Liv
In times like this, I wish I could put the world on pause. Just so I can think carefully without looking like a fish out of water. The minute Holly showed off the rug, I knew this would happen. Grey is a very hot-headed person, one that doesn’t deal with change well. David is Grey’s savior, a brother, really. And now he’s uprooting from his position as Grey’s rock through hard times and leaving him behind. Grey will wash back into the turbulent storm he previously escaped from.
And although he just tried to make me jealous—which he totally did, that bastard—I want to make sure he’s okay, that he’s not completely breaking right now. No matter how much he makes sure that I pay for what I did…he’ll never be able to stop me from caring about him. I don’t think I will ever be truly able to stop the instinct to nurse his wounds or make sure he’s just okay. It sucks because I know we can never ever be a thing again, and I’ll have this massive part of me that almost consumes me, to be at his aid.
But he isn’t mine anymore. Not my responsibility. Not my concern, at least, he isn’t supposed to be. I lost my obligation to look after him the minute he walked away, taking my heart with him like the thief he is, no matter how right it was. He has a new person there for him now—Rose—and maybe she can do a better job. They were in love first. She probably knows him and what to do to help him more than I do.
I glance around the dimmed crowd for her. No one’s really speaking as David runs after his friend. It’s awkward as someone clears their throat, highlighting how crazy uncomfortable the air has become. And it becomes even more unbearable as shouting and curses are thrown in the direction the two men disappeared into. Holly attempts to diffuse the tense atmosphere by showing off a collection of kitchen pots, but it does nothing to draw the attention of her nosy guests.
David finally storms back and heads past his struggling fiancée. He’s coming my way, but I find Rose walking up next to me. Oh…of course he’d want his best friend’s girlfriend to calm him down. I take a step back, not knowing if my face looks as fallen as I feel on the inside.
“I need your help,” he says, and I turn away. I don’t want to invade where I don’t belong.
I head to Noah, who looks lost and concerned, when David grabs my hand. I turn around, and he’s looking at me expectantly. I look between him and Rose, who looks unreadable as she catches my gaze. I look away, flushed, and finally manage to find words.
“With what?” I ask, but we both know what he means.
“With Grey,” he sighs and looks around before lowering his voice. “You’re like a Grey whisperer, and I need your help in getting him to calm down.”
“Why should he? You’re abandoning him, like—” I begin, quite annoyed and automatically on Grey’s side. Well? What did he expect? That I’d be fine with him leaving his best friend who relies on him so heavily, though he likes to act strong?
“It’s not like that,” he says quickly, then sighs again. “Can you just please help…?”
Cheeks warm as a million suns, I shift my gaze to Rose. “Why me?”
He reads my lost expression and says, “I think he needs you right now.”
If Rose is stung by his words, she doesn’t let it show. “He’s right.” She takes a step back and shakes her head, cheeks stunned blossom-pink. “Grey won’t listen to me,” she admits. “He never has.”
“But…” I cast a look over my shoulder at Noah. His eyebrows are scrunched together, and he nods his head as if he can hear this absurd conversation. As if going after my emotional, sometimes cruel, ex is okay. Like he trusts me alone with him. I look back at David, who looks anxious now, as if Grey will actually explode in anger if I don’t go out there to him in this second.
“Wait one second,” I tell him, then rush over to Noah. “I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to,” I pant out, holding onto his forearms. He is the one I’m supposed to look after, though he seems perfectly stable and isn’t the one who “needs me” at the moment.
“It’s okay, go ahead,” he says without a hint of jealousy or any other emotion.
I string my eyebrows together, and he cracks a smile. “Really?”
“Yes.” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “I’ll be right here.”
Why is he so amazing? I pray I don’t hurt him.
I lean up and peck his lips—nothing. But I smile because he’s great, sparks or not. And who the hell needs sparks when he is literally the best human?
“I won’t take long.” I kiss him again, then jog in the direction David came from. I make the mistake of peeking over my shoulder. David looks restless, hands covering his face. Rose is chewing on her lip, rubbing her arms in worry or sadness, I don’t know. And Noah, his hands are tucked in his khakis, and he looks the same way he looked the night of my birthday, when that door flung open, revealing his hurt expression. Common sense is screaming at me to run into his arms and tell him to drive me far from this Grey-infested party and move on. But my heart, my heart is connected with my feet, and it’s pulling me in the direction of my first love.
The music starts back up the minute the latch on the side gate shuts. I can faintly hear murmurs about the drama going down, and Holly is resuming her gift showcase. Everyone can finally breathe now that the foolish, hung-up ex is finally going to calm down her upset ex-boyfriend who ruined the party’s mood. If only I could breathe too. I’m actually doing the opposite; I’m having my damn lungs stolen away from me in the rudest way possible.
I immediately find him sitting on the curb, head in his knees.
“Grey?” I say softly, and he goes rigid.
“Fuck off, Olivia,” he replies, clearly agitated. And he clearly doesn’t want to be bothered, by me especially. Too bad I’m apparently the Grey whisperer. I wonder if I can resign now…or if I have to wait until I’m, like, seventy and haven’t been able to settle down with a nice guy.
“Such a nice quote,” I joke as I sit a few inches away from him. “Should be stitched on a throw pillow. It’d be a hell of a decoration, don’t you think?”
He side-eyes me hard, then glowers at the street. “I am not in the mood.”
“Seriously?” I scoff. “I couldn’t tell from your sulking posture and your looming gray cloud over your head.” I snicker to myself, but he just glares at me silently. “Get it? Because of your name? Grey and gray…?”
I am met with silence.
He looks at me sideways. “Why are you here?”
“David invited me—” I start, but he slices through my words.
“No, I mean here. Next to me. Trying to…do whatever this is.” He gestures to me with his hands.
I take a deep sigh and think about what I will tell him next. Something tells me I shouldn’t say I’m mostly here because David asked me to calm him down. He’d just lose his shit again. And he looks like he’s calmed down some. I don’t know whether it’s because he’s had a tiny bit of time to let the news process or because I’m here. I do know that I’ll never find out because he’d never admit to the latter. Ever. He is the most stubborn person I know.
“Because I want to,” I finally say.
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah fucking right. David sent you, didn’t he?” He quickly stands, and I scramble up after him. He’s turning away from me, and it stings when he pulls his hands away as I reach for them. Now I know how he feels, frustrated and like I’m not being listened to. I suddenly am very apologetic for not hearing him out all those times. “You shouldn’t even be here.”
“I’m here because you just found out some pretty big news—” I defend myself.
“You shouldn’t be here at all!” he snaps, veins pounding under his neck. I snap my mouth closed and watch as he rolls his eyes and pivots on his heels, furiously rubbing his face. “At this party, with him—”
“Why do you care why I’m here or why I’m with him?” I cut him off, and he looks at me incredulously. “Because last I knew, we were through. Done. Over.” My voice grows softer and softer with each word. “I gave you that note…and you never replied. I took that as the last possibility of there being an us and was okay with it. Dying on the inside a little, yes, but okay nonetheless.” I take a breath and look away from his hurt expression. “This isn’t about us, though. I am here right now because I genuinely care about you. And not just as a significant other, but as a person who cares about your well-being.”
“Then leave,” he whispers.
“Stop being so damn stubborn and let me help you, Grey,” I say, fed up with his BS.
“If you care about my well-being so god damn much, then fucking leave!” he screams in my face.
“Fine!” I scream and push him back. I turn on my heels, stomping up to the backyard gate. I can’t believe I ever thought I could still help him. He’s always been so freaking hard-headed, but he’s even worse now that he won’t accept my help. He still thinks I have some god damn agenda against him, and I’m growing too tired to keep explaining to him that what I did was a mistake I am paying for every single day.
I am almost at the gate when I am whirled back around.
“Don’t leave,” he says, his face softened.
“What the hell, Grey?” I grab my hands from him and rub my eyes. He can be so confusing. It was stressful then, and it still is to this day. “Do you want me here or gone?” I put my hands on my hips and pull my best stern expression. He has to choose whether he wants my presence or not. I will not keep getting jerked around by him. I refuse it.
He chews on his lower lip, and his dimples poke into his cheeks as he twists up his face. Like a baby stuck between two toys, he narrows his eyes at me and thinks so hard, I can practically see his thoughts fly through his head.
Finally, he rolls his eyes and kicks his foot at the grass. “Here, I guess…”
I think I hide my smile as I nod and say, “Good, now stop being an ass and come with me.”
His dimples grow deeper when he smirks.
I gasp, knowing what he’s thinking.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Wyler.” My cheeks warm immensely.
“I didn’t say anything,” he defends, raising his hands. But that cheeky little grin is still sloping his mouth.
“Yeah, but I can read your mind.” I walk over to the curb, and he follows. We sit down, just a few inches apart.
“Oh, can you now?” he jests.
“Yep, clear as day.” I smile and feel a certain tugging in my chest when he grins from ear to ear. For once, he isn’t scowling at me like he wants to see me at my lowest. He actually looks sort of relieved. I know, it’s weird, but I feel a big sense of relief too. “So, David…” I clear my throat. It felt too good between us, and I still haven’t done what I was sent out here for. Even though he looks well under control now.
He groans and looks super pissed, like he totally forgot why he’s out here in the first place. “Can you believe it? After all the years of us being like brothers, he’s leaving me for a girl. She’s okay and everything, a little fucking chatty, but she’s his and he loves her. I have no problem with her, but he just wants to get up and move so far fucking away?”
“Did he tell you why they’re moving here?” I know David would tell him the whole situation.
“Something about her family being out here or some shit like that,” he hisses and throws his hands up. “But what the fuck am I? Am I not his family? His brother is locked up, and they’re on the worst fucking terms ever. His parents are dead, and none of the rest of his family really reach out to him unless they want something. But me? I’ve been there since day fucking one.” He looks away.
“I was there when his aunts tried to squeeze money out of him. I was there when his grandmother died, who was closest with him. I was there when he thought he was shit and that Holly wouldn’t want him; I listened to him babble about planned dates and everything. Yet he’s just fucking getting up and leaving me? How is that fucking fair?” he rants until he is out of breath at the end. He finally looks at me for a reaction and shakes his head. “Let me guess, you think what he’s doing is right and I’m just a big fucking baby?”
“No,” I frown, placing a hand on his knee.
“Really?” He sounds shocked.
I nod. “I mean, I get her family being here and everything, but I do get it. He was everything to you, he still is, and he’s just leaving you. When he asked me to come out here, I was instantly on your side. What did he expect? For you to be totally okay with it? I mean, eventually you will have to be, because he’s still your best friend, but for right now, you get to be a little mad.”
“So he did send you out here,” he says, completely missing everything else I said.
“Yes, but that’s not the point—”
I become mute when he suddenly pulls me into his chest, arms around my neck. I’m stiff and don’t know what to do. I am surprised. He’s supposed to be hating me, not hugging me. Do I hug back or…?
“Sorry,” he mutters, cheeks kind of pink as he pushes me back. He turns to the street and draws his knees up to his chest. “I just…I just kind of needed…” He glances at my shocked state, then sighs at the road and shakes his head. “Nothing. Sorry. I just…he’s fucking leaving me, you know. He’s been my rock. He saved me when I needed him the most. And now…now I have no one.” His voice shatters, and I think I see his eyes gloss over with tears.
“What about Rose?” I ask, swallowing a dry lump in my throat.
He looks at me and stares for a long time, brows knitted, lips pursed, and eyes roaming my face. I feel heated, like my lungs are being sucked dry by a vacuum.
“She isn’t mine, not really,” he finally says.
I nod and glance at the road, too nervous to hold his intense eyes. “Oh…”
“Yeah.” His voice hasn’t repaired itself. He’s breaking down, and I literally can’t just sit here and let it happen without trying to coax him, even a little bit.
Damning his supposed hatred toward him and damning the boy waiting for me back at the house, I scoot over to him and throw my arms around his waist. I nuzzle my face in his neck’s crook, my hair covering him like a protective shield. He smells deeply of cologne and Clover cigarettes. He feels bigger beneath my small hands, more muscular. But he is still plush, and he is still huge, and he is still mine to take care of. Like a huge teddy bear that keeps ripping himself open, letting out cotton. I’ll always be there to stuff them back in and sew him back up. Always.
I tense for a second when I feel his arms slink around my own waist, but then I feel myself fall into his hold, like instinctual relief. I’m twisted so my chest is pressed into his, and his growing stubble scratches my collarbone. I giggle, and he bounces a little with his own deep laughter. I close my eyes shut and bask in the silent glow of his heavy scent, and his huge but soft arms, and the electricity running throughout my limbs like live snares.