EPILOGUE

 Why is my car out of gas? Didn’t I marry somebody that’d do it for me?

-Secret thoughts of Ember

Ember

“Thirty seconds.”  An electronic voice announced from my iPhone app.

 

Closing my eyes, I started thinking about all the crap I had left to do today.  Since today was Cora’s second birthday, we decided to hold a party for her at Air U.  Air U is a large indoor area that had trampolines covering every available surface.  However, this was not my idea.  Gabe was big on trying to make up for his missing year in Cora’s life. 

 

He went over the top for everything, including the party.  I had a little over three hours until we were to be there, and what was I doing?  Nothing.  I was working out instead of doing what I really needed to be doing. 

 

I’ve slowed down a lot since Luca’s birth.  Savoring things that I wouldn’t normally even notice.  Stopping to smell a flower on the side of the road instead of barreling past it at ninety.  Taking the time out of my day to call Max and tell him I love him.  Coming home at lunch to check on my babies, just because I missed them; and yes, that included Gabe.  Eating that second piece of chocolate cake, even though I know it will go straight to my love handles.  I reveled in my perfect life. 

 

It’d been nearly six months since I’d given birth to Luca.  Our lives have settled down a bit since the birth.  I’d started my job with the college back a little over two months ago.  I didn’t, however, do it full time.  I’m more of an administrator now, instead of a full time athletic trainer. 

 

I’d tried to go back to work, doing what I’d been doing before I had Luca.  Unfortunately, it didn’t agree with me.  I was working long hours, and I never got to see my kids.  I’d drop them off at daycare on my way to work at seven in the morning, and wouldn’t be able to pick them up until late in the afternoon.

 

Once football season started, my hours got worse.  The first away game for the football team I’d cried for nearly the entire bus ride.  Four complete hours there.  When I got home from the game at eleven that night, I was a complete mess.  I knew from then on that I wouldn’t be doing anything that took me so far away from my family anymore.

 

Kale and June’s story wasn’t a good one.  Kale went to prison for his activities in the gang.  His sentence was for five years, and he would have to serve two and a half before being considered for probation.  Although, his sentence was significantly lessened when he gave up all that he knew, if they got his little brother into a good foster home.

 

June’s still an assistant athletic trainer, but she lost her baby in the aftermath of Kale going to jail.  She’s a lot more quiet these days, and I let her be, because what can I really say other than it’s going to be okay?  I worried about her like crazy, but she was still loyal to Kale, and stuck by him even when he didn’t want her to.

 

A droplet of sweat rolled into my eyes, distracting from my inner musings.  Glancing down at the clock, I noticed I still had a minute left of this torture.  Gritting my teeth, I moved faster.

 

“What, in the mother-fuck, are you doing?”  Max asked, the door slipping from his grip and banging against the wall.

 

I glanced at him questioningly.  “What do you mean, what am I doing?”

 

“That’s what I mean, what are you doing?”  Max said annoyingly.

 

Max hated it when I asked ‘what do you mean.’  He knew that I knew what he meant, yet I asked him anyway.  I loved annoying my brother.

 

I was sitting in the chair in the living room.  Max, Cheyenne, Sam, and Gabe walked inside.  I had one of those shake weights I’d ordered off TV in my hands, and I was shaking it with all I had.  I could feel my arms burning, and I was seriously about to pass out from the pain.

 

“She’s working out her muscles.  Gotta keep conditioned for later.”  Gabe said slyly.

 

“Does that thing work?  All it looks like you’re doing is jacking off the weight.”  Cheyenne said.

 

What could I say?  I knew it looked bad, but the thing worked.  It was going to keep my arms in shape so the tattoo that I planned to get in a few weeks looked good, instead of stretched out and flappy.

 

The alarm on my phone dinged, and I dropped my arms down to the arm of my chair. 

 

“Sure as heck does.  Here, you try.”

 

Cheyenne took the weight from my hands, placed both of hers fist to fist, and started shaking for all she was worth.  I corrected her position, and couldn’t help but giggle at the sight.

 

“Oh, God.  That looks awful!  I should record this and put it on Facebook.”

 

Luca started crying from the bedroom, and I got up to get him before he woke Cora.  I’d gotten them down to a great schedule, and they both slept at the same times throughout the day. 

 

Luca was gurgling and playing with his feet.  Hoochie was on his tummy in the very corner, guarding Luca as he did every night since we brought Luca home from the hospital.  It never failed, anywhere that Luca was, Hoochie was soon to follow.

 

I lifted him from the crib and gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek.  “Hey there big boy.  You didn’t sleep very long.” 

 

Luca was now twenty pounds of chunky cuteness.  He had Gabe’s eyes, and the black curls that looked so much like his sister’s beautiful hair.  Today, he was wearing a shirt that said, “My dad can kick your dad’s ass.”  Which was very true.

 

Max was a big believer in the onesies.  Every time he found one he liked, he would buy it for Luca to wear.  He had a whole closet full, and it probably wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

 

Changing him quickly, I made my way back into the living room.  Max took Luca from me as I passed him.  Laughing, I relinquished him to his uncle, and went to sit next to Gabe.  He curled me close, and I buried my nose into his neck, kissing his collarbone where Luca’s name permanently marked his skin.

 

The day after we were released from the hospital, Gabe disappeared for a little over six hours.  All he told me was that he had an appointment, and he would be back as soon as he could.

 

I didn’t question him, assuming it had something to do with work, and left him to it.  I had help anyway, and planned to catch up on some much-needed sleep while I could.  It was a little past six in the evening when he came back.

 

I was in the living room feeding the baby with all the girls crowded around on multiple pieces of furniture when his bike pulled up outside.  When he walked in the door, I noticed the gauze over his neck instantaneously, and started flipping out before I saw the twinkle in his eyes.  He walked right up to me and whipped his shirt over his head, revealing another large piece of gauze on the inside of his left bicep, and an additional one on the inside of his right bicep.

 

The girls and I watched in awe as he pulled off each piece of gauze.  The one on his right arm revealed the words “My Ember” twined around the bulge of his bicep.  On the other arm, a star adorned the majority of his underarm.  The star was jagged and torn, and underneath you could make out the majority of Cora’s name.  It almost looked like she was buried deep, and the skin had been cut away to reveal it.

 

The last tattoo hit me the hardest, because on the left collarbone, the same one that Luca had broken, was Luca’s name.  It was simple lettering, and profoundly beautiful. 

 

I wrapped my arms around Gabe carefully, and whispered into his ear.  “I swear to God, we are never going to make it six weeks.  I’d totally jump you right now if I could.”

 

He let out a deep belly laugh, and I vowed that I would get a tattoo.  That’s when I started working on my arm flab; I wanted the exact same thing on my arms that he had on his, as well as the same tattoo on my left collarbone.  I just hoped I wouldn’t cry throughout the entire thing.

 

“Jesus.  Do you think you have enough pictures?”  Max asked, while bouncing Luca on his knee and glancing at the coffee table where I had some frames sitting.

 

“No.  Never.”  I replied.

 

Gabe wrapped me tighter, and I glanced around the room.

 

Our whole living room wall was covered in 8X10 pictures.  Six days after Luca was born, we had newborn pictures made.  They were stunning.  My favorite was of Luca swaddled in an American flag.  In his hands, he clutched Gabe’s dog tags.  Cora was on her knees beside him kissing his head.  It was a priceless photograph, because the rest of the shots were either blurry of Cora, who had turned into the Tazmanian Devil when it came to staying still, or Luca was crying.

 

When I wasn’t getting professional pictures taken of the kids and ourselves, I was behind the camera, just as my mom used to be.  Everywhere I went, now, I had my trusty Canon Rebel in my hands.  I recently took a picture of the Gabe bent over a bike, wrench in his hand while the other supported his body on the seat of the bike.  A red rag hung out of his back pocket, and another was slung over his muscular shoulders.  Did I mention he was shirtless and sweaty at the time?  That one I had blown up to a 10X14.  I even considered having it blown up as an industrial print.

 

Another of my favorites was of Gabe changing his first blowout diaper.  I’d come just in time to hear him gagging from the back part of the house where Cora and Luca shared a room.  I, of course, pulled out my phone and took picture after picture.  Gabe had his t-shirt up over his nose, and he was standing as far away from Luca as he could get.

 

Gabe offering sexual favors couldn’t even keep that one off the wall.  All admired it, and I would never take it down.  He even promised he would never again bitch about the Twilight comforter I bought for our bed.

 

In the place of honor, on the mantle, sat a picture of Sam.  His face looked like we’d kicked his puppy.  Face pale, lips in a tight grimace, he glared at the camera.  His knees down were wet.  It was the one Gabe managed to get right after my water broke on him.

 

Cora’s screeches filled my thoughts.  “Mama, mama, mama.” 

 

Before I could get up, Gabe stood and went to her.  My heart was full to bursting in my chest.  She’d just started calling me ‘Mama’ on purpose this week.  We were at Cheddar’s, for Sidney’s supervised visit, when it happened.  Sidney was reaching for Cora, and instead of going into her arms like she did with everyone else, she buried her face into my neck and held on with a death grip.

 

Sidney, being the bitch she was, took her from me anyway.  Cora was having none of it, and started screaming ‘Mama’ at the top of her lungs while reaching for me.  Big crocodile tears rolled down her cheeks, and everyone in the restaurant watched curiously.

 

Sidney’s face went from a shade of nicely hued tan to a mottled red in about three seconds flat.  Gabe, sensing her hostility, took Cora back before Sidney could do anything stupid.  That straw broke the camel’s back.  The next day, our lawyer called to tell us that Sidney terminated her rights.

 

Good riddance, we thought.

 

We were never able to prove that she set us up the day of the accident and kidnapping.  Although we all suspected, nothing was done.  Luke went through every gang member that was arrested, and didn’t get a single word out of them about Sidney.  Therefore, when she was released from jail last month, the judge made us do supervised visits.  It was a horrid experience seeing Sidney with Cora.  Something about the cold way she treated Cora left a bad taste in my mouth, even after the visit finished.

 

On a positive note, after a whole bunch of digging, the benefactor that paid Sidney to leave Gabe and lie about the baby was none other than Gabe’s very own stepfather, Dorian.  The day Gabe found out, he hopped a plane to Michigan to speak with his stepfather face to face. 

 

Dorian never confirmed, or denied, but Gabe left that day with peace in his heart.  He made a deal with his stepfather.  Gabe wouldn’t pursue the case if Dorian allowed Gabriel to move his mother to her rightful resting place next to his father.  He agreed, and Gabe had it done before he left.  We had plans to visit Michigan later on in the year.

 

Gabe and Cora just crossed the threshold of the living room when the monitor by our door pinged.  Every house had this installed.  When the new addition was completed, they put in a new security system.  When someone pulled up at the front gate, the alarm would tell us that someone was there.  The camera that was monitoring that part of the compound would shoot a signal to our panel and we could see who was there; we could choose to open it automatically, or refuse entrance.

 

On the monitor, we watched as James went to the gate to speak with the woman waiting at the entrance.  His slow gate filled the screen, and then his voice asked politely, “Can I help you?”

 

The woman eyed him, and then nodded in confirmation and handed him a pack of papers.  “James Allen.  You’ve been served.” 

***

Watching six grown men bounce on trampolines had to be the highlight of my life.

Okay, well maybe the birth of my child came before that, but not by much.  Their muscles contracted and bunched with each bounce on the trampoline.  Swear to God, I was tempted to use Luca's bib to wipe my drool.

 

"This is one hell of a birthday for a two year old."  Blaine concluded from beside me.

 

Her eyes were glued to the eye candy as well.  Cheyenne stood at my other side, watching silently.

 

“Gabe got a little carried away.  He wanted her to have the moon, and he settled for Air U after I explained that she would find no enjoyment out of the party he had planned.”  I explained.

 

“Sounds like Gabe.  I’m surprised James is in such a good mood.  I thought for sure he would be pissed off the rest of the day.”  Cheyenne observed.

 

I completely agreed.  “You and me both, sister.”   

 

“Did he say what exactly it was?”  I asked.

 

“No, he’s being very quiet about it.  I assume it has to be about Janie and Janie’s mother.”  Cheyenne said.

 

I completely agreed.  Janie’s mother was a right bitch.  I hope that she never has to experience the horridness that is that woman.

 

The rest of the party went off without a hitch.  By the end of the day, though, I was ready to get the hell out of there.  There’s only so much screaming one could take, and in an enclosed gym with six million kids running around, I was lucky to escape with my sanity.

 

Max helped me load the gifts into the car, while Gabe stayed with Cora who’d finally given up the ghost, and fallen asleep on his chest.  Luca was asleep in his car seat, and I silently wished they would go to sleep early tonight to give me a little alone time with Gabe.

 

We had to be more spontaneous since the kids got here.  We had to do a lot more quickies, and a little less lovemaking, but that was okay in my book.  I loved surprising Gabe at work, and having him take me into the back room, giving me the business, and then sending me on my way.

 

“Get that look off your face.”  Max growled from beside me.

 

I shut the door of the truck, and then looked at him innocently.  “What look?”

He snorted in disgust, and then tossed an empty trash bag at my face.

 

“Hey!”  I said indignantly.

 

He laughed and then took off to the party room.  I did manage to jump onto his back and pepper his face with kisses.  We entered the room with me on his back still, and Max walked up to Gabe who was still holding a sleeping Cora.

 

“Take this leach off my back, or I won’t be responsible for what I do.”  Max demanded.

 

I laughed loudly.  “Yeah, right.  You wouldn’t do a damn thing, and you know it.”

 

He sighed long and loud.  “I know.  For some reason I like you.”

 

I dropped off his back.  “I love you, too.  Now, let’s gather the rest of this shit and get going.  I’m whipped.”

***

“When are you going to tell her?”  Gabe asked.

 

Gabe and Max were outside on the back porch, sharing a beer.  The sun was just setting, and they both watched it go down until it was nothing more than an orange red glow on the horizon.

 

“It’s gonna have to be now.  I report at oh-eight-hundred tomorrow morning.”

 

What the heck was he talking about?  I was about to ask when Gabe’s voice broke the quiet night.

 

“I’ll give you a few to talk to her.”

 

He nodded and walked into the house.

 

He found me standing at the kitchen sink, window open, which was why I overheard their conversation.

 

Taking my hand, he led me into the living room, and held my hand.  He looked me in the eyes and explained what was going on.

 

He was called back into active duty this morning.  They were in need of his services.  At this moment in time, he wasn’t sure if it was for another tour, or if it was only an isolated service that was needed, and would be back as soon as it was taken care of.

 

Only time would tell.

 

I let out a low moan, and threw myself into his arms.

 

“No.”  I moaned.

 

He squeezed me tight, and let me cry onto his chest.

 

“Ax, Ax.”  Cora squealed from the hallway as she ran toward Max.

 

He scooped her up, and peppered her face with smacking kisses.

 

Gabe’s arms replaced Max’s, and I sunk into his chest. 

 

“Don’t leave me, too.”  I whispered.

 

“I don’t plan on it, booger, but you need to know that it’s possible.  It’s possible for all of us.  I’d never leave you willingly, though.”  He said.

 

“It’s incredibly rare to be recalled back in to the military.  Most serve their time, and then go on with their life.  Only under special circumstances are soldiers told to come back.”  Gabe informed me.

 

I just hoped that those circumstances didn’t take my big brother away from me.  I needed him.

 

The rest of the night was spent doing family things.  Everyone came over, but Max was subdued, which wasn’t surprising.  He was leaving me behind; I made him feel like shit for doing what he loved.

 

He would do it though, because that was the way of an American Soldier.