CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

 

“WHERE DID YOU say you are?” I asked Ethan. He was calling from his most recent trip overseas. I had no idea why he’d taken so many journeys to all the corners of the world, but it was pretty much the only thing he’d done for the past few months. He’d even let all of his Rain duties fall by the wayside.

“Greece.” Ethan’s voice was tinny from the long-distance line and echoing because he was on speakerphone. It sounded like he was talking to us through a copper pipe in a bathroom.

“Why are you in Greece?” Clay asked.

“We found legends about a pair of springs near the source of the Erkina River in Lebadia. Apparently they’re still flowing even now, and one’s called Lethe. The area is off-limits for fae, just like Alaska, so I’m assuming the legends are true—they are the real waters.”

“What are you doing anywhere near there, Eth?” I growled. “That stuff’s dangerous.”

“The water doesn’t affect me,” he reminded me.

“Still, you shouldn’t be there.” If he accidentally brought something back that was contaminated, any one of our fae family could lose their memories. Clay could lose his again; I won’t let that happen.

“Just hear me out,” he said. “There’s the second spring here. The Mnemosyne. It was another River in Hades, and it means memory. I was thinking that if the River Lethe stole Clay’s memory—”

“Maybe the Mnemosyne spring can restore it?” I could barely believe what he was telling me.

I could have Clay back, whole and complete.

I met Clay’s eyes, and I could see the conflict raging in him. I had to turn my gaze away so that he couldn’t see the hope in mine. Our conversations over the last few weeks resurfaced, and I realized that he might have been right about something—I was still in love with the old Clay. But he was wrong about something too—I loved who he was now as well. In my mind, they weren’t as separate and distinct as he believed they were. He was the man he’d always been, just without the memories of his past.

“I guess it’s worth a try,” he murmured to the handset, still seeming reluctant and more than a little hesitant.

“It’ll take us a few days to hike there and a few more to hike back. I’ll probably be back in about a week, maybe a week and a half.”

After ending the call with Ethan, Clay was in a bad mood. When I confronted him about it, he turned the question back around on me.

“Did you ask Ethan to find a fix?”

“No. Why would I?”

“Because you want the real Clay back.” I could tell he was hurt by the thought. It made me regret my choice of words the last time we were in the court.

“You are the real Clay. Memories or not.”

He grunted in response, as if he didn’t believe me, but his mood lifted a little after I said it.

 

AS PROMISED, Ethan returned a little over a week later with a metal flask and a visitor. At his side stood a petite, and rather pretty, woman with shoulder-length hair dyed an odd shade of florescent green. She appeared to be around Ethan’s age, but I couldn’t be certain. I figured she was the “we” that Ethan kept referring to during his calls, but I had no idea who she was—or why she was in our house.

She bounded to Clay’s side, punched his arm and then kissed his cheek. The familiarity in the move confused me, but it was clear she knew him—or at least thought she did. “Hey, cowboy,” she said with a grin.

Clay stared blankly at her, and she frowned before turning to Ethan. “Wow, when you said all, you really meant all, didn’t you?”

My lips turned down as I assessed Ethan’s guest and her familiarity with Clay. Tucking away the spike of jealousy that rose in my chest, I introduced myself.

Ethan grinned at me. “This is Toni from Oxford.”

The place rang a bell in my mind, but I couldn’t think where. Oxford? There was something that happened at Oxford that Clay had never filled me in on.

Toni smiled up at me. “Of course you’re Evie.” She rushed over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I’d kiss you if it wasn’t wildly inappropriate.”

The whole encounter was so surreal. “Why?”

“Why? Well, for one thing I don’t really swing that way, and for another it would excite the boys far too much.”

She laughed at the expression on my face.

“Don’t you know? You started a revolution.”

Clay turned to me in confusion.

“I didn’t do anything,” I argued.

“But you did, by being you. When Clay was with me back at the Dove, we could only dream of changing the world as much as the two of you did during your assault on Bayview.”

“You and Clay?” I looked to him for guidance, even though he clearly had no memory of her.

She grinned. “Almost from the day Clay turned up on my doorstep, we just hit it off.”

I tried to be patient and understanding. After all, Clay had accepted Aiden into our lives—this Toni had obviously meant something to him in the past. I just couldn’t completely shake the jealousy that stole through my veins like an icy version of the heat that once pumped through me.

“Didn’t Clay ever tell you about Toni?” Ethan asked, giving Clay a look filled with pity. I wondered if I wasn’t hiding my jealousy quite as well as I’d hoped.

“Oh, we were wild,” Toni said, winking at Ethan. “After the first night we spent in his bedroom, he was so exhausted that he slept like a log for a solid nine hours.”

I flinched. I might have shared the information about my history with Aiden, but I’d never gone into specifics. When she met my eye again, the corners of Toni’s mouth twitched as if she was barely holding back a smile.

“The mess was unbelievable,” she continued with amusement dancing in her eyes.

Ethan started to laugh, and Toni follow suit.

“Relax, nothing ever happened between us. He was just like an annoying, stinky little brother.”

“Stinky?” It figured Clay was irritated by that word and not the rest of the situation.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way he smells,” I defended.

Toni laughed. “He’d come to us after a long time on the road though. At least he probably showered properly before meeting up with you.”

A look of consternation crossed Clay’s face, and I knew it was because too much time had been spent reminiscing. The past was a place that was no longer available to him. I reached for his hand and held it in mine, letting him know silently that I understood. “As nice as this reunion is, we just live for each day now.”

Sorrow stole Toni’s smile. “Of course. How does it feel?” she asked him. “Never mind,” she added almost instantly, no doubt in response to his stern expression.

Ethan seemed to realize the moment was quickly spiraling from the feel-good homecoming he’d expected to something darker. “The good news is, with Toni’s help—”

“And the help of my fae friends,” she added before frowning at Clay’s lack of response.

“We found the spring and brought you back bottled memories.” Ethan produced a small silver flask, which Clay stared at with open disdain. Even though Clay was the one who had ultimately agreed to the idea, I began to regret letting him—I worried that the small flask would set our relationship back after we’d gained so much ground lately.

Clay reached out and grabbed the water from Ethan before turning back to the dining table where we had an array of foods already laid out ready for lunch. Placing the flask in front of his seat, Clay invited the others to join us before sitting at the table himself.

Both Ethan and Toni stayed for lunch, doting over Ava and David until eventually the twins went down for a nap. Instead of spending time with the guests, Clay spent the whole time sullen and silent, watching the flask of water closely. It was almost as if he expected the liquid to force its way out of the container, rush to him and destroy who he’d become. Only after our guests had left, did Clay go anywhere near the water again. Both Toni and Ethan seemed to realize that consuming the waters of the Mnemosyne was something Clay needed to do alone—or at least with only me and the babies around to support him.

“Do you really want me to drink this?” he asked, holding up the flask before twisting it side to side, as if a closer examination would change the contents.

I shrugged. Honestly, I was a bundle of nerves about it. I wanted it so badly, but I wanted him to want it too. If he didn’t want to try it, I would be happy with what we had. “It might restore your memory.”

“And if it does? What then? Does that mean I go and he returns?”

“I don’t know.”

“I could be killing myself to give you back the man you love,” he murmured.

I shook my head. “You have to believe me when I say that I love you.”

“You know what I mean.”

I couldn’t make him understand, even after months of my gentle coaxing, he still saw himself as two separate entities—the before and after, each distinct people.

“What’s to say restoring your memory will make you lose the last few months?” I asked. “Maybe you’ll have all of your memories.”

“Do you know that I almost think it would be worth it if it made you happy?”

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

He met my eyes, no doubt searching for any hint of deception. “Do you need me to do this for you to be happy?”

“Of course not,” I said truthfully. “I’m happy now.”

“You really didn’t ask Ethan to find answers?”

“I really didn’t,” I reassured him, moving closer to where he stood. “I think he did it because he felt so guilty about dragging you to Alaska in the first place.”

“From what you’ve told me, he didn’t have to coerce me very much.”

“Not really, but I understand why. You like to help people. That’s part of who you are, with or without your memories. That’s what I’ve learned out of this experience, Clay. It’s not a matter of who you used to be and whether you’re still him or not. It’s a matter of who you are in here.” I pressed my palm over the beating warmth of his heart. “That’s the man I love. And that has nothing to do with memory or experience or anything else. It’s to do with the good you want to do, the way you make me feel, and how, whatever else is happening in your life, family is one of the most important things in the world to you.”

“So what you’re trying to say is that you don’t care if I never get my memory back?”

“What I’m saying is that you have to choose what you want to do, and I’ll support you either way.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked.

“Just lucky I guess,” I said with a chuckle. “Although I guess you did spare my life . . . a couple of times. That’s a pretty good way to win a girl over.”

Twisting the lid off the flask, he moved over to the sink and stood poised next to it with the flask tilted ever so slightly, as if he was ready to pour the contents out at any second. His apprehension was clear in every motion.

“So I could tip this out?” he asked, tilting it ever more.

I figured he was waiting for a reaction from me, but he wouldn’t get one. I wanted him to be happy—whatever that took I would support his decision. “You could.”

“And?”

“And, well, Ethan might be a little miffed that you didn’t at least try it.”

“Only Ethan?”

I nodded.

His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he lifted the flask away from the sink and placed it against his lips. “Just in case this goes badly, goodbye, Evie.”

His words panicked me and made me doubt in the safety of the drink. I began to worry once more what might happen if Ethan had filled it from the wrong spring.

“You don’t have—” I stopped as he tipped the container and drank deeply of the water within.

A clang rang through the house as the metal flask fell to the floor when his fingers released their grip, but I ignored the ringing sound that reverberated around us and instead watched Clay carefully. For a moment, his eyes screwed completely shut and his mouth twisted into a grimace. When his eyelids fluttered open a second later, I couldn’t tell immediately whether there was any change.

“How do you feel?” I asked. My nerves were eating away at me. What if Ethan took the water from the wrong spring? Are we back at square one?

“Good,” Clay said with a deliberate slowness. “I feel really good.”

“And?” Did it work? I bounced on the balls of my feet and wanted to shout the question at him, but held my tongue. I didn’t want him to think I was eager to know whether all of his memories had returned because that wasn’t really what caused my concern. I was more worried that he might have lost everything and we’d have to rebuild our relationship for the umpteenth time.

“And . . . you look beautiful.”

I gaped at him, although internally I released a massive sigh of relief. At least he recognizes me. Doesn’t he? “You’re not going to tell me whether it worked?”

“Does it really matter?” he asked with a curled lip and one raised eyebrow, no doubt replaying all of our conversations over the last few months just as I was and using them to tease me. At least, I hoped he was.

“Not really,” I said. “But I am curious,” I relented.

A sly smile crossed his lips. “Evie,” he started, but stopped to chuckle when my whole body relaxed instantly at the sound of my name on his lips.

I crossed my arms and gave him a death stare. “It must have worked because you’re having way too much fun with this.”

Closing the distance between us in less than a heartbeat, he pulled me against his body. I closed my eyes and listened to his strong heartbeat.

“I don’t mean to tease you, but you’re just too cute not to.”

Still holding me around the waist, he pulled back to focus on me. One hand lifted to cup my cheek.

“I know who you are. I know our two beautiful babies. Do you need anything more than that?”

I shook my head. “I really don’t, but does that mean that it didn’t work?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Yes, it didn’t work, or yes, it did?”

With a chuckle in his throat, he leaned forward and touched his lips to the side of my ear. “Yes,” he breathed against my skin before nibbling my earlobe.

A shudder of pleasure rushed through me, and I knew it really didn’t matter. I really didn’t care. I had Clay—all of him. Memories or not, that would never change. I twisted my head and claimed his lips as desire raged through me like wildfire.