Chapter Six

Over the next few weeks, the universe continued its ‘this is your fucked-up life’ assault on me, my regretful past turning up to haunt me again and again. I kept running into Doug Crandall at the pond. That part I didn’t mind. I actually really liked the guy, and he seemed, much to his surprise, to like me. In fact, he’d inadvertently blurted out during one of our talks, “I never got why Corey liked you so much but now I do.” He’d immediately looked shocked by his own admission and apologized, but I laughed it off. A lot of people didn’t get why Corey liked me so much. A lot of people didn’t realize I was shy, and only truly revealed my personality once I was comfortable with someone.

As our chats kept getting longer, we finally decided to just start meeting and running together. That way we could talk and get the exercise in at the same time.

But then one day in the market I ran into Doug’s boyfriend, Stewart, the man Corey had been living with when I started fucking him. A man I suspected did not like me one bit. I spotted his broad shoulders and messy dark hair as he examined a pile of zucchini.

I started to make a hasty retreat, but his blue eyes flicked my way, then widened.

I froze like a startled deer, clutching my bag of spinach.

“Hey Zach.”

I gave a quick, grumbled greeting, then left the market without my groceries. Doug claimed Stewart was past things and bore me no ill will, but his expression said he still wanted to smash a zucchini in my face.

Then a few days later, Corey showed up at Club Mythic. It was midmorning and I was out back in the as-yet-unopened ‘Elfy Choices’ garden area doing training, working with two cooks Duncan had assigned me. They were both young guys, one of which I recognized from the main kitchen. Both skinny with interesting facial hair and big, stretched-out hoop earrings, they were a bit surly and moody, especially the one Duncan had pulled from inside. I suspected he resented having to take orders from me, the guy he usually saw in makeup and a slinky leotard costume.

But both cooks followed instruction well enough, and were able to recreate a reasonably decent adaptation of my vegetarian tapas. We still had some work to do, but they were getting there. I wasn’t sure I was cut out for this management role, though. The cooks moved too slow for my taste, took a lot of smoke breaks, and I suspected they were usually stoned. I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming when the one called Chauncy spilled an entire box of nutritional yeast on the floor, then did a half-assed job cleaning it up.

Robert was there too, he’d accepted the healthy cocktail job, and we’d started our training together. Duncan was back to treating me like anyone else, friendly but distant. I liked watching him, though. He was truly excited about opening this garden bar, a butterfly of enthusiasm as he flitted around the space. His Eden was almost complete, a mini outdoor version of the main club, trees and lights and fountains and elegant little cocktail tables, murals of dancing elves painted along the fence. Robert and I had a little hut at the rear of the fenced-in utopia, kitchen in the back. Duncan had green neon lights strung up atop the hut that spelled out ‘Elfy Choices’ with a glowing leaf on either side.

I left the jaded stoner cooks for a while and helped Robert up front, and we decided it would be a good idea to make juice a day ahead of each shift when the place went live and store it in the fridge. It would still be fresh, and the practice would prevent him having to man his juicer and make a mess every time he served a cocktail. I was showing him how to work the new cash register when I spotted Corey, his unmistakable tall sculpted body and head of blond hair visible through the sprinkling fountain. Duncan was showing him around the space, and Corey was listening to him with interest, but his eyes glanced over at me a few times. I focused on teaching Robert to use the cash register and tried to pretend the former love of my life wasn’t roaming around with Duncan fifteen feet away.

But eventually, when Robert and the two cooks went on break, Corey strolled over, taking a stool at the bar before me. “Hey ugly.”

“Hey. Thought that was you.”

I found, surprisingly, that I was glad to see him. He was dressed in jeans and a Soundgarden tee shirt I’d given him when we were dating, which made me nostalgic. He still made my heart flutter, probably always would to a degree. Being a bit stressed out with all the newness I was dealing with, Corey represented familiarity, and his smile relaxed me.

“Duncan asked me to come down and check it out,” Corey said. “He’s all excited. He was really impressed with your cooking. How come you never cooked for me when we were together? You were the king of pizza delivery.”

I laughed. “Yeah, the cooking is new. I’m a vegan now.”

“Full vegan? Wow.”

“Yeah. I still have Indian curry once in a while and that has yogurt in it, so I guess I cheat sometimes. But pretty much full vegan.”

“Ah, okay. Sarah and Yvonne finally lured you into their cult, huh?”

“They did. But I have to admit I feel great. Figured out how to cook so I wouldn’t get bored. Did Duncan really say that? That he was impressed with my cooking?”

“Yeah. Something about orgasmic stuffed mushrooms.”

I shrugged, but a smile crept up my face. I liked hearing that Duncan said nice things about me. I was a sucker for these Stengel boys, no question, because even as I preened at Duncan’s praise, I felt a little tug at my heart looking at Corey. It had been a long time since the two of us had just talked alone in a friendly manner like this. I had a boatload of memories that entailed touching him in the most intimate way, and they were trying to surface now. In my mind, I could still clearly hear his voice telling me he loved me, as if he’d said it just yesterday.

But I also found myself examining him anew, noting how his eyes were shaped like Duncan’s, same smirking lips. But their overall look was different. Corey didn’t have the little suntan wrinkles around his eyes the way Duncan did, and his gaze was less intense. I decided suddenly that I liked Duncan’s face better, and that shocked me. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d ever be thinking about another man while gazing at Corey.

“When’s this place opening for real?”

“Soon,” I said. “Man, your uncle is a maniac when he sets his mind to something.”

“Yeah, he is.” Corey chuckled.

“He wants to have a grand opening party like yesterday. I convinced him to let us make sure we could run everything with no fuck-ups first, so he backed down a little.”

Nodding, Corey said, “When Duncan wants something, he goes all in. He was kind of an unstoppable force in his younger days. He’s more chill now, believe it or not.”

“Unstoppable force, huh? In what way?”

“In the making money way. The partying way. And in the luring people into his bed way, but you didn’t hear that from me. Left a lot of broken hearts behind.”

“Kind of like you?” I grinned so he’d know I was only teasing.

“Yeah.” Corey swatted me playfully with a napkin. “Exactly like me.”

I knew Corey felt comfortable giving me these facts about his uncle because not in his wildest dreams did he suspect I might be attracted to Duncan. Corey thought he knew everything about me, my likes, my dislikes, but it was based on the past. I didn’t even know what I liked these days. But I was starting to figure out it was more complicated than I’d ever imagined.

“Do you want to try one of Robert’s healthy cocktails?” I asked. “There’s juice made up.”

“It’s a little early,” Corey said. “But hell yes. What are my options?”

I handed him one of the newly printed drink menus. “Here you go.”

“Okay. Hmm. I’ll try the vodka grapefruit thingy.”

I set a glass down and poured Corey’s drink. “There you go. Juice is freshly made with Robert’s own two little hands. And a really expensive juicer. And top shelf vodka, just for you.”

Corey smirked. “Just for me huh?”

“Not really. That’s just the vodka we use.”

He chuckled. “I thought so.” He took a sip. “Yeah, that’s good. Really fresh.”

“Yeah, they’re good.”

“So what have you been doing for fun?” Corey asked.

“Not much, to be honest. Work mostly. I don’t go out much.”

“Really?”

I laughed. “Really. Oh, I saw a picture of you at Duncan’s when I was cooking for him. In your punk costume.”

Corey shook his head and grinned. “Yeah, that was a fun night. You should come down to The Horse and Carriage some night for karaoke. You haven’t been back since we…”

“Since we broke up. You can say it, Corey.”

He shrugged. “Just saying. You don’t have to stay away.”

Corey held my gaze. It was an innocent look, but again, it was so familiar I nearly leaned into him for a kiss. To hide my reaction, I forced a laugh. “Maybe I will come down some night. But I’m not dressing up.”

Corey laughed and nodded. “You never would. Though I almost talked you into it once.”

“Yeah, you wanted me to dress up as a flapper for your jazz theme.”

“What?” He laughed. “You would have been cute as a flapper. But you were a lot skinnier then. Probably wouldn’t work now.”

“Yeah.” I huffed. “Tell that to Duncan. You’ve seen the costume he makes me wear to bartend.”

“Yeah, Duncan’s got his own thing going on. I’m not even touching that. So, um…Zach.” Corey set his drink down and linked his hands before him on the bar. “There’s something happening, and Duncan suggested it would be respectful if I told you before you heard it from someone else. He’s right, I realize. My uncle has better manners than I do.” He shrugged and smiled, but there was a sudden tension in his eyes.

I wiped the bar, then set the rag aside and leaned over on my elbows. “Talk to me about it? That’s weird. What is it?”

Corey took another sip of his drink, then met my eyes. “I’m getting married.”

Somehow, I managed to school my expression, but inside of me, something awful and turbulent was happening. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you. I realize it probably doesn’t matter to you. But with you working with my uncle now, I figured we might be running into each other more. Are we good, Zach?”

“Of course. Did you think we weren’t?”

“No, but…Duncan seemed pretty adamant about making sure you and I were on good terms. I didn’t know if you’d said something to him about me.”

The ice inside my stomach melted just a little, knowing Duncan was looking out for my feelings. But only a little. Because this news hurt, way more than I’d have imagined it could. I was rattled in a way I didn’t understand, my body reacting before my mind could even fully absorb the information. Something inside me was dying a slow painful death, and it was an effort to breathe through the pain and keep a straight face.

I knew full well that Corey and I were never going to get back together. But hearing he was marrying Angelo made me realize I’d still carried a tiny little flicker inside, that maybe one day, things would change, and we’d loop back around. That small, barely-there flame of possibility had just been snuffed out, and I had to stuff my hands in my pockets to hide their trembling.

“You came up in conversation with Duncan a couple times, but nothing bad,” I said. “We’re good, Corey. I’m really happy for you. When’s the big day?”

“This fall. Weird, huh? Never thought I’d get married. Me, the big skank slut of Boston, right?”

“Yeah.” I forced a chuckle. “Definitely unexpected.”

“You can say that again. I nearly shit myself when Angelo proposed.”

“But you said yes.”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “I said yes. I ain’t giving that guy up.”

“Right. You guys seem happy together. I’m…happy for you.”

“You seeing anyone?”

“No.”

His brows pinched. “You all right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You’re really sweating.”

“Oh.” I wiped my brow. “Been working back in the kitchen all morning. Hey, I gotta take a leak, but take your time, finish your drink.”

“Okay.” His eyes followed me as I slipped out from behind the bar.

“Congrats again,” I said, and sped through the garden, around the fountain, bursting through the door of the main club, my heart beating too fast.

The air conditioning was a blessing as I rounded the inside bar and headed toward the restroom. I passed Duncan and Barry speaking nearby, and Duncan looked up and held my gaze. I waved and forced a smile. No doubt Duncan knew what Corey had just told me, and I didn’t want him to know I was falling apart.

But I was I falling apart, and I wasn’t sure why. This reaction was unexpected and over the top, but I couldn’t make it stop. Something deep inside was coming undone, making me tremble uncontrollably. Like my breakup with Corey had just happened yesterday, I felt devastated, and my emotions didn’t care what my logical mind tried to tell them—that I shouldn’t be devastated. That I had no right.

As I stepped into the empty bathroom, I ordered myself to calm. Told the inner voice I was fine, and tried to get control of myself. Told the thing dying inside me to hurry up so I could cover it with dirt. But it hung on, cramping my stomach and making me want to vomit. I ducked into a bathroom stall and locked the door, pressing my forehead against it as my breath started to hitch.

Sadness overwhelmed me and I cried quietly, my hiccupping breaths coming too fast, making me dizzy. I dropped the lid on the toilet and sat, snatching a clump of tissue and pressing it against my eyes. The tears finally stopped, but I sat for a while longer, regaining my composure.

The outer restroom door creaked open. “Zach? You in here?”

I quietly blew my nose and stood. “Yeah, Duncan.” I opened the stall door and stepped out, keeping my head down as I moved to the sink and washed my hands. “You need something?”

My eyes flicked to his reflection in the mirror as he stepped up beside me. He ran fingers through his brown hair, eyes pinched with concern as he watched me tug a paper towel out and dry my hands. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah!” My voice sounded weird, high and squeaky. “Great. Everything’s going great.”

I turned from the towel dispenser, and Duncan stood in front of me, blocking my way to the door. He reached up and ran a gentle finger down my cheekbone. “You’ve been crying.”

“No, I haven’t.” As I stared into his eyes, that tremble started in my gut again. “I’m fine, just sweaty. Did you want something?”

“It’s okay if you’re not fine. You’ve done enough today. Why don’t you go home?”

“I don’t need to go home, Duncan! I said I’m fine!”

Yowza. I didn’t mean to snap at him, but my voice came out so loud it made Duncan jump.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I just…I’m sorry.”

I started past him and Duncan hooked me around the waist, pulling me back. Then suddenly I was in his arms as he hugged me. “I know you’re not fine,” he said softly in my ear. “I can feel you trembling.”

“Okay,” I whispered as he held me against his chest. “Maybe I’m not fine. But I will be.”

His breath tickled my ear. “What can I do? Tell me how to help.”

What the hell was happening? Duncan was my boss. We weren’t close. We barely knew each other. But here he was in the restroom, hugging me close, whispering in my ear like I mattered. Like he cared about me.

All sorts of conflicting emotions tumbled around inside me like a mixed load in the dryer, pain, regret, and confusion over why Duncan felt so warm and good with his arms around me. And how in the hell I could possibly be getting turned on while I was in this much pain was beyond me, but Duncan’s body had things stirring in my pants.

“Talk to me, Zach.”

“He’s getting married,” I said softly.

“I know.”

“It shouldn’t hurt after this long. But it does.”

His cheek grazed mine as he whispered in my ear, “It’s okay to feel hurt.”

My trembles were calming, but a new shiver ran through me. “Duncan.”

“Yeah.”

“You’d…better let go of me because if you don’t, I’m gonna fuck up and kiss you.”

His hand paused where he’d been stroking my back. He went completely still, but didn’t release me. His lips stayed close to my ear. “Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.” I shivered again, eyes closing. “Please.”

Easing me toward the stall, Duncan still held onto me as I was forced to walk backwards. Once inside he pushed the door closed with his palm and pressed me against the wall. With no hesitation, Duncan kissed me hard, beard stubble scraping my skin as his mouth worked against mine, dizzying me with sensation.

My fingers gripped his shoulders and I pulled him tighter against me, my cock springing to life as all other thoughts were blotted from my mind and I surrendered myself completely to the kiss. I slid my tongue into his mouth, and for a moment he reciprocated—he even let out a soft moan—but suddenly he pulled back, and the kiss was broken.

“Okay,” he huffed softly. His cheeks were flushed, eyes drowsy with big dark pupils. “You all right now?”

I stared back at him, my lips still parted. “Yeah.”

He gathered himself, taking a deep breath and running fingers through his hair. “Good.” He nodded and squeezed my shoulder. “Take the rest of the day off,” he said, and darted out of the stall.

I heard the door squeak, then close as he left the bathroom. And left me standing there in the stall, flushed, horny, confused.

But one thing was certain. That cloying pain inside me had finally died. And Corey’s upcoming nuptials were no longer on my mind.