Chapter 5
The pain killers wore off during the first hour we were at the club. To my utter disappointment, Fadeyev wasn't at the club that night. It was good for my cover to show up there after the fight. Too bad it wasn't useful in getting closer to my objective.
Tatiana's DJ was making absolutely no difference to my deep dislike of this music. The same repetitive sounds scratched my ears. Sometimes a word was repeated over and over again until it lost all shape and meaning. I played my little game again, trying to guess how many people were not high in that club. Not counting myself, there was no one. Maybe the guys who did security by the door, but they were not technically in the club.
The ladies' room was the only place where I could get away from the noise. It was crowded and it smelled of dozens of different perfumes. Zero size beauties fixed their makeup and wiped their noses after snorting their hard-earned drugs. The conversations in the room were in Russian and some other Eastern European languages I didn't bother to identify. Most of them recognized me and they moved out of my way. Women fighters didn't bother much with the clubs. The real me would not have fitted in with this crowd. The face that used to look at me from the mirror was too wholesome and girl-next-door-ish. The intense training sharpened my cheekbones to razor edge and I made sure that my inner fire showed out of my eyes. It must have looked like hunger to these half-starved women.
When I went back into the club, the music grated on my nerves. I followed Tatiana to the dance floor and Viktor materialized near me. His wide chest encompassed my entire field of vision. I let myself be swept away in the rhythm. I didn't know how much time passed when we ended up in a corner, with me pushing him against the wall. I couldn't blame it on the drink because the only thing I had that evening had been a virgin Mojito. I could blame it on the post-fight hormones. Whatever the reason, I wanted to lose myself in him. He was tall enough and wide enough that if I closed my eyes, I could believe he was Nick. For too many days and nights I'd been desperate to see him. To feel him. To get my fix of him. The activity in the neighborhood hadn't allowed me to slip away. Fadeyev's people had started a war with another group and the informants were in high demand. Any rumors were investigated.
Nick wasn't there, but Viktor was. I was going to get what I needed from him. I wouldn't be the first woman to close her eyes and pretend she was with someone else. That was a good plan, ruined the moment when he decided to switch our places and he pressed my back against the wall. Ever since I became Joanna Blanchard I resented any form of domination, but this time the physical pain made me react even violently. I pushed him away so hard he fell backwards onto a table which broke under his weight. He jumped back to his feet and lunged at me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Didn't you see my fight?"
He was very close and very angry, and it was a stupid thing to do but I turned my back and I raised my shirt. There must have been a pretty gruesome sight because the hit never came.
"I didn't realize. I'm sorry," he said.
I shook my head. The mood was ruined. The need burned inside me but the illusion was shattered. I couldn't use him instead of Nick.
"Forget it," I said.
I pushed past him towards the exit. Fuck caution. If I didn't see Nick that night I was going to lose my mind. I got off the subway at a random station and I called him from a public phone. He answered on the second ring, using his cop voice.
"Woods."
"Hey, Woods."
His tone changed immediately. I was glad he recognized my voice and I didn't have to say my real name. I wasn't sure I was able to do that.
"Are you ok?" he asked.
Warmth and concern. I wanted to wrap myself in his voice.
"Are you at work?"
Why would I think that? It was way past midnight.
"Yes. Do you need help?"
I needed… I needed something.
"I've been thinking about you. At work. Bending me over your desk. Pulling down my panties and fucking me right there. In the middle of the squad room."
"You don't sound ok. Tell me where you are, I'll come pick you up."
"No need." I shook my head as if he could see me. "I can be at your place in an hour."
"Fine. I'll see you there."