Epilogue
Three Months Later
~Desirae~
“Pack a bag, Drill Sergeant,” Ethan orders, slapping my ass as I lie there, draped over him.
“Who is the one commanding now?” I give him sass back.
He smiles down at me then kisses the top of my head. “Baby, if we’re in this bed—any bed—I’m in charge. If you wanna push my body to the limits out of bed to keep my stamina strong in the bed, fine by me, but baby, in bed, it’s my way, and I assure you it’s gonna be in all the ways you love.”
I can’t argue with him there. Since the day he came to the gym, we haven’t spent a night apart. I am happier than I have ever been in my life, though a piece of me will always be missing because my sister is gone. I wish she could have had this feeling.
The rumble of his voice takes me out of my thoughts. “What’s got you lost in thought?”
“Suzie,” I reply honestly, holding Ethan a little more tightly. “I hate that she didn’t have this in her life.”
“This?”
“Love, security, a partner, a friend,” I ramble as tears fill my eyes.
Ethan tips my chin with his finger and does a half-crunch, forcing me up to him as he comes down to me. Then his lips brush mine.
“Is that what you feel with me?”
I close my eyes then open them, biting my bottom lip. “Yes,” I say on a whisper.
“Desirae, this bed-hopping shit ain’t working for me.”
I gasp, wanting to punch him. “How do we have such a sweet moment, and then you say something like that?” I roll my eyes. “Ice said you were an asshole. I must have rose-colored glasses on or some shit. Way to ruin it, Ethan.” I move to get up, but a firm hand on my ass keeps me in place.
His eyes meet mine, and the seriousness in them has butterflies fluttering in my stomach. “We’re together every night. I don’t plan on that ever changing. You get me?”
I nod as I finally realize what he is saying.
“You’re my love, my partner, my best friend. I’m tired of sharing two beds. I want one … with you and me for a lifetime. What I’m saying in my asshole way is, move in with me.”
“Um … Ethan, I’m all for this, but you said pack a bag. Honey, all my shit”—I wave my arm dramatically in the air around us—“won’t fit in just one bag.”
He laughs, and the sound is pure heaven.
“Baby, the bag is for our trip. When we get back, the boys will have your shit moved for us.”
“Oh.” I pause. “Trip? Where are we going?”
“Trust me,” he says with a wink. “But do it while you get that fine ass moving, because we have a plane to catch.”
“Work?”
“I already handled it. Now go and pack a bag.”
Ethan rushes me through a shower, packing enough for three days, and then we are out the door.
When we get into the Camaro, I ask for a hint about where we are going, but he tells me I can wait and see, to trust him.
Silly man. Doesn’t he know I trust him with everything I am?
To prove that I do, I don’t say another word as he drives to the airport and parks. He grabs both of our bags and drags me inside the terminal. When we get up to the counter, he picks up two tickets for Clarksville, Tennessee, which seems pretty left field. If it had been Nashville, I might have thought we were going to tour Music City. However, my man asked me to trust him, so I still refuse to ask another question. He has gone out of his way to surprise me with this, and I’m going to appreciate that I have someone who loves me enough to do something that sweet.
An hour later, after being x-rayed by airport security, our bags searched, and then stopping in a coffee shop for a quick cup to go, we finally board the commercial plane.
Ethan gives me the window seat and sits next to me. He buckles me in then himself. The flight is packed, so I’m surprised when no one sits on the aisle seat.
“We don’t have anyone sitting with us?”
“Hell no, woman. I don’t want someone hanging all over me and drooling on my shoulder when they fall asleep during the flight. I bought that seat, too.”
I laugh at his rationale yet secretly love it.
The flight is only a couple of hours long, and I spend the time napping with my head on Ethan’s shoulder. I’m slightly mortified when he wakes me up, and I see that I have drooled on his shoulder. When I look up at him guiltily, he just laughs and leans forward to whisper in my ear.
“You can drool on me anytime, babe, but next time, I’d like you to get my dick wet, instead, okay?”
I playfully slap his shoulder, and he laughs at me again.
Once we leave the airport, he navigates the car through the busy streets of Clarksville as if he has done this a dozen times before. Maybe he has. It only makes my curiosity grow.
Twenty minutes later, we are driving on what I’m guessing is the edge of the city, and he pulls into an entrance that is flanked by two towering stone angels. There is a wrought iron sign above us that reads: “Eternity Fields.”
I can already see headstones in the distance, and my eyes immediately tear up. I know exactly why the love of my life has brought me here: to meet his dad.
Ever since the day I took him home from Flex, half concussed from getting into a fight over me, he has held nothing back. We have talked about our lives growing up: from our parents to our siblings and everything in between. Ethan bringing me to meet his family in any capacity, even ones who have passed on, is special. Not to mention, I know how much his father meant to him and his brother, so Ethan wanting to show his father to me means more to me than he will ever know. It is his way of sharing that special place inside his heart where he holds the memories of his dad.
For a cemetery, I have to admit it is rather beautiful. All around the lot are fields of wildflowers, and the sense of tranquility is incredible. The sun is bright, the day warm, and the air is crisp. It is perfect.
We get out of the car, and Ethan takes my hand. His palm feels clammy inside of mine as he guides me to a bench where we sit.
Looking down at the headstone in front of us, I read the inscription there:
First Sergeant Emmitt McCoy
Devoted husband, father, and soldier.
“Your family has a thing for E names, don’t they?” I ask him playfully, warmed that he would bring me here to meet the man he admired so much.
He winks at me. “It’s family tradition. Remember that.”
With his hand laced in mine, he looks at the marker. “Dad, you raised me to be the man to follow in your footsteps. I haven’t always gotten everything right.”
I feel the emotion pour off him with every word. There is pride, regret, love, and sadness all mixed together.
He squeezes my hand. “I got one thing right, though, in all my fuck ups. I found my woman, my safe place, my equal. I get it now, Dad. I get why you were always telling me to remember to take care of Mom. When I think of something happening to me, my only fear is for Desirae. I did the best I could, and I can only hope you forgive my failures and take pride in my successes.”
He looks from the gravestone to me, his eyes full of love, desire, and passion. “I love you, Desirae. You bust my balls, take none of my shit, and you love me completely through the good times and the bad. You have held me through my failures, and I hope our future is full of successes. I can’t bring back your Suzie Sunshine, but I can let you know she’s safe.” He stands and pulls me up.
The bench we were sitting on is engraved.
In Loving Memory
Suzanne Shythe, sister and best friend
Collapsing back onto the bench in awe, I trace each letter as the tears fall.
Ethan tells me in a gruff but gentle voice, “She’s with my dad. He left this world, trusting me with what mattered most to him. I trust him in their world with what matters most to you.”
Emotions choke me, and for a little while, I’m unable to get words out. All I can do is cry and trace my sister’s name, letting the pain of her loss move through me. It’s not as sharp as it was, but I can still feel it to the bottom of my soul.
In his own way, Ethan gave me my sister back, and for that, I can never repay him. It is the most beautiful, thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.
Bracing my forehead against Suzie’s name, I close my eyes, and a sense of peace warms me from the inside out. I told Ethan after we got back together about the hallucination I had of Suzie when Ricca had me. I explained how much it bothered me to have Suzie so close to my grasp then brutally taken away from me again, even if it was only a dream of sorts.
Having him remember that conversation and go out of his way to give me closure to something that might seem trivial to others means the world to me. In every little way that he can, Ethan has gone out of his way to prove he is all in with me this time around.
The wind blows, ruffling my hair a bit, and for a moment, it almost feels like it’s Suzie’s hand running through my curls. I feel her spirit surround me, and part of me never wants to leave. My sister is here with me, and I never want to let her go again. But living half a life as a broken shell of a person is not what she would want for me. My Suzie was vibrant and loved living life to its fullest. She would want me to do just that. And now that I have Ethan in my life, I want that for myself, too.
This bench, though, is a gorgeous gift from the man I love and gives me a place to sit and feel my sister’s arms around me once again. A place to come to celebrate my sister’s life rather than anguish over her death.
Looking up at the man I love, the man who gets me inside and out, I finally choke out a tearful whisper. “Thank you, Ethan. It’s so very perfect.”
He gives me a smile that reflects more than words will ever say. “Anything for you, Drill Sergeant.” Holding his hand out, he beckons for me to take it. “Come on, sugar. My mom is at the house, waiting to meet you.”
I can’t help that my eyes widen as I stare at Ethan like a deer caught in headlights. “You’re taking me to meet your mom?”
He nods. “Yeah. She lives here in Clarksville. She never wanted to leave my dad behind, so she stayed here after I went into the Army.” Grabbing my hand, he pulls me into him and runs a hand gently down the side of my face. “Wipe that scared look off your face, Drill Sergeant. It’s just my mom, and she’s gonna love you.”
Biting my bottom lip, I nervously fidget in his arms. “Are you sure? I haven’t had the best experience with parents. Case in point, my own parents never wanted much to do with me.”
Ethan snorts. “Your parents are assholes. Me, Evan, Mom, and the Regulators, we’re your family now. Fuck your DNA donors.”
I should be sad to be reminded that my parents were never, in fact, parents to me and Suzie, but that’s a fact of life I settled a long time ago. Instead, I’m amused at Ethan’s insistence of my new family. There are a few guys I’m pretty sure would rather duct tape me to a wall than talk to me. One of them is Ethan’s best friend.
“Does that make Coal the big brother I never wanted?”
He barks a laugh. “Yeah, I guess it does. Fair warning, though; don’t ever go in his room at the club. It’ll scar you for life.”
Shaking my head, I walk with him, hand in hand, through the graveyard. “No worries there. I don’t even wanna know. But you forgot somebody.”
Stopping, he turns to me and cocks his head. “Yeah? Who’d I forget?”
Without hesitation, I answer, “The Hellions. They’re my family, too, whether you like it or not.”
In my messed up life, I have found love and family in the most unlikely of places: inside not one but two different motorcycle clubs. Who would have ever thought such badass men could have the capacity to accept and love me?
Things aren’t always what they seem, though. Ethan and the Regulators have taught me that.
Ethan gives me a long, considering look then smirks as he pulls me in for a hug. “You’ve got me there, Drill Sergeant. Now we’ve gotta get a move on it. We take too long to get to Ma’s house and Evan is gonna eat all the damn apple pie.”
I laugh as he pulls me behind him at a fast pace. Apparently, his mom makes really good pie.
I glance back at my bench, and in the distance beyond it, I see a mirage of my sister dancing through the wildflowers, her arms raised above her head and her face turned to the rays of the sun with a bright smile on her face.
Maybe the vision is just my overactive imagination. Perhaps it is my inner most desires projected to life. But I think it is my sister telling me she is finally at peace.