Kash
FUCK . . . LAST NIGHT REALLY GOT to me in a way I wasn’t expecting it to.
After Eden jumped in her jeep and took off, I sat in the parking lot for a good twenty minutes trying to get my head straight.
I thought long and hard about showing up at her doorstep and telling her the truth, hoping like hell she didn’t slap me and then slam the door in my face, never wanting to see me again.
I’m in too deep with Eden to just let her walk away and forget I ever fucking existed all because I was a selfish prick, afraid of losing her over the truth.
She needs to know that I’ve been spending time with Alec for over six months and love the kid and care about his safety just as much as she does. I never want to see him hurt. Ever.
I was so damn close to telling her at the park, until she came out and told me she wasn’t ready for Alec to know about me yet.
That messed me all up and even my fight wasn’t enough to pull my head away from that shit.
My head wasn’t into the fight at all last night. Not one damn bit.
It almost cost me my fight and then I would’ve been fucked on getting the money I need to buy the warehouse from Don. The big fight—that has now gotten pushed to next weekend—has a prize of ten grand so last night was important. You need to be ready at all times. Locations and dates always change when you least expect it. That’s why I was even fighting last night to begin with. But I’ll take what I can get.
I only need eight more grand since I’ve been saving for a while now, but I know it’ll take years for me to save that kind of money with helping my sister out with rent and taking care of my place too.
The big fight will get me there next week instead.
But to tell you the truth, I’d give it all up for Eden anyway. But then where would that leave me?
Stripping to get by. I can’t do that shit. Not if I want to be in her and Alec’s lives.
That’s why I need to be on top of my shit next week. There’s no way in hell I’m letting Knight win. If anything, wanting to beat his ass for hurting Eden will be all the motivation I need to win.
He may have more experience and training, but I have more heart and I’ll put every bit that I have into taking his ass down.
There’s no way he’s walking out of that ring without getting the fucking message.
Eden is mine and there’s no way I’m allowing him to hurt her anymore. Her or Alec.
I just need for Eden to know that too.
And no matter how much it might hurt me in the long run, I’m letting her know tonight. Every little fucking detail. I don’t matter. They do. If she leaves me to keep them both from hurting, then I’ll take all the pain thrown at me.
I overslept this morning, apparently exhausted from my fight last night so it’s now well into the afternoon.
It may be a little too late to bring Alec pancakes, but it’s never too late to play with his new ball with him. I missed bringing him yesterday and it fucking hurt my heart. So here I am. And who knows if I’ll get to see him again after this.
Without knocking, I walk into my sister’s house to see Alec and Hannah coloring at the table. He looks bored and I can tell he’s ready to get up move around.
I’m right, because a smile immediately takes over his little face the moment he notices me standing in the doorway. “Hunter!” He jumps up from the kitchen table and runs into my arms. “You made it today. Did you bring pancakes?”
I laugh and set him back down to his feet, feeling bad that I was too late for breakfast. “Not this time, little man. It’s a little late for breakfast.” I bend down and grab his shoulders. “Did you bring your new ball?”
He nods his head with excitement. “I did! It’s in my backpack. I keep it in there.”
“Okay good. Why don’t you run and grab it and we’ll play a little ball.”
I stand up and lock eyes with Hannah from across the room after Alec rushes to the spare bedroom, excited to play.
“What the hell, Hunter?” she whisper yells. “You’re dating Eden and you didn’t tell me?” She rushes over to me and slaps my shoulder. “She doesn’t know either, does she? She doesn’t know you’ve been spending time with Alec?”
I shake my head, guilt taking over as I watch Alec drag his backpack over to the couch and begin digging through it. “Don’t start, Hannah. I already know I’m a huge jerk for not telling her in the beginning. You think I wanted things to go this way? That I expected to meet Alec’s mother and fall for her? It just sort of happened.”
She smiles slightly at the fact that I just admitted to falling for someone. Hannah knows more than anyone how hard it’s always been for me to find a girl I truly want to be with. “Well when did you find out then?”
“I found out after we were already spending time together. I didn’t know how to come out and tell her without scaring her off.” I flex my jaw and watch as Alec runs out the door, yelling for me to follow him. “I was going to tell her last night but then she said she wasn’t ready for us to meet yet. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?”
“I don’t know . . .” She huffs and shakes her head. “I get it. Eden is tough when it comes to Alec. I know she’s been hurt by his father and I know she’s overprotective of Alec. But she’s going to be really pissed and hurt once you finally tell her. Maybe you shouldn’t worry about her not being ready and more worried about how upset and hurt she’s going to be that you waited so long.”
“Fuuuck.” I run my hands through my hair, knowing she’s right.
“Fuck is right. You better tell her today, big brother. She may be pissed for a while, but she’ll eventually forgive you. I believe that because I’ve seen how happy she’s been lately. It’s the happiest I’ve seen her since I began watching Alec for her.”
“I hope so.” I push the screen door open and join Alec in the yard, knowing that my sister will most likely join us outside if she still wants to talk.
I just hope she doesn’t because I’m already feeling really fucking emotional and I’ve never done well with my emotions.
Alec looks over as soon as I step outside and barely gives me enough time to stop, before he tosses the ball to me.
“Whoa!” I quickly reach out and catch it, pretending as if I’m about to fall over. “You’ve got a strong arm there, buddy. How about you be more careful next time so you don’t hurt me.”
Alec laughs and reaches out to catch the ball when I toss it back. “I don’t think so, Hunter. You just need to be as strong as me. Maybe drink more milk?” He shrugs. “That’s what mommy makes me drink to be strong.”
“I’ll try, buddy. I’ll try . . .” I toss the ball back and he jumps into the grass to catch it.
“I almost missed it! Did you see how fast I am?” He jumps to his feet and runs around in a circle yelling about how fast he is.
“Yeah, but you’re so fast that I almost missed it.” I begin running as if I can’t keep up with him and throw my arms up. “Throw it to me, bud. Just not too hard.”
He gets ready to throw it to me but stops. “What happened to your face?” He tilts his head up and looks me over, just now noticing the bruises. “Did you get beat up?”
I laugh and shake my head. “Nah, I was stronger than the other guy. So maybe he needs milk too. Now throw me the ball.”
“My daddy is strong too. He beats people up.” He looks sad for a moment. “It’s why he’s never around.”
My heart fucking breaks for him as he looks down at the ground and drops the ball.
“Hey. Hey.” I run over and crouch down in front of him. “I’m here if you need me to be, buddy. Your daddy might be busy but I’ll never be too busy for you, alright.”
He smiles and looks up at me, his eyes filled with excitement. “For really?””
“For really.” I grab the ball and toss it up in the air before catching it. “Maybe I’ll come around more often and we can hang out. Would you like that?”
“Yeees!” He jumps up and grabs the ball out of my hand, before running around in a circle again. “Maybe you can come to my mommy’s house. She’s needs a friend too and we can all play!”
My heart jumps around in my chest at the thought of us all together. “Yes . . . maybe.” I hold my hands out. “Ready?”
“Ready!”
I lose track of time while playing ball with Alec and forget about everything else that’s been going on. I’m not sure how much time has gone by, but all that seems to matter right now is the smile on his little face.
That is until I look up to see Eden watching us from the driveway with a look of pure shock on her face. I was so zoned into playing with Alec that I didn’t even notice her pull up.
“Eden . . .”
Holy fuck this is not how I wanted her to find out.
If there was any chance of her forgiving me for not telling her in the beginning, I’m pretty sure her finding out this way has ruined it . . .
Eden
I SWEAR I STOP BREATHING the moment I realize who Alec is playing with in Hannah’s front yard. I’m not even sure how I missed his truck parked across the street, but I guess it’s because I wasn’t even thinking for one second that there’d be a possibility I’d see him here.
Not at my babysitter’s house of all places.
Seeing Kash here confuses the hell out of me to the point that I find myself just standing here in a state of shock, watching them laugh and play as if they’re close and have known each other for Alec’s entire life.
The emotions running through me right now are so damn confusing that I don’t know if I want to scream or cry.
I’m angry because Kash clearly knows something he didn’t tell me and overwhelmed with happiness at the sight of seeing the two men in my life that I care about the most spending time together.
I’ve imagined what it would be like when the two finally came face to face and here I am watching them interacting with so much love and happiness as if nothing else in the world matters right now.
My heart can’t take the confusion. It hurts so damn bad.
“Eden . . .”
My heart drops to my stomach the moment Kash looks up, it clear on his face that he feels guilty, for me catching him here with Alec.
“What is this, Kash?” I take a step closer, trying my best to keep my composure as Alec comes running at me, excited to see me. I pick him up in my arms and force a smile, while glancing over his shoulder at Kash. “What are you doing here with my son?”
“He’s my friend!” Alec says while jumping out of my arms. “Hunter. See I told you . . .” I watch with my teeth clenched as he rushes over and grabs Kash’s hand, pulling him over to me. “Now we can all play. Mommy likes to play ball too but she’s not as good as you are. We can teach her to be better!”
Kash flexes his jaw as his gaze meets mine. “I was going to tell you last night. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”
“How long?” I question through tight lips, feeling as if my heart’s about to beat out of my chest. “How long have you known?”
He goes to grab my hand, but I quickly pull it away, unsure of how to act right now. “Don’t,” I growl out. “Don’t touch me.”
A part of me wants to yell until he tells me the whole truth, while the other part wants to forgive Kash and believe he had good intentions for keeping this from me.
He looks hurt, but quickly hides it before Alec can catch on to the fact that we’re upset with each other. He’s still talking about baseball and making sound effects so I know he’s not listening to our words, but his eyes catch on to emotions easily. “As soon as you told me your son’s name.”
I turn away and run my hands over my face, feeling like an idiot. He’s been keeping it from me for longer than I thought. “Why didn’t you tell me then? Dammit, Kash. I can’t believe this right now.”
“Alec . . .” Hannah appears on the front porch. She gives us both a sad look and motions for Alec to join her. “Come inside and pick out a popsicle. I’ll even let you choose a flavor for me this time.”
“Okay! I’ll be back and then we can play.” He releases both mine and Kash’s hand and rushes up to the door to Hannah.
I wait until he’s out of sight before turning back to Kash and losing it. “How the fuck could you do this to me, Kash? Or Hunter . . . whatever your name is. My son. My fucking son. You’ve been spending time with him behind my back, knowing that I wasn’t ready for this. How could you keep this from me?”
His eyes look intense before he closes them and runs his hands down his face. “I was scared of losing you. That’s why. Fuck!” He grips his hair in frustration, before attempting to touch me again, but I push him away. “I’m sorry.” He throws his arms up, letting me know he won’t touch me if I don’t want him to. “I knew how much you wanted to protect Alec from getting hurt again and I felt that if you knew I’d been spending time with him for a while now that you’d freak out and push me away.” He places his arms back down to his sides. “I’m sorry, Eden. You have no idea how bad it’s been hurting me to keep this shit from you. The last thing I want to do is lie to you. I was a dick and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to somehow make up for it.”
My heart speeds up as I watch the pain and hurt takes over Kash’s face. I want to forgive him right now. I want to be able to come out and say it’s okay, but I can’t. It’s not. It’s far from okay. “I seriously don’t know what to say right now. I feel betrayed and that’s not something I get over so easily. I need some time, Kash.” My voice comes out harsh. “I’m sorry. I just can’t think straight right now.”
He leans his head back and tightly closes it eyes. “I’m sorry.” He reaches out and cups my face, closing the distance between our bodies as if he can’t stay away from me right now. “I can’t lose you, Eden. Look at me.” He tilts my chin up until our eyes lock. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. That was never my intention and it fucking hurts so damn bad that I did that to you.”
“You do realize this is one of the worse possible things you could’ve lied to me about, right?” I shake my head and attempt to push his hands away, but he just cups my face again, not giving up. “Kash. You fucking have my son playing ball with you. His favorite thing to do. He only ever does that with family. It’s a family thing and now he’s going to think you’ll always be around for him. What am I supposed to do with that? Huh? Tell me!” I yell the last part, my emotions overwhelming me.
“Believe that I will be around. That I’m not fucking going anywhere. See that I’m not like that piece of shit who left you both without so much as thinking about how it would hurt you. That’s where we’re different. You and Alec are what matters to me. I could give a shit about myself. But I do care about not having you as mine. I do fucking care about not spending time with Alec ever again. I can’t let that happen.”
I close my eyes, finding it so easy to get lost in his touch. It’s almost crazy the way a simple touch from him can unravel me.
“Mommy!”
I open my eyes to the sound of Alec’s voice and quickly remove Kash’s hands from my face, before he can begin asking me a bunch of questions that I’m not sure I’m able to answer right now.
I’m a fucking mess right now and the last thing I need is for Alec to see it.
“I’ve gotta go. I just . . .” I grab Alec’s hand and begin walking him toward the jeep, trying my hardest not to cry.
“Where are we going?” Alec asks in a confused voice, while looking back at Kash. “I thought we were going to play with my new baseball.”
It hurts my heart so damn bad to do this to him. But I need to deal with this situation when I have a clear head.
There’s three people here I could hurt if I say the wrong thing. I just can’t . . .
“Mommy took the rest of the day off work so we could visit grandpa at work and he can show you around the houses he’s building. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
I’m shitty for making this up on the spot, but it’s the only thing that I know will make Alec forget about playing ball and leave without too many questions.
“But I want to play with Hunter, mommy. Can’t we stay for a while longer?”
Kash puts on a smile and crouches down in front of him. He’s trying his hardest to be strong but I can see the worry in his eyes. “Sorry, “lil man. I have to get going now.” He rubs the top of his head, before kissing it. “Be good for mommy and drink lots of milk so you can continue to be strong. Always be strong, okay?
Alec nods. “Okay. I can try . . .”
“I’ll see you later, buddy.”
“With pancakes?” Alec smiles up at him, waiting for his answer.
“Always . . .”
The ache I feel in my chest is unlike anything else when Alec throws his arms around Kash’s neck and gives him a big hug. He’s squeezing him so tightly that he’s choking him, but it doesn’t seem to bother Kash. “Bye, Hunter!”
“See ya, buddy.”
I look back at Kash one last time, because truthfully, I have no idea when I’ll be ready to see him again.
“I’m here if you ever need me,” he says softly. “And I mean that. Just please don’t walk away.”
I don’t know what to say to that so I don’t say anything. I just hop in my jeep and take off, hoping with everything in me that I don’t break down and cry in front of Alec.
That’s exactly why I need to get him to my father so I can have a few minutes to myself and let it all out.
Kash kept the biggest secret from me that he ever could. Even his excuses might not be enough to ever fix this.
I have no idea how long it’s going to take me to get over it. If I even can at all . . .