Zayn.

My foot bounced as I waited. At first, I was okay, but then people showed up and they watched me like I was doing something wrong. I moved to a bench in front of the fountain. Hidden from one of the main paths in the park, I didn’t have to see people staring at me. Being on the bench was a good move. Now, I was facing the rest of the park and could see the soccer fields and the parking lot.

Time passed slowly. After what seemed like forever, I stood up and then sat back down, afraid of leaving my bag alone. I feared I looked homeless with my bag by my side, puffy eyes staring off into the distance. Well, technically I was homeless. My dad had left a long time ago, my mom had kicked me out, and now my grandma had gotten rid of me. I was batting a thousand and had nowhere to go.

Depression gripped me tight, and I stared at my feet, wondering if I’d end up sleeping on the streets again. The temps weren’t cold, but they would be soon. If a storm blew in, I’d be soaked.

I heard someone whistle, and I jerked my head up. It was Jason carrying a green canvas grocery bag. Jason glanced over his shoulder and then back at me. His lips were down in a frown. Worried twisted in my gut as I jolted up from my seat and took a few steps towards him, leaving my bag behind.

“Hey,” I said with relief as I embraced Jason with a side hug.

He had sweat dripping down his forehead and looked a little strung out. “I’m so happy to see you. I know I just saw you a little while ago, but it’s just…you know.”

He looked me in the eyes searching for what we both already knew. The mutual understanding of our feelings for each other. In that moment, I wanted to kiss Jason, to put my lips on his and tell him how much he meant to me. But we were in public, and people were cruel in small southern towns.

I stepped back and glanced at the bag Jason had clutched in his grip. “Wow, is that food?”

“Sure is. It’s the best I could do for now. I can get more later and probably leftovers and such from the store, and—”

“Jason, it’s wonderful, thanks.” I rubbed my thumb discretely across his hand. The touch sent electricity through me and I sucked in a sharp breath. His skin was smooth and silky, making it difficult for me to keep my hands to myself.

It was nearing two o’clock, and I was nervous. Though I had Jason by my side, there was a tightness in my chest that just wouldn’t go away.

We sat under the worn gazebo on a metal bench and stared out at the soccer fields. It took me back to when we played soccer at camp, and once I started thinking about camp, my mind drifted to everything we’d done together. It sucked I couldn’t just hold his hand while we sat next to each other. The risk of someone seeing us and doing something was too great.

It was nice just sitting with him. We talked about nothing and everything. When his gaze met mine, it was like fireworks went off inside. Time passed too quickly, and Jason had to go home so his parents didn’t get angry. He gave me a phone he said was a burner his sister had bought. I entered his phone number. He already had mine. He promised he’d be back at six forty-five to take me to the church and show me which door to use.

I threw my bag around my shoulders and headed to Jittery Joes. Water was free, and so was the bathroom. After I relieved myself and washed my hands, I splashed water on my face, mopping away the water, sweat, and dirt with paper towels.

Time crawled by so slowly I thought I would die. The phone he’d given me wasn’t a smartphone and had nothing on it. Time in the coffee shop passed too slowly, and the workers were giving me the stink-eye. Leaving seemed the best option so I headed out and wandered around the town, thinking this place was depressing. Couples, groups of friends, people with children all seemed to have someone, but I had no one other than Jason. My family had discarded me like trash. It was too much seeing so many happy people, so I headed back to the park and settled on a bench. After a few, I found an outlet on the wall by the public park restrooms for my old phone, but playing on it without service was only entertaining for so long.

It was barely getting dark but worry crept up on me like a wounded cat. Tears threatened to spill over on my cheeks at the thought of Jason not showing.

The second the minute hand on the clock above the gazebo hit six forty-five, I glanced towards the parking lot to see Jason walking towards me. Relief was like a cool glass of water, refreshing me. Once he came more into focus, I saw his grin shining, his lips turned up at the corners, eyes crinkled.

“Are you ready to go?” he called out once he was close.

I nodded eagerly. “I sure am.” I didn’t want to be outside in the park anymore. It was a lovely place, nice playground, and trees, very relaxing, but I’d been there all day and wanted a cushioned surface to rest my head. I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in who knows how long, and I looked forward to being somewhere comfortable so I could relax.

On the way to the church, we didn’t hold hands, though I desperately wanted to lace our fingers together. The feeling of being alone stung and pulled at my heart with every step.

The streets were quiet. I’d assumed there was a college nearby with all the young people walking around. Also, the street we were walking down was College Street, so I guessed a college had to be close by.

I thought about back home and my mom. Did she even miss me? My heart hurt thinking about her. How could she have sent me to my grandma and then allowed her to kick me out? Was she on her way here? I doubted it based on how fast she’d kicked me out. Maybe I’d done a few things wrong, but she had too.

The sinking sun was bright in my eyes. I squinted over at Jason, his head was down, hands in his pocket as he looked at the concrete sidewalk in front of him. I thought he looked a little sad.

“Do you think it’s worth it? You know, all we have to go through to be together?”

Jason’s gaze snapped up from the pavement. At first, his expression seemed concerned, his eyebrows furrowed, lips parted. Then his expression softened, and his lips turned up ever so subtly. He put his hand on my shoulder, a gesture which was more friendly than romantic, but we were walking in public, and any sort of touch was romantic enough for me.

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

My heart warmed. Everything seemed to be right in that moment, and my worries melted away. We could do this.

Jason gestured toward a large building in front of him. The church. As we moved closer, my stomach churned. He placed the key into the doorknob and turned it. The lock opened. I blew out a breath. I had a place to stay. It was strange being homeless. Maybe I should have appreciated what I’d had before, but there’d been so many problems.

The church was dark inside, and little light streamed in through the windows high on the walls. I blinked a few times, thinking the place creepy, but I wouldn’t say that to Jason. He’d gone to a lot of trouble just to get me in here.

“This is it.” Jason’s voice echoed through in the space.

My eyes adjusted, and then Jason turned on a small flashlight, shining it into the dark corners. Chills raced up and down my spine as I stared at the stacked chairs and stark concrete walls.

Jason held out his hand, and we walked to the other side of the room and around the corner and down a hallway. Scripture lined the walls, and paintings of Jesus hung high above everything else. I felt out of place and guilty. I missed home, kind of. I guess not really home, but I missed having a place that was mine. All I wanted was for Jason to stay with me and not leave me alone here tonight. But I knew I couldn’t ask something like that. He would get in trouble for staying out late.

He set the grocery bag down on a couch, one that looked manageable for sleep. Though anywhere looked like a good place to sleep with how tired I was. 

“Do you need anything?”

I shrugged then moved away. There was a desk littered with paper. I guessed cleanliness wasn’t next to Godliness here.

“Call if you do and I can sneak out. Remember to be out of here before six tomorrow just to be safe. Set an alarm to wake up. And you can come freshen up at the store. I’ll sneak you some food for breakfast.”

I’d been walking around the room and was close to Jason so I pulled him into my arms and held onto him tight, breathing him in. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” I sniffled a little with my words as I fought tears. I was so grateful for everything he’d done for me and how he took care of me. How had someone I hadn’t even known a few weeks ago become so important? “I know you have to go back home. I’ll miss you.”

I rested my hand on the back of his neck before pulling him into a deep kiss, brushing my lips across his. Our breathing grew heavy. Jason pulled up the bottom hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms then moved to place my hands in his hair. I was feeling things I’d never felt with anyone else. A raw connection that drove me to want to do so much more with Jason. I trusted him completely.

We slowed our kissing down, and I gave him one last peck on the lips before pulling away with a deep sigh as we rested our foreheads together.

“I’m going to miss you too. Goodnight, Zayn,”

“Same here.”

He stepped away, and I wanted to pull him close. He gave my hand one last squeeze before he turned to leave.

“Goodnight, Jason,” I whispered as he disappeared from view.

Once Jason had left, I opened the grocery bag and pulled out a can of soup with a pop-top lid—thank God or whoever since I didn’t have a can opener. I’d drank the soup cold and savored the feeling of a full belly, unsure when I’d feel it again. I filled up a paper cup from the water dispenser around the corner then settled in on the couch.

Fear surged through me as I looked around, zoning in on every sound. Everything echoed and creaked. How would I sleep? Thoughts of Jason ran wild in my head. So many things were stressing me out. Like what would my mother say when she finally spoke to me.

I needed something to do, so I rifled through the bag. He’d packed meat along with the other food. I thought that would spoil and decided to eat a sandwich.

The place wasn’t too bad. I grew used to the dark room, thinking it less creepy, maybe more strange. After I ate, I stretched out and closed my eyes. Tomorrow would be a new day and maybe a better one.