Chapter Thirty-Four

Lena

"I'm fine, Riley," I assure him over the phone as I shove another spoonful of vanilla ice cream inside my mouth. "The doctor says this is perfectly normal."

Of course it sucks that I'm having morning sickness again, but at least I know it's nothing serious and that it will pass.

"If you say so," he says.

"The doctor said so," I repeat. "Now, go back to work before your dad gets mad."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

I hang up with a smile, put the phone down on the pillow beside me, and continue eating my ice cream. My gaze darts to the TV screen across from me. My Fair Lady is still on pause.

Lately, this has been my routine--staying in bed watching movies and eating nearly all day, whether I'm feeling fine or not. I just... feel lazy. And maybe after all the hell I've been through, I'm just treating myself to some much-needed and much-deserved relaxation.

I know, though, that I can't stay in bed forever. The doctor didn't even prescribe bed rest for me. And I don't want to become bigger than an elephant. Maybe if I'm feeling well tomorrow, I'll leave the house.

I'm still a celebrity so I might still have to wear a disguise, but at least people are back to saying nice things about me. It really is such a relief. I know I said I wouldn't mind what other people think or say about me, but that is so much easier to do when they're saying good things, telling true stories instead of vicious lies.

Besides, I need to do some shopping, even though I don't know whether I'm having a boy or a girl yet. Frankly, I don't care which as long as the baby is healthy and happy. That's why I can't begin planning for the baby shower. But there are still things I can buy for the nursery.

And I know exactly where to buy them.

~

"Thank you." I give the cashier a smile as I slip my credit card back into my wallet.

"Thank you and have a good day," she says.

I follow Sam, the maid who's accompanying me, out of the chic baby store. It's maybe the most expensive and the most stylish in Beverly Hills, the place where Hollywood stars pick up stuff for their bundles of joy. Nearly a dozen paper bags swing from Sam's arms.

I stop just before the door, though, when something else catches my eye--checkered bandana baby bibs that I didn't see the first time I made my rounds. I think I need one of those. Plus they look so sophisticated I simply have to take a look.

"Go ahead, Sam," I tell the maid. "You can put those in the car and wait for me."

"Yes, ma'am."

She leaves the store.

I take a closer look at the bibs and decide to get at least five of them. They're unisex anyway. I pay for them in cash and walk out of the store with another paper bag.

Outside, I stop to put my change in my wallet and check my phone. But then something else catches my attention--a woman in her mid-50s walking towards me.

She's wearing a glamorous pair of sunglasses along with an oversized floral shirt and Capri pants, and yet something about her strikes me as familiar. An actress? No. Her sunglasses may look expensive, but the rest of her clothes aren't. Plus no actress would wear a wristband that says 'I Love Hollywood' or toenails with polka dots and--

That train of thought screeches to a halt as I realize why the woman looks familiar. My heart stops as I remember where I've seen that wristband and those toenails. And those rosebud earrings.

I lift my own sunglasses to the top of my head and stare at the woman in front of me with narrowed eyes.

"Mom?"

~

"So you're saying you just happened to be walking around the area, hoping to catch a glimpse of a Hollywood celebrity?" I ask my mother as I sit across from her at the Victorian-styled cafe just a few feet away from the baby store.

She nods as she takes a sip of her blueberry frappe. "Exactly."

I shake my head in disbelief as I tap my fingers on the table.

Unbelievable. I never thought I'd see my mother again. Yet here she is sitting right in front of me drinking a frappe like it's the most natural thing in the world.

Now that her sunglasses are out of the way, I can see her face more clearly. There are wrinkles around her eyes now and I can see strands of silver mixed in with the browns on top of her head, but it's her, alright. Even after all these years, I can still remember her gray eyes twinkling as she laughed with me on the couch while we watched comedy movies. I can still remember those rosebud earrings that she said she'd give me one day but never did.

And I don't know what to say. Over the years, there have been many times when I imagined meeting her again. A few scenarios popped into my head with their own scripts. Was there one where we met at a cafe? I don't know. At any rate, I've forgotten the lines.

I lift my own frappe--honeydew and kiwi--from the table and bring the straw between my lips.

What do you say to the person who left you when she was the one person you thought would never leave?

A part of me is still disappointed in her, but strangely, I don't feel any anger or resentment. Maybe it's because it's been too long. Maybe it's because of what my dad told me. Or maybe it's because now that I'm a wife and soon to be a mother, I feel like I can sympathize with her more. Whatever the reason, I'm just surprised to see her. And maybe relieved that she seems fine. Maybe glad even.

"How have you been?" I ask her.

"Good," she answers as she puts down her glass. Then she sighs. "You know what? You're a big girl now, so I'm not going to lie to you. I told myself I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not good. I haven't been for a while."

I take another sip of my frappe then put down my glass as well. "What do you mean? Are you sick?"

She chuckles and shakes her head. "No. I'm fine. I've never been sickly."

Come to think of it, I don't remember her ever being sick.

"What I mean is that ever since I left you, you and your father and your sister, I haven't been the same. I don't think I've ever been happy."

I purse my lips.

"Do you know why I left?" she asks me.

"Dad said you went with another man," I answer. "Well, he didn't say it right away, but he told me eventually."

She nods. "I left because your father was always busy with his work and I was getting tired just being at home and looking after you and your sister. Don't get me wrong. I love you both to bits. But I felt like I had lost myself, you know. I felt like a mother was all I had become, and I was starting to wonder if that was all I was going to be. I missed the fun and the dreams I used to have. I wanted to go on an adventure."

She puts her hand over mine. "You may not understand now, but you will one day."

I think I already do, but I say nothing.

"Then I met this man and he just made me feel like I was Francesca in Bridges of Madison County, you know, and I thought, well, Francesca never got her happy ending. But maybe I can. Maybe it's not too late for me."

I nod because I remember the movie. It was one of my favorites, too, and one of those sappy movies that I watched after Riley left me.

"That's what I thought," my mother continues. "But I was wrong. He wasn't my soul mate. I already had my soul mate. And why should I crave for an adventure when I was already embarking on the greatest journey with my children? When I realized my mistake, I spoke to your father and asked him for another chance."

"I know."

Her eyebrows arch. "You know?"

"Dad told me."

"Oh." She puts her hand over her chest as she sits back. "Then you know he refused?"

I nod.

"I made another mistake then. I didn't fight harder to take back the things I had. I just left because I didn't want to hurt your father any more than I had. I told myself I'd made a stupid mistake and now I'd have to pay for it for the rest of my life. I resigned myself to a life alone, thinking I'd be just fine." She shakes her head. "But I haven't been fine again. Yes, I've survived. I've gone here and there. And maybe I even did have a small adventure elsewhere. But I've always been lost."

I can see the sadness in her eyes that are glistening with tears. I can hear the misery in her voice even though she's trying to keep it from trembling.

She has paid the price for her mistake.

"You could have come and talked to me," I tell her. "When you left, I was the most devastated. And you know, I couldn't bring myself to resent you even though Ollie did."

She grabs a tissue and sniffs. "I knew Ollie would. She was always smart. She probably understood that I made a mistake and I made it willingly. Besides, she was always close to your father so I knew she'd resent me for hurting him."

"I hate that you hurt Dad, too," I say. "But I couldn't hate you. Yes, you left and I didn't understand why, but more than that, I remember the times when you were there, the happy times we shared."

She reaches across the table to stroke my cheek. "I remember them, too, sweetheart. And I wanted to go to you, even get you. But your father told me to stay away, and I thought that was best. Later on, when I wanted to see you again, I didn't know where you were anymore. But I've been searching all this time."

I look at her with wide eyes. "So our meeting isn't an accident?"

She shakes her head. "No. Ever since I found out you were married to Riley McAllister and someone told me where he lived, I've been hanging around here, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. I can't just walk up to your door, after all. I thought you'd come to that store to buy your baby supplies." She glances at the baby store that I was just in. "And I've been here every day."

My eyes grow even wider. "Wow. Every day?"

My mother nods. "That's how badly I wanted to see you."

"Oh, Mom." I squeeze her hand as I feel tears threatening to well up inside me.

What if I hadn't come to the store today? Or at all? Then I never would have seen her.

"Oh, don't cry," she tells me as she puts on a smile. "You're pregnant, remember? You're not supposed to be crying so much, even though you feel like it all the time."

I chuckle.

"That's better." She pats my cheek just like she used to do.

I grab her hand and flatten her palm against my face. "I miss you, Mom."

"I miss you, too, darling."

I squeeze her hand. "Daddy misses you, too, you know."

Her eyebrows arch. "He does?"

I nod. "And I'm sure Ollie does, too, even though she always acts so tough and all."

My mother chuckles.

"You know, I think it's because of her that I didn't end up resenting you. I mean, she was always there, so I never got to wish that you were."

My mother smiles. "I guess I owe Ollie a lot. How is she?"

"She's a mother now, too, and she's doing great. Dad's fine, too. He can't hear that well anymore because he had a diving accident, so he uses sign language..."

My mother gives me a look of horror. "He can't?"

"But he's fine otherwise, just a bit lonely. Like I said, he misses you, too."

My mother sighs. "It is hard growing old alone."

I lean forward. "You know, I can take you to them if you like."

"Really?" Joy flickers in her eyes, but then she shakes her head. "Maybe not now. I'm not ready. Somehow, I knew I could face you and talk to you, but I don't know if I can face them yet. Well, I thought I could, but now that it's possible, I... I guess I'm just a bit scared."

Of course she would be.

"I understand," I tell her.

Now what?

Suddenly, an idea comes to me.

"Mom, why don't you stay with me in the meantime?"

Her eyebrows rise. "With you?"

"Yes. When I give birth, I'll make sure to call Dad and Ollie. You can see them again then. And you'll have had plenty of time to prepare by then. We can celebrate the moment together, and who knows, we might just come together as a family again."

She smiles. "That sounds wonderful."

"In the meantime, you can stay with me," I add. "You know pregnancy inside and out because you were pregnant with me once. I need your advice and your help. Can you give me that?"

She brushes strands of hair from my cheek. "How can I refuse? I haven't been there for you for so long."

"You can be here for me when I need you the most."

My mother strokes my cheek tenderly. Her smile widens even though she looks like she's about to cry.

"Then I will be."