Hawk

 

The rhythm of the rain beating against my window served as my painting music for the night.

After our kiss, I couldn’t get Yaz’s lips out of my mind. I spent the rest of the evening painting them. So plump and soft, they were the center focus of this piece and took up the whole canvas.

Brett ducked his head into my studio. “Got a minute?”

“Yeah.” I set the paintbrush down.

He dragged a big box inside. “Oh good. You’re painting.”

“Yeah.”

He got to my side and stared at the painting of Yaz’s lips. “What are you working on?”

“A battle with my subconscious.”

“Who’s winning?”

Remaining silent, I added red to those sexy lips.

He tapped my shoulder and gestured at the box. “Here’s some flashlights and candles just in case this rain turns into a tropical storm. I have Vera spending the night. She shouldn’t be out in the streets at night. She’s fucking up there in age, man. She really shouldn’t be driving at all, but I can’t tell her nothing. Do you think you could talk to her?”

“Yeah right. Vera will be driving until she’s a hundred.”

“Yeah.”

An unsettling silence descended on us. Brett had clearly come in here for something else beyond flashlights and storm preparation.

“So...” Brett sighed. He didn’t do that much. Whatever he had to tell me wouldn’t be good.

I stopped painting and looked at me. “Just say it.”

He held onto the box like it was armor. “Look. You told me to take care of the...Lisa stuff, so I don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to.”

My nerves went on edge. “Lisa? What’s going on?”

“You don’t need to hear this. I can take care of it without you needing to know anything.”

“Tell me.” I studied Yaz’s lips on my canvas, wondering what touch-ups I could do.

“The warden contacted me. Apparently, Lisa has written you several letters. The warden wanted to know what he should do with them.”

I kept my gaze on Yaz’s lips. I wouldn’t let the darkness come to me, no matter how much my fingers itched to embrace it. I’d been feeling good and now I had to be reminded of that sick bitch. I didn’t even look his way as I kept Yaz’s lush mouth in my focus. “Did the warden say what the letters were about?”

“No. It’s probably her asking for forgiveness.”

“I doubt it.”

“I can get rid of them.”

“No, have them sent here.”

Silence bridged between us.

“Hawk?”

I looked at him with no humor on my face. “Do it.”

“You’ve been doing good in the past days. Don’t fuck that up.”

“It’s fine. I want to know what she’s saying. If I don’t, then it’ll fuck me up even more.”

Concern crossed his face. “I don’t like this.”

“It is what it is.”

Brett finally set the box next to my easel and studied the image. “Okay. This is sexy. Whose lips are these?”

“You know whose lips these are.”

Brett’s expression relaxed. “I saw you walking with Yaz today.”

“I would’ve thought you were busy with one of your girls.”

“I was. Olessia was the one to notice. She pointed your way.”

“Olivia,” I corrected. “Her name is Olivia. Who would name their daughter Olessia? It sounds like cheap hand soap.”

“Who would name their child Olivia? Whatever. This is why Olivia likes you because you can remember her name.”

“Yeah. Women are tricky like that.” I picked up the brush and went back to painting.

“Well, I have to get rid of Olivia. She’s taking up too much of my time and showed up a few nights unannounced. I hate that. Call before you come. It’s rude to just show up.”

“Especially, since she showed up when you were having a threesome.”

“Exactly. Rude. And besides, Vera doesn’t like her and curses in Spanish every time she sees her. She keeps on walking around the kitchen naked.”

I dabbed some color on the bottom lip. “The nudity is a bit much.”

The doorbell rang.

We both looked at each other.

“Are you expecting somebody?” I asked.

“No.” Brett shook his head. “I have two freaks safely in my room due to the storm. We’ll try not to make too much noise this evening.”

“That could be your beloved, Olessia better known as Olivia.”

“I doubt it. She just cursed me out on the phone and told me to never call her again. I’d been hoping for her to join me and the two girls in a good old-fashioned foursome, but the storm must’ve made her grumpy.”

My words dripped with sarcasm. “Yeah, I’m sure it was the storm that made her mad.”

“Funny.”

“I’ll get it. Vera goes to sleep at nine most of the time.” I put the brush down, headed to the doorway, and checked my watch.

It’s almost midnight. Who could it be?

I rushed downstairs and got my answer when I opened the door.

A very drunk Yaz stood in the doorway with a bottle of half drunken liquor in her hand and the scent of alcohol swirling around her.

“Yaz?”

“What it do, motherfucker?!”

“Whoa.”

She blinked and then frowned. “Sorry. That sentence sounded so much cooler in my head.”

“You’re fine,” I said. “I was just—”

She placed a finger to my mouth. “Shh.”

I looked down at her hand as it rested on my face.

“It’s late,” she whispered.

“Yes, but that’s fine. I’m up and—”

“Shh.” She gently tapped my lips again. “Come on. This won’t take long. It just stopped raining because I feel better.”

It stopped raining because she feels better? How drunk is she?

“O-kay.” I’d forgotten to put on my slippers up in the studio. I checked her feet and she didn’t have on shoes either. “Where are we going?”

She handed me the bottle. “Drink some.”

“What is this?”

“Rum.” A serious expression hit her face. “You must drink it.”

Laughing, I grabbed the bottle and took a long gulp. “Happy?”

“Very happy.”

As always, the moonlight made her eyes glow, but this time they didn’t look as magical as before. They looked sad and gloomy.

“What’s wrong, Cherry Bomb?”

“You’re going to be upset with me, so you might as well take another drink.”

Worried about what she would say, I took another swig. Had she decided not to model for me? Was she leaving? Was she going to give her ex another chance?

I handed her back the bottle. “What’s going on?”

She just gestured for me to follow and walked away.

“Yaz?!”

“Come on.”

Shaking my head, I followed. A cool breeze slipped through my hair, wet sand clung to my feet. The clouds had cleared away and bright silver stars sparkled in the night sky. Although the weather had calmed, ocean waves continued to crash against each other.

What’s on her mind?

Together, we walked in silence for barely two minutes, and then we stopped right where I’d reunited with her nights ago. The ground was now a dark circle and nothing more.

She stood near there, but didn’t sit down.

Darkness surrounded us. Besides the distant lights from her sister’s property and mine, our sandy path was shadows dancing under a full moon. The waves crashed with the melodies of nature. The breeze harmoniously whipped through the tall patches of beach grass behind us.

When I couldn’t deal with the silence anymore, I asked. “What’s wrong, Yaz?”

She drank from the bottle and then turned those sad eyes my way. “So, I didn’t break our promise exactly.”

Confused, I asked. “What promise?”

“The...well...okay. So...” She sighed and took another drink. “Just never mind. The point is that I’m going to heal you.” She stumbled back, and I grabbed her. She waved my hand away and pointed at my chest. “Fuck me and my broken heart. My focus is on you, because you are my friend, and we started this journey together.”

“What journey?”

Silent, she looked up at the stars and said nothing more.

I pulled her close to me. My nerves stood on edge. I had no idea what happened to her, but something had changed since I’d seen her last.

“Yaz, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

She looked at me, right as her eyes watered. “Hawk, I’m so sorry.”

It was something about the way she said it. Something about the way her gaze filled up with water and threatened to spill over her lids. I’d seen the same expression from my brothers, mother, and aunts as well as every fucking stranger that I’d bumped into in Manhattan.

No.

I let her go. “You know?”

She nodded. “Cindy told me.”

I ran my fingers through my hair, wanting to go somewhere and hide. This wasn’t how my time with Yaz was supposed to be. Her light was supposed to be my vacation from the madness. She wasn’t supposed to walk hand-and-hand into the darkness with me.

“Hawk,” she whispered. “I’m–”

“Don’t you fucking say it, Yaz. I don’t want you to feel bad for me.”

She swallowed. “Okay.”

A tear fell.

“Damn it.” I pulled her against me and wrapped her in my arms. “Don’t you fucking cry about me either. I’m fine.”

She buried herself against my chest. “I want to kill her.”

“I don’t want any more death.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” I held her tighter to me. “Is this why you’re so drunk?”

“I’m not drunk.”

“You smell like liquor and you’re out here in the middle of the night screaming out, ‘What it do, motherfucker?’ I would say you’re at least tipsy.”

She raised her head to mine. “I’m going to heal you, Hawk.”

“Oh God.”

“I am.” She got out of my hold. “We’re going to paint and dance and sail in the water and do things that are going to lift your mood.”

Part of me wanted to argue with her and say it wouldn’t work. The other part thought any activity with her would be a damn good idea. However, my stubbornness won over happiness.

“I’m fine. I’m healed.”

“Bullshit.” She took a swig from the rum.

“Give me that.” I held my hand out. “No more rum.”

“Eh!” She backed away with the bottle in the air. “Don’t get knocked out.”

I smiled. “You’ve got some liquid courage and now you think you can fight me?”

“You’re changing the topic.” She targeted me with her gaze. “Will you let me heal you?”

“Oh God.”

“I’m going to sage your bedroom and studio and—”

“Sage?”

“Yeah. When you burn it, the herb clears away negative energy and spirits—”

“So, you’re saying I have demons hanging around me now?”

“Joke all you want, but when I show up with my lighter and herbs, it’s on.”

I saluted her. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am.”

She glared at me.

“Alright.” I held my hands up. “I’m taking you serious. I’ll let you burn stuff in my room.”

She drank some more. As soon as she moved it from her mouth, I grabbed it.

“Hey!”

I held it away from her. “You’re done.”

“I’m not.”

I took the bottle to my mouth and finished the rest of it. The liquid burned away my throat and any feeling of embarrassment I had from Yaz knowing what had happened.

“Really?” Yaz said.

“You’re done. Now, let’s get you home.”

“But we haven’t skinny-dipped yet.”

“What?” I chuckled. “No.”

“But, that’s the first part of healing.” She began to pull down her sundress and I stood there frozen, unable to find the gentleman in me to stop her.

“We have to get naked,” she said. “Let the moonlight glow against our skin, and then jump in the water.”

The sundress dropped to the sand. She wore a pink bra and bikini. Her skin looked as soft as the silky material of those garments. Her nipples went stiff and poked through the bra’s silk. My cock went hard, and my words left me. In my head, a war played out between my hormones and the right thing to do. My cock believed that sex was just what Yaz needed this evening. My brain demanded I calm down and get control of the situation.

“Take off your clothes, Hawk.” She stumbled off to the shoreline. “Come on!”

It took me several seconds to register what had just happened.

Fuck. Behave, man. She’s drunk. Don’t even think about it.

“Wait.” I set the bottle down and ran after her. “We’re not skinny-dipping.”

She looked over her shoulder, laughed, and increased her pace, her ass jiggling beautifully with each drunken little step. Had she not been drinking, she might’ve outrun me. But she was wasted and not even moving in a straight line.

I caught Yaz before her feet hit the water, picked her up, and carried her back to where I’d put the bottle down. “No more rum for you, ever.”

“But—”

“But nothing.” I set her down and tried to hold her arm. “We’re—”

She darted out of my reach and ran back to the water. “Just once, Hawk!”

“Damn it.” I ran back after her, now feeling the effects of all the rum I’d chugged down. “I forgot how annoying you are when you’re drunk.”

She ran to the water as it rose to her knees and then lowered. Salty bubbles rolled forward and then lazily floated back. Thankfully, she didn’t go any further as she gazed at the stars in the sky. Moonlight danced on the watery surface.

“The water feels good,” she said.

I walked in, wetting the bottom of my pants. “It does, even though I don’t want to be in here.”

“You’re going to feel better later. The salt in the ocean sucks away negative energy too.”

I captured Yaz’s arm and pulled her to me. “You’re crazy.”

“I am.” She looked up at me as I held her in my arms. “And I love the hell out of you, Hawk.”

For the second time that night, I couldn’t find my words. Anxiety battled with satisfaction. I knew damn well she wasn’t saying that she was in love with me, but more of a brotherly-sisterly love. However, that didn’t help my cock go down at all. I had no idea if she could feel the erection as it pressed against her hip.

“Do you love me, Hawk?” She molded her body against me.

Don’t ask me that when you’re half-naked. I might say anything.

Black water pooled around our feet. The sound of the sea throbbed. But while the waves were loud, my heart was noisier as it slammed into my chest.

“You’re drunk.” I kept her in my arms and refused to let her down. “I’m not skinny-dipping tonight. It feels like it will rain again, and you know I’ve been afraid of skinny-dipping ever since that jelly fish stung me that one time.”

“Oh yeah.” She frowned. Thankfully, she didn’t struggle and just remained in my arms. “Maybe, we can skinny-dip during the day?”

“In front of everyone? No.”

“Yeah, that won’t work.”

“How about we just keep it to my painting you?”

“Sounds good.” She yawned and nodded her head. “That’s cathartic.”

“O-kay.”

“Yeah. This is a bad idea.” She leaned her head against my chest. “The world is spinning around and around and around, and my stomach is racing after it.”

“I’m taking you home.”

“Thank you.” She tried to climb out of my hold.

“No, let me carry you.”

“I’m fin—”

I already had her in my arms before she could finish the statement. It was hard not to drool over her sexy body and her very revealing bra and panties. An exasperated breath left her lips as I took her back, grabbing her dress from the ground and leaving her bottle there for now.

“Damn it,” she muttered under her breath.

“What’s wrong?”

She covered herself with her dress as I held her. “I’m supposed to be carrying you, not you carrying me.”

I smiled. “You can’t carry me.”

“I meant metaphorically.”

I stopped in the sand and looked down at her. “Yaz, you are carrying me. Ever since I saw you out here, burning up crap, you’ve had my mind on you and in your crazy world. You’ve given me a much-needed vacation from reality.”

“But—”

“Now what?” I started walked again.

“I don’t know if that is completely a compliment. It sounds like you’re saying I’m mental.”

“No, trust me. I know crazy and you’re not it.” Lisa’s face flashed in my head. I pushed that image out of my mind. The more I was around Yaz, the easier it was getting to push away my dark past and all the guilt that haunted me. “Yaz, you’re saving me.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

We got to her back door and I let her down. “In fact, you’ve already saved me.”

“How? I want to do whatever I did again and again.”

“Just keep being you.” I held her chin and slipped my thumb against her lips. A soft moan left them. Fuck. She was so drunk and out of it, there would’ve been no problem convincing her to come back to my place and lay in my bed. Had I been Brett, I would’ve done that, but I would never take advantage of her. She meant too much to me.

“You saved me.” I landed a small peck on her lips, dying to give her more. “You make me want to get out of bed in the morning. That’s a big thing when you’re walking in the kind of darkness I’m moving in.” I placed another kiss on her mouth. “You make me want to pick up my paint brush. You make me want to...”

“What?” She widened her eyes.

I tossed her a wicked grin. “You make me want to forget about my sadness and spend the whole day making love to you.”

She bit her bottom lip.

My cock jerked.

Get out of here, man.

I let her go. “You should get some sleep. Do you want me to walk you to your room?”

“No. I’m up in the attic anyway. It’s been renovated.”

“But still, any guests could be walking around. Something could happen—”

“I’ll be fine.” She put on her dress. I tried not to watch.

“I should make sure you get upstairs.”

The worst part about Lisa and her murders were my mistrust for the world. I no longer took safety for granted and considered every possible danger. I really didn’t want Yaz walking through that big property by herself. Someone could’ve tried to kidnap and rape her. Nothing could happen to Yaz. If it did, it would be the last bit of my insanity being thrown out the window.

“I’m walking you up.”

“I’m a big girl. Don’t worry about me.”

“And I’m a big boy. Don’t worry about me.”

She frowned. “I’m so sorry, Hawk.”

I groaned.

“Okay. Fine. I will not show emotion.” She rose on her tippy toes and hugged me. “I love you, Hawk. I really do. Come to me. Call me. Anytime. It doesn’t matter. Promise?”

“I will.”

“You won’t.”

“But it sounds so better if I agree.” I inhaled the sweet scent of her hair. “And I would say anything to keep you against me like this.”

She shoved me away. “You’re such a pervert.”

I saluted her again. “Horny BFF to the rescue.”

She pouted. “You’re not taking me seriously.”

“I am. Do you remember the superhero song that you made for us?”

“I thought I gave you twenty dollars to never bring that up again.”

I chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Go to sleep, Yaz. I want to paint you as soon as you wake up.”

“You’re not tired of me yet?”

“No. You’re the only person to make me laugh this much in the past five years. I’m holding you close to me.”

She blinked, but didn’t say anything as she turned around, opened the door, and walked away.

I waited several minutes, straining to hear a scream in the night or some indication that she was in danger. I didn’t know how long I stood out there, but eventually my phone beeped, and I checked it.

Yaz: I made it. I’m safe.

Me: Good.

I walked off, grabbed the almost finished bottle of rum in the sand, and headed home. My phone beeped again. I pulled it out and looked.

Yaz: Goodnight.

Me: Goodnight.

Yaz: I love you.

Groaning, I typed my response.

Me: Go to sleep, Cherry Bomb.

Yaz: ☹ You don’t love me?

She’s killing me.

Groaning, I typed what I should’ve told her, when we were together.

Me: I love you. Get some rest.

In all fairness, I should have been more uneasy about any words of affection. No other women could’ve gotten away with saying those three words to me. Had another tried, it would’ve been a very different text response. But Yaz was different. Yaz was home and breezy days. Yaz was fresh baked cookies and my father’s laughter after he’d caught us in one of our stunts. Yaz was every beautiful memory before Lisa, and because of that, she could say and do whatever the hell she wanted.

We just should be careful. I don’t want to hurt her. Right now, she’s the best thing in my life.

In fact, I was kind of happy she didn’t sleep with me after I’d propositioned her. What we had was too good to mess it up with fucking. Somehow, I had to ignore my attraction for her and keep it the way it was now—beautiful, loving, and free.

I paused outside of the door and really thought about that.

Fuck that. I’m going to fuck her. Just once. And then I’ll focus on keeping it at just friends.