MELISSA
‘Oh crap! Quick, it’s Nerdy Nolan. Go into the bookshop,’ Melissa Adams urged her friend Sarah as they dawdled along, taking a short cut through the shopping centre on their way to McDonald’s.
They hastened through the entrance of Dubray bookshop, hoping against hope that their classmate hadn’t seen them. They couldn’t stand Evanna Nolan, one of the class swots, who looked down her pointy, pimply nose at them. She was a gangly beanpole with straight, greasy black hair who liked to think of herself as an intellectual, and Melissa and Sarah had been the victim of several of her acerbic put-downs in the past but, since she’d had a row with her best friend and fellow swot, Niamh Sampson, in a school debate discussing the literary merit of Jane Austen, she wasn’t quite so superior and had, in fact, on the few occasions they’d bumped into her around Dun Laoghaire, been cloyingly saccharine, which was most disconcerting.
‘Do you think that she thinks we’re nerdy enough to be friends with her now that she and Turdy Sampson have had a row and she’s got no one to hang with?’ Sarah agonized as they hastened behind a book stack, hoping against hope that Evanna would keep going.
‘Bloody hell, how majorly gross is that? You can’t be serious!’ Melissa exclaimed, aghast. It would be social suicide to be associated with Nerdy Nolan and her set. Keeping in with the cool crowd in their class was of the utmost importance if their school days were not to become a worse nightmare than they already were.
Melissa sighed deeply. It was so hard having to put on a bright, bubbly, confident façade when all the time she was petrified she and Sarah would be edged out and become social outcasts. They were barely on the periphery as it was. She wished mightily that her school days were over. The only small comfort she had was that she’d survived her first year in secondary school, and her first year as a teenager. When she went back to school in September, she’d be in second year and fourteen to boot. Fourteen seemed a hell of a lot older than thirteen.
It would be a lot different going back to school in the autumn. She wouldn’t be a new girl, plus she’d be thinner, because she was already losing weight, having heard herself described as a little fat tart at her half-sister Debbie’s wedding. Pink scorched her cheeks at the memory. That had ruined what had been the very best day of her life. Until that moment she’d actually felt completely happy. It was the first time she could ever remember having such an amazing feeling, and then that horrible drunk girl had ruined everything with her vicious remark. Who is that little fat tart? It haunted her. It took the good out of her life. It made Melissa painfully aware of every fat flaw.
‘Oh no! She’s heading our way,’ Sarah groaned as Evanna pushed open the door and walked purposefully in their direction.
‘Hi, guys. How are things? Melissa, what a seriously cool top.’ She beamed at them as though they were her very best friends. Insincerity was Evanna’s stock in trade.
What a brown-noser, Melissa thought in disgust, privately vowing never to wear her top again. If Evanna Nolan thought it was cool, it was seriously flawed.
‘Hi, Evanna,’ she murmured. Sarah ignored Evanna and kept flicking through a book she’d picked up.
‘What are you reading, Sarah?’ Evanna inquired, keeping her smile pasted to her face.
‘A book,’ Sarah said coolly. She wasn’t willing to forget being called a philistine because she’d got mixed up during a school quiz and lost valuable points because she’d answered Keats instead of Wordsworth when asked who had written ‘Ode to Daffodils’.
‘I can see that.’ The smile was starting to slip, but Evanna persevered. ‘What book?’
‘It’s called The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle,’ Sarah said airily.
‘Totally never heard of him,’ Evanna declared dismissively.
‘Really? He’s like a world-renowned sage and mystic. He writes about how authentic human power is found by surrendering to the Now.’ Sarah eyeballed Evanna, while Melissa tried to hide a smirk.
Evanna was gobsmacked. ‘Didn’t know you were interested in stuff like that, it sounds totally like gobbledy-gook to me,’ she rallied.
‘It takes a certain questioning mindset to appreciate it,’ Sarah sniffed.
‘Oh, I’m sure. I just didn’t think that would be your kind of thing.’ Evanna smiled sweetly.
‘There’s more to life than Ross O’Carroll-Kelly, Evanna,’ Sarah remarked pointedly, seeing the popular read poking out of her classmate’s tote bag.
Evanna blushed to her roots. Ross O’Carroll-Kelly was far from literary, and to be caught reading him was totally mortifying. ‘Oh, isn’t it a hoot?’ she twittered. ‘Have you read it?’ She turned to Melissa.
‘No,’ fibbed Melissa. ‘Not my type of book.’ Evanna blushed again, raging at having been caught reading a tome that was even worse than chick lit.
‘So, what are you guys doing for the rest of the day?’ asked Evanna brightly, changing the subject.
‘Chilling on my balcony after we have lunch,’ Melissa retorted.
‘Savage, I’ve never seen the view from your balcony, I’d say it’s awesome,’ Evanna gushed.
‘Yep it is,’ Melissa agreed.
‘So where are you going for lunch?’
Sarah flashed a warning glance at Melissa.
‘Oh . . . umm, haven’t quite decided. We might just pick up a take-out and eat al fresco at mine.’
‘Sounds perfect for a day like today. Why don’t I join you?’ Evanna suggested.
Melissa was shocked at how blatantly pushy she was. ‘Oh—’
‘We’re not quite sure exactly what we’re doing yet,’ Sarah interjected. ‘I’ve to buy some bits and pieces for my mum first. See you around, Evanna.’ She put Eckhart Tolle back on his shelf, grabbed Melissa by the arm and edged away as though the other girl was suffering from a particularly virulent form of plague. ‘Is she for real?’ she muttered as they hurried out of the bookshop. ‘If she was still friends with Turdy Sampson she wouldn’t even bother to say hello to us. Did you hear her inviting herself up to your place?’
‘I know.’ Melissa shook her head. ‘You handled it really well. How did you know all that stuff about that book by that Ekkey fella?’
‘I read it on the back of it.’ Sarah giggled.
‘I loved the “questioning mindset” bit. Did you see the look she gave you? Good buzz, you big spoofer.’ Melissa chortled.
‘Yeah, it was good, wasn’t it?’ grinned Sarah. ‘Let’s go and have a Big Mac and go and flop on the balcony for the afternoon. We’ve had a lucky escape. If she starts hanging around us in school, we’ve like totally had it.’
‘I know,’ Melissa agreed glumly as they made their way out on to the street. ‘We’ll just have to do our best to ignore her.’
An hour later, Melissa stood in the bathroom of the penthouse she lived in. Sarah was draped on a lounger outside reading OK. Melissa’s heart pounded. This was her first time, and she knew she was crossing a line that could lead to trouble if she was not very careful.
‘I’ll only do it when I eat junk,’ she promised herself, kneeling down in front of the toilet and opening her mouth. She felt sick just thinking about making herself sick. How could girls do it five and six times a day? She hated getting sick. But she’d just stuffed herself with a large portion of fries, burger, ice cream and Coke, enough to pile on the precious pounds she’d lost since the wedding.
She dithered, and then thought of those horrid words that were seared in her brain: ‘Who is that little fat tart?’ The words that had ruined the best day of her life.
It was enough. She shoved her fingers down her throat and puked.
When it was over she stood up and wiped her mouth. She caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her eyes were unnaturally bright, her cheeks were red. Melissa felt strangely exhilarated. She’d done it. She’d taken that first step. She knew two girls who were anorexic. She’d watched them fade to nothing before they were hospitalized. One was even being force fed through a tube up her nose. She wasn’t going to end up waxy as a candle, emaciated, hollow-eyed and gaunt. She just wanted to lose a stone and a half, and then she’d stop.
She wouldn’t be like the lollipop heads. She’d stay in control. She would be in charge of IT. IT would never control her, she vowed as she flushed the toilet and made her way out to join her best friend.