Juliette convinced Erik to stay with us after lunch to finish his shopping, but it turned out everyone was done except me. The group decided an intervention was necessary and began dragging me into store after store. I didn’t put up any fight. I was getting desperate, and six brains were better than one.
“Oh!” Ana came to a halt so fast Vivian crashed into her from behind. “Yes. This.”
I groaned when I saw all of the underwear in the windows. “I seriously doubt Brian wants a pair of matching lacy black bra and panties for Christmas.”
Ana looped her arm through mine, grinning. “For once, I completely agree with you. With your skin tone, we can go much brighter. I’m thinking vixen red.”
So shocked by her friendly playfulness, it took me a minute to realize she was leading me into the store. I put on the brakes really fast and pulled my arm from hers. “Ana, we are not going in there. There are guys with us.”
She turned to Jason and Erik with a frown. “Do either of you have any objections to going in there and helping Ella pick out something sexy to wear for her hot-as-hell boyfriend?”
My face flamed when Erik smirked and shook his head. “It would be my pleasure.”
“Do I get to help pick something out for my sexy-as-hell girlfriend, too?” Jason asked.
Ana shot him a slow wink, and he smiled from ear to ear. “Sweet. I’m in.”
“Ana, come on. I’m not getting Brian lingerie for Christmas.”
She started dragging me into the store again. “Stop being such a prude, Ella. When else are you going to have the opportunity to have two different guys’ opinions while you pick out something sexy?”
“It doesn’t matter. I already told you, I’m not going there with Brian.”
“You might, if you owned something as sexy as that.” She marched over to a wall of very fancy lace bra and panty sets and picked up a ruby-red bra. “Trust me, Brian will love this.”
“I love this,” Jason said, grinning as he picked up a pair of skimpy panties—he went with traditional black.
I snatched the bra from Ana, glaring at Jason. He didn’t seem to care. He smiled at me again and held up his find against Ana’s body. “I know what I want for Christmas, babe.”
Erik cleared his throat, and when I whirled around to face him, he smirked. “Your sister’s on to something. I don’t think you can go wrong with that.” He pointed to the bright-red bra still dangling from my fingertips, then reached for a pale-pink cropped bustier and shortie panty set. “Or this would look great, too. I’ve always been a fan of pink.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Seriously? I don’t even know you, and you’re trying to pick out underwear for me?”
His grin doubled, taking his cuteness factor up a notch in the most infuriating way. “I’m just trying to be helpful.”
Juliette placed a hand on his arm. She smiled for him and them flashed that grin at me. She must have recognized the fire in my eyes, because she laughed and said, “Hang on there, Señorita Snark. Let’s keep the temper in check. This isn’t his fault.”
“No, it’s Ana’s.”
I shot Ana a glare. Yeah, I was trying to play nicer with her now, but this was embarrassing, and I was really annoyed with her. My attitude only fueled hers. She flashed me a saccharine smile. “I take full responsibility. Someday, you will thank me for it. And here. You have to try this on.” She held up a bright-blue lacy teddy with a matching thong and garter. “This was made for you. It matches your eyes.”
I started to argue, but before I could, Vivian took the teddy from her and held it up to me. “Oh, Ella,” she crooned. “You know I hate to agree with Ana on anything, but she’s right. This would look stunning on you. You have to get it.”
“No way. I’m not buying that.”
“But Ella, it’s perfect,” Juliette said. “It’s beautiful and tasteful. It’s so you.”
I gritted my teeth. They were right. It was very pretty and much more tasteful than the things Erik and Jason had picked up. Unable to help myself, I took the garment from Vivian, imagining what Brian might think if I were to wear this for him.
Brian would love this gift, but could I wrap it up and hand it over? It wasn’t just a joke. A gift like this came with a promise. Was Ana right? Would I be ready to make that promise if I felt beautiful enough? Because that was really what was holding me back with him. I loved him, and if this week together had taught me anything, it was that I wanted him. But I was scared. Afraid he wouldn’t find me beautiful.
I rubbed the silky material between my fingers. It was amazingly soft. I could almost envision myself wearing it, but then I caught a glimpse of my scarred hand, and the moment was ruined.
I glanced around the store at all of the playful underwear. Before my accident, I used to love this store. I’d never been brave enough to venture to the naughtier side we were in now, but what girl doesn’t appreciate cute underwear? Now, though, the shelves and bins full of pretty things meant to make you feel sexy and the walls plastered with pictures of beautiful, flawless bodies seemed to laugh at me. “I can’t wear something like this,” I muttered, setting the beautiful teddy down.
“Why not?” Ana asked.
I glared at her again. Why did she always have to push? “Why do you think?” I gestured to my body. My clothes were covering my scars, but she’d seen them before. She knew what I was hiding. “How about the obvious reason?”
“Um…” Erik interrupted hesitantly, as if sensing how real this conversation suddenly was. “Sorry. What’s the obvious reason? If I can be a little forward here, you’re absolutely beautiful. Your boyfriend is one lucky guy, and I’m sure he would love to see you in that.”
My anger faded into a deep depression. Erik was trying to be nice. I even believed he was sincere with his compliment. I only wished I believed it. With a sigh, I held up my bad hand and pushed my sleeve up my arm. Erik’s eyes widened slightly, but he otherwise didn’t react to my scars except to curiously take in the sight. “I was in an accident—trapped in a burning car. These scars cover over 70 percent of my body. God was merciful enough to leave me my face, but…” I glanced down at my body and gulped. “Over 70 percent. Think about it.”
Juliette was suddenly there, wrapping me in a warm hug. “Ella, you know Brian doesn’t care about that.”
“He says that,” I muttered, soaking in my sister’s support before facing the small group of people I’d suddenly made feel very awkward. “Even if he doesn’t mind my scars, I’m dating a guy who is physical perfection. Before me, he dated girls as beautiful as he is—models and actresses. Those women probably wore stuff like this for him all the time.” I picked up the teddy again, trying to picture it covering my scarred body. I couldn’t imagine it.
I waved a hand at the pictures all over the store. “Take a look around you. There’s not one picture of a woman in this store with a single flaw on her. Not even a freckle. Those models are all perfect. You think that’s coincidence?” Holding up the teddy, I started shaking it angrily. “Wearing something like this isn’t going to make me look sexy. All it’s going to do is make it seem like I’m trying too hard to be something I’m not.”
I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, forcing back the threat of tears. I’d lost a grip on my emotions with that last admission, but I couldn’t help it. They may not have meant to, but they were forcing me to face one of my greatest insecurities. “I’m going to go get some air. There are some benches right outside. I’ll wait for you guys there.”
I only got one step before Vivian stopped me. Her eyes were glossy, and her voice shook when she spoke. “Ella...true beauty comes from within. You know that. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Why else do you think you managed to snag a guy like Brian? And you didn’t just snag him, girl, you have that man so wrapped up in you he can’t even see other women anymore. They don’t exist for him anymore. You are that man’s everything, and you know he’ll think you are beautiful no matter what is under your clothes.”
“Maybe. But I don’t feel beautiful.”
“That,” Ana said, stepping into the conversation with a confidence that broke the tension, “is because you refuse to wear things that make you feel sexy.” She added the pink bustier and panties to the teddy in my hands. “Dress for success, Ella. Even if you’re not ready to show yourself off to your man, you’ve got to start dressing sexy to feel sexy. Do you know what I’m wearing right now?”
Both Jason’s and Erik’s heads snapped in her direction, their eyes doing elevator moves up and down her body. Jason snaked his arms around her and began kissing her neck. “What are you wearing, babe?”
She swatted him away with a smirk. “That’s my sexy secret. But look at how much confidence I have.”
I seriously doubted her confidence came from her underwear, but it was pointless to argue.
“I can’t believe I’m going to say this a second time,” Vivian said, “but I agree with Ana. If you can’t start feeling sexy, you’ll never be ready to go there with Brian. You should start treating yourself like you deserve to wear this kind of stuff. Because you do.”
“She’s right,” Juliette said. Her mouth curved up into a crooked smile, and she plucked the black lace panties from Jason’s hands, adding them to my pile. “It’s time for you to start feeling as sexy as you are, so woman up and buy yourself a new thong.”
Everyone laughed, and while I was completely mortified that Jason and Erik had witnessed this conversation, I also loved my friends more than anything in the world. Even Ana, in her overbearing too-aggressive way, was trying to make me feel better. I think. Or she was trying to embarrass me in front of these two guys because she knew I was a prude and liked to razz me about it? Either way, she was successful. I did feel a little better. Not enough to buy myself a thong or a teddy, but better.
“Fine. Maybe you guys have a point, and I promise I will start making more of an effort to be proud of myself. But let’s start with some cute short-sleeve tops or a skirt, okay? I’m not ready for this.” I lifted the pile of lingerie in my hands for emphasis, and then set it down, flicking the tacky black thong at Jason. “Besides, how is anyone supposed to feel sexy with a string tucked up their crack?”
Everyone laughed again, but as we started to leave the store, Juliette grabbed the teddy. “Fine. If you won’t, I will.” She shot me a smirk and headed for the cashier. “Merry Christmas, Ella.”
“Good idea,” Ana said, grabbing the pink set Erik had picked out. “I wasn’t actually going to get you a gift, but I’m feeling generous now.”
I rolled my eyes, but then I saw Erik’s grin, and I blushed. “I really do like the pink one,” he said. “If you ever get tired of your boyfriend, give me a call.”
Vivian snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. You’re going to have to stick with Juliette.”
Erik’s eyes drifted toward the sales counter where the twins were making their purchases. Juliette’s gorgeous locks were falling down her back in big ringlets, and her mile-long legs were on display thanks to the short skirt she had on. “Not a bad deal,” he said.
He was still checking her out as she approached us. He slid his arm around her shoulder and tucked her to his side. “So, beautiful, I’ve got to get going, but before I leave, do you have plans for New Year’s Eve yet? I’ve got an invite to a killer party, and I still need a date.”
Juliette shrugged nonchalantly. “I have plans, but maybe I could be convinced to ditch them for a better offer.”
“Well then, I’ll just have to convince you that mine is the better option. Give me your number, and I’ll text you later.”
He handed her his phone, and as she programmed her number in for him, she shot me a sly wink. I shook my head with a laugh. I never would have guessed I could be so close with a girl like Juliette, but I really did love my new stepsister.
. . . . .
I came home from the mall empty-handed, but at least some good came from our hours of shopping—Juliette was glowing as we came into the house that evening. She’d played it cool with Erik, but the second he was gone, she went nuts with excitement, claiming he was the nicest, funniest, hottest guy she’d ever met. I was happy for her. Jules needed a good guy, and even though Erik had picked out a sexy bra and panty set for me, I could admit he was cool and that it would be okay if Juliette started dating him.
Dad and Jennifer were down in the family room watching Love, Actually, but Jennifer paused the movie when she heard us come in, and they came upstairs to greet us. “How did it go?” She plucked a bag from Ana’s hands. “Can I see the goods?”
“Mom!” Ana shrieked, yanking the bag away from her. “Your present is in there. Stop trying to peek. You’re as bad as Dad.”
Juliette laughed. “Yeah right. No one is as bad as Dad.” She shot me a sardonic look, clutching her own shopping bags as if her life depended on it. “There’s a reason we wait until the last possible minute to shop for our parents.”
She glared at Dad, who was inching closer to her as she spoke. “What?” he asked, with an expression so innocent I burst into laughter.
“Did either of you peek at the gifts I got you?” I asked.
One look at Dad’s face, and I knew. “Dad!” I whacked his arm.
“What? You left the bag on the kitchen counter. I thought it was groceries.”
Sure he did. “I left it on the kitchen counter for five minutes, because I couldn’t carry everything at once, and I warned you not to look.”
“Come on, Ella. You can’t leave a surprise for me on the counter, tell me not to look, and then leave the room. What did you expect?”
It was odd to see such a formidable attorney who was used to cross-examining ruthless criminals sputtering without any defense. It humanized him a little, and even though I was busting him, I still cracked a smile. “Ugh. You’re as bad as Brian. I should take it back and get you something else.”
“Don’t do that. I’ve needed a new briefcase for a while, and I love the one you picked. I was tempted to ask if I could have it two weeks ago.” Dad grinned at whatever exasperated look I gave him. “I really do love it. Thank you in advance.”
“Whatever. I need to go rest for a while.”
Dad’s face fell. “Did you overdo it at the mall today?”
“A little bit.” I shifted my weight off my bad leg with a sigh. Both of my feet ached, and I was throbbing all the way from my toes to my hip. “Daniel will probably say the exercise was good for me, but I’m going to have to soak in a hot bath for a long time tonight if I want to be able to move tomorrow.”
“Use some Epsom salt, if you’re swelling,” Jennifer said. “And don’t forget the lavender oil. If you’re really sore, try mixing some bergamot and eucalyptus in there, too.”
Jennifer was big on essential oils. I used to think she was just a California fruitcake, but I can’t deny her tricks have been heaven for my body. “I will, thanks.”
It took me a while to get in the tub. I was sore enough that I was moving like a ninety-year-old woman. I really had overdone it physically. Walking is something I can barely do, and it wears me out. We’d been at the mall all day. I’d often had to sit down and wait for the girls while they browsed. But even resting periodically, I’d done a lot more walking than normal.
This was the first time since my accident that I’d been on my feet most of the day, and my body was voicing its protests. Still, it had been worth it. Wandering the mall with my two best friends, shopping, gossiping, and picking up boys made me feel like a normal teenager again. Well, minus the handful of times I was recognized. The fame thing was not normal no matter how you looked at it. I wondered if it would ever feel less strange.
So exhausted from my day, I accidentally dosed off after my bath. After getting dressed, I’d lain down on my bed just to rest for a minute, with my hair still twisted up in a towel, and didn’t wake up until the next morning.