Chapter
12
~Hammer~
What the fuck is wrong with me? One kiss and now she has me by the balls. My situation keeps going from bad to worse. Rolling over to my back, I stare blankly at the ceiling.
After the kiss with Desirae and her running away, I called Ethan and him pick me up and take me to the club. Tina was there. She promised my brother she would give me a ride since I was drinking. Everything is fuzzy. I know I was going to fuck her. The plan was to fuck her to get Desirae out of my mind. Only, once she started sucking my dick, then she wasn’t Tina. She was Desirae in my mind. Then she was Tina again, and after remembering how Desirae tasted when we kissed, no one else would do.
My stomach churns as I try to process my night. I’m pissed off that I want her so fucking badly, yet she can resist me.
I want another drink.
I need another drink.
The burn of the alcohol would be a welcome reprieve from the burning in my nuts for Desirae.
I close my eyes, think of her, and my dick comes to life. The ache that is a constantly down my legs disappears as my body aches to be connected to her. My sweats pop up into a healthy tent, causing me to slide them down and give myself room to breathe.
Gripping my length, I slide my rough hands up and down, wishing they were the firm but delicate hands of my physical therapist. I stroke harder and faster then stop at the sound of steady mewling coming from my bathroom.
Dammit to hell. I can’t move without making noise. She wouldn’t dare be in there, would she?
Closing out the world and tuning myself just to her, I can take in her heavy breathing. She’s panting. Why?
The more I focus on the sounds coming from the other side of the wall, the thicker my cock grows. Pre-come covers my head, and I roll my hand over it for lubrication. The more I listen, the more I think my roommate may be getting herself off in my bathroom.
As her breathing reaches a pitch point, I stroke faster, rolling my wrist. I close my eyes and picture her riding me, her titties bouncing with nipples poking out in the air in complete satisfaction. My rhythm matches my mind, and just as I hear her reach her crescendo, I come, making a mess all over my stomach and hand.
Then silence.
With one hand, I pull my shirt over my head and clean up as best I can.
Am I that drunk that I imagined it all? Is Desirae on the other side of my wall? Do I really want to know?
My head throbs, and before I can muster the energy to get up, I pass the fuck out.
~~~
Waking up, my mouth feels like it is full of cotton and I reek. Before I can think of the previous night, acknowledge I need coffee, or freshen up, something pounds on my bedroom door.
Why is it shut? Who closed it? I may have been drunk, but my life has been lived paying attention to details, and I vividly remember the door being wide open when Tina left.
“Hammer, rise and shine. Time to get to work,” Desirae’s voice echoes in my ears. Every sound is like someone tap dancing on my skull.
“Fuck off.”
“Fuck you,” she quips back.
“Oh, baby, I wanna. I don’t know if you could handle me.”
“I can handle whatever you wanna dish out, Hammer. If skank pussy is what gets you off, though, I’m gonna need you to get checked before you can have a piece of this.”
My dick immediately gets hard at the mention of handling her.
It doesn’t matter that my stomach is trying to do a somersault inside of my body. I would find a way to ignore my throbbing headache and nausea if I could get her naked and in my bed.
“I’ll give you a clean bill of health, but are you sure you could take the pounding I give?” I taunt, only getting more turned on by the second.
She opens my door, her curly hair wild around her face. Her eyes are fierce when they lock on to mine. “Promises, promises, baby. I’m not sure you could handle what I can give.” She waves her hand from her breasts to her hips, pointing out the lush body I want so badly. Her eyes move to my cock that I don’t even try to hide. “Good to know you at least have some strong equipment. I hear it doesn’t always wanna work, though.” She winks, taking me back to what I thought I imagined last night. “Chop, chop. Time’s wasting.”
She turns and closes the door behind her, and I’m left on the bed with the biggest hard-on of my life.
As I close my eyes, flashes from the night before come to mind: bringing Tina home, thinking I could fuck my desire for my roommate out of my system … Instead, I ended up calling her Desirae’s name. I should feel bad, but I don’t. Tina knew I wasn’t offering anything more than a good time.
Another hazy memory slowly emerges, and my heart stops.
Desirae was in my bathroom. I remember moans coming from behind the closed door. I’m pretty sure she got herself off in there after hearing me fooling around with a barfly.
Be careful what you wish for, Desirae. I will deliver a clean bill of a health and an orgasm that you won’t be able to hold in. Challenge accepted, Drill Sergeant Bust My Balls.
Knowledge is everything. In a game of hearts, war, or chess, you must have knowledge of your opponent so you can have the upper hand in your strategy.
I don’t even get out of the bed before calling Screech.
“Hammer, how’s it going, brother?”
“Need intel.”
His response is immediate. “Done. Who?”
“My roommate.”
He pauses. “You have her file.”
“No, I was only informed I was getting someone qualified. I want her file, personal and professional. I wanna know what really brings her here. I want more on her background than even the Hellions have. You got me?”
He sighs. “I’ve got you, but don’t be paranoid, Hammer. She’s clean. I’ve already done her background check. You know Ice wouldn’t let her within ten miles of the city if he thought she would be a problem for us. She’s good at what she does, and she’s of no threat to you or the club as long as no one knows she is there.”
I laugh. “Oh, she’s a huge threat to me, but not in a way I’m prepared for.” Never in a million years did I think any woman would have the power to make me only want them. I like variety. I don’t like being tied down. Yet, in a matter of months, Desirae has changed that. She’s changed me. I don’t tell Screech all of this, though. “I don’t give a rat’s ass if you guys have already checked her out. Just get me the intel.” I hang up before he can question me further.
There is a banging on my door again.
“Let’s go,” Desirae calls.
“I need a shower. You wanna come scrub my balls?” I tease.
“You have ten minutes before I come in there and put them in a vice.”
My dick shrinks at her threat, and I laugh.
“Spunk. I like spunk.”
“Get to it, Hammer. I don’t have all day.”
“Sure you do.”
“Fuck you!”
“Gladly, baby. Come on in.”
I hear her frustrated gasp as she stomps away.
Everything has changed between us. I’m done ignoring what I want, and I won’t let her push me away any longer. The quicker she can figure that out, the better for us all.
I haven’t been this motivated since the accident. Pausing, I think … I haven’t felt this alive ever. Maybe Desirae is just what I need in more ways than one.
~Desirae~
Hammer is lying on the living room floor, as per our usual routine. My mind keeps straying from work and over to what it would be like to play with him, instead.
Focus, Desirae. You don’t have time to flirt with your client.
Grabbing the therapy exercise ball that I asked Ice to buy last week, I hold it up between us. “Ready?”
He nods and positions his legs slightly apart. I place the green ball between his knees then order him to squeeze and hold it for a count of five. This will help build the strength in his inner thighs back up.
I’m so focused on watching him to make sure he does the exercise properly that I don’t realize he is staring at me.
“You’re staring at my little, green ball awfully hard, Drill Sergeant.”
Snorting, I quip back, “Someone has to make sure you don’t try to overwork yourself again. And that little, green ball is gonna kick your ass. Just wait until you’re on the tenth repetition for the second round.”
Hammer chuckles. “I have to admit I’d much rather you were staring at my other two balls. Those, you can exercise as much as you want, babe.”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “Really? Is this what you’re gonna do every time we try to do your exercises?”
“What am I doing, Desirae?”
“Trying to distract me with your horn-dog lines. It’s not gonna work, mister. You’re gonna do this workout in its entirety so I can get you back up on your own feet for good. Just think, then you can go back to the club and fuck all the barflies you want.”
He stops his repetitions, as still and tense as a stone statue. “It’s not the barflies I wanna fuck, baby.”
Now it is my turn to go still. “Oh, yeah? And just who do you wanna fuck, Hammer? Tina? Maybe Kate since I walked in and you couldn’t finish up with her?”
Bracing his arms on the floor, he pushes his upper body up into a sitting position, closing the space between us until our faces are so close our noses almost touch. “The only woman I wanna stick my dick in is you. And I’ve gotta tell ya, babe, when I get in there, I don’t plan on coming out anytime soon.”
Suddenly, my mouth is as dry as the Sahara Desert, and my throat feels too tight to speak. Is he serious? Does he really want me that much? Or is he just trying to scratch an itch?
God, why am I even thinking about these things? I don’t have a place in my life for anyone right now, especially a lover.
But what a lover he would be, my heart whispers to me.
Yeah, that is the last organ in my body I need making decisions for me. My heart needs to get the memo that, until our life has been fixed, we need to stay alone. I can’t take the chance of endangering anyone. I have yet to hear from Tank or the Hellions that my problem is gone, and I am starting to worry my life is never going to be fixed.
My body yearns for everything Hammer is offering, even if it is to scratch an itch. I have itches, too, dammit.
It doesn’t feel that simple to me when it comes to him, though. Somewhere during my stay here, I have come to care for this man more than any physical therapist should. Maybe it was the day he cuddled with me on the couch after Coal was a jackass, or maybe it’s the undeniable chemistry that flows between us during his training sessions. Whatever it is, it is unacceptable. I have to nip this in the bud and get him to finish his exercises so I can get some breathing room. And I know just how to do it: pull his punk card. No man likes being led on then let down.
Dropping the tone of my voice to the sexiest call girl impersonation I can, I murmur, “Oh, yeah? You wanna prove it to me, big boy?”
His straight, white teeth bite into that plump bottom lip as if he is thinking of all the ways he wants to prove it to me. It doesn’t take him long to think about it and reply, “I’ve got so many ways I can prove it to you, sugar. You on top, riding me reverse cowgirl so I can play with your ass. In my bed, with me on top of you, between those thighs and sucking on your nipples. We can even go in my shower so you can ride me in that chair I hate so fucking much. Maybe then I’d wanna sit in that chair. What do you say, Drill Sergeant?”
Good Lord. I don’t even need to stick my fingers down my shorts to know my panties are soaking wet. I can feel it. This man might be more dangerous to me than the ones who killed my sister. I am starting to think he could take so much more than my life. He could own every part of me.
Doing my best to keep my seductress poker face on, I tip my head in a playful manner, pretending to consider his offer for a minute, then shake my head. “Nope. There’s only one way I want you to prove it to me. You ready for it?”
Hammer breathes out a rough groan. I don’t think he realizes it, but he is squeezing the therapy ball so hard between his knees I start to worry he is going to do exactly what the company said can’t be done: pop the damn thing.
“I want you to … Shut. Up. And. Exercise.”
A flash of disappointment shines from his eyes for a second before he covers it up with a blank mask. “You’ve got it, Drill Sergeant Bust My Balls. All work and no play.”
He lies back down and continues his workout routine in stony silence while I stand there and walk him through the steps. Part of me wishes I didn’t need to do that and could get that moment between us back somehow, but I know it is for the best.
Damn, it’s starting to feel like life is trying to kick me when I am already down, that dirty bitch.
When Hammer finishes everything I give him, he gets up, still silent, and walks down the hall to his bedroom, closing the door with a quiet click that says more than I can handle.
It has been a slow, steady progression, but Hammer is walking short distances now. His progress is coming along. It seems the closer he gets to being back in action, the closer we get to crossing lines we shouldn’t.
Making my escape to the bathroom, I climb into the cold shower and fight to calm my body down. Then, skipping dinner, I go to my room to hideout.
There isn’t much in it: a dresser, a closet, a small flat panel television on a stand in the corner, and one nightstand with a lamp on it next to a full-sized bed. Very minimalistic. Very bachelor pad. I bet he wouldn’t have a bed in here if it weren’t for his brother. I’m not going to complain, though. It seems to be a comfortable bed in a safe place, even if it isn’t home, none of which I would have if it weren’t for the Hellions and the Regulators. Sometimes, it is best if you count your blessings instead of your problems.
Closing my eyes and shutting off my mind, I allow myself to drift. In time, my breaths even out, and my heart rate slows. My body relaxes, and I fall into a deep sleep.
“Suzie.” I kneel before a blank headstone. My fingers trace the concrete, each ridge sharp.
My sister’s name is absent. The grass under my knees is cold and prickly.
A hand comes around, grabbing my forehead and pressing it to his body as unforgiving metal hits my throat. I am forced to stand and dragged backward as I scramble for footing. Then I’m tied to a nearby tree as I fight to get free.
He is too big. He is too strong. I can’t break away.
I can still see the headstone.
I cry out “Suzie” as my clothes are cut away.
The blade traces my collarbone, slicing my skin open. It burns as the warmth of blood travels down my chest. He flicks the knife against my nipple, and I try to retreat, which causes the bark of the tree to dig and cut open the skin down my back.
Fear consumes me. I’m going to die the same way she did. They have found me, and this is it.
The knife trails down my stomach. He traces my hip bone down to my juncture.
“No!” I scream.
Two hands grip me as Hammer yells, “Baby, breathe. It’s just a dream.”
Catapulting myself into a sitting position, I find a cold sweat covers my body, my clothes are twisted, and all of the pillows and blankets have been thrown onto the floor.
I look into the eyes of the man standing next to the bed. I see his pain, his helplessness. Then I realize he isn’t in his wheelchair. Sure, he has been able to move more freely, but with the hard workouts, rushing to me is not good for his injuries.
“Hammer, sit down. Don’t overdo it!”
“Ethan,” he responds, seeming to ignore my concern.
“What?” I ask him, thoroughly confused. Did he fall down and hit his head? Because he’s making no sense right now.
“You called me Hammer. I want you to call me Ethan.”
I’m suddenly shocked to the bone. I know from being around Tank and the Hellions that the men in motorcycle clubs generally insist everyone call them by their road names. It helps protect their identities in sticky situations.
“Are you okay?” he asks, moving to sit beside me.
No, I want to answer, still in shock from Hammer—no, Ethan’s—unusual order and overall presence and trembling from the nightmare.
Leaning down, he tosses my pillows and blankets back up onto the bed.
Breathlessly, I answer, “No—yes … I don’t know.”
“Why aren’t you on the couch?”
Well, that takes my mind off my bad dream.
“I thought we could use some space.”
He gives me a half-grin. “Des, space is the last thing I plan to put between us.”
I gasp at his bold declaration. “This is probably a bad idea.”
“We won’t know if we don’t try.”
“I’m too tired to think about anything.”
He scoots up and over, putting himself on the pillow beside mine. Lying on his back, he pulls me back against his side. “Get some rest. I’m here to chase the bad dreams away.”
Inhaling, I smell him: musk and man. There is a true comfort he gives me that I can’t explain.
Rather than fight with him, I close my eyes and try to get the thoughts of knives, trees, and blood out of my mind.
What the hell am I doing?