Chapter Fourteen

 

We must have dozed for an hour or two—me pressed into Dustin’s back, him clutching my arms around him—because when we woke the sunshine had gone from the front of the house and the room was no longer bathed in morning light.

Dustin cleared his throat and turned, faced me. His face was soft and sleepy and I stroked my hand over his stubbled jawline.

“I think you fucked me unconscious, sweet cheeks,” he whispered.

I grinned. “You had a good time then?”

He grinned, too. “No, it was fucking awful.”

“Liar.”

He kissed me and pushed my hair over my ears. “I’m hungry,” he said. “Let’s go eat something other than each other.”

He got up from the bed and reached for his trunks. On his left buttock was a fading pink handprint.

He caught me staring. “What?”

“Seems you have a memento of your bad behavior,” I said, pointing.

He spun and looked over his shoulder. “Perhaps I’ll be bad more often.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Mmm, no.”

He laughed. “I told you when we first met that I might enjoy you slapping me. Didn’t think back then that you’d actually get a swat at my bare ass.”

“No, it was your other cheeks I was thinking about marking.” I frowned at the memory.

He walked over and cupped my face. “You’re a harsh boss, you know that?”

“You love it.”

He kissed me, winked and then straightened. “I’ll cook. You shower and dress and do your hair.” He paused and spun a circle by his ear with his hand. “Or do whatever it is girls do, and be ready in twenty.”

 

*****

 

Dustin made a salad with cold chicken and rice. It wasn’t cordon bleu but I was hungry, and sitting on the deck with him, eating, was perfect.

I looked at the cloudless skyline and then watched a hummingbird busying at the flowers. Dustin was eating in that functional way of his. He needed calories, fuel, and he was going for it.

I sipped a glass of iced water and looked at the little threads he wore on his wrist. “What are they for? Some kind of weird religion?”

“Nah.” He shook his head.

“So what then?” I speared a chunk of chicken and popped it into my mouth.

He shrugged. “I promised someone I’d wear them.”

“Who’d you promise? Your ex-wife?”

He snorted. “Hardly.”

I waited, wondering if he’d tell me now or if I’d have to probe further.

He sighed, sat back and reached for his water. “It’s a long story, but basically a few years back I was doing some charity work at the local hospital.” He paused and looked out at the horizon I’d been studying moments ago. “I got friendly with a kid there. He was a mad hockey fan, thought I was the business.”

“What was his name?”

“Joel.”

A sadness washed over his eyes and his lips tightened. He set down his water.

I swallowed, not wanting the answer to my next question but knowing I had to ask anyway. “What happened to Joel?”

“He had terminal cancer, a brain tumor.” Dustin shook his head. “He had a short, painful life but faced it with a smile and bravery. I was in awe of him.”

“How old was he, when…?”

“Fourteen. We were friends for a couple of years. When I was in the area I’d visit him. Send him stuff when I was on the road, you know, try and give him little things to brighten his day. The chemo was hell, not much anyone could do, but they had to give it a try.”

I felt my eyes sting and blinked to hold back a tear.

Dustin didn’t seem to notice. He was rubbing his fingers over the threads. “He gave me these, when he knew the end was near. Asked me to wear them in his memory.”

“How long ago was that?”

“He lost his fight two years ago last month. Fucking shit hand of cards he’d been dealt.”

I leaned over and rested my hand on top of his.

He frowned, looked right at me.

“Makes money problems seem insignificant, doesn’t it?” I asked with a sad smile.

“Sure does.” He put his other hand on top of mine. “So that’s why I wear them, and I will until they fray and drop off. Not that I really need any physical things to remember Joel.” He tapped the side of his head. “I have lots of memories, mainly of him smiling.” He paused. “I wish I could have done more.”

“Sounds like you did a lot.”

“I’m just a guy who plays hockey. Not a doctor or…God.” He rolled his eyes heavenward. “So I did what I could in the hope it made the tiniest difference.”

He let go of my hand and reached for his drink again.

“You really like kids, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He took a gulp then set his water aside.

“Yet you don’t have any?”

“Whoa, what is this, twenty-fucking-questions?” He scowled.

“No, just wondering.”

A long sigh left his chest. “Ah, what the hell. It’s no big secret.”

“What isn’t?”

“Why Christy and I split.”

“Christy being your ex-wife?”

“Yeah, that’ll be the one.” He scooped the last of his rice into his mouth and clattered his knife and folk to the side of the plate.

“So what happened? You said earlier you had great sex together.”

“Nothing happened, basically.” He folded his arms, pressing his biceps outward with his knuckles in the way I’d come to be fascinated by.

“What does that mean?”

He sighed. “Nothing happened. We married, in love and that was it.”

I wasn’t following. My expression must have told him this.

“When we met she told me she didn’t want children, that she didn’t think she had a maternal bone in her body.”

“So why did you marry her if you did want kids?”

“Because I was a lovesick idiot and thought I could change her. I was sure as she got older and she got that I could provide for her, for always, and for a whole brood of our children she’d change her mind. But she just wasn’t up for it. Kids really weren’t in her life plan.”

I tried to imagine being Dustin’s wife, living in a big house full of his children. It didn’t seem like the worst deal in the world. Not that I was about to say that to him, because I wasn’t his wife and I wasn’t about to bear him a “brood”. But still, there were a lot worse fates.

“So when did you realize that children weren’t going to happen?” I asked.

“That’s the really galling thing.” His jaw tightened. “And is a secret.”

“I think we’re having a warts-and-all secret-sharing trip. Why omit this one?”

He huffed. “Yeah, you’re right, what’s one more? Okay, but it stays between us. The rest of the world thinks we split because we’d fallen out of love.”

“Of course it’ll stay between us.” Now I was really curious.

“I found her birth control pills.”

“What?”

“In a small side compartment in her purse. It was a shock because we’d been trying to get fucking pregnant for over a year. Each month I’d hope she’d greet me at the doorstep with news and a little blue line on one of those pee sticks. Each month I was disappointed when it didn’t happen. No little Reed on the way.”

I was shocked. “She was on the Pill, secretly?”

“Yep, had been all along. Just doing the whole we’re trying thing to keep me off her back about it. Well…” He leaned forward. “All I can say is finding that packet of Pills made me very unhappy and very much on her back. I filed for divorce the next week and haven’t seen her since.”

“Shit, that’s bad.”

He shrugged.

“How’d she take it?” I asked.

“The divorce?”

“Yeah.”

“With relief, so she told me in a letter. That she wasn’t getting pressured to put her body through something she didn’t want to do, and that she didn’t have to give up the next twenty years of her life raising a dumb jock’s kids.”

“Charming.”

“Yep, that’ll be her.” He sighed and his eyes dulled.

“But you must have loved her once.”

“Sure I did. I believed she was the one when we walked down that aisle. We’d met through a friend of a friend and hit it off straightaway.” He kind of smiled and then looked exasperated with himself. “Parties were wild when she was there, the sex afterward was wilder. She was a goer, always looking for fun, the next high, the next adventure, pushing limits. I guess looking back she wasn’t mother material, but that didn’t stop me hoping.”

“I want kids.” I laughed, out of embarrassment for my sudden statement. “I’m not saying that because I want to marry you and have yours, far from it. But I’ve always had that in my grand plan for the future. Babies, children, a big family getting together at the dinner table, a garden full of fun and laughter and swings and slides.” I shrugged. “I’m an only child, and I missed out. I want my kids to have lots of siblings, ready-made friends.”

“Yeah, that’s the way to do it. I had brothers and it was cool. We fought together and played together. Never lonely. Always a tree to climb or a den to build with one of your best mates.”

“Sounds fun.”

“It was.”

“You see them much? Your family?”

“When I can. Canada’s a long way from Orlando. Though if I have to…”

“What?”

“Nothing.” He stood. “Come on, let’s walk this lunch off.”

He stacked the plates and took them into the villa.

What had he been going to say? If he had to switch teams would he go and play in Canada? If so, that would be a long way from me.

Shit. Where had that thought come from? It had just blustered into my mind full of self-importance and blown itself up.

What did it matter to me where Dustin went to play? He was too expensive, end of story. It wasn’t as if he wouldn’t be able to command a handsome salary somewhere else. He would. He’d be fine. It was the Vipers I had to worry about.

Whatever my emotions were telling me I was feeling for him, they would have to be ignored, at least once we got back to the mainland that was. Then my head would have to take charge again and all this nonsense would be left on the island.

 

*****

 

Ten minutes later we were wandering along the shoreline in the opposite direction of the village. I knew it didn’t lead anywhere, the sheer cliffs at the foot of the small mountain saw to that. But it was a pleasant stroll and if it got too hot there was the shade of the palm trees to shelter the way home.

Dustin had been telling me about his parents’ law firm and how both of his brothers were working there now, when suddenly he’d reached for my hand and threaded my fingers with his. He’d barely paused in what he was saying, just pressed our palms together and carried on walking, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

I didn’t say anything, just continued to listen even as a ton of thoughts tumbled through me. But the predominant one was how much I liked his touch, his hold, him being at my side.

When did this infuriating, gutter-mouthed goaltender become so appealing to me? When had he cleverly wormed his way under my skin?

I couldn’t answer that. Perhaps it had been when he’d thrown me over his shoulder, or maybe when he’d saved me from the mugger, or perhaps when he’d shown me his deepest, darkest desires. Or it could have even been when he’d kissed me back in New York, pushed me up against the wall and just shown me, in the most basic of ways, that he wanted me.

A small shiver went up my spine. Just thinking about him kissing me could get me going?

“You cold?” he asked.

“Hardly, it’s hot enough to fry eggs on the sand today.”

“What’s up then?”

I shrugged. I couldn’t exactly tell him that my feelings for him were growing. Where the hell would that leave us? I had to make important decisions for the team and I couldn’t let my lust-addled heart rule the roost. I had to think with my head.

“Is it me?” he asked, stopping and facing me.

I paused and stared at his bare chest and the small curls of dark hair on his sternum. “No, it’s me.”

He tipped my chin with the crook of his index finger. “Explain.”

“We can’t…” I started.

“We can’t what?”

“This is just here, isn’t it? Us?”

“That’s what we agreed,” he said quietly. “Just here. Too damn complicated otherwise.”

“Complicated…yes.”

“Us, this.” He held up our joined hands. “Stays on the island.”

“When we get back we pretend it never happened.”

“Yeah. I can’t have the guys knowing I’m getting bedroom action with the boss, can I?”

“No, that wouldn’t be right.”

“Definitely not right.” He pressed his lips together and frowned.

Nausea welled within me. The chicken and rice I’d just eaten seemed to swirl upward. I swallowed and stared at a colorful bird in the trees behind Dustin.

He was quiet, too, looking over my shoulder and out to sea.

“Perhaps this is far enough.” I gestured back toward the villa. “We should go home.”

We’d hardly walked far, but Dustin agreed and we made our way along the sand again.

“I’ll cut it in half, you know,” he said suddenly.

“What?”

“My salary. I’ll cut it in half if that will help the team out.”

I stopped and stared up at him. “You’d do that?”

“Hell, yeah.” He nodded. “I told you, I love the Vipers. It was my childhood dream to play for them, and shit, it’s not as if I’m short on cash. I’ve got more than enough.”

“Dustin, I-I don’t know if I can let you do that.”

“Why not?” He looked bewildered.

“Because it’s not fair. Not when the other players don’t have to alter theirs.”

“But they’d never know. I wouldn’t tell them and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t.”

“But…”

“Think about it, okay?” He ran his hand over my ear and tangled his fingers in my hair. “’Cause I’m more willing to negotiate than you give me credit for.”

“But—”

“Mess around with the figures on paper, that’s all I ask.” He hovered his lips over mine. “Because I wanna stay, in Orlando, playing for the Vipers and stopping pucks getting into our damn net.”

He kissed me. It was a warm, sweet kiss that seemed to hold hope and sadness. I melted into him, wrapping my arms around his wide waist and letting his body support mine. His kisses did this transporting thing to me. Made me feel like we were alone in the world and that my problems existed in a different dimension.

I knew he carried sorrow. Sorrow for his little friend who’d died and for his marriage that had gone so wrong. He also had dreams for the future, dreams of being a father, dreams of playing for his number-one team for many years to come.

Dustin “Speed” Reed was a man who had a bounty of layers. At first I’d thought he was rude and infuriating to the core, then his sexy kisses and devastating smile had got him into my panties, but now, now his humanness was burrowing him into my heart.

I’d have to be careful, or my heart might just get cross-checked into the boards of heartbreak, because Dustin thought us being together was just “too damn complicated” and when we got back it would be over between us.

And he was right, wasn’t he?

Yes.

He ended the kiss and we carried on walking. The villa came into view and we angled our way across the sand toward it.

“Why did your parents split?” he asked.

“Can’t you tell?”

“Er, no.”

“Giselle.”

“Really?”

“I’ve been told it wasn’t her presence by both my parents, but I’m not dumb. Giselle and Dad, I suspect they’ve had a thing going on for years. Mom found out and that was it, divorce.”

“She’s—”

“Younger than him, yes, seems that’s what hooked him.” I shrugged. I’d fought my demons over that one. My parents were entitled to do their own thing without their adult daughter judging them. They wanted to keep it a secret that one of them played around, so fair enough.

“I wasn’t going to say younger, though she is, I was going to say very glamorous.”

“High-maintenance, you mean.” I laughed. I could only imagine how much she spent on self-grooming, all at Dad’s expense now of course. But again it didn’t worry me. She made him happy, he liked having her on his arm, and who was I to say he shouldn’t have what he wanted? He was a great looking guy, a silver fox.

“Yeah, high-maintenance.”

“Was Christy glamorous?’

“My ex? Er, yeah, I suppose. She liked to look her best at all times, never without makeup or her hair just so. She liked these fake red nails, too, overlong like talons.”

I laughed. “Not like me then.” I thought of my makeup-free face, my hair that could probably do with a brush now the sea breeze and Dustin’s fingers had messed it up, and my rather uncomplicated outfit of just a bikini.

“I think your style is just right,” he said, stepping up onto the deck. “You’re beautiful in a natural way. When you smile it lights your face more than any amount of makeup could, and your sexy little body…” He stopped and pulled me close. “Well, personally I think it’s a sin for you to wear any clothes at all.”