Noah

 

Faced with two of the four women I loved most in the world I knew despite the love I have for my sisters, I could happily throttle the pair of them in my own living room. I’d feel remorse later. But right now? Not so much.

I didn’t feel calm, not with my heart still galloping the way it was.

The same way Sena always made it thump all out of sync and unpredictable.

Already I can guess their actions were going to push Sena one step away from me again and I’ll have to work that much harder to bring her back to me.

She’s scared, and worse, she’s hurt and she’s more than skittish where our new relationship is concerned.

She accepted every person’s surprise that we were a couple and morphed it into something ugly inside that wonderful brain of hers.

Never realizing no one else’s opinion fucking mattered.

She feels. And she feels too much all at once.

At times it’s like I’m punching the wind trying to get her to see what I really feel is true. To get her to a point where she’s not basing our relationship and wellbeing on someone’s judgment over what I’m telling her, showing her constantly.

I couldn’t blame her.

But it’s frustrating.

Standing with the office door behind me I stared at my sisters before I walked noiselessly across the length of the spacious open plan room where both women stared wide eyed, questions on their faces.

One elder, the other younger. Age wise I was caught in the middle of these formidable women.

There’s four years between each of us siblings. Both are married and have children and from the expressions, Maxine, my eldest sister is going to be the one to speak first as I assumed she would, she’s never been able to hold her tongue for long. She’s oldest and therefore she assumed she’s in charge of everything. She’s always the most opinionated. Not that Sammie won’t have her say giving the opportunity.

Both women seem to think my life was their concern and liked nothing better than to poke their kind noses in, asked for or unwarranted, it’s all the same to the girls. The only aspect of my life I’ve never allowed them to dictate was my dating life.

Until now I’ve never minded their interference.

But nothing has mattered like it does with Sena.

“Nice of you to join us, baby brother. We’ve only been waiting seven minutes.”

They followed me into the kitchen where I grabbed a bottle of spring water, downing half in one gulp. “Less of the baby. And I was calming my girl since you horrified her by bursting in like a fucking SWAT team. Mind explaining what that was about and why I gave you a key for emergencies only and here you both are not presenting an emergency?”

Sammie chortled her amusement, her lighter eyes constantly turning back to my office door. I answer her unasked question. “Sena won’t be coming out. She’s too embarrassed thanks to you both. So, let’s hurry this up.”

“Nice. And since when do you have a ‘my girl’? We learn our gay brother is fu—” I curved my brow at Max just daring her to finish that sentence. I loved her, but I wouldn’t stand for her belittling my relationship with Sena. “Fooling around with a woman and we’re the ones to get kicked out?”

I’ve never flaunted my relationships with my sisters. I’m not a crude fucker to brag about how many bedroom doors opened for me. A rich, successful entrepreneur had choices and I chose a lot in my time. I’ve spent my whole adult life up until thirty-two chasing the dollar.

I needed more so I made more.

I wanted more clubs, so I made more clubs.

Each of my twenty-six ventures are successful and none of it meant anything to me, I realized, if I slowly let Sena slip through my fingers.

I’d only hungered for money in life. I couldn’t ever have enough.

My work ethic showed that.

My accountant would back me up.

And then a bouncy, ethereal pixie landed in my life and I haven’t been the same since.

She hasn’t changed me.

I’m not conforming to fit my queer self in to a normal hole.

It’s not about that.

I’m comfortable in my own skin.

Love found me, and I’ll be damned if I let it go now.

She made me lose my mind and all my control, and I fucking loved it.

It was different. It was new. It was completely exhilarating.

It meant something, that it’s only ever her to do that to me.

Sena’s a turbulent fever in my blood.

Her incredible pussy was the only one I’ll ever want to taste, fuck, touch and fantasize about.

Sena loved me and even though she hasn’t told me the words yet, I feel them from her. They’re in her eyes when she gave me her secretive smile. Even now, I’m not sure how many walls I’ve managed to tear down, how far inside the fortress of her heart all her doubts are still layered, and the fear was that the only way she truly gave herself to me with full trust was when we’re in bed.

I don’t mind that, but it will only take us so far and I craved all of her.

I paced back into the living room, trailed by sisters and their giant purses.

“Show me this memo.” I pinned both with a reproving glance and they exchanged glances with each other with confusion, so I elaborated. “The memorandum that gives you privileges to have a say in my life.”

“What the ever-loving fuck is going on, Noah?” Asked Maxine in a tone I didn’t care for. “You’re our brother. That’s what gives us rights, you shithead.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” my smile tight. I’m frustrated knowing Sena was in my office probably talking herself into a hesitant stupor.

“You and Sena, Noah? You looked pretty serious.” Sammie gasped and covered her sudden red face. “I mean, not that I look-looked. I turned away right away!”

I laughed, feeling some of my tension drain away.

“We’re together. So, yeah, it’s serious between us. Yes, we’re a real couple. No, it’s not fake. Yes, we love each other. No, I’m not doing it to fit into fucking society. Did I cover all your next questions?”

Maxine huffed and flipped her brown hair, pouting her glossed lips at me in that way of hers that told me she had so many more interrogations to throw my way and any other day I might have indulged her, but not today, I wanted them gone so I could get back to Sena. “Good. Now I’ll see you both this weekend at the Hamptons. And I expect you to not grill Sena, you got it?”

“You’re kicking us out for real?”

“So, you just drop being gay suddenly and we’re meant to buy it?”

They spoke over each other.

My eyes narrowed, and the rise of tension returned tenfold.

I had to remember I adored these girls.

In an argument with their husbands I always sided with my brother’s in law because the girls were Pitbull’s and could handle their shit, but against anyone else I’d kill if they dared looked at my girls the wrong way. But the swell of irritation in me said I wasn’t feeling the love.

I didn’t answer to anyone, least of all sisters who have always had their own way. From me most of all. Once I started making money in my early twenties I wanted to treat them. My family weren’t hard up, far from it, but I felt good spoiling the girls, even when their husbands came along and took over the mantel of their favorite guy.

Now I suspected I’d let them have their way far too often if they’re standing in my home while my woman hid out too self-conscious to face them and drilled questions at me like this.

“Yes, Max. I just decided out of the blue to no longer be a fairy. I handed in my queer card at the gay authorities down town. I’m on a register now. Happy now? You can tell all of your friends.”

“Don’t be obtuse, little brother. Why didn’t you ever tell us you were bisexual?”

“Because I’m not.”

It made no sense to me either, so I could forgive the twin looks of misunderstanding they passed between them and then toward me.

I’ve fallen in love with one woman my whole life.

I’ve been attracted to one woman my whole life.

To the point of madness for both emotions.

When I told Sena I couldn’t get enough of her I meant it.

It’s not because she’s giving me a child. Not only that. It’s a small part of it. She’s more radiant now than she’d ever been, and I longed to be with her in a way I’d never felt with any partner or lover before.

Everyone that came before her was a passing fancy at best.

Sena was vital.

She’s everything. Everything.

It was strange I could be so incredibly hungry for something I’d had no inkling to needing before.

But it was there. It was real and the craving for my kitten only worsened by the day. 

She was mine or at least I was trying to make it so. 

I’ll lie, cheat, and steal if I must if that’s my only option of keeping her. I’ll drop every single person in my life as though they never mattered a day to me if it meant her happiness.

I couldn’t, and I won’t even put the option of losing her in my mind because if I do it’ll fucking unhinge me.

I don’t understand why suddenly my heart belonged to her.

But it does and I’m not questioning it.

She has it and I don’t want it back.

I knew telling my sisters would be the hardest sell. Not that I need their approval, but is it too much for a; congratulations on your relationship, Noah?

I suppose when I’d grown up never having to come out of the closest because it was always just known I was gay. Now I felt like that teenage boy again who needed to confess that I liked pussy now.

I liked one pussy.

All other pussy need not apply.

Just the image of Sena’s plump, wet lips under my mouth and those short, breathy pants she emitted when she’s ready to come on my tongue was enough to heat my blood to volcanic levels, but I quickly shoved the thoughts away before I’m sporting an erection everyone will notice.

“You’re not bi?” This from Sammie. She looked more like our mother, she’s demure and the quietest of us all, but knew just when to demand.

I often wished their husbands good luck at family events for having to put up with the pair of them every day. A man needed a will of steel to deal with Maxine and Sammie. And a net. And a safe room and a lot of fucking whiskey.

It’s no wonder I’ve always cherished them.

Not so much now.

“The inquisition is over, girls. Time to go. We’ll see you this weekend.”

“Sena is coming?”

I scowled, my brow furrowed. Irritation stained my vocal cords. “Of fucking course.”

Maxine held out her hands. “Okay, okay. Jeez, calm down, just wondered.”

“Wondered what, Max? That I’d only wheel her out for the public as my beard and not for family? If it’s a problem for you, then maybe you stay at home. I won’t have her upset.”

They needed to know right now where my priorities were.

The air dropped ten degrees. I sensed she was about to erupt a second before she did. My eyes hooded, ready to take in what will be a screaming fit she’s famous for. Maxine, was both a mother, a once career woman, a wife and a good sister. But above all that she’s a fucking hot head.

Hands balanced on my hips.

“Are you fucking kidding right now?!” Her decibels climbed. “You act like I don’t know and love Sena! Jesus, Noah, she’s my friend too. Excuse the holy hell out of me for being confused right now when we walk in and see our GAY brother banging his best friend. I think we deserve to know what’s going on.”

“You deserve only to know what I deem to tell you, dear sister, and I answered your questions. Sena and I are together, that’s all you need to know.”

My temper frayed at the edges.

I know Sena heard it all, the penthouse echoed. And I can only imagine she’s pieced together all these words and letting her doubts run riot.

My hands antsy to get back in my office with her, to knock down every brick of uncertainty she’s building.

I walked over to the girls, cupped Sammie’s cheeks first I dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Not weird at all that you were just having sex and now kissing me,” she chuckled and cuddled my waist.

I grinned down at her. She’s not wrong.

Next, I approached Maxine, her face was pinched and less approachable than Sammie. If she’s frustrated, then so be it. My business and love life were always just that; mine and since I know we’ll face more of the same this weekend I’d rather only say it the once for all my immediate family.

The only one who could get away cross-examining me was Sena and I’d rather we do our talking with less clothes and more of her sitting on my face.

I’m all for a lot of dick-talking if it meant she didn’t run from me again.

The worst two weeks of my life not knowing where she was and if she was okay. We seemed to be on a better footing now she understood how I felt and what she saw with Tom was nothing.

Not that he hasn’t tried to charm his way back in.

I put the brakes on that road right away.

Even if there was no Sena in my heart, owning my dick, I wouldn’t have Tom back in my life in any romantic way. We were tepid warm at best once the initial attraction and sex had burned out.

It was why it was easy for him to fall on a fresh body while he was working and easier for me to not care that my boyfriend cheated. By that time my heart was already longing for something I’d never wanted before. We parted as friends and that was as much as we’d ever be. When I challenged him about the lies he’d been whispering to my kitten regarding he and I. A non-existent relationship, he had the nerve to laugh and pretend it was all a joke.

Messing with my woman was something I wouldn’t stand for.

Tom got the message loud and crystal clear.

I might have thought his restaurant venture was a good side avenue for me to invest in but mark my words no amount of money would get in my way if I wanted to ruin him. He only needed to say one wrong word again to Sena or about her and he’d see the bad side to me.

I repeated the forehead kiss with Maxine, then without guilt I showed them to the front door.

“Fine. We get the hint. But this isn’t over, Noah.” She insisted cogently.

“Yes, Max. it is.” My voice didn’t rise, but it had enough authority in it for her to understand not to push this point because she wouldn’t win.

She sighed. And I waited it out.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You don’t have to get anything. My life is my life. Have a good night, girls. I’ll see you at the weekend. Get home safely.”

I locked the door after them and wasted no time striding back to my office. Unsure of what state I’d find Sena in I opened the door and stepped in.

She’s where I left her, dressed now and hugging her knees.

Her eyes wide looking me over.

“No battle scars,” I joked, closing the distance between us. I couldn’t stand not touching her when I knew she’s unsure.

Retaking my seat on the couch I plucked her up, sitting her in my lap, arms around her waist. “You heard all that.” It’s not a question. She bit her lower lip and nodded.

So quiet, my usual bouncy Sena.

That slight action was enough to tell me what she’s thinking. My hand circled her neck, my thumb stroked her beating pulse. I tipped her chin up and looked deep into her hazel eyes. All manner of blues, greens and browns swirled.

“I love you, kitten.” I dropped a kiss on her lips. She didn’t respond but neither did she push me away. Her eyes searched mine and I longed to know what she’s thinking.

We’re brand new despite our long friendship. We’re each finding our way in our relationship. It’s not a new emotion that I wanted to take care of her and slay all her worries. She’s quite capable of both, it’s what has me worried, that one day she’ll leave me behind.

Sena was far from feeble.

She’s the most capable woman I’ve ever known.

She amazed me with her brain daily.

Her heart was open wide and prone to being dented.

And I dread it’s not done being injured by careless people who deemed their opinions worthy of her ears.

They’re not. And never will be.

Not even my sisters who are only looking for answers. They wouldn’t be against Sena, they love her and befriended her almost from the day I took her home with me. I get that they’re confused. The moment I started having sexual feelings for my best friend it not only confused the hell out of me but also terrified me. Wanting to fuck Sena became brand new and I didn’t act on those feelings for a long time.

Instead I buried them.

I used other bodies, other distractions.

Assumed it was a mistake, a chemical imbalance and that I was a fool to ruin our precious friendship to what could amount to a night of sex and then what … nothing? Only it didn’t wane. It became bigger, utterly consuming.

Until it was all I could think about.

I don’t know why the hell people want answers as if I can be put into one box and only one box.

Love didn’t work in those terms.

Its primitive.

My love for Sena goes deeper than skin and hormones.  

There’s no life I envisioned without her in it. And now I craved her more than ever. Not just her company, but her body.

I want it all.

I want her heart most of all and I think she’s given it to me.

I told my sisters Sena and I were in love.

I told Tom the same.

I only hope it’s true. I only hope she loved me just as deeply.

Not for our baby.

For us.

I kissed along her jaw and threaded our fingers together. She had a little whisker burn under her chin that I’ve left on her and I knew I should have marked her fully, put a necklace of love-bites all along her delicate throat.

I’m predatory where she’s concerned, keeping my complete want leashed under my skin. And I’ve only shown her a fraction of that obsession.

Until she’s sure in our relationship I haven’t wanted to show her the depths of my feelings, but now I’m coming to realize that was my error.

If she didn’t understand how I felt how else can she efficaciously combat any unwarranted prejudice coming our way?

And it’ll come. People just loved to throw in their two cents worth.

As much as there’s still stigma about being gay. A gay man suddenly being ‘straight’ will equally be gossiped about and disparaged. I could give a single fuck what people said about me.

It’s my kitten’s soft heart I’m concerned about. I could fight any demons if she shared what was in her mind with me.

But as I knew, Sena was prone to keeping her emotions on lockdown.

“I love you,” I let her know, nuzzling my mouth over that whisker red spot on her chin. I kissed along the slope of her ear and down to her neck, my hands massaged the side of her thighs.

“Did they talk you into being queer again?” She asked in all seriousness. Her face paled as she bit her lip.

I spluttered a laugh. She filled me with so fucking much of everything. She has no idea what she is to me. “Yes, kitten. I’m a raving homo once more. This hard dick is just for show, so ignore it and it’ll go away.”

I’m not lying. I’m hard as stone under her ass and she gave a little shuffle making me grunt.

I’ll tell her as many times as she needed to hear it. “I’m Sena-sexual. And since you’re the only Sena in this fucking world for me, it means you have a lot of satisfying to do.” She started to smile shyly then her megawatt grin appeared as she gripped the side of my head and brought me in where she peppered kisses on my face.

I love it, though it’s driving me mad. I wanted her under me ten minutes ago, spread out, wet and crying. But watching her bravery emerge was something I never wanted to miss. I sat and took her teasing kisses.

“Sena-Sexual.” She chewed on her lip again and this time I joined her, licking her lower lip long enough to have her wiggling her ass. “I hope all the gays don’t catch on. You go hard enough on my vagina already without having to share me around.”

I knew she was joking, her sexy little grin told me so, but it sent fire to my brain.

I growled against her tongue.

“Mine.”

She’s mine and only mine.

But now the problem was keeping her.

It’s irritating how it’s a big deal to everyone where I put my dick. After the run in at the restaurant the other night when Sena took herself off to the bathroom because of Gabriel. I’d wanted to chase right after her but seeing how he’d embarrassed her I had a few choice words to tell my friend and to hold back the urge to punch his fucking lights out.

 

“Sweet Britney Spears! How was I supposed to know you’re into pussy now! Since when? Christ lord, if that’s the latest craze, don’t sign me up, honey. I hear men get lost in them and are never seen again.”

“Since it’s none of your fucking business, Gabe, that’s when.” My eyes pinned him. I have no part of me that shames, if that was his angle, and I knew it wasn’t on some level. Gabriel was a good guy, a big fucking mouth, but ultimately a sweet guy who liked to joke around most every minute of the day. I don’t easily shame but my heart was in my fucking throat because I could guess just how badly Sena took that little exchange. “You upset her. You get forgiven only once, Gabe, then I forget our friendship, do you understand?”

“Sheeeeeeeesh, you’re serious, aren’t you? This isn’t a joke?” He smiled and then he beamed pearly white capped teeth and reached over to hug my shoulder. “Man, I always knew someone would be a lucky bastard who won the infamous man of steel Noah Fierro, the King of Manhattan himself. But I never pegged it would be a woman.”

“THE woman, and she’s special to me, Gabe, so mind what you say the next time you see us out.”

Gabe, in all his silver glory sobered immediately. “Sure, darling. You know I don’t give a fuck who we all screw. Hell, my boo was nearly all the way straight when we hooked up, most of his team don’t even know he married me yet.” I saw his eyebrows fall over his clouded eyes then he rallied and shrugged. Being married to a gay footballer was not all it’s cracked up to be it appeared and that must suck for him. He’s brash and loud but Gabe was sensitive and hated closets.

“She’s gorgeous, by the way. Stunning in a little English boarding school girl kind of way, if you’re into that kind of thing.” I am. He gave a mock shudder and laughed. I smiled in return and stood, dropping the napkin onto the table. “Feel free to tell everyone my dick is out of business,” I had a reason for letting him know that. Again, I didn’t care about me, but if I could lessen the blows on Sena, I would allow the biggest gossip in the queer community to spread my good news. Gabe clapped excited to know something no one else knew. “Darling, we might need a coming IN party. I’ll make it a thing!”

 

When suddenly a cat person buys a mouse, everyone feels it’s their right to throw in their opinion on why they need you to stay a certain way for them. My decision didn’t impact only me and Sena. So, if I must tell a hundred people, my family included to mind their own fucking business I will.

I won’t lose her.

She played with the collar of my t-shirt, eyes avoiding me, her slim fingers brushing my collarbone, and then up to stroke the crown tattoo behind my ear she loved. She’s working her way up to saying something, so I waited.

“You said something about … my throat.”

A furnace blasted through me.

My cock ached unbearably as she reached down and squeezed me in her small palm.

“I think it’s time to distract me from that little scene and the fact I can never face your sisters again after what they walked in on, so Noah …” She kissed my lips, I caught on quick and kissed her deeper. “You can fuck my throat now.”

She slayed me.

My life was irrevocably different, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My sexuality has never defined me, and it won’t now.

I fell in love and I intended to do whatever I can to keep it.

Because what people don’t know about me.

I never lose.

Queer. Straight. Bi. Pan. It’s all just titles we enforced on ourselves, so we can be in one box or another and god forbid if there’s overspill. And titles were meaningless against emotion and the thump inside my chest. The only sense I can make is what I feel for my girl. I can be all of them or I can be none and still I would love and adore this woman for every inch of her smile she gave me and yeah, for the way she slid herself down to her knees on the floor and pulled at my jeans.

“Sweet fuck, kitten … that’s my girl. Open your pretty lips.”