BRIAN
When I woke up early the next morning to the feel of Ella snuggling up to me as if subconsciously seeking the warmth of my body, I realized that I was one incredibly lucky bastard. Her father’s loss was my gain. Ella wouldn’t have agreed to move in with me if she’d had another option. I knew she wasn’t ready to live with me, even if I didn’t understand why.
Maybe I was an ass for being grateful her hand had been forced, but I couldn’t feel bad about getting my way. She was safer here, and I just plain wanted her with me. I wanted her in my bed every night. I wanted her to be the first thing I saw when I woke up every morning. I wanted her with me always—spending time together, laughing together, making decisions together, and making love. I’d marry her this instant if I thought it would help her, but I was confident laying that option on the table would only freak her out more.
Ella woke with a deep breath and a stretch that brought me back to the land of the living as well. I brushed a kiss to her forehead before giving her a cautious smile. I wasn’t sure what state of mind she’d be in. “Good morning.”
She looked at me in a groggy daze and then gasped when she realized we were snuggled up in bed together. Her eyes bulged, and she slowly ran her hand over my stomach, as if she needed to confirm to herself that she’d been sleeping on my bare chest and was too mortified to look. Her fingers brushed over my belly button, and she squeaked. She was too adorable.
“Don’t worry. I’m still wearing my pants, and the only clothing I removed from you was your shoes.”
Her eyes finally dropped to my chest, and she scrambled off of me, needing a few inches of space. I instantly felt cold and missed the feel of her pressed against me, but I let her go. She sat up, chest heaving. “Oh my gosh, I left home yesterday,” she mumbled frantically. She turned to face me, eyes wide with panic. “I disowned my father and left home. I didn’t even pack a bag. I don’t have any clothes or even a toothbrush, or—”
“Hey.” I sat up and pulled her into my arms. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay. There’s no need to panic.” She started to tremble, so I gently lifted her chin and forced her to meet my eyes. “Everything’s going to be okay, Ella. I’m here for you. We’re in this together, and we’ll figure everything out. One step at a time, okay?” She sucked in a breath. “Okay?”
Finally, she nodded.
“Okay.” I gave her a smile. “First of all, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a spare toothbrush around here somewhere, and second, I’m completely okay with clothing being optional.”
As I’d known it would, that snapped her from her panic. “Yeah, right,” she said with an obnoxious snort. “Nice try.”
I laughed. She was too easy. “Had to give it a shot.”
She rolled her eyes but finally managed a smile. And when I propped the pillows up against the headboard, leaned back and opened my arms, she crawled into them without hesitation. She settled against my chest, resting her head against my shoulder, and we simply held each other for a few minutes.
I was so comfortable my eyes drifted closed again. I must have drifted off completely, because it took me a second to catch up when she finally spoke. “So what now?” she asked.
Groaning, I nuzzled in good and close until I had her right where I wanted her. I had no other plans than to stay right where I was for the entire day. Well, maybe eventually I’d add food to the mix. “Now…nothing,” I muttered. “I’m good.”
She laughed softly, so I gave her a lazy grin. “I’m serious. Now I really do have everything I want. I was only teasing when I said I wanted you for Christmas, but since you decided to take me literally, I fully accept, and there’re no take backs. You’re stuck with me now.”
“Haha, Mr. Funny Man.”
I could practically hear her eye roll, and it sparked that side of me that always took her sarcasm as a personal challenge. “I’m not joking.”
If my tone of voice hadn’t clued her into my sudden change in mood, the heat in my eyes as I pulled her mouth to mine certainly did. I was pleasantly surprised when she returned my kiss with enthusiasm. She leaned into me and locked her arms around my neck, making it way too easy for me to scoop her up onto my lap.
With her bad hip, I wasn’t sure if she could straddle me like I was aching for her to do, so I settled her on top of me sideways, cradling her against me. Her arms unlocked, and she sunk one of her hands deep into my hair while the other fell to my chest.
Goose bumps exploded on my arms when Ella allowed herself, for only the second time, to explore my body. She was timid with her touch, barely grazing my skin with her fingertips, and though I wanted so much more, I buried my need deep inside because I didn’t want to scare her into stopping. She needed to set the pace.
She ran her hand over my chest and down my abs, then followed my happy trail from my navel to the waistband of my jeans, brushing her fingers back and forth over it as if she enjoyed the feel of the thin, silky layer of hair. It felt so good that my eyes rolled back in my head.
Never in my life had a woman held so much power over me physically that a simple touch could make me come unglued. I let my head fall back against the headboard of the bed and sucked in a deep breath.
Her fingers immediately disappeared from my body.
“Please don’t stop,” I murmured. “You have no idea how much I love it when you touch me.”
I opened my eyes just in time to see her blush deeply. When I met her gaze, she turned her head away and bit her lips. I lifted her chin with a finger and waited for her to look at me. Her cheeks remained deep crimson, but she eventually met my eyes. “Only what you’re ready for,” I promised, holding her beautiful blue eyes with mine. “Never anything more than that. Okay? You say stop, I stop.”
We stared at each other for a heartbeat longer, and then she wet her lips and gave me a tiny nod. “Okay,” she whispered.
She pulled her bottom lip into her teeth and sat frozen, as if she didn’t know what to do next. I took her hand in mine, kissed her palm, and then placed it on my chest, guiding her fingers over my skin and brushing her thumb over one of my nipples because she’d been too shy to touch me there before. A shiver rocked her, and she swallowed audibly.
I fought to keep control of my excitement. I’d never had to do this before. Not once in my life had I ever had to be the aggressor with a woman or encourage one to touch me. I lost my virginity when I was barely fifteen and my seventeen-year-old costar at the time threw herself at me. I, being the stupid and eager teenage boy that I was, let her bring me into a world I wasn’t nearly ready for.
I’d been way too young and not mature enough to realize it, but my mother was in Wisconsin by then, and I didn’t have a father worth a damn to give me any kind of wise advice. After it happened, I felt overwhelmed. When I told my dad about it, my father had just patted me on the back and congratulated me for becoming a man and scoring my first with a hot, older girl who could properly show me the ropes.
That first time had pretty much set the bar for my sex life from then on. Women threw themselves at me, and I let them do what they wanted because it felt good, and I was lonely and looking for a deeper connection of some kind. I’d gained confidence over the years as I slept with more and more women, and I had no problem being in charge in the bedroom now, but I didn’t want to become my seventeen-year-old costar taking advantage of someone younger and inexperienced.
Still gliding Ella’s fingers across my skin, I quietly asked, “Do you want to stop?”
She looked at me again, and I waited. My body was screaming at me for more, but this was about her, not me. She bit her lip again and shook her head once.
“Will you say it for me?” I asked, needing verbal confirmation so that I could be sure I wasn’t pushing her too far. “Out loud?”
She took a breath.
I waited some more.
“I don’t want to stop,” she whispered.
Sexier words had never been spoken.
Pressing her hand firmly against my chest in a prompt to leave it there, I let go of her and lifted my hand to her face. “Good,” I said, kissing the corner of her mouth. “Because I really, really, really don’t want to stop yet.”
I grazed her jaw with my lips and then began trailing kisses down the side of her neck. She shivered again but quickly rediscovered some of the earlier courage she’d had before she clammed up.
After a few blissful minutes, I was ready to crack. Having her touch me like this, feeling both her vulnerability and her desire, was maddening. I needed to taste more of her, feel more of her. I scooped her off my lap and laid her back on the bed, never breaking the heated kiss we were locked in.
She gasped softly when I leaned over her, settling a good deal of my weight on her, sinking us down into the mattress. Her following shudder of pleasure told me it was the right kind of gasp, so I intensified the kiss and let my hands wander.
Ella was still dressed in the long-sleeve sweater and skinny jeans she’d worn the day before. They covered her from neck to toe. I knew the clothes had to stay on, but she gave me more freedom to roam over the top of them than I’d expected her to. She didn’t put on the breaks until I rolled fully on top of her and settled myself against her in an attempt to ease some of the throbbing pressure in my pants.
“Brian.” She gasped in a way that made me sure she liked what she felt, even though it overwhelmed her. “Okay. I’m ready to stop.”
I took a deep breath and lifted myself off her immediately. I gave her one more firm kiss and then propped myself up on my side next to her. She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. She looked amazing with her hair mussed, lips swollen, and face flushed.
I took her hand and brought it to my lips before tangling our fingers together and holding them against my chest. I just couldn’t seem to let her go. The kissing had stopped, but I still needed her in some way. She looked at our hands and then brought her free hand up to her flushed face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking away from me in shame.
I never wanted to see that look again. I didn’t want her to feel bad about not being ready for sex. That’s not something she should ever feel sorry for. If she did, then I was still putting too much pressure on her. I could say all of that to her, but I didn’t want to sound like I was lecturing her, so I decided humor was the best route. “I’m not sorry. I got to second base.”
I flashed her a naughty smile and wriggled my eyebrows. The tactic worked. For a split second, she was shocked, but then she rolled her eyes and cracked a smile.
I rubbed her blushing cheek and then ran my thumb over her swollen lips. “Ellamara, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” I murmured. I gave her a soft kiss and pulled back again. My eyes drifted to the top of her head, and I couldn’t help adding, “With the most outrageous bed head ever.”
“Oh, shut up.”
I caught her hand again when she smacked me. “I’m serious. You are beautiful, and I can’t believe I get to wake up to you every morning from now on.”
Ella’s face paled, reminding me that there was still a little more drama to sort out. She and I needed to clear some things up. I sighed. “I guess now’s the time for that conversation you promised me the other day.”