Chapter Twenty-Six

Katy

We pull up to our colonial-style home, and I stare through the bay window at our kitchen table. I’d insisted on having one when we started our renovations. Gavin and I had a fight about the cost. All I see as I look through it now is money well spent. I don’t want to be anywhere without a window ever again.

“Mommy, we’re home!”

Gavin’s voice cuts through his excitement. “Hey, buddy, why don’t you go inside and let everyone know?”

“’Kay! Mommy, you’re coming, right?”

My chest jerks in recognition of his fear that I’ll disappear on him again.

“Right after you.”

Noah charges up our front steps as Gavin turns to me.

“I’ll send them all home right now. I’ll tell them you need a little time. I tried, baby, I did—but, well…you know your sister.”

I can’t help my grin. “Bet she gave you second thoughts on our wedding day.”

Gavin smiles, and I can’t help but note how handsome he is. His eyes are more on the emerald side than brown today. I reach over and cup his jaw, always freshly shaved.

“I’ve never had a second thought about anything when it comes to you.”

I pull my hand away and see the hurt in his eyes. Can he see the betrayal in mine?

He’s searching, constantly searching, and I’m forced to look away.

“Katy, just tell me what you need.”

Sighing, I pull down the visor and open the mirror. It’s the first time I’ve studied myself since we were rescued; I was too afraid of what I’d see. My hair is straw, my cheeks are still gaunt from the weight loss, and I can see a little more age around my eyes.

“I’ll scare them.”

“Noah was the biggest test,” he offers. “He didn’t flinch.”

Gavin grips his door handle when I hesitate. “Fuck this, I’ll clear them out.”

“No,” I whisper, and it’s enough to stop him. “No, I’ll try. I want to try.”

“Are you sure?” I’m not used to this from Gavin. He’s usually far more assertive, but today he’s walking on eggshells. I hate it.

“I’m sure,” I say.

“Okay, give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”

I draw my brows. “What for?”

“Trust me?” he asks timidly, and my heart shatters as I’m brought back to memories of him, of us.

“Always,” I swear.

“Still love me?”

“Forever.”

He hesitates before leaning in and pressing his forehead to mine. We sit there for a silent moment as his breath tickles my lips, and then he’s out of the Jeep, and I’m left alone with my thoughts.

Icicles lay heavy on the trees surrounding the side of the house, and I sit, transfixed, as a dog barks in the distance. I’m comforted by the isolation, by the silence. Reclining my seat, I stare at the clouds in a comfortable haze and jolt when my door suddenly opens.

Gavin hangs his head when he reads my horrified expression. “Christ, Katy, I know better. I’m sorry.”

“And I knew you were coming, Gavin. It’s o-kay.”

“Hummingbird,” he whispers. “Just say it when it becomes too much.”

“All right,” I promise as I take his hand. I step into the house, gazing at the sea of faces in my living room. My eyes drift from my sister, Sammy, to my mother, who’s fidgeting next to my dad. “Momma,” I whisper as she slowly makes her way toward me. Once I’m in her arms, I feel the strength she possesses as she whispers words of comfort, of how she missed me. She presses her lips to my forehead and runs gentle fingers through my hair. She smells of mint and flowery perfume, and I bask in the comfort of her scent. She hasn’t held me this way in years, but her arms are just as familiar to me. I can’t speak. I just stand there, cradled, and let her soothe some of the ache. When I start to pull away, she pulls me closer and whispers an old World War I tune she’s sang to me since I was a little girl. “K-K-Katy, beautiful Katy, you’re the only g-g-girl that I adore. When the m-m-moon shines o-over the cowshed, I’ll be waiting at the k-k-kitchen door.” It’s the fear in her voice that breaks me. She smiles down at me, tears lining her cheeks as she murmurs more comfort. “When you’re in pieces, I’m in pieces too, remember that.”

“I’m okay, Momma.”

Neither of us believes me. “I’m here for whatever you need.”

“I know.”

My father is next in line, and he pulls me into his arms, squeezing me tight. I glance over his shoulder to see Gavin looking on with mixed emotions. Everyone is here: my husband; Sammy, who’s holding Noah; my parents…and they all wear varying looks of concern that I’m all too eager to erase.

Home.

This is what I need. Everything will click into place here. They’ll be a reminder of who I was before I left, who I need to become again for them.

This is how I’ll get back to her.