Chapter 17

 Your heart hearts me.

-Ember to Gabe

Ember

“Thank you, thank you.”  Cheyenne chanted repeatedly.

 

“Take a chill pill already.  Go do your last meeting.  It’ll all be okay.  We’ll call you if we need anything.  Now go.” 

 

We all banded together the last two weeks, and today was Cheyenne’s last ever class.  She’d passed all of her nursing classes with excellent grades, and I was dropping her off at the hospital now so she could finish her last class meeting and graduate on time. 

 

Blaine had baby Phoebe.  Gabe had Cora, and I had the twins.  I was going to make a grocery run if Cheyenne would get the fuck out of my car.

 

“Love you, Em.”  She said before making her way into the hospital. 

 

Pulling out, I merged with traffic, and saw a motorcycle pull out behind me.  The motorcycle caught my eye because it was so mean looking it had these crazy wheels on it that looked like they’d cut someone in half if they got too close.  A shiver went through me, but I pushed it down and concentrated on driving. 

 

Pulling into the Sam’s Club parking lot, I parked next to a buggie return, and got both babies seated in the buggy.  This was going to be my last shopping experience before the baby came, and I was ready to do some serious overhauling.  Coupons didn’t work at Sam’s, but their prices were so good that I didn’t need the coupons to feel that I got a good deal.

 

I passed two cars before the motorcycle registered.  It was following behind me, and, at first, I didn’t pay it any mind.  That is, until it stopped in front of me at an angle, cutting off my advancement.  The same bike that had pulled out behind me at the hospital.

 

The man was older.  He had a long beard that had six rubber bands holding it in place at a point.  His hair was long and slicked back, tied in a leather thong at the base of his neck. 

 

He was wearing a black leather vest with the word Bold in thick white letters above his heart.  There wasn’t a shirt on underneath the vest; you could see a lot of dark tanned skin.  He was actually quite attractive, especially someone older like he was.

 

Pru and Piper startled at the sudden sound of a motorcycle, but quickly got over it since they were so used to being around them.  Pulling them both out of their seats, I hugged them close to my chest and studied the man.

 

“Can I help you?”  I asked with as much authority as I could muster, given the situation.

 

“Those are my grandbabies.  I just wanted to get a good look at them.”  The man growled.

 

I backed up until my back hit the car behind me.  From what I was told, this man wasn’t a good man.  He’d been a horrible father to Sam his entire life, and here I was with his grandkids and no way to protect them.

 

“I don’t know if you are who you say you are.  I also have no right to let you see them.  If you’re interested in having a relationship with them, you need to go through Sam.”  I said with a quivery voice.

 

He smiled a tight smile, and then started his bike back up.  “I know, darlin’, I just wanted to get a message to him.  He’ll know what it is; you don’t have to tell it to him or anything.  You can tell him I’m going to be calling in my marker soon, though.”

 

Then he was gone the same way as he came.

 

My arms were trembling, and I could barely move.  I turned around abruptly, leaving the buggy where it was, and hoofed it back to the car as fast as I could.  I put both twins in the front seat, and locked the doors before I called Sam and Gabe.

 

Deciding the landline at Free was the best option; I dialed the number and waited.  It rang twice before Sam answered.

 

“Free.” 

 

“Sam.  I, um, well; I think I just met your dad.”

 

Silence greeted me at the end of the line.

 

“Where are you?”  He rumbled.

 

“Sam’s parking lot.  I’m in my car with the doors locked.  Do you want me to drive home?”  I asked.

 

“No, stay where you are.  I’ll come on my bike and escort you home.”  He said and then hung up.

 

It wasn’t but ten minutes later, when Sam’s bike pulled up behind me.  I’d already strapped the girl’s in, and waited to see if he wanted to talk.  He didn’t.  He let me know this by gesturing with his hand in a shooing motion.

 

The trip back to Free was uneventful.  No strange motorcycles.  No traffic.  I didn’t even catch a light.  I pulled into Free, and drove around to the back to park, since I noticed the girls were asleep, and it was time for their nap anyway.

 

Sam got one girl, and I got the other so we could put them to bed.  He gave both a kiss before shutting their door, and grabbing my hand to drag me back outside.

 

“How do you know it was my dad?”  He asked finally.

 

“He said he was here to see his granddaughters.  Said he wanted to give you a message, but wouldn’t tell me what it was.  Also said he’d be calling in his marker soon.”

 

His face got stony and cold, but once he registered how uncomfortable I was, he cursed and grabbed me into a tight hug.

 

“I don’t like that he was able to find me so easily.  I owe him one, and he wants me to know he hasn’t forgotten.” 

 

“Okay.  Well, if you don’t mind, could you go get Gabe for me?  I need him.  Like now.” 

 

Just before my water gushed down my legs full force, drenching my legs, and Sam’s, in the same instant.  He looked from my eyes, to his feet, and then let me go slowly.  Once he made sure I was steady on my feet, he took off at a run towards the back door into the garage.  It was obvious he was uncomfortable, and I’m sure it didn’t help matters that my body fluids had practically drenched his bottom half.

 

Thank God, I wasn’t at the supermarket.  How embarrassing would that have been?  Imagine being in the Freezer isle and that happening.  Clean up on aisle ten!

 

I walked into our house, and exchanged my wet pants for a loose pair of knit shorts.  Then I started to gather my crap that I’ve been procrastinating on packing.  Being only thirty-five and a half weeks, I didn’t think I’d need to pack this early.  Luckily, the baby’s bag was packed ever since the baby shower two weeks ago.

 

I threw my toothbrush and toothpaste into my bag just as Gabe came barreling through the door.  His hair looked somewhat wild, and Cora was attached to his hip.  She was giggling profusely, and I couldn’t help but smile with her.

 

I studied him for a moment longer.  “Relax, Gabe.  I’m not even feeling contractions yet.  I’m not going to have this baby on you.  Have you called Max to come get Cora yet?” 

 

He took a deep breath, and then let Cora down to her feet to play.  “Not yet.  I just got your message.  Sam had to take a detour to puke before coming to tell me that my wife’s water broke.  What a pussy.”

 

“I did break my water on his legs.”  I said casually.

 

At that, he burst out laughing.  Tears leaked out of his eyes, and I couldn’t help but join in.  This was entirely way too funny.  Sam was so unflappable.  There were times that he remained calm when no one else was able to.  It took a lot of work to get him to smile at a joke.

 

“Do I have time to go take a picture really quick?”  He quipped.

 

“He has to come back anyway.  The girls are asleep at his house, and it’s not possible for me to watch them anymore.  If you hurry, you can get him coming back.”

 

He took off to get the best blackmail photo of the century, and I dropped down on my haunches and blew a raspberry on the side of Cora’s neck.  She giggled and threw her head back laughing.  It was hard to believe that she would be a big sister in a few hours.

 

Gabe came back in the room grinning from ear to ear; I knew he got the goods. 

 

“We’re totally hanging this up on the wall.” 

 

I gritted my teeth at the wave of pain that radiated from my tummy around my back.

 

“Sounds good.  I think we need to go now.  My contractions have started, and they hurt like a mofo.  Where’s Max?”

 

“Right here baby girl.  I’ll follow y’all up there as soon as I get Cora some stuff gathered up.”  Max said from the doorway.

 

I smiled and walked toward him, hugging him around the waist.  “Thank you, Maximillian.  I’ll see you in a little while.  Don’t even think you’re going to get out of being in the delivery room with us either.  Don’t dally.”

 

Some people may think it’s weird to have your brother in the delivery room with you; I didn’t want him to look at my va-jay-jay or anything weird like that; I only wanted him to be there in case I needed him.  He was the only family I had left. 

 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.  Go.”  He said with a pat on the back.

 

By the time we arrived at the hospital, my contractions were one on top of the other.  I’d called my doctor, and Cheyenne, on the way to inform them that my water broke.  Lucky for me, Cheyenne’s meeting was on the postpartum floor, and she would be able to help with the delivery when the time came.

 

Thirty minutes, four missed veins, and two blood draws later, I was hooked up to the monitor, and panting through the pain.  I’d asked for an epidural as soon as I’d walked through the door.  I wasn’t the type of woman who got off on pain; when I was presented with the option to have that pain taken away, I jumped on it.

 

I was hunched over a pillow leaning into Cheyenne, while the anesthesiologist stuck a needle in my back the size of a Buick when I asked, “What does it look like?” 

 

“Like a really long needle is being driven through your body.”  Cheyenne supplied.

 

We were weird like that.  We found the most morbid things fascinating.

 

“What did you do with Gabe?” 

 

“I made him wait outside; daddies-to-be don’t respond well to this part.  So they make us kick them out until the Epidural is in place.”  Cheyenne murmured.

 

“Alright, young lady.  You’re ready to rock and roll.  There will be no moving until this baby is delivered.  Page me if you have any problems.”  The anesthesiologist said right before he breezed out of the room.

 

I hope that he went to the screaming chick who was speaking in tongues down the hall.  I don’t know why she was torturing herself.  This epidural was a-fucking-mazing. 

 

Cheyenne helped me ease back into bed, and covered me up with the blanket when Gabe walked in.  Followed by Max, Cora, Blaine, Justin, Payton, and Daina. 

 

“I swear to God, if I hear one of you make a comment about my vagina, I’m going to bust a cap in your ass.”  I said grumpily. 

 

“Oh, relax.  There ain’t nothing you got that I haven’t seen.  If you poop on the table, they’ll just wipe it up real quick and no one will be the wiser.  Except for those that are looking anyway.”  Payton supplied helpfully.

 

That was our Payton.  Over the last few months, she’d grown closer to the group.  She was wary of Max, but her eyes always drifted to his if he was in the same room as her.  Max openly stared, but never made a move.  They were playing a game, and it was funny to watch.

 

For the next few hours, we played Apples to Apples to bide the time.  A nurse checked my progress regularly, but I was moving slow; which the nurses explained was normal with your first pregnancy.

 

It was four a.m., eighteen hours into labor when I finally felt the urge to push.  Max came up above my head, because there were just some things he didn’t need the knowledge of, and his sister’s vagina was one of them.

 

Gabe was at my side, holding up a leg, while Daina was on the other doing the same.  Payton, Cheyenne, and Blaine were all at the back of the room, watching avidly.  I didn’t mind in the slightest.  My mind was wrapped around the fact that my epidural had worn off to where only my right side was numb instead of my entire lower half. 

 

“This part is what they call the ‘ring of fire.’  It’s where the baby’s head is crowning.”  The doctor supplied.

 

He was right, too.  It was the ring of fire.  The left side was in agony.  In the distance, I heard Payton singing “Ring of fire” by Jonny Cash, and I took enough time to grab the bedpan that was on the roller cart and chunk it at her.

 

Bitch.

 

It bounced off the wall and they all scrambled out of the way laughing.  This was so not funny.

 

“There’s no coming back from that.”  Cheyenne sniggered.

 

“In like a banana, out like a pineapple.”  Payton laughed.

 

“Gabe!”  I wailed.  “Make them shut up.”

 

His look silenced them from the next comment they were about to make.

 

I was sweating like a hooker in a confessional.  My hair was matted to my face, the gown was clinging to my chest, and I could feel droplets rolling down the sides of my temple.

 

Apparently, I wasn’t going to be one of those cute women who don’t misplace a hair during birth; nor would I have a wonderful afterglow.  I was going to be lucky if I had any hair left after this.

 

“Okay, on your next contraction, I want you to push until Nurse Brady here gets to ten.”  The Doctor Robinson instructed.

 

Gabe and Daina’s hand hoisted my legs higher to my chest, and I pushed with everything I had.  Anything had to be better than the pain I was feeling right now.  I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like if I didn’t have an epidural.

 

The doctor watched as the baby’s head came down, but then went back up again.  Each contraction was like that, and it was damn frustrating. 

 

“You know,” I panted.  “I read somewhere women have orgasms during birth.  I’m not feeling that right now.”

 

Snickering filled the room, but no one said anything.  Gabe gave me a kiss on the forehead before watching the monitors, and then the progression of the baby out of my ravaged vagina.  Payton was right; it would probably never be the same again.

 

The doctor exchanged a look I couldn’t interpret with the nurse, right before I started pushing again, but I didn’t have time to think about it before the contraction claimed me.

 

I pushed with everything I had, but nothing happened.  I did it constantly, until I fell back in an exhausted heap.

 

Suddenly the doctor yelled, “Shoulder!”

 

The room became a flurry of activity.  Gabe was pushed out of the way, a button on the wall somewhere behind my head was hit, and the room filled with a shrieking alarm.  Nurses and doctors rushed into the room at a sprint.  The room was pandemonium.

 

I’d never seen anything like it.

 

I couldn’t see Gabe, I couldn’t see Daina, and all I had was the doctor between my thighs.  Two nurses were at my legs, and another doctor was at my stomach pressing down.  The breath left my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe.  The pressure was so intense that I felt no pain.

 

My heart was beating at a fast pace, and bile rose in my throat.  The doctors were yelling at each other in some sort of code, and I just laid there helpless. 

 

“What’s going on?”  I demanded breathlessly.

 

“It’s okay, honey.  What’s happening now is what they call ‘Shoulder Dystocia.’  It’s when your baby’s shoulders are stuck on your pubic bone.  They’ll get him out, don’t worry.”  The nurse holding my right leg said.

 

The nurses at my legs brought my legs so far back that they were practically over my head.  The doctor on my stomach pushed again, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs for a second time.

 

I watched in horror as my baby’s face went blue.  Dr. Robinson’s whole fucking hand disappeared up inside me as he worked diligently to get the baby free.

 

Pain as I’d never felt before followed his movements, and the only thing keeping me conscious was sheer force of will.

 

“I’m going to have to break it.”  Dr. Robinson said, right before he used his hand to do something inside of me. 

 

At the time, I wasn’t aware what it was, but the sound made me sick to my stomach.

 

Once whatever he did was done, I was told to push again, and I gave it one more.  The baby finally slid out of me, but he was limp and unmoving.  His coloring was blue and grey, his body was floppy, and they rushed him over to the incubator. 

 

Nurses and doctors crowded around him, and they worked hard to get my baby to cry.  I was sobbing so hard at that point that nothing registered.  They were still doing something to me, but I no longer cared.  I closed my eyes and prayed.

 

“Got him back!”  A booming male voice yelled.

 

Strong arms curled around my upper body, and I automatically curled into Gabe, breathing his scent.

 

“He’s okay, baby.  He’s okay.  Shhh,” Gabe consoled me.

 

I didn’t know who he was trying to convince, him or me, but it wasn’t working for either one of us.  My eyes flipped open as I heard them rushing out of the room, and the voices disappeared down the hall.  Glancing around the room, I saw my original nurse still at the doctor’s side, working on me down below. 

 

Cheyenne had Cora in her arms, trying to soothe and calm her down.  Payton had a fist up to her mouth, tears were pouring down her face.  Max was in the corner sitting on a chair.  His head was between his knees with his arms wrapped over the back of his head.  Blaine was cradling Justin to her chest, weeping quietly.

 

Daina walked up to us and wrapped us up in her arms, and I curled into her, sobs choking me.  Gabe wrapped his arms around both of us, and we stayed that way for a long time. 

 

“Gabe, go be with him.  Please don’t leave him alone.” 

 

He looked into my eyes, his cerulean blue ones boring into mine.  Something profound passed between us in that second, and he nodded, gave me a soft sweet kiss, and left.

 

Max took up his position, gathering me close.  I wrapped my arms around his waist, and continued to cry.  He squeezed me tighter, and held me that way until a young male doctor came in a while later.

 

“Mrs. Maldonado.  I’m the on call pediatrician.  Your son is currently stable.  He’s breathing on his own, but we’re going to monitor him for a few more hours just to be on the safe side.  They did break his clavicle in order to get him out.  You’ll need to be very gentle with him, since that’s going to hurt until it heals.  It will heal very quickly.  Your husband’s in with him now.”

 

“Thank you.”  I whispered, and let my tears flow freely again.

 

Max shuddered around me, and I knew that he was crying with me.  Terror was still in the back of my mind, but I had renewed hope that everything would be okay.

 

***

Gabe

I stared down at the sleeping boy in my arms.  He was nestled in a blue blanket that Blaine sewed for him.  He made a cute baby sound, and turned his head slightly to the side before falling back into his peaceful slumber.

 

I looked over at Ember, and marveled at how proud I was of her.

 

The memory of the birth was horrific.  When the doctor had yelled that he had a shoulder, I knew immediately what was going on.  I was pushed away from Ember, and watched from the other side of the room, while doctors and nurses surrounded her bedside.  Thirteen people crowded around the small bed, and I could see how terrified Ember was.  I saw her eyes dart from side to side looking for me, but I knew she couldn’t see me over the massive amount of people surrounding her.

 

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks, but I didn’t swipe them away.  Every second Ember experienced pain and terror, was another piece of my heart that broke off.  I couldn’t stand seeing her cry and not being able to get to her.  My body ached to go to her, hold her, and comfort her.

 

I couldn’t see what was going on below, couldn’t see if the baby was making any progress, but when I heard him say he was going to have to break it, my stomach dropped.  They only did that as a last resort.  A last ditch effort to save the baby.  I knew that they’d been working on him for three minutes now.  At five minutes, lasting brain damage would occur, and the baby probably wouldn’t survive.

 

The wall of people split as a young doctor took my son and transferred him to the station where they worked on the newborns.  I watched as they crowded around him, and I prayed that he would be okay.

 

It was only when the baby was wheeled out of the room that I came unstuck and went to Ember.  She was sobbing loudly; each one tore my heart in pieces.  Gathering her in my arms, I cried with her.  No one ever thought it would end up like this.

 

I’d absently read the emergency procedure on the wall above her head when she got into the bed earlier, but never thought that it would be needed.

 

Ember sent me to my son, begging me with her eyes.  Leaving her was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I couldn’t resist the pleading in her eyes.

 

I saw them working on him through the glass of the NICU.  They weren’t scrambling like they were doing earlier, which was a good sign.  From what I could see, they had him on CPAP.  The mask was over his nose, and he was hooked up to multiple IVs and monitors. 

 

The truly beautiful thing was the lusty cry coming out of him.  My knees nearly buckled at the profound relief I felt.  A nurse spotted me, and opened the door for me to come inside to see him.  She handed me a yellow gown, and told me to wash my hands.  Once done, she led me over to my baby boy.

 

The young doctor explained to me more in depth what happened.  As it turns out, at thirty-five weeks, the baby weighed in at nine pounds two ounces.  They wondered if his due date could’ve been off, but we’d never know for sure.  His clavicle was broken during the birth to assist in delivering him.  From what they could tell, Ember also had a narrow pelvis.

 

Throughout the next two hours, they weaned him off CPAP slowly, to make sure he did well on his own.  I sent multiple texts to Ember, and she ooohed, and awed over every one of them.  By hour three, I was finally able to hold him. 

 

“You may take him back to the room to see your wife, if you’d like.”  A younger nurse said.

 

Like I was going to argue.  Yeah, right. 

 

Wheeling him down the hall, I peeked into the room to find Ember cradled against Max’s chest.  Her eyes were swollen, and still in her sleep, she was weeping.  Every so often, her breath hitched, and each time my heart skipped a beat.  She clutched her iPhone in her hand; it was curled close to her chest, and she looked utterly exhausted.

 

The room was filled with our family.  Daina, with a sleeping Cora, sat on the couch next to Elliot and Blaine, who was holding Justin.  Cheyenne curled into Sam’s side; each had a twin in their lap.  Jack had Phoebe curled against his chest.  James sat on the floor playing quietly with Janie.  Even Payton was there, leaning against the wall near the bathroom door.  Each one of them broke out in smiles when they saw me wheeling in our son.

 

Lifting him out of the bassinet, I walked slowly to Ember, who was still sleeping.  I placed the baby into Max’s arms cautiously, and then helped maneuver Ember to where she was resting against me instead of Max.  The jostling woke her, and she started crying anew when she laid eyes on our baby for the first time.

 

Max transferred him to Ember’s arms carefully, and backed away to give us some privacy.

 

Everyone started to stand, but Ember stopped them with a staying hand.  “Don’t go.  Please stay.” 

 

They all resumed their seats, and watched us rapturously.

 

“He’s okay, baby.  Stop crying, you’re breaking my heart.”  I whispered into her hair.

 

“He looks just like you.  Look at his little chubby cheeks!”  She laughed.

 

I smiled.  “He was nine pounds two ounces, and twenty two inches long.  He’s a big boy.” 

 

“What’s his name?”  Max finally asked impatiently.

 

“Gabriel Luca Maldonado, the third.”  Ember announced proudly.

 

My body froze, and pride burst through me.  We’d never discussed naming him after me, and I never wanted to ask since my name wasn’t a traditional American name.  So hearing her say that, just now, was something I never hoped to have.  We’d discussed that we wouldn’t think about names until we saw him with our own eyes, but I had a feeling that she probably planned it like this all along.

 

Everyone stayed for a while longer, but left within the hour to give us time alone with Luca.  Max took Cora home, who’d instantly loved her new baby brother.  Unfortunately, she couldn’t hold him yet since he was hurt, but she gave some great kisses. 

 

After three days in the hospital, Luca and Ember were released, pending follow up appointments within the next week.  Luca’s collarbone healed fully within three weeks.  The same couldn’t be said for our hearts.

 

Ember suffered from nightmares about the delivery.  I’d be dead asleep and her screaming would jar me awake.  Her screams of pain would echo through me, reminding me of the delivery, of the terror I’d experienced seeing our son stuck, dying slowly.  We spoke about the birth often.  She told me that next time she was having an elective C-section, because there was no way she was going to experience that again, even though the odds were highly unlikely.

 

Each and every day, I thank God for sparing my family.  I’d nearly lost Ember, my daughter, and then my son within a year’s time.  All of those times left marks on my soul.  Something that I would never forget, even if I lived to be a hundred.  I was one lucky son of a bitch.