Eden
IT’S BEEN TEN DAYS SINCE I discovered Kash had been spending time with Alec behind my back and I have yet to be able to face him or accept his apology yet.
He’s sent me one text message a day every day since then to check on me, but truthfully, I just don’t know what to say to him. So I haven’t responded to any of them.
I thought Kash was different. The last thing I was expecting was for him to lie to me and hide something so big. Even if it was only because he was afraid of losing me. He should’ve gave me the chance to figure out how him knowing Alec already would’ve made me feel.
This is the kind of behavior I’d expect from Knight and I just don’t know what to do with that. Makes me wonder what else he could be hiding from me, although my whole body is telling me he would never hurt me on purpose.
What makes the whole situation even worse is that Alec’s been asking about Hunter . . . Kash . . . I don’t know what to call him anymore and I hate that.
After I took some time to calm down last week, I called and talked to Hannah about the situation and she assured me that she just pieced it all together the night I asked her to watch Alec so I could go to the club for a bit. She was just as clueless as I was.
I didn’t want to punish Hannah for her brother’s mistake so I told her she could continue to watch Alec just as long as Kash doesn’t come by and see him anymore. For now at least.
“Hey! Can my right shoulder get a little damn attention, please?”
I pull out of the zone I’m in and focus my attention on my last client for the day. “Yeah, sorry.”
Squirting more oil into my palms, I move over to the guy’s right shoulder, just now realizing that I’ve spent the last fifteen minutes on the other one, while I was zoning out.
This client only has five minutes left and I have a feeling, I’ll never see him on my table again after this session.
The timer goes off faster than I expected, causing the elderly man to groan out his displeasure.
“Well at least one shoulder will be nice and relaxed. As if my old ass isn’t off balance as it is. Thanks for that.”
“Sorry. If you want to lay back down I’ll add ten minutes for free. I was zoning out, I admit it, and I apologize.”
“Don’t have time,” he groans, while sitting up and throwing his sheet off, exposing himself. “Gotta pick my damn wife up from BINGO. I’ll get my ass chewed out if I’m late.”
“What the hell . . . thanks for the warning.” I cover my face and blindly reach for the door.
“Well I didn’t get a warning that this massage would suck as much as it did but sometimes life isn’t fair, little girl.”
I grip the handle and squeeze it, this old fucker beginning to piss me off. I apologized and offered to make up for it. What more does he want? “Fuck you, old man. Take your wrinkly balls and shit attitude and get the hell out of my room.”
This has the old man laughing behind me as if me being an ass to him amuses him.
“Something funny, old man?”
“Yeah . . . finding out you have more balls than most men I deal with on the daily gives this old man something to smile about.” He pauses for a second. “Thanks for that.”
I feel his hand squeeze my shoulder, before I turn around to see him fully dressed. “See you next week, girl. Leave a spot open for me.”
Not sure what to say, I just move out of the way and watch with a smile as he leaves my room.
“Seriously?” I burst into laughter, not sure what the hell just happened.
I can’t seem to stop laughing, which only proves that my emotions are all over the place right now.
It takes me about twenty minutes to clean up for the day, before I meet up with Riley at the counter to clock out.
“You okay, babe?”
I nod my head and smile when I see she has Haven with her. “She’s getting so big!” Haven laughs and swats my face when I bend down close to her.
“Sorry, she’s in that phase where she just swings her arms everywhere.”
“I remember those days with Alec. No need to apologize.” I grab Haven’s little fingers and smile down at her, hoping that something as cute as this little booger will help me forget about Kash for a moment.
It doesn’t . . .
“Still not talking to Kash?” Riley finally comes out and asks.
I know she’s been wanting to this entire week but has been trying to spare my feelings by bringing him up. It’s not hard to figure out that look of pity in her eyes every time she looks at me.
“No.” I stand up and walk behind the desk to clock myself out. “I’m not ready yet. I just . . . I don’t know how to forgive him for something so personal like that. He hurt me, Riley. Really bad.”
“I know, babe.” She looks away from Haven to look at me. “Look at it from his point of view,” she says. “That’s how you begin to forgive him and realize that he’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I think you’ll understand more that way that he was just scared.”
I look over at her with wide eyes as if I haven’t thought of that myself. Maybe I did but hearing it from someone else just seems to make more sense.
“Kash has never been serious with a woman in the whole time I’ve known him. I’ve never seen him so scared to hurt or lose someone before.” She stops and picks Haven up, holding her above her as she makes funny faces up at her. “Guys do crazy things when they’re in love, Eden.”
“In love?” My heart races at just the thought of Kash being in love with me.
“Yeah. In love. You don’t know?” She smiles over at me. “Kash is in love. It’s easy to see. Especially since he’s been so miserable without you. He’s barely left the house unless he has to and he’s called off work at the club almost every night since you guys got into that fight last week. The couple nights he did work he refused to do any private dances and only made appearances in the club when it was his time on the stage. He spent the rest of the time in Cale’s office talking about how much he misses you and Alec. Cale says it’s been pretty painful to be around him. Last night was his last night. He’s done with the club now.”
There’s an ache in my chest that is almost enough to make me burst into tears when I think about how miserable Kash has been.
I honestly didn’t think me and Alec not being in his life would affect him the way it apparently has.
“I should go,” I whisper, feeling overwhelmed again. “Knight is coming by to see Alec for a bit before his fight tonight. “I . . . um . . . I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I don’t even give Riley a chance to speak before I rush out the door and to my jeep, needing to be alone as quickly as possible.
Finally letting my emotions out, I bury my face in my hands and burst into tears.
Being a mom isn’t always easy. I know this. Making decisions for Alec and what’s best in his life is so damn hard.
What if Kash being in it is the best thing for him? The best thing for both of us and I’ve just ruined it by shutting him out?
I sit here for ten minutes . . . maybe twenty before I finally compose myself enough to drive myself home.
Knight text me ten minutes ago and said he was at my place with Alec so he told Hannah she could leave.
I hate that Knight is already there. The last thing I need is for him to see how torn up I am over Kash right now.
Just something else for him to rub in my face and try to make me feel horrible about myself over.
When I pull up in the driveway, Knight is sitting on the porch and Alec is playing with the baseball Kash gave me to give to Alec that first night he took me out to the baseball field.
Knight looks up from his phone with a cocky grin when he sees me step out of my jeep. “Looks like showing my face was enough to show that asshole I wasn’t going anywhere.”
“What are you talking about?” My heart stops, nervous that Knight did something to Kash that I don’t know about.
“I have eyes, Eden. I see that he hasn’t been around in days. Do you really fucking think that I haven’t been watching him, making my face known to him?”
“You’re an asshole.” I look across the yard and smile at Alec as he tosses the ball up and down, playing by himself. “Don’t cause a scene in front of my son, Knight.”
“Don’t have to.” He stands up and places his hands on my shoulders, rubbing them. “He’s out of the picture and that’s all I wanted.”
Feeling disgusted, I shake his hands from my shoulders and back away from him. “It’s not because of you. Your face isn’t as intimidating as you think. Trust me on that.” I push past him and to the house. “Now go play with your son for once and leave me the fuck alone.”
I begin shaking the moment I step inside.
What the hell did he mean by making his face known? Kash never mentioned to me any problems with Knight.
But knowing Kash he was probably just looking out for me.
“Shit.” I lean against the wall, everything hitting me all at once.
All Kash wanted to do was protect me from the truth until he knew I was ready. I told him over and over again how Alec had been hurt by his father and he knew how scared I was to let another man into his life.
I can’t really blame him for already knowing Alec ahead of time. He was stuck in a situation that he didn’t know how to handle and I’m punishing him for that.
Is this how I should look at it?
Fuck, I don’t know . . .
It’s not even five minutes later that Knight barges his way into the house, looking pissed off. “You never gave Alec the gift I left for him?”
“Nope.” I stand up and brush my hair out of my face. “You need to give it to him yourself. It’s not my fault it’s taken this long for you to come spend time with your son.”
“Well where the fuck is it?” He rushes into the kitchen and begins pulling out drawers. “When I leave something here for my son you give it to him.”
“No, I say firmly. “You come around enough to give it to him yourself.”
He finally pulls the small box from the kitchen drawer I hid it in. “I’ll give it to him myself right now, bitch.”
“Fuck you, asshole,” I say through clenched teeth. “Give it to him and leave. And by the way . . . I still need that child support money you promised. This is your last chance or I’m taking your ass to court and letting them deal with you.”
He stops at the door and looks back at me. “Like I said before. You want the money you come and get it tonight after the fight.”
With that he walks outside and slams the screen door shut.
I jump from the sound, my nerves all messed up right now.
This asshole must be crazy if he thinks I won’t show up tonight for the money he owes me. I’m getting every last cent of the two grand he owes me for back child support.
A few minutes later, Knight speeds off and Alec comes rushing into the house, holding up a video game that he already owns.
“Daddy got me this game. I told him I already have it and he got upset.” He gives me a sad look and runs into my arms. “I miss Hunter, mommy. He always played with me and knew all the games I have. Where is Hunter? He hasn’t come to Hannah’s to bring me pancakes anymore. Did I do something wrong?”
My heart drops to my stomach when I hear the pain in his voice. I hate it so damn much and I hate that I’m the reason Kash isn’t in his life right now.
I’m so scared right now, but I think now is the time I tell him the truth.
“No, baby boy. Never. Don’t even think you did something wrong.” I crouch down in front of him. “Mommy cares about Hunter in the same way I cared about your father. Something happened and I asked him to stay away for a bit. I’m so sorry, baby.”
A tear falls from his eye that he quickly swipes away. “Are you mad at Hunter, mommy? Don’t be mad at my friend. He’s my only friend. I miss him.”
His bottom lip begins to quiver so I quickly pull him into my arms, wanting nothing more than to stop the tears from coming.
Kash not being in our lives is hurting the both of us and I hate it. Alec just hasn’t been the same since the first day Kash didn’t show up at Hannah’s when he was expecting him.
“You’ll see him soon, baby.” I rub the back of his head, before kissing it. “He misses you too. I promise you that. I’ll fix it, baby. I’ll fix it . . .”
Alec must be exhausted, because I feel him going slack in my arms the more I rub the back of his head.
Picking him up, I carry him to his room and place him in bed.
I wait until he’s asleep, before leaving him alone in his room and shutting the door behind me.
Sitting here alone on the couch, my thoughts go back to Kash and that little ache in my chest returns and this empty feeling fills my stomach.
I find myself staring at my phone for a few minutes, before I pull up his number and type out a message. I need to fix this. To fix us.
Eden: Can we talk tonight?
I just hope I haven’t waited too long . . .