Chapter Thirty-Seven
Moon
Part of my heart-stopping fury recedes when I pull Madison back into my arms. Her entire body is shaking and she’s still clutching the knife I handed her. Alex takes it from her hand after I scoop her into my arms and cradle her against my chest. I breathe in the scent of her hair and try to gain more control.
This woman is everything. She’s the reason I wake up in the morning. Everything I hold dear is wrapped up in her. Cori meets my eyes and she tips her head in acknowledgement. When she turns away, Duke is standing behind her. He pulls her into his arms and walks her toward the front room. He stops when Goose is dragged closer by one of Dax’s men and places himself between Cori and Duke. Duke casually pulls his gun and fires, striking him between the eyes. Goose blankly stares at the ceiling by the time the sound of the gunshot fades from the room. Cori spits on Goose’s body before Duke leads her forward. Alex gives orders to clean up the bloody mess.
“Please take me home,” Madison whispers into my chest.
“Home it is,” I say softly into her hair.
I could never allow her to change who she is fundamentally. She’s embraced my world and it’s brought her heartache. Killing Fernandez would have killed her slowly. My anger and the revenge I wanted to take against him meant nothing after I saw the haunted look in her eyes. He needed to die quickly because it was no longer about him. My wife needed him dead.
I carry Madison past the men. Dax, who has a tight hold on Sofia, hands me a note before I reach the door. I don’t look at it, just stuff it in my pocket. I place Madison in the front seat of one of our SUV’s and buckle her seatbelt. Her gaze stays fixed on something in the distance. I climb into the driver’s seat and we drive away. I don’t take her to the house in Phoenix, I drive north to Flagstaff. I won’t take her back to the other house until the outer wall is repaired and the police are clear. If they want to talk to me, they can come to Flagstaff or speak to my attorney.
Madison remains quiet in the car. She keeps her legs pulled up close to her chest and stares out the window at the trees as we climb higher into the mountains. When we first hit the freeway, I called the couple who looks after the Flagstaff property and let them know we were headed up for an indefinite period of time. Alex will call if I’m needed, though I’m praying for downtime. My wife needs peace and calm in her life right now. I need to know she isn’t in danger.
I keep an eye on my rearview mirror like I do each time we make this trip. Our vehicles are swept for tracking devices each day and this one’s clean. We’ll be safe at the cabin and Madison will find her way back to me. I take her hand and she gives mine a slight squeeze in return but doesn’t look at me. “I love you,” I say into the quiet interior.
She doesn’t reply.
So many thoughts travel through my head as we approach Flagstaff. I don’t deserve Madison and I also need her in order to breathe. I may be stupid for thinking we can ever live a normal life, but it’s what I dream of. The image of her with child snaps into my thoughts and I wonder if it could ever be reality. My wife deserves normal and safe. Bringing a child into this world is something neither of us ever thought we would consider. I glance at her and her blank eyes. I seriously doubt she would be on board even if we changed everything about our lives.
After a two-hour drive, without a word from Madison, I reach to lift her from the seat when we arrive at the cabin, but she stands on her own. I clasp her hand and lead her up the stairs and through the front door after I put in the code that unlocks the entry. Phily, Madison’s cat, runs to her legs, rubs against them and commences purring. I release Madison’s hand when she bends down to pick him up. Her face sinks into his fur for a few seconds before he wiggles to get down. As soon as Phily jumps free, Madison walks upstairs and I follow slowly behind. When she reaches our bedroom, she takes off her clothes and climbs beneath the covers of the bed without looking at me.
I think about all the things I need to say and decide to hold my thoughts and give her a little space. Not a lot this time, though. The kitchen beckons and I check the freezer for a casserole, which I pull out and place on the counter. Mrs. Loche keeps us supplied so when we’re here, we don’t need to worry about cooking. Neither Madison nor I have the talent for more than sandwiches and we’d rather not starve.
I head to the Loche’s cabin, which is on our property about a hundred yards to the east. They have a small backyard with a wooden fence so the elk stay out of Mrs. Loche’s vegetable garden. It’s a beautiful day in the low eighties, so it’s no surprise when I see the front door to the Loches’ cabin open with just the screen door to keep flies out. I knock on the wood panel and Mr. Loche comes around the corner from the kitchen. He opens the door and shakes my hand.
“The missus is around the back weeding her garden. Come inside and I’ll grab her. Where’s Madison?”
“She’s under the weather and needed a nap.”
“The missus won’t like hearing that. She’ll whip up some soup and have her right as rain in no time.” I loosen my tie and shrug out of my suit coat while he fetches Mrs. Loche. I glance around the small cabin and a sense of peace takes over. I want this for me and Madison someday. Just her with no criminal empire taking our time and placing us in danger. Hell, I want so much more.
I look to the back door when Mrs. Loche enters followed by her husband. She doesn’t shake my hand. The first time I met her, she wrapped me in a hug and this time is no different. “You stayed gone too long and that darn goat misses your Madison.”
She and her husband met fifty years ago. He was the right hand of a mob boss in Chicago. She was the boss’s daughter. They lived the criminal life for many years. When I made a deal with her brother, after her father’s death, her husband and I kept in touch. They are more than able to handle anything that comes their way, but they love the simple life and it gives me hope that someday, Madison and I can have this life too.
I actually laugh at Mrs. Loche’s statement because the goat would never miss me. He thinks of me as the interloper who takes Madison’s attention away from him. “She was glad to see Phily, but she’s not feeling well. We’ll visit Fred tomorrow when she’s better.” I hope Madison is better tomorrow, though I have my doubts. “We’ll be staying for a week, maybe longer.”
Her smile lights up the room. She and Madison have become good friends. “I’ll bring soup by this evening and she’ll feel better.”
I don’t tell her I pulled out a casserole. The soup can’t hurt at this point. “Thank you,” I say with a smile for her benefit. After a little small talk, I head back to the main cabin. Ours is much larger than the Loche’s place and not nearly as intimate. It doesn’t matter, though, because we love the large windows and their beautiful view. With multiple decks we can sit and watch the sun rise or set. While here in the summer, we take advantage of Mrs. Loche’s vegetable garden. Even with the tasty produce, Madison has never understood how they could fence in their backyard. She loves watching the wildlife from birds to elk and the occasional coyote. We even saw a bear once. I climb the stairs to the bedroom and peer in at Madison. She hasn’t moved. There’s a stack of wood in the back of the house that always needs splitting. Mr. Loche leaves it for me. I change into jeans and a T-shirt along with my hiking boots and head out back.
As soon as I begin, I can’t stop. I’m lost without my wife and I have no idea how to fix this. A short time later, I can feel her watching me, so I turn toward her. She’s sitting on the back porch and I heave a sigh of relief. When I lay the ax down to walk over to her, she holds out her hand in a classic stop gesture.
“I need time,” she says quietly.
“I’ll give you whatever you need, baby. Mrs. Loche is making you soup. I told her you’re under the weather.” She gives me a grimace.
“You need to eat.”
“I need time.”
My heart clenches. “Do you want to stay here alone?”
She wipes away silent tears. “No. I need you here.” She picks a thread at her shirt and isn’t looking at me when she speaks again. “I’m not sure who I am any longer and I need to get my head straight. I can’t do that without you. I’m just not ready to talk.”
I walk over to her and squat down so I’m at eye level. “No questions and no pressure.” She looks into my eyes and it’s me who lifts a finger and stops her tears this time. “I love you.”
“That’s why I know I’ll be okay,” she says and sniffs with a small smile, but this isn’t my Madison. I have a feeling I’ll never have her back again. I can only hope the new Madison who comes out the other side will continue loving me.