. And I can’t wait another second to marry him. I’ve never been more sure about anything.” She reached over and squeezed my arm.

I decided there would never be a good time to interrupt this conversation. “Honey, you have to tell Jerry where we’re going if we’re ever going to get there.”

She leaned forward to yell at Jerry. “Oh, yeah! Up four more blocks and left. Then straight for three lights.”

Cici’s voice came back over the speaker. “Who’s Jerry?”

“He’s Finn’s driver. We don’t have time for that right now. Try to keep up.”

“I thought you said he was a circus performer. How does he have a driver? What is going on?”

She rubbed my leg, making me wish Jerry would go elsewhere and she would go higher. “Well, he’s not. It’s a whole long story. I’ll fill you in on the way.”

More dead air. “On the way where? Maggie, you know I always support you, no matter how outlandish you get. Heck, I’ve been to Graceland with you, and I don’t even like Elvis. I went to a truck stop with you. I followed you into the woods to find a lumberjack, and we got lost for five hours. But this . . .”

Maggie tried to put her hands on her hips, but there wasn’t enough room in the car. “Oh my God, are you still mad that you got bit by a squirrel and had to get all those rabies shots? I told you to be quiet and stop scaring the wildlife, but you wouldn’t stop yelling at me.”

“Maggie, listen to me. You need to stop and think about this one.”

She reached over and rubbed my neck. I almost purred.

“Cici, I have thought about it. I’ve thought about it for years. I’m tired of thinking. Why have you always told me I’ve never had a normal relationship?”

There was a long pause on the other end. “Because you were too hung up on Finn.”

“Exactly. He’s always been the one. And now that I’ve found him again, I’m going to lock this down.” She gave me a huge smile.

Another long pause. “I’m not saying I’m on board with this, but what’s the plan?”

Maggie clapped. “Yay! I knew you would love this!”

“That’s literally the opposite of what I said.”

“Hush. You’re going to be so excited. We’re going to pick up you and Cole, we’re getting a marriage license, and we’re getting married.” She clapped her hands again.

“First of all, your mother is going to kill you. Have you thought of that? Secondly, there’s a twenty-four hour waiting period in New York after you get your license. I’ve already done all the research on this.”

Maggie huffed. “Cici, you think too much. There’s no waiting period in Rhode Island, so we’re getting our license there. I know because it was a Trivial Pursuit answer. And my mother and I are just going to get into a huge fight about her wanting to throw the society wedding to end all society weddings, and we’ll end up compromising on letting me have the wedding I want, and she can throw the huge social party she wants. I’m skipping the first part, and I’ll surprise her with the news later. It’s better this way. Trust me.”

“Something bad follows every time you tell me to trust you.”

“You know you love me. We’ll be there in five minutes if you need to bang out a quickie with Cole.”

“Maggie!”

She laughed and went back to rubbing my neck. “Don’t pretend to be innocent. You two can’t keep your pants on for more than an hour at a time. Get it out of your system now. It’s going to be a long night.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see. Trust me.” She ended the call.

My palms started sweating. She was just getting past the money issue, and I was about to toss another issue in her face. I thought about not telling her, but it would come out eventually, and then she would murder me in broad daylight.

“Um, Maggie, my love.”

She kissed along my jaw and nibbled on the tip of my earlobe. “Mm-hmm?”

“Now might not be a good time to tell you, but I sort of already talked to your mother and told her that I was going to propose. Iloveyousomuch.”

I tensed up, waiting.

“You what?”

***

We put a pin in the discussion of how I was going to die until after the wedding. Maggie said she wanted to be a proper widower. I thought some part of her was kidding. I hoped.

Jerry pulled up to the building my future widower pointed out. He double-parked the car and let us out. Maggie bolted inside without waiting for me. I found her near the elevator doors.

“Sorry, I wanted to push the button as soon as possible. This thing takes forever, and we’re on a tight schedule.” I couldn’t believe this little ball of energy was mine to keep. I wanted to protect her and keep her safe, but also fuck her until she couldn’t walk without assistance. I probably needed to see someone about that messed up thought process.

A few minutes later, the elevator doors creaked open. Maggie shimmied through before they finished opening. I followed behind her, stunned to see we had the thing to ourselves. She pushed the button for the floor just before I pressed her against the wall. Feeling her full body up against mine was better than anything I had filed away in my spank bank. My dick was about to turn into a Hulk fist and smash through the front of my pants.

My hand was under her shirt faster than a senior on prom night. I needed her now.

“Finn, Cole and Cici fuck in here on the regular.”

I didn’t understand what she was saying because all of my blood flow was below my belt. “What?”

She gently removed my hand from her shirt. “Cole and Cici rub their naked parts in here all the time. I’m surprised someone hasn’t gotten pregnant just riding in this thing. It could probably double as a sperm bank.”

What the actual fuck? “Why would they do that?” Never mind the fact that I was just about to do that.

Maggie shrugged. “It’s where they met. They got trapped in here, so Cici rode the D train until someone rescued them. They like to reenact it whenever they work late.”

“What kind of people do that?” The witnesses for our wedding were exhibitionists. I thought of a million ways this could go wrong.

The doors opened and Maggie grabbed my hand. “Come on! Let’s go introduce you!”

She opened the door to the suite, sending it crashing into the adjacent wall. Everyone in the cubicles in the center of the space popped up to check out the commotion.

“Shut it down, folks! We’re having a wedding!” Maggie screamed and twirled her finger in the air. “Pack up your stuff. We’re closed until further notice!”

No one moved or even looked surprised like this was unusual activity. She must visit often.

Maggie clapped her hands. “I said move, people! Take only what you need. It’s like a wedding fire drill. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

A woman about our age with long dark hair popped out of one of the side offices. “Maggie, we told them to stop taking orders from you after that last incident. They’re immune to you now.”

Maggie put her hands on her hips. “That’s not my fault. You were supposed to take a month off to search for Bigfoot with me. How was I supposed to know you didn’t want to dissolve your company to do that?”

The woman I presumed to be Cici stood in front of us. “No, I wasn’t supposed to do that. No one is supposed to do that. People really thought they were fired. The paperwork was a nightmare. They can run the office without us.”

“They can?” Maggie’s eyes got as big as saucers.

Cici laughed. “Yes, they can. They are very capable. Now stop scaring them.”

I did my best not to picture Cici naked. It wasn’t a sexual thing. Well, technically it was. I couldn’t repress the thought of her and her fiancé getting nasty in the elevator. This was Maggie’s fault. I looked at Cici’s forehead because I couldn’t look her in the eyes just yet. “You must be Cici. I’ve heard so much about you.” I extended my hand while focusing on the space between her eyebrows.

She moved so fast, I jumped. I was sucked into a hug I didn’t see coming. “We don’t shake hands. You’re marrying my honorary sister. Thanks to Maggie’s vocal dreams, I know more about you than I ever wanted to know.”

At least we had that in common.

Some guy with dark hair walked out of the office Cici had just left. He walked up beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. That had to be Cole. I knew the look he was sporting. Maggie hadn’t been kidding when she said they get one out of the way before we arrived. I couldn’t look at either of them. This was getting worse.

“What’s this I hear about a wedding?” he asked.

“Cole, this is Finn. Finn, this is Cole.” She pointed at each of us. “And we’re getting our nuptials on!” Maggie yelled in a deep voice.

“This isn’t making me feel better about this plan,” Cici retorted.

“You’ll love it!” Maggie shouted. “We’ll fill you in along the way. Get your cute asses in the car so we can get hitched. Let’s go!” She smacked Cici on the ass and pushed her toward the door.

“My ass isn’t cute!” Cole called behind them.

Maggie turned back as they kept walking. “That’s not what Cici tells me.”

Cole jogged a few steps to catch up to them. “Did you tell her my ass was cute?”

Maggie hit the button for the elevator, which was thankfully still on this floor. “Don’t you two start it! You’re not going to bring your weird aggressive foreplay into my wedding. I swear to God I will separate you!”

The elevator ride was a steady mix of me trying to remember the names of all the minor Star Trek characters and trying not to think of the invisible ejaculate coating the walls.

Jerry was still out front, removing more parking tickets from my windshield. He held open the door and Cici, Maggie, and I filed into the backseat. Cole sat in the front next to Jerry.

“Can someone tell me where we’re going now?” Cici asked.

“To the airport!” Maggie answered, pointing her finger to the sky. “Hasbro has a jet that we’re borrowing.”

Cici tried to angle herself toward Maggie, but the back seat was too cramped. “What does Hasbro have to do with anything? Maggie, are we stealing a jet? I’m not going to jail with you again.”

Maggie shook her head. “We get arrested one time and you get all bent out of shape.”

“It was twice.”

Maggie shook her head again. “Twice. Whatever. We’re not stealing anything. Finn is on the Hasbro board. It’s a whole big thing, but it’s totally legit. Trust me.”

“I wish you would stop saying that.”

“Calm down. I’ll give you the details when we get in the air.” She leaned forward to Cole. “We have bigger issues right now. Cole, we need you to become a priest so you can marry us.”

His head whipped around faster than anything I’d seen since The Exorcist. “Forget that! Priests are celibate. I’m not signing up for that.”

I pulled Maggie back so I could lean forward and take her place between the front seats. “You don’t have to become a priest. We just need you to get ordained online so you can perform the ceremony.”

Maggie popped her head into the space next to mine. “Then you two can go back to banging like wild animals.”

“Maggie!” both Cole and Cici yelled.

Maggie forced more of her body between the seats. “Please. I promise I won’t ask you for another favor for like a week if you do this. We don’t want some stranger marrying us. We want you.”

He exhaled. “Your guilt trips are the worst. Fine. What do I need to do?”

“Yay!” She hugged him awkwardly around his seat. “I have no idea what you need to do, but I’m sure you can google it. You’re the best!”

He groaned and reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone.

Cici tapped Maggie, who was still halfway between the front and back seats, on the shoulder. “So we’re flying to Rhode Island? Is this what is happening?”

Maggie relaxed back into her seat. “Yes, we should just make it before they close. I called ahead and asked them to stay open until we got there, but the woman hung up on me. Must have been a bad connection.”

“That reminds me.” I pushed my way back toward the front seat. “Jerry, can you stop at a hardware store along the way? We need some supplies.”

Jerry nodded, not taking his eyes off the road.

I sat back into my seat as Cole turned around.

“Uh, we have a problem. These are all Unitarian websites. My parents are Methodists.”

“Not today, buddy!” Maggie yelled. “You do whatever you need to do to get ordained. And make it fast. Finn said the Wi-Fi on the jet is sketchy.”

“My parents are going to kill me if they find out.”

Cici tapped Maggie again. “Speaking of . . . What are you both going to do about your families?”

I took Maggie’s hand because I knew this was a sensitive subject for her. “My parents are in Greece right now, but I’ve already called them. We’re going to FaceTime with them during the wedding. My brothers are also out of the country, and they don’t care about weddings. So that part is sorted.”

Cici continued staring at Maggie.

“I haven’t decided,” she finally said. “Seeing as how they knew before I did that Finn was proposing, I don’t think I can just not tell them anymore.”

Cici scrunched up her face. “How exactly did they know that? I’m so confused.”

“It’s one of the things I need to fill you in on when we’re in the air.” She leaned back into the void between the front seats. “How are we coming with that ordination, Cole? We don’t have all day here. How hard can it be?”

He spun around in his seat. “Everyone needs to back the fuck off! I’m trying to change my religion up here and become a man of God at the same time, and I could use some motherfucking quiet! Is that too goddamned much to ask?”

Cici inhaled sharply. “Jesus Christ, you are so fucking hot right now, baby. I want to lick every inch of your body.”

Maggie put her hands up between the two of them. “Don’t you two dare try to bone in this car! I mean it! And don’t do it on the plane either. Finn doesn’t need that coming up in the next board meeting. Got it?”

Cici crossed her arms. “I will agree to nothing.”

“One hardware store on the right, sir,” Jerry interrupted as the car came to a stop.

I grabbed Maggie’s hand. “We’ll run in and grab the stuff. Be right back.”

It didn’t take long to gather what we needed. I was surprised to find Cole and Cici still waiting in the car. I would’ve thought they’d have taken the opportunity to run. I placed the paper bag in the back of my SUV and took my seat next to Maggie again.

Jerry pulled back into traffic while Cici leaned over the seat to look in the bag. She looked back at Maggie, stone-faced. “Can someone explain to me why your nuptials require flashlights, a bolt cutter, and gloves? Were they having a sale on murder kits at Ace Hardware?”

It might make me a pussy, but I was going to let Maggie field this one.

She didn’t miss a beat. “We’re getting married in a warehouse.”

Cici raised one eyebrow. “Go on. I know there’s more.”

“I got a tip last week about a warehouse that stores all the Star Wars costumes. I was planning to visit it this week anyway. It’s the perfect venue.”

Cici’s eyebrow went higher, like it wasn’t even connected to her face. “Are we breaking into said warehouse?”

“Oh, most definitely.” Maggie nodded.

Cici tossed her arms up in the air, almost hitting Maggie. “Margaret Vincent Foster, I didn’t sign up for this! No way in hell am I breaking into a building! You have lost your mind!”

Maggie did not appear to be fazed at all. At least the back of her head didn’t. “Pipe down. You’re in too deep now. I used your credit card to buy the supplies. Here’s your wallet back, by the way. You should keep a better eye on that. Someone is going to steal it one day.”

Cici’s arms flew again. “You did—how—ugh! You are unbelievable. Can you at least rough me up so I can use the Patty Hearst defense?”

“Sure thing.”

I wrapped my arms around Maggie, pulling her closer to me just in case she was really thinking about throwing a punch. I might not be a traditionalist, but I didn’t want any black eyes in my wedding photo.

Cici huffed. “How reliable is this tip about the Star Wars costumes?”

Maggie shrugged under my arms. “As reliable as a blog run by a twelve-year-old boy can be. I already have everyone’s costumes planned.”

Cole looked up from his phone and appeared to have just tuned in to the conversation. He had perfected the lightning-fast pivot. “I’m not going back into a Chewbacca costume! No fucking way! Turn this car around right now!”

I had no idea what was going on.

Cici cocked her head to the side. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“You lit me on fire while I was wearing a costume made entirely of hair! I get to hang onto this one for a little while.”

Now I really had no idea what was going on.

“We’re here,” Jerry announced. “Congratulations to the happy couple.” The car came to a stop, and he popped the locks.

“You don’t want to come with us?” I asked.

He held the door open for the ladies and answered when they exited. “Oh, no. I’m going to stay here and work on my alibi. Thank you for the invitation, though.”