Chapter Five

 

While Todd cleaned up in the bathroom, I pulled on clothes and set about pouring coffee. I took both mugs into the living room, set one on the table then walked over to the window to look out at the bright autumn morning. There was barely a cloud in the sky and I spotted two doves sitting on the building opposite, sharing a crust.

“This mine?” Todd asked, entering the living room.

“Yeah.” I didn’t turn.

“Thanks.”

He was quiet for a moment. I guessed he was taking a sip of his drink. The doves flew away.

“So now what?” he asked.

I heard the rustle of cushions, presumed he’d sat on the sofa, and finally turned to him. He had a rise of color on his cheekbones and this seemed to accentuate his perfectly symmetrical, angular features all the more. His eyes were sparkling but tired, he had rings beneath them. His mouth looked moist and red, bruised almost.

“Matthew?” He was watching me study him.

I sighed and sat opposite. “Now we talk about Raven.”

He shot his eyebrows up. “Raven?”

“Yep, Raven Starr. Tell me how long you were in love with him and what exactly happened between the pair of you.”

“What the hell makes you think I was in love with Raven Starr?”

I gave him a gentle smile. “By the way you talked about him the other night. Fiona, the girl, you hardly mentioned her. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out it’s him you’re missing.”

“I like Fiona, she’s great.”

“Yeah, I know, and you’re happy they’ve found one another. I get that. But still, tell me about you and Raven.”

He tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. “Yeah, I guess I owe you that.”

“You do, because if you want me to go through this with you I need to know the starting point.”

He nodded. “But just between us, okay?”

“Will you stop bloody saying that.”

“Sorry, habit. My agent, Max, is always telling me not to give out information that could be damaging if it was leaked to the press, but for some reason I can’t stop telling you stuff that would make his hair turn gray overnight.”

“For fuck’s sake, forget Max’s hair. You just sucked my dick and I came down your throat, don’t you think that puts us in the trusting each other category?”

He took a sip of coffee and his gaze harnessed mine. “Yeah. You’re right.” He gave a small smile. “It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Damn right it was. But don’t change the subject.” It was all I could do not to go over to him and return the favor. Right there on my sofa, tug out his cock and suck him dry. But I couldn’t, not yet. We needed to get a few things straight first.

“Okay,” Todd said with a small sigh. “Raven Starr. Buddy, teammate and the second guy I really wanted more than just friendship from.”

“Did you ever tell him?”

“No.” He shook his head firmly.

“Why not?”

“Have you seen the guy? He’s built like a brick shithouse. Once he’s on the ice there’s no getting past him, he’s a tank.”

“His skill as a defenseman doesn’t explain why you never told him about your feelings.”

Todd sat back and crossed his legs. “Because I was damn sure the feelings would never be returned.”

“One hundred percent sure?”

He shrugged and stared at a book on the table about sepia photography. The picture on the front was of a lion leaping toward a zebra.

“Todd?”

“I couldn’t be one hundred percent sure. But I couldn’t risk losing a buddy. It was complicated. We had to work together, play together.”

“You mean play together on and off the ice.” I paused. “With Fiona.”

“Yeah, with Fiona. Tyler, too, his ex.”

“Sounds like he’s a bit of a ladies’ man.”

“Not really. He was with Tyler for years but eventually they drifted apart, and then I don’t think he was on the lookout when Fiona came along. But she did and he fell for her, hook, line and sinker. She’s good for him, makes him happy.” He went quiet, as though lost in thought.

“Todd,” I prompted. “Tell me what happened between you and Raven.”

“There’s nothing to tell other than when we were apart I missed him. We’ve played for the same teams lots over the years mainly because I orchestrated it that way.”

“That couldn’t have been easy.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

I rubbed my finger over my stubbly chin. “So you’ve had feelings for him for a long time.”

“Yeah, but they’re under control now that he has Fiona and only wants her. I’ve put him into a never-going-to-happen box. That’s what’s made it possible for this.” He flicked his hand between us. “I needed him out of my system to move on.”

“And I’m your moving on?”

“Hell, yeah,” he said with a stiff nod. “Can’t you tell?”

I smiled, a warm glow settling in my stomach that had nothing to do with the hot, strong coffee and everything to do with the hot, strong guy staring at me. “So that leaves one question about Raven.”

“Which is?”

“Did you actually fuck each other?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Todd?”

He opened his eyes and stared straight at me. “No, we never went for it alone. There was always a woman there. Either Tyler or Fiona, diluting it down.”

“It?”

“My needs.”

“So you never sucked him off the way you just did me?”

“Hell, no. I told you, I’ve only ever kissed one guy before you.” He shifted on his seat and stared into his coffee cup.

“And that wasn’t Raven?”

“No, it was a jock in college. I’d had a crush on him for a while and one night we had a drink and ended up kissing, for ages, nothing else. That’s when I couldn’t stop thinking about being with a guy.”

“But you did nothing about it?”

“How could I? My hockey career was just taking off. I didn’t want to fuck up my dreams with a scandal. But like I told you, I like pussy, too, so that took the edge off it.”

“So what’s different now?”

He huffed. “I’m not the scared shitless teenager I was back then, plus I have my career and it’s not a dream, it’s reality. I’m ready to stop fucking around and get what I really want.”

I nodded and was thoughtful for a moment. “But something happened between you and Raven, even if you never kissed.”

“What’s it matter to you?” His tone was suddenly sharp, irritable.

I set my cup down and moved to sit next to him, rested my arm around his shoulders. “Because I want to be here for you. This is huge, what you’re going through. I know, I’ve done it, and I’m not a public figure like you are. You’re going to need at least one person you’re completely honest with so you can lean on them.” I rubbed a circle over his back and pressed a kiss to his temple. “I want to be that person.”

He kept his head hanging low, then nodded and spoke quietly. “I’m glad it’s you.”

“I’m glad, too.”

A heavy silence hung between us.

“We touched,” he said eventually. “Me and Raven.”

“Okay.”

“We touched each other’s dicks in the heat of the moment. Not a full-blown hand job, just a grope. I liked it, a lot. It made the whole threesome experience so fucking hot. You ever been in a threesome, Matthew?”

I shook my head.

“Fucking awesome.” He gave a small laugh. “And when we were both inside a woman at the same time, ass and pussy, our cocks would rub against each other. God, it was good. The kind of good you can jack off to just the memory.”

I tried to imagine what he was talking about. Not the physical act, but the sensations, the feelings. It was alien to me to think of being inside a woman, but to have another man inside her, too, so your cocks were aligned, that was interesting.

He turned to me. “So that’s it, a few stray fondles. We never talked about it, it was like it never happened. I got the feeling if I brought it up that would be the end of us sharing pussy. Possibly even the end of us being buddies.”

“And it was always his girlfriends you shared, never yours?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, always his. He had longer-term girlfriends, I’m more of a one-night stand guy. There’s never been anyone really serious in my life.”

I dropped my hand from his back. Rested my shoulders against the cushions of the sofa and stared out of the window. That was the opposite of the type of guy I was. Could I really go through the spin-dryer of emotions that would come with hooking up with someone so different?

“But you,” he said, turning and reaching for my hand. “Fuck no. This, you and me, it’s different. This is what I’ve been looking for on all those one-night stands. Someone who sees beyond the hockey star and the damn pretty face.” He lifted my hand to his mouth, pressed his lips to my knuckles. “Someone to come home to after I’ve been on the road for too many fucking weeks at a time.”

Bloody hell, he was a charmer of the most dangerous variety. He knew exactly what to say, and despite my armor, I was falling for each and every line. “I hope that’s really how you feel,” I said as my heart swelled with both fear and joy.

“I’m not a liar. I’ve never promised a woman anything more than a good time. I’ve never promised to get goals, only to do my best on the ice. So, Matthew, when I say you’ve quickly become the person I want to be with,” he crooked his index finger and lifted my chin, “and the star of last night’s incredibly dirty dream, which, Jesus Christ, I was on a damn plane, not cool, you should believe me.”

“You had a dirty dream about me?”

“Fuck yeah. But what else can I do but dream? I’m hardly Mr. Innocent, but still I’ve never been fucked by or fucked a guy so I can only imagine all the things you could do to me and I could do to you.”

My cock stirred and a rush of blood to my pelvis stoked a new wave of desire. I tipped forward and brushed my lips over his. “Oh, there are indeed lots of very dirty, very sexy things I’d like to do to you and just as many you should definitely do to me.”

His breathing hitched and I was aware of him tensing.

“But one thing at a time, eh?” I murmured onto his lips.

I could have sworn a little sigh of relief dropped his shoulders. “Yeah, one thing at a time, and right now I have to go.”

“You do?”

He kissed me, a little firmer than I’d kissed him. “I have to catch up with my equipment manager. Damn blade was playing up last night and I need to get it fixed. And then I’ve gotta sleep. I’m fucking exhausted.”

Once again, I studied the rings beneath his eyes. They were the darkest I’d ever seen them. I guessed he’d had a pretty grueling week of games and traveling, not to mention the turmoil going on in his head day and night.

“But later,” he said. “I’m going to take you out on a date. To the movies. What do you say?”

“Sounds good.”

He grinned. “I’ll pick you up at nine.”

 

*****

 

I, too, had a meeting, not with an equipment manager, but with a modeling agency. They wanted me to work on portfolios and I accepted the contract with a much lighter heart than I normally would, for it was boring work. But I guessed my good mood was something to do with my delectable new boyfriend—could I call him that yet?—and the fucking amazing blowjob I’d had that morning. The combination had given me a spring in my step and a willingness to say yes to just about anything.

Fuck, I got hard again in the cab between my meeting and Rizzles just thinking about my morning with Todd. He’d been unstoppable, determined, so good at touching every part of my cock and balls that needed to be touched.

And when he’d come immediately afterward, just from giving me head, that had been another shot of euphoria into my system. To know that he’d enjoyed sucking me, swallowing my cum as much as I’d enjoyed receiving, was a huge turn-on. I really was looking forward to treating him to head. The thought of his cock in my mouth, the flavor of him on my tongue and down my throat was enough to drive a man insane.

I hoped I wouldn’t have to wait too long.

After paying my cab fare, I wound Todd’s scarf around my neck. He’d forgotten it along with his beanie when he’d left my apartment. Holding the scarf to my nose after the front door had shut, I’d inhaled his scent and known I’d have to wear it all day, even though it wasn’t my style. Not to mention it hid the big purple hickey that stained the right side of my throat.

It was midafternoon, and as I headed into Rizzles the hum of conversation and the scent of beer enveloped me.

“Hey, you,” Joel said as I sat on my stool. “Nice scarf.”

“Er, thanks.” I fingered it self-consciously. I hadn’t been expecting immediate comments. “Busy?”

“Lunchtime rush is over and Gareth will be back in a minute. He had to pick up dry cleaning. You know, ready for the big event.”

“Big event?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He passed a bottle of beer to a customer and took the offered money. “Thanks.” He turned to me. “The exhibition of the decade, Matthew, at Theodore’s. What planet are you living on?”

“Oh yeah, of course.”

“Matthew, babes. How the hell are you?” Raymond strode across the bar area wearing a bright-red sweater and lime-green skinny jeans. He slapped me on the back. “Damn, you look almost trendy in that scarf.”

“Huh, yeah,” I said, slugging on a beer Joel had set down then nestling my chin deeper into the looped material. “What you been up to? Haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Been to Chicago with work. Met this cute-as-a-button guy called Colin. Said he’s going to come and see me one weekend. Can’t fucking wait. He’s got a tush to die for.” He made a groping motion with his hands and laughed. “Like really, to absolutely die for.”

I grinned. “Good for you.”

“Mmm, very good indeed.” He attacked a bowl of nuts. “Joel, can you get me another white wine?”

“Sure,” Joel said, glancing up as Gareth wandered in.

“That’s it, we’re all set,” Gareth said, holding up a black tux wrapped in film. He passed it over the bar to Joel who hung it on a rack of hooks. “Hey, Matthew, nice scarf.”

“Yeah,” I muttered.

Seriously? Was it really so unusual to see me in a scarf?

He reached out and touched it. “Oh, soft, too.”

“Get off,” I snapped, jerking away. “It’s only a fucking scarf, all right?”

Gareth pulled a long face. “Okay, okay, no need to be touchy.”

I grabbed my beer and hunched forward.

Suddenly there was a tightening then a slackening around my neck. Raymond was pulling the scarf, tugging and wrenching and rapidly uncoiling it. My neck cooled as it was exposed to the air. I tried to grasp the scarf but it was too late. It was off and Raymond was holding it up, admiring the weave then slipping it around his own neck.

“Oh, dear Lord above,” Joel said, freezing with his hand on a bottle of wine poised over a glass. His gaze was firmly locked on me.

I frowned and rounded my shoulders further.

“Fucking hell. Is that what I think it is?” Gareth asked, widening his eyes and letting his mouth fall slack. He pressed my shoulder down and with his other hand moved my head to the side, stretching the tendons of my neck.

I pursed my lips and allowed my hickey to be scrutinized. There was no point trying to hide it, not now.

“What, what?” Raymond asked. He was sitting on the opposite side of me, bobbing this way and that, straining to see.

“It is,” Joel said, finally pouring the wine and passing it to Raymond. “Who the hell has been sucking your neck, Matthew?”

“Let me see, let me see,” Raymond said, ducking around me. “Ah fuck. Yes, so they have. What else have they been sucking, Matthew? What else has got a hickey on it?” He dug me with his elbow. “Huh, huh?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I said, jerking away and rubbing my palm over the slightly tender patch of skin on my neck.

“No one here is going to shut up,” Gareth said in a low, dangerous voice. “We haven’t seen you with so much as a twinkle in your eye for the last year, and now you show up with a bite on your neck that would put a vampire to shame and you’re not going to spill the beans.” He pulled up a stool and sat. “I don’t think so, Matthew. Tell us everything, right from the start and don’t leave out anything.”

A ripple of heated irritation weaved up my spine. “There’s nothing to tell. It was nothing. A one-night stand, that’s all.”

“Bullshit,” Joel said, folding his arms and pursing his lips.

“You think we’re stupid or something?” Raymond asked, sloshing back a big gulp of wine. “You’re the world’s biggest hater of one-night stands.”

“So I changed my mind. Maybe I met someone with a tush to die for.” I reached for the scarf, pulling it from Raymond’s neck and dropping it on my lap. I didn’t want Raymond’s spicy cologne on it.

“Except lately,” Gareth said, pressing his index finger against his temple, “you’ve had a sparkle in your eye when you’ve talked about a certain hockey player.”

I knocked down a huge mouthful of beer. So huge I nearly started spluttering. Joel leaned forward, looked into my eyes.

I scowled and stared past Gareth’s shoulder out the window at the cabs rushing past and the people scurrying here and there.

“It is, isn’t it? I’m right,” Gareth said. “That hot-as-fuck Todd Pretty Carty did that to you. He’s gay as a maypole, isn’t he?”

I glanced quickly around at the other customers. “Shut the fuck up,” I snarled.

Gareth held up his palms. “Sorry,” he whispered. “Clearly I’m right, though.”

I clenched my jaw as an image of Todd swirled in front of me. Hearing his name had my heart beating faster and my breath catching.

Raymond rested a hand on my shoulder. I thought about shaking it off, but only for a split second. These guys were my mates. I’d needed them when things went wrong. It was only fair to let them into my life now things were taking an upward turn.

“You can’t say anything,” I said, “to anyone. Have you any idea how huge this is? What kind of media circus it could start?”

“Of course we won’t say anything,” Raymond said with a pout.

“Promise?”

“Yeah, we promise. Come on, Matthew,” Joel said. “We care about you. We want to see you happy and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.”

I managed a hint of a smile. “Thanks.”

“But of course if he wants to talk to the press then I’m journalist numero uno. Don’t forget that.”

“Joel!” I said through gritted teeth.

He held up his palms. “I’m just saying. I know how to handle these things.”

Gareth reached forward and rested his hand on my arm. “No one is going to say anything or write anything.” He frowned at Joel. “So come on, tell us what the hell is going on.”

I swung my gaze around again. The place was half full but no one was taking any notice of us, perched at our end of the bar. “Okay, so something happened between Todd and I. But not as much as your dirty minds think.”

I told them about how Todd and I had sparked a friendship while I’d been taking his Armani shots. Eaten out together, visited each other’s apartments, sat up late chatting and looking at pictures, and finally he’d said he liked me and he’d been battling with his attraction to guys for years.

“You lucky bastard.” Raymond sighed with a wistful shake of his head. “He’s on my list of top five athletes I’d fuck.”

I rolled my eyes in despair. “Well, we haven’t. Fucked, that is.”

“No? So how did that happen?” Joel asked, pointing at my hickey.

I shrugged and gestured for him to reach me another beer. “Things just got a bit heated this morning in my kitchen.”

“So he stayed the night then?” Gareth asked.

“No, he’d just flown in from L.A. and wanted to see me. Came straight from the airport to my apartment.”

“Ah, sweet,” Raymond said, flattening his palms on his cheeks and tilting his head. “He’d missed you.”

I smiled, a big grin that I could feel stretching my face. “Yeah, he had. A lot.”

Gareth squeezed my shoulder. “I’m happy for you.” He pulled his eyebrows low and a line creased between them. “But, hot-shot hockey star or not, if he hurts you, screws you or dumps you the way that son of a bitch Tony did, then he’ll have us to answer to, and afterwards, I can guarantee he won’t look so damn pretty.”