Chapter Twelve
Madison
I’m numb.
Moon leaves the room, and Carlo enters while Two Dogs whines at the door. The whining stops and I’m sure Moon pulled him away. I’m in my bathrobe with nothing on beneath. I should care but I don’t. All I want is to lie back on the bed and sleep for the next twenty years.
Carlo moves quietly around me, setting out his instruments. We’ve been here before even if the circumstances were very different. He’s not invading my space. Yet.
“It’s good to know you’re in better shape than your friend,” he finally says.
I don’t bother looking at him. I have several external bruises, possible bruised ribs, and a knot on my head. I’ll live, and those injuries are unimportant right now. I’ve survived worse and Carlo was there to fix me then too. There’s no fixing what’s really wrong. It was better when all I could think about was getting me and Cori free. It gave me purpose. Now I only have a dark hole of nothingness.
Fernandez violated my body and he didn’t use a condom. He could be carrying multiple diseases, which means I must tell Carlo what happened. The thought of talking about it freezes my insides. I could be carrying a disease now too. Do I want to die? Maybe, maybe not. I want it to be my decision and not forced on me through some terminal disease or one I could pass to my husband.
My rational mind knows Moon will still love me when he finds out what happened. But, will he want to touch me and be intimate? The irrational side says no one will ever want to touch me again because I’m dirty from the inside out.
I handled several rape cases as an officer and had to ask intimate details. Those poor women were strong enough to tell me, and I need to be strong too. It takes a moment for me to dig deep and go into my old cop mode. Tear the bandage off, be precise, and never allow emotion to pollute the job. I expel a deep breath. “I was vaginally raped. Cori and I both need medication in case the men carried STDs.” If he didn’t already know Cori was raped he does now and I feel bad because I shouldn’t be the one to tell Cori’s story.
Carlo sits beside me on the bed and takes my hand. “Cori told me what happened to her. The medication you both need will be delivered within two hours.” His hand moves over mine and he tries to soothe me. “Your face is swollen and I need you to tell me what else was done to you.”
“A punch here, another there. I have bruised ribs and a slight concussion. Otherwise I’m fine.” Yeah, fine describes how I feel. It’s the “fine” a woman uses when she’s anything but. I don’t tell him that my stomach aches where I was kicked and punched. Or that my right palm is cut. Those injuries aren’t bad and I don’t care about them. When I say nothing further, Carlo checks my pulse. I try to pull my hand away because I don’t want to be touched.
He squeezes it a bit and then lets me go. “You can sit right there while I examine you, but I am checking you over before I allow Xavier back in here.”
Xavier. Moon’s middle name that I use when we make love. To Moon, I’ll always be Madison and never Mak. His last name stands for so much more than a name to me. It’s who he is—unstoppable, unflappable, and strong. He guides me to the light, or at least he did. I don’t think the sun will ever shine on me again.
Carlo checks my vitals while I stay perfectly still. He shines his penlight into my eyes and gives a “hmm” sound. “Did you suffer dizziness after the blow to your head?”
I shrug. “I passed out, but other than throbbing I don’t think it’s bad.”
“Let me, the doctor, decide that,” he chastises. “You have a way of gathering concussions like no one I’ve seen before and it needs to stop. You could be causing lasting brain damage.”
I ignore his complaints. When he gets to my injured hand I receive a “tsk.” He applies ointment and then bandages it.
“This will sting. It’s a tetanus shot.” He pushes my robe slightly off my shoulder and gives me the injection in my arm. For a moment, I wonder what all he carries in his emergency bag. It seems to hold everything we always need. Moon built a medical room in the house, which is supplied with all the items Carlo recommended too, but his bag has always fascinated me and right now I need something to focus on. A black bag will do.
“How is Cori?” I finally ask because my thoughts suddenly jump to her. I should have been a better friend and asked immediately.
He checks my jaw and teeth before replying. “She’s sedated and should sleep until tomorrow. I’ll leave an injection behind in case she wakes early.” He steps back. “I need to examine you, Mak, if you’ll let me.”
I shrug the bathrobe from my shoulders and allow him to poke and prod me some more. Even when it hurts, I refuse to move or show discomfort. It’s strange because I should feel something—anger, shame, misery… something. I don’t. It’s like my brain and all my thoughts have shut down. It doesn’t matter where Carlo touches me, it won’t penetrate the fog.
“Can you lie back so I can check for vaginal tearing and bruising?”
“No.” He can’t touch me there, no one can. Even though I thought I was prepared to allow him to examine me, I suddenly realize I’m not. What the hell is my brain doing? The pounding in my head increases when I try to straighten out my thoughts.
Carlo doesn’t argue. He pulls my bathrobe back around my shoulders, ties the sash, and then pulls my hair out and drapes it onto my shoulders. His expression shows understanding; he’s not fighting me. He rolls up my bathrobe sleeve and I feel the poke of a needle after he pulls my arm toward him. Not even tears will come now. Emotion is so far away I can’t remember what it feels like.
I react quickly to the shot and my eyelids have trouble staying open.
“Thank you,” I whisper before the world goes dark.