Chapter
19
One Month Later
~Hammer~
“Enough,” Evan says, picking up the glass on the table in front of me. “I’ve had enough, and the boys care too much about you to tell you they’ve had enough, too.”
Coal takes the glass from my brother’s hand and downs the amber liquid then smirks. “I don’t care too much. Hammer, get your fucking head outta your ass.”
“Fuck you!”
Evan sits down beside me. “You know she stayed in town for you.”
I want to smack him upside the head. Of course I fucking know she stayed in town. I also know she has a damn good job as a personal trainer at Flex, the hottest gym in the area. I know she got herself a nice pad and a sweet-ass ride. I know she’s looked over her shoulder more than a few times, still trying to feel comfortable. I know she has what they call ‘girls’ night’ every Tuesday with Morgan and her new friend from the gym, Paisley.
In being thorough, I learned her new bestie is a health nut who believes in organic foods and cleansing her mind and body. They attend a yoga class together three times a week and their girls’ night usually consists of popcorn and movies. Paisley also works as a cashier at the local grocery store and drives a Prius, the car she tried to get Des to buy for herself, as well, but my girl went for fast, not environmentally friendly, when she bought her Honda s2000.
Desirae calls back to Tank or Sass twice a week to check in. Her bank account didn’t take much of a hit when she set herself up since the Hellions put in a nice deposit in what they called a benefit’s bonus. She also calls weekly to check in with Evan, and they sometimes go out to dinner. And if either of them took the time to look out the window of the establishments they frequented, they would have seen me sitting there, not trying to hide.
“J-action Jackson, get over here,” Coal yells out as Jane struts by, all tits, ass, and blonde hair. “Get your dick wet and get your head outta your ass,” he orders me.
Without hesitation, Jane turns and stalks over to us with a sultry smile, stopping in front of me. I only raise an eyebrow at her, not making any movements.
Coal yanks my chair back with me in it, and Jane climbs on my lap.
“Our boy needs some attention,” Coal barks at her. Just as if she were there for him, he tosses a hundred dollar bill at her and walks off with my glass still in his hand.
Jane leans in, nibbling my ear lobe and grinding her pussy across my lap. I close my eyes and immediately see curly hair in my mind.
Ultimately, the ass on me doesn’t feel right, so I push her off.
“No,” I say, and Jane looks down. “It’s not you,” I assure her.
She blinks at me. “Oh, I know it’s not me, Hammer.” She gives me a sassy smile before she turns away. Looking over her shoulder, she stops. “I knew one day someone would get through to you, and when that day came, I knew it would be over.” She winks. “But it was damn sure good while it lasted.”
Not giving me a chance to reply, she stalks off with a sway to her hips that once would have had me fucking her on a table. Now, I can’t even get hard.
“Gonna get your head outta your ass now?” Evan asks with a smile.
“I’m no good for her.”
He smacks me on the back of the head. “Wake up. You’re no good without her.”
“Fuck you, Evan.”
“I swear on everything, if you don’t make your play, I’m calling Mom for a visit, and I’m gonna let her meet Des.”
I glare at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Who says I haven’t already?” He steps back as I jump up out of my chair, and then he takes off.
I should chase him. I should beat the fuck out of him. Instead, I sit my ass back down and try to figure out what to do next.
Looking around me at the bar, I wonder to myself, Is this how I’m going to spend the rest of my life? Miserable, drunk, and trying to stick my dick in women I don’t really want?
I might not be the best thing for Desirae, but I could change that, couldn’t I? I could make myself the best man I can be for her? After all, as much as I hate to admit it, my little brother is right. I’m no good without her. There has been a big, gaping, black hole in my life since I pushed her away, and the only person to blame is myself.
If my father were here, would he approve of me throwing away the only woman I have ever met who made me feel whole, especially when I was a broken man?
Hell no.
Just remember, son, actions speak louder than words.
New mission: fix what the fuck I messed up.
I reach up and rub my chin. Step one: shower and shave. No one wants to be with a man who smells like a bar and looks like a homeless man. Step two: face Tank. Before I can even reach out to Desirae, I need to make things right with the Hellions who trusted us to keep her safe. I failed her and them.
Once I get those things in order, I can find her and hope I have half a chance of fixing this.
I leave the club, jump in my Camaro, and drive to my new place on the second floor in a high rise with an ocean view just up the road. It costs more monthly, but I don’t give a fuck. I couldn’t stand to sit in my old condo and relive the day Desirae was taken out of our home. Leaving it behind, along with all the furniture in it, was almost therapeutic. Not to mention, I only have one set of stairs to deal with now.
Once I park next to my motorcycle and get out, I can’t take my eyes of the machine I haven’t ridden since that day I took Des out on it. I even had Coal ride it over here when the brothers were helping me move what little shit I did bring with me to my new place. I guess not riding my bike was a form of self-punishment. As ridiculous as it may sound, I convinced myself that, if I wasn’t strong enough to protect my woman, I’m not strong enough to ride my machine.
Looking at the polished metal and leather seat, I realize I need to fix this mistake, too. At least that’s easily done. It’s time to let the Camaro sit in the parking garage for a while.
If only getting my woman back could be that easy…
~Desirae~
Paisley lets herself in my apartment, carrying a vegetable tray from the grocery store she works at. I can’t help laughing. The tray is almost bigger than her. She’s pretty short at five-foot-two, and even if I stuffed her full of chocolate cake, she would probably only weigh in at a hundred twenty pounds. Not because she starves herself, but because she is a health nut who works out at my gym on a daily basis. The woman is so tiny she barely passes my shoulder, and a stiff wind could blow her over.
“It’s Tuesday night. This is supposed to be cheat night. No vegetables allowed. Morgan made the rule,” I tell her.
Paisley wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Live a little. Rules are meant to be broken.”
Laughing, I quip back, “You should take your own advice, sister, and break your no dating rule to go out with Scotty.” I take the tray from her hand, and we make our way inside.
Paisley chides me as we make our way to my kitchen. “Thanks, but no thanks, sister. He may say he has the hots for me, but I don’t think he’s interested in anyone but himself. Have you seen the way he blows kisses to himself in the mirrors at the gym? Besides, have you seen the size of that guy? He would crush me like a bug! I think I’ll keep my eye out for a guy more appropriate for my size. You know, one who won’t crush me if we ever make it to the bedroom. Give up on the Scotty thing, because you’re wasting your breath.”
I laugh at her rant as I set her vegetable tray on the kitchen counter. My new place is nice, but no matter what I do, it doesn’t quite feel like home. Evan helped me pick out some furniture and necessities, but as much as I love Miami, something is missing from my life.
It doesn’t take a genius to know Ethan ‘Hammer’ McCoy is what made this town feel like home. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have gone back to North Carolina instead of staying here, but the thought of going back to where my sister was murdered is unbearable. North Carolina will never again be the home it once was for me.
Morgan knocks, and I yell for her to come on in.
After Ethan left me at Evan’s, it was Morgan who packed up and brought me my belongings. She also helped me find a job and a new place to live. She has become a good friend, and I’m thankful to have her and Paisley in my life.
“You didn’t bring some sappy, I-love-you romance movie, did you?” I ask seriously.
Morgan loves to watch the heartfelt emotional ones, while I want action and adventure.
“Look, I’m with a biker.” Morgan defends herself. “You lived with bikers for, like, forever, so you should know I’ve gotta get my I-love-you mush somewhere.”
I laugh at her. “Then please tell me you brought the cookies.”
She smiles. “Yes, I brought the cookies, and thanks to you, I had to let Ice into the cookie jar.” She gives me a wink, and we all laugh.
“Because that was such a sacrifice,” Paisley adds dramatically.
We settle in for cookies, popcorn—which I quickly made—and Paisley’s vegetables as we watch our movie.
I can’t help thinking about what Morgan said. Living with a biker. It just takes me to a time when Ethan and I were actually together, just a blip on the radar of life, one of the few memories of the short time I had with him.
“Actions speak louder than words,” I hear him say in my mind.
His actions have shown me I never would have gotten the words from him. He let me go. Sure, I understand he did it because, in his mind, he failed me. I stay here in the hopes that he will see my actions show I stand behind him.
Only, in this moment, with my friends here and a sappy movie on TV, I can’t help wondering if it was all for nothing.
Will I ever have a chance for a happily ever after of my own?