CHAPTER 8

2007

We packed away a second set of graduation robes and the contents of our dorm room with it. I couldn’t believe how long it took to pack up a room the size of a gnat’s ass. We had crammed a lot of memories into this small home.

We both had jobs lined up. Real jobs. My parents were beside themselves that I wouldn’t let them call in favors with any of their friends. Dad insisted that he had no less than thirty of his friends’ children, nieces, and nephews on his payroll, and that was how things had been done since the dawn of time. I appreciated their help, but I needed to stand on my own two feet. And my two feet would be working as a human resource representative at a telecommunications company. Cici landed a job as a junior account rep at a midsize marketing firm. We would own New York City within five years.

Cici had rented an apartment behind a house in Bushwick that might actually be smaller than our dorm room. I tried to convince her that we should live together forever, but she wanted to stand on her own two feet as well. She also said the two of us weren’t looking in the same price range, which could’ve been accurate. Her place was awful. She at least had a kitchen cabinet, so it was a small improvement. There was enough room for a small bed and a hint of dignity. It was near a laundromat and a Chinese restaurant, so the smell of ramen and smelly socks was constant. Cici said it was only temporary until she could save up some money. It was temporary insanity for sure.

I hadn’t found a place to live yet, so I moved into a hotel until I could make a decision. I had another appointment with my Realtor later to look at some more apartments. I wanted to find the perfect place. I loved our tiny room, but I had paid my dues with dorm life. I needed some amenities to make up for sharing a bathroom the past five years. I also needed a good focal wall for Elvis.

***

Ina Baumgard was one referral from my parents I was more than happy to take. I didn’t know any Realtors or know the first thing about purchasing Manhattan property. She was a godsend. She had never-ending patience. I only picked up on a hint of irritation when I asked a fifth time about the possibility of moving an exterior wall.

When Ina’s driver dropped us off in front of a high-rise on the Upper East Side, I had a mild panic attack. Ina assured me we were far enough away from my parents. My main request was to not be too close to Mom and Dad’s penthouse. I wanted to be in the area, but not so close that I might run into them at five a.m. walking home in last night’s clothes.

Not that I often had that issue. My vagina was like a national park. Visitors were expected to leave no trace. I wasn’t going to be one of those women in their mid-thirties who had to tie their labia into a sailor’s knot just to fit it in her pants. No, thank you.

The elevator stopped on the twenty-second floor, and any apprehension about living in the near vicinity of dear old Mom and Dad evaporated. This was the one. I could feel it before she opened the door. The hallway had a good vibe. The wallpaper was elegant, but not stuffy. I was really digging the wainscoting. A table with a bowl of fruit stood near the elevators. If I wanted an apple, I could just take an apple. I took an apple.

On the inside, I didn’t know if I loved the floor-to-ceiling windows or the private soaking tub more. The closet that could hold more than two under-bed drawers worth of clothes was also a perk.

“I’ll take it!” I had already picked a wall for Elvis.

Ina exhaled. “Oh, thank God. I’ll call your parents and send them the paperwork in the morning.”

“No, I’m purchasing this on my own. I have a job. I’m standing on my own two feet now. It’s a whole big thing.”

Ina looked uncomfortable. “Yes, you sent me your offer letter with your salary. I’ll still need to make the arrangements with your parents as you’re somewhat short.”

To say I was frustrated she misunderstood our entire arrangement was an understatement. The whole point of this was to get my own place, not to live in a place my parents owned. “I don’t understand. Why would you show me this apartment if I can’t afford it? What can I afford?”

Her visible discomfort grew. She straightened out her already perfect dress, then adjusted her three-carat wedding ring. “To be exact, nothing.”

My level of confusion had a direct link to her level of uncomfortableness. “Define nothing.”

Her phone buzzed with a text, and she tapped on it to respond. “Okay, you do not have the income to buy this place or any other place anywhere within a three-hour drive of New York City.”

“But I have a job I’m starting next week. They’re going to pay me.” Where did I lose her? I was starting to think Ina had a drug problem.

“Right. You have an offer for an almost entry-level job. There is not one home on the market you can afford to buy on your own.” She answered another text.

This sounded remotely familiar from something Cici had mentioned a few times, but I dismissed it as an urban legend. “Well, how much could this apartment cost?” I had never bothered to ask prices of anything because she was the expert. I assumed we would find an incredible apartment, I would give her a credit card, and I would move in the next day. This real estate thing was more complicated than it needed to be.

Ina didn’t look up from her phone. “This apartment costs more than you will make in the next eighteen years, assuming your salary never increases.”

That couldn’t be right. “But I have two college degrees and a job. Why are you telling me I can’t afford things?”

She finally took her eyes off her phone. “Welcome to life.”

I didn’t like the way she said that at all.

“How am I supposed to live and eat if I can’t afford anything?” None of the people on those glossy college brochures looked homeless and hungry.

“Most people your age aren’t doing both.”

Well, that didn’t make any kind of sense. Thank goodness Ina had the patience of a saint because someone was going to explain to me what the hell I just did with my life for the past five years.

“But I’m supposed to be standing on my own two feet.”

Ina put her phone away and put her hand on my shoulder. “And you can do that. You’ll just have to rent instead of buy. You can’t live anywhere near here. It’s going to be much smaller. So much smaller. You won’t have an elevator or a doorman. And you’ll have to sell your car because you can’t afford to park it.”

I wished this apartment had some furniture because I could use a chair. That was a lot to take in.

She continued when I didn’t say anything. “Life is about making choices, and we all have

different choices to make. Do you want to shift your lifestyle or accept some help? There’s no wrong answer here.”

I wanted some time to think about it, but I knew my answer wouldn’t change. I spent my college years stepping outside my comfort zone. I had no regrets, but I needed some normal again. I wanted to be in the area where I grew up for part of every year. I knew the shops and my favorite restaurants. I wouldn’t be able to ride the subway on a regular basis. There was no way. Underground was made for moles, not humans. Cabs smelled funny, and it sounded like I wouldn’t even be able to afford smelly cab rides. And who would buy Cici clothes now that she finally understood fashion?

Cici was brave enough to jump headfirst into a new life. I needed to keep a toe on the solid ground I had been so desperate to leave. At least for now.

“Ina, send over the paperwork to my parents. Elvis needs a new home.”