“First, let me say, I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. That was a shitty friend thing of me to do.”

My heart raced.

Chill the fuck out, heart. It wasn’t as bad as I’d first thought, and yet still I was going through a stage of I’d screwed up here and I hated I’d jumped to conclusions with Noah of all people.

I propped myself against the wall of pillows behind me it was like falling into clouds. I managed to keep the top sheet around my boobs, not sure why since he’s seen everything already, but I felt oddly exposed.

My fingers picked at the comforter seam, anything to distract me from his face as I sneaked quick glances.

“It doesn’t matter, Sena.” Blue eyes narrowed. “What does give me concern is you’re avoiding telling me you’re pregnant. Now, I can forgive you being mad at me, and for thinking the worst, that was my fault for not being as communicative as you needed from me, but you’ve had two weeks of knowing you have my baby inside you and haven’t tried once to tell me, and even now you’re looking for ways to evade. What’s going on?” Dark, villainous voice.

“How did you know?”

“You left clues on your bathroom counter. When you were dumping my calls to voicemail I camped out at your place and saw them. All the piss sticks say pregnant. So, unless you’ve dated some nerd at the same time, you can go ahead and let me know I’m gonna be a father.”

My brow creased. I’d forgotten I’d left my testing kits in my bathroom. Hadn’t even occurred to me he’d see them. “And it does matter, okay. I feel shitty right now for nearly throwing away four good friend years because I was fucking jealous. So jealous I couldn’t see straight. Maybe I have ruined it. So, I’m sorry, and I’m not avoiding.” I rushed on, though I totally was avoiding, he’d nailed it in one, but then Noah always does know me better than I know myself sometimes.

I can still hardly believe myself that I’m pregnant without confirming it for Noah and making it more real.

Again, it’s reason number six I’ll make a terrible mother.

There’s a lot riding on what comes out of my mouth next.

Expectation saturated the air.

The smell of sex and anticipation while Noah allowed me the silence I needed. He doesn’t push me further but when I glanced over, his face surveyed me soulfully. A look I felt in a nook of my heart that was only his.

It thumped and struck me with heat.

And I realized.

Whatever was between us, that emotional tie from friendship to lovers. Whether we go back to being friends or casual acquaintances because he can’t forget I fucked up our friendship by ghosting him. I do know Noah is the most responsible asshole I’ve ever known.

He would never walk out on his kid.

Never. That fact relaxed me.

I won’t be alone in this parenting gig.

“Congratulations, your queer sperm knocked me up.” I announced.

I caught his lips twitching and I rushed on. “I’m sorry.” I whittled on my lip, teeth biting into the soft flesh. “I was taking the pill, but I got sick, remember? It’s all my fault.”

When I figured he wasn’t going to chime anything my brows further creeped down onto my forehead and that relief from a second ago replaced with crippling anxiety. It hadn’t occurred he might think I’d gotten pregnant on purpose. Le gasp. Romance book trope right there.

Trap the millionaire.

Holy shit I’m a lifetime movie!

Or maybe he thought I’d be a shitty mom and will want full custody.

I can’t deny he adults so much better than my adulting.

“Dammit, Noah. Will you say something, please! I’m dying over here if you can’t see it.”

I needed clothes. This wasn’t the kind of conversation I wanted to have when I’m naked under a duvet. I calculated how many naked steps I’d have to take to get to my suitcase and the clothes inside and realized it’s too many. I stayed in the bed.

Sulking and waiting.

“I wonder which time it was.” He said finally. I blinked confused.

“Which time what?”

“That my queer sperm invaded your lady palace.” He deadpanned. Not a flicker of amusement of his face but I see his eyes were lit.

My. Lady. Palace.

I lost it. Falling back laughing my head off.

Just like that the tension faded and replaced by two friends sharing in a ludicrous joke.

“I think it must have been that night I came home early from work. What was it, two, three days after you were sick? And you attacked me as soon as I came down to your apartment.” There’s a certain amount of smugness in his voice like he’s taking great pleasure in knowing his baby was inside me.

It baffled me for a moment until what he’s said penetrated in to my already too-busy brain.

I huffed, pushing his wide shoulder as he continued to lounge at my side. “I did no such thing.”

I did. I really did. I couldn’t wait to get into his pants.

We fucked right there in my hallway rattling the console table with his awesome thrusts. I might have even muttered how much I needed his monster dick inside me. Not that I was going to confess.

The look on his face said he was thinking the same damn thing.

Before I could move, he’s across the bed and straddling my lap. That huge man sure can move fast when he wanted to.

He cupped both palms around the back of my neck, angling my head up giving me zero choices in where I looked. It’s at him.

His blue eyes blazed, and it translated he’s fine with me being pregnant. A weight lifted but it doesn’t lessen the piling bag of poop that’s still in my life.

What the hell do we do now?

“Did you hear what I said when I told you I wanted you?”

I nod dumbly. Of course, it was in between all the shoving and the grunting. I loved his sex talk. His sex talk pushed me over the edge more than any bullet vibrator ever could.

“Good. So, then you know I’m serious, Sena.”

Serious? About? His weight on my legs distracted me. I felt his bulge and his fingers tormented the back of my neck with idle strokes. There’s so much of Noah, his wide chest under my nose that I sort-of rested my head against his upper torso and sighed.

“I haven’t got all the baby details organized yet.” Understatement of the decade. “But soon as I do you can be as involved as much or as little as you want to.” I voiced, and it’s then the muscles underneath my head tighten. “I haven’t had it confirmed with my doctor and I need to find an OBGYN.”

“I want all the involvement. Jesus. Sena. you think I don’t?” His forehead came down to mine, resting there, his eyes so beautiful I sighed a little. “You didn’t take a lick of notice, did you? I want you. I want us. I want this between us and I fucking want our baby that we made in a hallway with my queer sperm.”

I huffed a laugh and he leaned in, kissed me lightly. How easily we slipped back into being Noah and Sena. The easiest friendship I’ve had.

He settled my heart as easy as he riled it.

The light kissing turned to something deeper, hotter, faster. Licks and tasting. He owned me with every sweep of his mouth.

As much as my loins wanted more of Noah as he slid his hands low on my waist, and then up under my boobs, my body was exhausted.

I yawned into his mouth.

He pulled back laughing. “Come on, sleepy. It’s late.”

“Are you staying?” He looked at me as if I were talking the stupid.

I grinned. Of course, he was. It was his house. Duh.

Nestling into the bed I found myself pulled into his hard chest once Noah killed the lamp and climbed under the sheets.

I sighed content and cuddled closer.

“I’m kind of a prick,” he said out of nowhere. I waited for the punchline. “I should have been more open, kitten. Don’t dismiss what I want from you. It’s not some game. I’m deadly serious about us and I promise to communicate better. I don’t know when it happened, Sena, or why. Those small details really aren’t important. What is; you’re the joy that begins and ends my day.”

Kisses dropped on my forehead.

Noah squeezed me in.

My heart exploded.

How am I expected to sleep now?

“I fell in love with our friendship a long time ago,” oh, god. My heart threatened to combust with emotion.

For a man of few words, Noah was using them all and I couldn’t cope.

I buried my face in his chest, clinging to the dip in his lean waist.

“And then I fell hard for the woman. My love for you supersedes my sexuality, kitten. I’ve never loved anyone as I do you. I fell for your atoms, your soul, your heart and your body.”

Oh. God.

Tears filled my eyeballs to overcapacity levels and I couldn’t blame it on hormones this time. It’s Noah and the way he made me feel.

“You and my family are the only two non-negotiables in who I wouldn’t give up in my life. I can’t. I won’t give you up. I want you to give us a chance. To believe what I say is the truth. Not because of our baby, we’ll be together no matter what for him. But do it for us. You and me, kitten.” Noah’s voice low, so smoky. I held onto him like he was the only man on earth who had the very last Twinkie.

“Noah…” I cried. It’s all the words I can get out of my mouth. He kissed my cheek and wrapped both arms around me.

“Talk to me.”

He coaxed with a soft kiss.

“Kitten…”

Kitten. He’d called me that for as long as I could remember and each time it struck warmth in my heart. I had a pet name from a formidable guy.

“It’s not going to be easy if we do this,” suddenly I’m envisioning people’s reaction to us. It stopped my heart.

This thing we have isn’t just going to be between us if we became official.

Every person in Noah’s life knew who he was and what he’s about. He’s never had a woman, and they all know this.

What would people say? How will they react? Would I be the joke in the room?

I groaned. “I can’t think about this now, Noah. My head is so full, I’m dizzy. We have so much other stuff going on.”

A few hours ago, I was a miserable wreck missing him so much I wanted to die.

Now we’re in bed together wrapped in his love and the smell of our sex and he’s offering me everything I could ever dream of.

And I’m hesitant.

I hesitated to give him the right answer.

Because as deeply, unwaveringly in love I am with this man. My baby daddy. I do, from nowhere, recognize the life we choose to have with one another impacts others. His family. My family. Our friends.

All will have opinions on what we’ve chosen to do. If I decide that’s what I want.

I’ve loved him for four long years. Ached and died a thousand times wanting him but never believing I would have my moment as someone other than Noah’s best friend. It was impossible.

Until it wasn’t.

And now I’m terrified to change the status quo. To step into unmapped waters and trust in a relationship that’s been four years in the making.

Am I strong enough to face negativity?

“I know, kitten. Sleep. It’ll all still be here tomorrow.” He brushed kisses so lightly over my neck I wanted to cry some more. He held me as I always wanted. With love and tenderness.

Also, with his hard cock digging into my thigh.

God.

“I love you so much.” He said in a voice like whiskey-soaked sand and my heart turned over in a slow, languid roll inside my chest, the desire for Noah was a giant yawning ache within my soul.

I didn’t say it back.

So, here’s the decision I’m going to have to make; Is Noah worth the fight we’ll unavoidably have to go through when people realize we are a couple?

The queer trying to be normal they’ll say, using a dim-witted, pathetic beard.  

Are we worth fighting for?

Am I willing to gut my way through this unimaginable abyss we’ve fallen into to find out what we could be on the other side?

We have dogs in this fight.

We have real feelings.

But are they strong enough?

Do I trust what he says he feels is the truth?

That’s the real question because it doesn’t matter if Noah wants us.

It matters if I do.