Chapter Eleven

It was dark when Gavin woke up. For a moment, he was confused. He blinked his eyes open, noticed the time on the clock, and simultaneously registered that Dale’s arm was draped over him. It was after midnight.

He was too warm. Dale was a furnace. The man’s body temperature ran high. It occurred to him that Paige had always been warm too. Perhaps grizzly shifters ran hotter than ninety-eight point six.

The events of the previous day slammed back at him in rapid succession. Paige had been abducted. The Arcadian Council had come. Dale had pulled some slick computer moves to find her.

And then the panic. Added heat rushed up Gavin’s face as he remembered his total meltdown over the fear that his mind would be wiped of all things Paige…and Dale.

Dale.

The man had taken control when they got to the apartment and dominated Gavin in a manner he had never experienced before. What did it mean? It had been amazing. The best sex of Gavin’s life hands down. Surprisingly he’d been eager and willing to take his lover into his ass, and it had sucked the air out of his lungs. So much more intense than just jacking each other off or exchanging blowjobs.

Had Dale never experienced the same thing? He said he didn’t bottom. Ever. He’d made that clear the first night they were together. But Gavin had to wonder if Dale wasn’t seriously missing out if he never let a man inside him like that.

Gavin flushed further, biting down on his lower lip to avoid making any sound. He’d so easily submitted to this enormous man at his back. He’d allowed him to spank him. And he’d liked it.

Was he a total pervert? He’d always realized other men took charge with him. He knew he was more of a bottom than a top. But what did it say about him that he’d bent over and let a man punish him with his palm?

Suddenly, Gavin felt too confined. He needed to get out from under Dale. He needed space to think and regroup. Carefully, he lifted Dale’s arm and slid out from his embrace. Dale sighed into the pillow and rolled onto his belly, but didn’t awaken.

Gavin stared down at him for several moments, taking in his powerful physique. He wasn’t just tall and large, but strong and commanding. His presence filled a room.

Gavin couldn’t catch his breath. He needed to escape. He quietly rummaged around in his room, found some clothes, and tiptoed back to the living room. As if there were a fire, he tugged his jeans and shirt on, slid his feet into his boots, and grabbed his leather jacket.

His only goal was to get out of the apartment and feel the wind against his skin. It was the reason he owned the Chieftain. When he rode, he felt alive. Free. Happy. He needed that right now.

Ten minutes after waking, he was outside, throwing his leg over the bike, and starting it up. Ten minutes after that, he was on the highway heading east. He didn’t have a plan other than to put some distance between himself and the events of the last sixteen hours.

He knew Paige was in good hands. He wasn’t worried about Dale either. The man would wake up, find himself alone, and make his way to his own home. Would he be mad? Gavin didn’t think so. He wasn’t the type to get angry. The reality was he would probably be relieved to avoid facing Gavin after the intensity of the evening.

Gavin drove for an hour. Halfway between Silvertip and Calgary he pulled off the main road and stopped on a side road. He shut off the bike and paced next to it. His mind wandered in so many different directions he couldn’t seem to settle on any one train of thought.

No matter how forcefully Dale tried to convince Gavin he was no threat to the Arcadian Council, Gavin had his doubts. Were they looking for him even now? They would want to question him at the very least. He wasn’t ready for that.

And what about the bigger picture? Gavin had lived in the closet his entire life. He’d known he was gay for as long as he could remember. He’d also been hiding for the same length of time. This week was the first time in his life he’d essentially been out. Not by his own choice exactly, but because there was no way to hide his sexuality from the shifters in the community.

Everyone knew he’d been seeing Dale all week. Everyone also knew Dale was gay. Even if they couldn’t somehow sense Gavin was homosexual, they could put two and two together.

It had been a refreshing week. He’d learned a lot about himself and felt more comfortable in his skin than he ever had. After a ten-year pact with his best friend, she’d moved on. She didn’t need him anymore. Perhaps it was time for him to man up and own his life too. If Paige could let Wyatt into her world and confess her deepest secrets, what did it say about Gavin that he still wanted to remain hidden?

Now was the perfect time to grow a spine. Any day now his parents would find out Paige had a new boyfriend. Their bubble was about to burst on any plans they had for the future where Paige was concerned. Logically, now was as good a time as any to lower the boon.

He tipped his head back, rubbed his forehead, and stared at the sky. So peaceful. The universe had no idea a storm was brewing down below.

It was suddenly imperative that Gavin speak to his parents before he spoke to the council members. The thought of the foreboding duo of George and Henry made him wince. Whatever he was going to say to his parents, he wanted it to be the truth as he’d known it for twenty-four years, not the new reality possibly planted in his mind from a species of shifters most humans had no knowledge of.

Gavin glanced around. For the first time in his life, he wished he could shift like Paige or Gavin or Wyatt or any of the other people he’d met that week. What would it feel like to change forms and run free across the land? Let loose and race on four paws. Freeing. Uninhibited. He wanted to know that feeling.

But alas, he was a human, and no matter what he wanted, it was against Arcadian law for him to be transformed into a shifter. It was intriguing to know it was even possible, and ever since he’d learned that detail, he’d had fleeting thoughts of transitioning.

Would it change anything? He was so much more comfortable with the Arthurs, the Tarbens, and other citizens of Silvertip. It would be so easy to slide into a new life in that small town and become one of them. But it would never happen, so he needed to shake the idea from his mind.

Once again, he slid his eyes closed and allowed himself to remember the feel of Dale’s palm against his ass. It was still warm and sore from the contact. His tight hole was also deliciously raw. The slight pain served as a reminder that Dale had so thoroughly dominated him in every sense. He couldn’t permit himself to consider what that meant for the future.

He ran a hand through his hair, unable to chase away the image of Dale ramming into him. He hadn’t seen anything but the comforter, and even that was fuzzy since his vision had blurred the moment Dale touched his forbidden hole. He’d known what was going to happen, and he’d craved it with every fiber of his being.

He wasn’t ashamed of taking Dale inside him. It was instinctive. Natural. Part of who he was. But the dominance… And the fact that it had been so arousing… Thoughts for another time, he reminded himself, shaking the vision from his head and turning around.

Suddenly, he knew. It was clear as day. He needed to go to his parents, tell them he was gay, deal with whatever that meant, and move on with his life. Until he did so, he couldn’t truly be alive. No matter what the outcome, he needed to face this hurdle first. A sense of urgency overwhelmed him, and he swung his leg back over his bike and started the engine.

»»•««

It was way too early when Gavin entered the city limits of Calgary. He was also starving. His stomach had been rumbling for over an hour. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. He pulled off at the next exit, found an all-night diner, and ordered a massive breakfast.

The waitress must have understood his need for solitude because she hardly spoke to him after taking his order. She refilled his coffee cup a few times and brought him water, but other than that she left him in peace to eat.

His phone buzzed in his jacket pocket in the middle of his meal. He pulled it out, glancing out the window to find the sun rising over the horizon. A text from Dale. Not surprising.

You okay?

Gavin thumbed the side of his cell for several moments before responding.

Yes. Needed to do some stuff. I’m fine.

The three little dots popped up, blinking for a while before the next message came through.

I’m uneasy about the fact that you fled without a word. Worried about you. We need to talk about last night. Please call me?

Gavin stared at the words while he continued eating. What should he say? It took him a while to come up with a response.

Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I need some space and time to think.

Three dots again. Almost instantly another message.

I’m worried about what’s happening in that head of yours. Please, Gavin. I’ll give you some time, but I’m going to be uneasy until you talk to me.

Gavin ate the rest of his breakfast and took a long drink of water before picking up his phone again.

Please don’t worry. This has nothing to do with you. I just need time.

It was a lie, and he was sure Dale would see right through it.

I know we just met a week ago, and you have a right to be freaked out. I also know we said this would be casual. But what happened last night wasn’t casual. Not for me. And I know it wasn’t for you either. I’ll be here. Call me when you’re ready. Or just show up. Please.

Gavin flinched. Those words were intense. His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes. He didn’t let them fall, but he had to blink several times to avoid it. Never had anyone been so kind to him. His cock stiffened just imagining Dale sitting on the edge of Gavin’s bed in his tiny apartment, probably naked, worrying about a human man he’d met a week ago.

Gavin didn’t answer that text. What could he say?

A new reality slammed into him. Dale wasn’t feeling casual anymore. In fact, it sounded like he wanted more. Gavin wasn’t sure he could give the man what he needed. He was uneasy about the level of dominance. Or maybe that was a lie…

At the very least, he knew that being with him would hold Dale back. He was a shifter. He had no business entering into a long-term relationship with someone who would never be able to share that part of his life. What if he wanted to change forms and run in the mountains? Would he avoid doing so as often as he wanted because his partner couldn’t join him? Gavin didn’t want to be the reason Dale wasn’t fully himself. And he felt certain Dale’s family and friends wouldn’t want that for him either.

Dale had had a previous human boyfriend. Gavin got the impression things between them had ended badly or at least not on good terms. The split had obviously been hard on Dale. Did it have anything to do with his old boyfriend being human? Had it been too much of a divide for the two of them to come to grips with?

Dale had broken up with his human boyfriend years ago. And yet, Gavin got the impression he still mourned the loss. Had the man moved on? Found another partner he had more in common with? Perhaps someone who wasn’t a shifter?

Gavin sighed as he shook the thoughts from his head and paid the bill. He left the waitress a nice tip and headed back outside. It was time to face his parents. He was going to claim his life and his true identity starting right now.

It only took fifteen minutes to get to his childhood street and pull up at his parents’ home. He shut off the engine and stared at the house, seeing it as if for the first time. It was too perfect. White with black trim. The bushes manicured recently. The grass cut to just the right height. It looked like something from a movie. Not a home. Just a model house.

The inside was the same. His mother had always stayed home. She vacuumed every day. The kitchen always sparkled. It wasn’t a comfortable place to kick off your shoes and put your feet on the coffee table. It was a stiff place to sit with your spine straight and your elbows off the table, making polite conversation that was fake and formal.

His mother had served a hot breakfast and well-balanced dinner every day of his childhood. His father had come home from working at the bank to sit at the table and make small talk about his day. He always inquired about Gavin’s, but he never acted like a father. More like a character playing Dad.

And then there was the church. They attended a strict fundamental Baptist church in Calgary. Every Sunday, Gavin had attended with his parents as a child. Until he turned eighteen and moved into the dorms, he had never had a choice. He’d known for years his mother was disappointed in him “straying from the good word of our lord and savior.” She’d harped on him for months until he told her he didn’t want to come to dinner on Sunday evenings if she was going to spend the entire time pleading with him about the church.

From that day forward, she’d pursed her lips and let him know in no uncertain terms how she felt about his soul with nothing more than an expression. He had to give her credit for holding her tongue, making it appear she valued his presence at her table more than the saving of his soul.

Joan and Percy Wright were good parents. They had kept him fed and clothed and sent him to a good university. But they weren’t connected to him. He’d led a lonely childhood. If it hadn’t been for Paige and the laughter and joy in her house, he wasn’t sure he would have escaped his childhood as unscathed as he had.

Where his parents had been serious and stiff, Oleta and Stanton Osborn had been playful and loose. They had treated Gavin like a member of the family on many occasions. Gavin had learned early on that Paige was much more like family to him than either his mom or his dad. And although the two families weren’t exactly friends, Paige’s parents had always treated Gavin’s with respect, both in front of him and to their faces.

Many times in his childhood he’d wished he’d been born into her family instead of his own. And after his fourteenth year when the world started spinning in the opposite direction, he’d been even more intrigued by his new knowledge about the Osborns. They never spoke of it. He wasn’t sure if Paige’s parents ever found out he knew about shifters. It remained the elephant in the room until this day.

He took a deep breath and swung his leg over his bike, still staring at the house. A chill raced up his spine. The house no longer felt like home. It should. Didn’t adult children always enjoy returning to their childhood homes?

Not Gavin. His childhood had fewer memories than most.

The first few steps toward the house were heavy, dragging. But then he stood taller, pulled his shoulders back, and hastened toward the front door. When he stepped onto the porch, he hesitated. He’d dreaded this day for years. And now it was upon him.

Somehow it suddenly didn’t seem as daunting as he’d expected. It didn’t matter. Gavin was gay. They either accepted the fact or they wouldn’t. Yes, he would mourn the separation from them if they chose to cut him out of their lives, but continuing to live a lie and carry on the farce that was his existence no longer seemed feasible.

He lifted his hand and knocked on the door, thinking even that was odd. Didn’t grown children have keys and walk into their parents’ homes?

Seconds ticked by before the door opened. His father stood there, his head cocked to one side, his brow furrowed. “Gavin. What a pleasant surprise. I thought you were in Silvertip. What are you doing here?” He didn’t even step back.

Awkwardly, Gavin spoke. “Can I come in?”

Percy jerked backward. “Of course. Your mom’s in the kitchen making breakfast. Will you join us?”

“I already ate. Thanks.” He headed for the back of the house, feeling his father behind him.

Percy Wright resumed his spot where Gavin was certain he’d already been enjoying his coffee while waiting for his dutiful wife to set his breakfast in front of him. It was Sunday. His parents would be going to church at ten. It was early. Plenty of time.

“Gavin,” his mother exclaimed, wiping her hands on her apron. “I didn’t know you were coming by. Why didn’t you call? I would have made you breakfast.”

Gavin shook his head. “I already ate, Mom. I’m fine.” He didn’t take a seat at the table. It wasn’t even set for another person. Two perfectly positioned placemats sat at the end of the table, his father’s at the head, his mother’s to one side. Each spot had a centered plate, the obligatory fork, knife, and spoon in their precise locations—probably something his mother learned from a 1950s book about what it meant to be a perfect housewife. His mother wasn’t even born in the 1950s.

The table was exactly the same one that had been there since before he was born. It was worn a bit on the corners, but otherwise in perfect shape—probably because roughhousing had never been permitted in the Wright household.

As Gavin watched his mother dish up scrambled eggs and bacon onto a serving platter, he had the strangest sensation that in a way she was submissive too. She served her master like a good little wife. He wondered for a moment if that exchange extended to the bedroom or if his father ever spanked her when she was disobedient.

Then again, he couldn’t imagine his mother ever being less than perfect, and he couldn’t remember a time when either of them had raised their voices.

What he knew for sure was that he never wanted to live in a stuffy home like this one in which one person clearly served the other. It gave him chills. Is that what Dale wanted? A twenty-four-seven submissive who did his bidding or suffered the consequences?

Gavin shook the thought from his head. He’d deal with that later. He was here to come out to his parents, not belabor his future.

“What are you in town for?” his mother asked as she set the plates on the table and took her seat. She scooted her chair in, precisely lining it up with her spot, her shoulders back, her feet crossed at the ankles. He’d seen her do this thousands of times. Why was this the first time it stood out so blatantly?

He also noticed her hair was perfect and her makeup already in place. He’d never thought about that before. What time did the woman get up in the morning to ensure she looked the part of homemaker extraordinaire before anyone else got out of bed?

Both of his parents lifted their forks and took a bite of eggs. Of course eggs. Of course bacon. Of course wheat toast. That’s what his mother served on Sunday mornings. Without fail. So rigid. Gavin would never be able to eat scrambled eggs and bacon on a Sunday morning again in this lifetime. Anything else, but not that.

As if he weren’t in the room, they ate. His father even had the newspaper spread out next to him, comical in a day and age when no one still received an actual hard copy of the newspaper. Somehow the man didn’t realize the information contained in that written version was completely obsolete by the time it hit his driveway.

“I need to tell you both something. It’s important.”

“What’s that, son?” his father asked without lifting his gaze. Gavin wondered what would happen if he asked them to stop eating and pay attention to him. They would probably freeze in confusion, their entire day thrown off by the ticking clock. His mother wouldn’t have the dishes washed and put away by precisely nine. The vacuuming would be two minutes off schedule. She would need to cut it short to be in the car by nine forty-five. The church was close. She liked to be in her pew five minutes before the service.

It was time to stop that clock and shake things up. “I’m gay.”

If his mother flinched, it was subtle. His father slowly put his fork down and finally lifted his gaze. “What are you talking about? Of course you’re not.”

“Yes. I am. I’ve known my entire life. It’s time for me to stop faking otherwise.”

His mother’s hand was shaking, but she kept shoveling eggs into her mouth as if he hadn’t spoken.

His father set his hands on his lap and stared at his plate. “That’s nonsense.”

“You have a girlfriend, darling,” his mother finally added. “You can’t be homosexual and have a girlfriend.”

“I was pretending, Mom. And she has found someone she’s in love with. She’s moved on. It’s time for me to move on too.”

She smiled, too brightly. “I’m sure you’re just confused. It happens. I heard that Stella’s grandson’s friend Brantley went through something like this at about your age. We’ll get you counseling. You’ll see. It’ll be fine.”

Gavin shook his head. “No, Mom. It already is fine. It’s who I am. I’m not going to go to counseling. It won’t go away. It’s just who I am.”

She finally stopped eating and set her fork on the edge of her plate. “Well, it can’t be who you are, son. It’s against God’s will. I’ll ask Pastor Thomas this morning if he has time to speak with you today.”

Gavin shook his head. “I’m not speaking to the pastor either. I don’t need saving, Mom. I’m gay. It’s not something that can be fixed. It’s a trait. Like I have brown hair and blue-green eyes. I’m also gay,” he repeated.

“I’ll call Pastor Thomas now.” She pushed her chair back and stood.

Gavin let his voice rise above what she allowed in her home. “Mom, no.”

She flinched, meeting his gaze. “We must. You’re confused. You need help.”

“I’m not confused. I’m anything but confused. For the first time in my life, I’m quite certain I’m doing the right thing. I’ve held this secret for years. It’s time for me to be myself. And I didn’t want you to hear about it from someone else. That’s why I’m here. To inform you. Nothing else. I know it’s a shock to you, and it will take time to come to grips with, but you deserved to hear it from me.”

His father, still not meeting his gaze, cleared his throat. “You should probably go now, Gavin. You’re upsetting your mother. We’ll pray for you, and you should do the same. If you can’t see to it to get help for your disorder, then it would be best if you didn’t visit.”

“I see.” Gavin wanted to be sad. He thought he would feel a heavy sense of remorse and mourn the loss of this cohesive unit that had been his family for twenty-four years. But instead, he felt numb. Nothing they said was unexpected. If he could have rehearsed this conversation, it would have sounded almost verbatim exactly as it had transpired.

Sure, he felt a sadness, but it was no different from the same sorrow he’d felt for years knowing his parents would never support his sexual orientation. The overwhelming effect of his coming out was relief. It was over. He only had to face them one time. He was free now. Free to live his life without worrying about them finding out. It had gone exactly as he expected. And now he had nothing left to do but glance around the home he’d been raised in and walk out the front door.

He said nothing else as he headed for the living room. Neither of his parents spoke either. He thought he heard his mother suck in a sharp sob as he opened the front door, but he didn’t turn around. This chapter of his life was over.

He headed back to his bike lighter than he’d felt entering the house. Lighter even than he’d felt in years. He swung over the seat, started the engine, and turned around to head back down the street.

He didn’t know where he was going next, but his future was not in that house. It was out there waiting for him.