There was a breakthrough yesterday. It started when he said he actually wanted my help and for me to stay by his side. It really vaulted forward as we talked and joked like old times. It felt so good being able to see his adorable dimples pop into the conversation…but I felt like I was in heaven on earth when I hugged him…and he hugged me back. I honestly thought he’d just push me away and storm off. But he didn’t. He accepted my comfort and returned it.
And those few seconds that turned into whole minutes were beyond euphoric. He’s always been so tenacious when it comes to warding me off or showing any kind of affection he used to, so when I felt those strong arms wrap around me and heard him sigh in contentment, I nearly lost my mind.
Even though it is the next day, I can still remember everything. The quick beats of his heart drumming against my own. The distinct smell of cigarettes and cologne. His thick stubble rubbing against the crook of my neck each time he took a deep breath. The way he held me like he didn’t want to let go. Like if he did, the world would come crumbling down. And when we did let go, I actually felt my world crack a little.
“Heads up!” Charlotte calls out from beside me.
I quickly dodge to the side, barely missing the tennis ball. I watch as it bounces off the gate and rolls to the side. I pick it up, apologize, and hit it back over the net. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I almost had my head taken off. I wish there was a way I could get him out of my mind, even if it’s just for a second.
“Sorry,” I mutter, but she just shakes her head.
Today, my mother managed to drag her, me, and Noah to the country club. I’m surprised I’ve been able to avoid the place for so long. It could have been avoided the entire summer, but she pressed so hard for me to come. Unable to resist her stern persuasion, I agreed. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, though. Despite the few glances here and there after my reputation of being a fool for falling under the vile influences a “bad boy,” I haven’t been looked down at too badly. Too badly is them basically shunning me and my parents, which would put a first-class stamp on my trip to Nebraska.
Noah eyes me, and I feel so guilty. I must have stayed with Grey for maybe an hour, though it could have been less. When I’m with him, it’s like time has no meaning. Like I am in a time loop of his laughs and his dimples and his cigarette-soaked shirts and his messy black hair and his…everything. Thinking about it all now has me warm, and it’s definitely not because of the sun beating down on us as we play tennis.
It’s Charlotte and me against Noah and his father, Robert. He’s a nice man but a beast when it comes to tennis, which makes a lot of sense since he basically spends his summer in the lavish club. Charlotte didn’t want to come for the same reason as me—snobby tycoons—but Louise can be pretty persuasive when it comes down to it. Once she convinced me to take three AP classes instead of four, which was pretty hard to do, considering how much I love the hard work.
When we finish, I am out of breath and cramping up. We walk over to the shaded patio table, where my mother and Noah’s mother are chatting animatedly. A young girl rushes over from the sidelines and freshens their lemonades, then runs back to her post. I roll my eyes in slight disgust as they pay her no mind and drink from their sweating glasses, like their sparkling juice just came from God above and not a girl busting her butt to keep them satisfied.
“Who won?” Mother asks when she sees us walking up to the little table.
“Us, of course,” Noah says with a cocky smile as he wiggles his eyebrows at me. “There was no chance for them with me playing. I’m a champ at le tennis,” he jokes, but all I can give him is a distracted smile. His brows knit, and he smiles at me nervously. I look away and fiddle with my charms. I can’t look at him. Even though I didn’t do anything explicit with Grey, I still feel dirty. As though being next to Grey is enough to make me guilty of betraying him.
“I don’t think that should be something you should be bragging about,” Charlotte says with a playful roll of her eyes.
“My baby can’t help winning. It’s in his blood,” Gemma, his mother, coos, pinching his cheek.
“Jesus, Mom,” Noah groans cutely, scrunching up his face. “Don’t do that. It’s humiliating.”
“Oh, am I embarrassing you in front of your girlfriend?” she jokes, waggling her eyebrows. I see where he gets his teasing from. It’s in his DNA.
I can’t help but laugh at that, especially with his shy smile and pinkish cheeks.
“There’s always next time,” Mother says with a warm, suspecting smile as she lays a hand on my bare knee and rubs in a supposedly comforting way, but all it does is make me stiff and questioning. “Maybe you can show her some of your moves?”
I flush bright red and sit up. Her hand falls. “Mother,” I hiss in a low voice. She makes it sound like she wants him to have sex with me, like she’s my pimp or something. Gosh! She can be so damn shameless, so ruthless when it comes to my life that she just has to have control, or she’ll go insane.
“You know what I mean, sweetheart.” She laughs it off and looks at me as if I’m the one who’s lost her mind. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“What gutter?” I scoff, and she visibly grinds her teeth.
She’s probably mentally contemplating what I should wear on my way to Nebraska.
A thin layer of silence fills the sweltering air.
“But you were great at tennis once,” she continues, subtly narrowing her icy blue eyes. “You must have spent maybe three weeks training and beating your father, game after game.” She laughs, and I catch Charlotte glaring at her like she wants to strangle her, but I shake my head softly, and she makes a humph sound. “Maybe Noah here can refresh your skills.”
“Mother,” I warn.
“I think it’s a lovely idea, Elena,” his mother raves, clapping her white-laced gloves together with a shining white smile. “I always knew you two would end up together.” She sighs and brushes his hair out of his eyes while he rolls them at his mother’s touch. “But then she got wrapped up with that boy at university…”
“How is that any of your fucking business?” Charlotte finally snaps.
“I should be asking you the same thing,” Gemma snips.
“Calm down now, ladies,” Robert, Noah’s father, says with a light laugh that’s supposed to diffuse the tense atmosphere. But with the way everyone is glaring at one another, I don’t think it’s working quite as well as he hoped.
“You two have been growing very close. Why not throw a little more one-on-one in there?” Mother continues to publicly push Noah and me together.
This is why I haven’t told her we are together, because she’d jump up and begin arranging our wedding. But I’m just nineteen years old. I haven’t even finished college yet, but I see the heart eyes when I look at her, and I know I can’t divulge all a daughter is supposed to gush about with her mother. Sad, really. But it’s just how it has to be if I want to succeed in the life I’ve planned for, and a career comes way before a family.
I push my chair back and stand. “I’m going to go take a shower.” I give Mother a look to back off. “I feel really sticky and gross after that grueling game. Thank you very much, Mr. Wells.” I playfully wink at him, and he clutches his heart. I giggle and send Noah a meaningful look for him to follow me and stalk off to the country club’s mansion, giving Charlotte an assuring shoulder squeeze.
When I get inside, I keep my head down to avoid all the pearl-wearing women’s judging eyes and the men’s gossip while on their way to the golf course. I swear, it’s like high school when it comes to these people. They look down at each other and put one another down as it is, but when it comes to us kids, the next generation in line for their pearls and Porsches, they act as if we can’t make a single mistake or we won’t be allowed to wield the golden country club access card. As if I’d actually want it. I’d burn it the second I got my hands on it. I wouldn’t want to voluntarily be involved in this conniving world of theirs.
I find myself at the massive inside pool. The water is brilliantly crystal and is surrounded by reflective glass walls and exquisite marble sculptures. There is also a large jacuzzi. But since today is such a nice day, most of the members are either on the golf course or at the racetrack near the club to watch the horses and throw money into gambling.
“Hey, you okay?”
I turn around. “No, Noah, I am not okay,” I reply, frustration sinking into my voice.
He frowns. I hate that my mother is the way she is. He’ll never be able to be with me without feeling overwhelmed. What boy would stick around with my mother progressively shoving us a million steps forward?
“I get it, your mother’s insane. Whose isn’t?” He chuckles, and his dangerously dark green eyes sparkle. “Mine still treats me like I’m twelve and need to wear a fucking bib.”
A laugh sits on my chest, but my anger burns it away.
“You don’t get it.” My hands go wild, swinging from side-to-side. “She just keeps pushing and pushing for us to be together. There is no doubt she’s planning everything for the future. And I mean everything. And it just makes me so angry because she just can’t do this. What if you don’t even want me? What if no one does? She shouldn’t be allowed to do this and drag you into it. I care so much for you, but she’s being such an insane person, and I’m scared you’ll want to leave me,” I rant, gasping for breath at the end. I close my eyes, taking a few steps back to clear my mind.
“Liv, you should take a breath—” he says worriedly.
“I can’t. I’m trying, but she’s just driving me insane!” I admit, clutching my hair.
“Do you feel like you’re on fire right now?” he questions, eyebrows raised.
What does that have to do with anything?
“Yes, what kind of question is—Noah!” I gasp as I am pushed back and free-fall into the water. I quickly catch some breath before I submerge and pinch my nose closed. I watch as Noah dives in and grasps my waist, pulling me to the surface. When I emerge, my ears pop, and I gasp frantically for air. “What the crap, Noah!” I smack his shoulder, but he’s just smiling from ear to ear.
“What? You said you felt like you were on fire!” He defends himself like the maniac he’s being.
“So you push me into the pool knowing I can’t swim?” I screech.
“I can be insane,” he exclaims, and I’m speechless by his raspy voice, eyes glistening, jaw sharp from his open smile. “I get it from my mother. I literally just told you that. Do you not listen to me when I speak?” I roll my eyes, and he laughs more broadly, lifting my chin up. “I’ll gladly distract you from your insane mother, if you want.”
A memory of Grey saying the same thing pops into my head, and my breath becomes shallow as I remember how he accomplished that…
“I’d love that,” I say breathlessly, and his dimples sink into his cheeks like plush-cushion pillows. “Thank you.” I lean forward and kiss his nose. Then I pull back and look around. “Gross, we’re still in our clothes…and shoes!” I clench my feet around his waist, looking down at my see-through chest and my tennis skirt rising up. I can’t be any more on fire right now.
He laughs at my expense but swims us over to the edge anyway. I climb out, feeling like a billion pounds are on my back. I consciously undress into my underwear, so relieved I’m wearing matching pink underwear and bra. But when I look over my shoulder and look at Noah, I turn the color of his briefs that does his…um, manhood justice. I quickly look away from his rows of abs and sit at the edge of the pool. He jumps in and pulls me in; I am held up in his arms, and I become an even deeper shade of shameful.
“Ready to swim, buttercup?” His dimples and little smile are going to be my personal torture.
“Readier than ever.” I smile back just as brightly, I hope.
Ten minutes later and I am flailing like a fish out of water, ironically, and he’s laughing at me.
“It’s not funny, Noah! I can’t swim. It’s just not possible.” I pout, and he pokes my nose to piss me off. I bite his finger, and he groans and swims backward until his back hits the artsy tiles.
“Maybe you just need some motivation,” he says, and I hold my breath. His eyes are glued to my lips…then they meet mine, and his lips slide to the right.
“Maybe…” I whisper and glance at his reddish lips.
He closes the inch gap I didn’t even notice and kisses me. I wrap my arms around his neck and thread my fingers through his hair. He presses one hand on the wall behind me and cups the lower part of my back with the other. He tastes sickly sweet and his tongue still feels foreign, but over time it will become second nature and I will feel something. But at the moment, I am only feeling the coolness of the tiles on my back and his large hand.
A singing ringtone halts our little make out.
“I think that’s me.” I smile apologetically, and he nods. The smile drops, and I answer the phone, the guilt weighing on my shoulder as Jaimie talks. And no matter how much I try, I can’t really understand what she is saying. All I can focus on is the hopeful, wide smile on the boy who genuinely likes me and how I felt nothing when he kissed me with everything he had.