CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

 

SISSY LEANED close to his ear as they circled on the big dance floor. “The food’s delicious, but the dancing needs a little livening up. I think you should dance with Shaz.” She giggled.

Billy tried to smile. “Yeah, right. My mom would freak.”

“I bet she wouldn’t care. She looks like she’s having a good time.”

He glanced over at their table, where his mom was laughing and sipping champagne. She did look like she was enjoying herself, actually, but she would care. So would most of the people in the room. He nodded toward the table next to theirs, where members of the wedding party plus Giles and Shaz were sitting. “Even Shaz and Giles aren’t dancing.” Both men sat looking a little uncomfortable. Not usual for either of them. Shaz always seemed at home in his own skin, and Giles practiced looking superior. But right then they sat with arms crossed, looking in opposite directions.

How weird to not even be able to dance with your boyfriend. Being gay wasn’t for sissies. Funny how some people called it a choice. Who’d choose it? Hell, there was a question.

With a twirl, he spun her to a quieter corner of the dance floor. “Uh, Sissy.”

She looked up at him with her big blue eyes.

“Can I ask you why you suggested I dance with Shaz? I mean, I know you were joking and all. I just wondered what made you think of it.”

She tilted her head and gave him a long look. “I wasn’t exactly joking. I think people should dance and do anything else they want with whoever they want.”

This was awkward. Why was he pushing it? “Yeah, I agree. But why me and Shaz specifically?”

She smiled. “I just remember that watching you two dance at the bachelor party was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.”

“Uh, because Shaz is such a good dancer?”

“You’re both great dancers. But you just clicked, know what I mean? Like you belonged together.”

Shit. Do not go further. Do not ask another question. “Yeah, well, he’s become kind of a friend since you guys introduced us. He helped me pick out some furniture for my place.”

“He did?” She looked startled.

He twirled her out and back. “He’s a nice guy. Why are you surprised?”

“He’s a really nice guy, but he’s got too much on several plates. I’m just surprised he could find the time.”

Billy shrugged and pulled her in a little closer so she wasn’t staring at him. She spoke close to his ear. “He must really like you.”

A shiver ran up his back. He glanced over to Shaz’s table. Giles was gone. Maybe dancing? Most of the chairs at Shaz’s table and the head table were empty. The dance floor was packed. Rhonda fox-trotted with an older man who was probably some rich friend of the Auchinclosses. Austin was spinning Teresa and they were both laughing. Shaz got up and walked toward the men’s room.

Billy’s eyes followed Shaz. He looked over and spied one of the groomsmen he’d seen eyeing Sissy stalking around the edge of the dance floor like maybe he wanted to cut in. Billy waved a hand. “Hey, Roger. I think you finally ought to get that dance.”

The guy looked confused, then broke out in a huge smile. “Hey, thanks, man.”

Billy grinned down at Sissy. “You’re in good hands. I need the facilities.”

She turned her eyes to the cute, kind of nerdy guy. “No problem. Take your time.”

Roger took Sissy in his arms, and Billy tried not to look anxious as he crossed the dance floor and cut through tables toward the men’s room. What exactly am I going to say? No idea.

Gods were majorly smiling, because he arrived outside the men’s room just as Shaz came out. Or maybe it was his most unlucky moment. Who the hell knew? “Hi.”

Shaz smiled softly. “Hi.”

“Any chance we could talk?”

“Now?”

Probably a crappy idea. “No, that’s okay. I know Giles is waiting.”

Shaz frowned. “If he’s waiting, it’s not for me. I’d love to talk. I just don’t want to be rushed.”

The words fell out of his mouth. “Actually it’s better if we’re rushed, because if I have too much time, I may not be able to get up the nerve to spit out the questions.”

Shaz raised an eyebrow. “Oh really. Okay, let’s strike while the iron is hot. Come on.” He took hold of Billy’s wrist and walked quickly down the long hall that ran past the ballroom where the reception was going on. The hall turned, and doors on either side suggested meeting rooms for convention facilities.

He went to the end and pushed open a door. Inside was a bare meeting room with a few draped tables and chairs sitting around. The only light spilled from a back bay of overheads that was turned on. The room had a folding wall on either side that probably separated it from more rooms just like it. On one side the wall was open a few feet, and the room beyond it appeared to be dark.

Shaz looked around. “Spartan but serviceable. Shall we make ourselves at home?”

Billy nodded. Tough to get any words out. His mouth was too dry.

Shaz picked a table in the darker part of the room. Good. He wouldn’t be able to see Billy’s damned red ears. Shaz grabbed a chair and relaxed into it with that grace and ease that nobody could match.

Billy sat on the armless chair opposite and folded the edge of the crooked white tablecloth.

Shaz put a hand on his arm. “Want to talk so you don’t forget the words?”

Billy felt the touch in his earlobes. Yes, and his cock. “I, uh, I’m glad we’re still friends.”

Shaz sat back. Was he disappointed in what Billy said? He nodded. “Me too. I was sad that we might have wrecked it. Being friends, I mean.”

Billy glanced up, then back down at his tablecloth folding. “So you’re sad that we—I mean, that you—”

“Sucked your cock?”

Billy nodded but didn’t look up.

“I can’t actually say that, Billy. I’m gay. You’re a really attractive man. It happened.”

“Am I attractive? Like, to you?”

Two seconds of silence. “Yes. Very.”

His heart beat so hard he could barely hear. Just say it. Just say it. Shit. “How would I know if I’m gay?”

Deafening silence. He looked up. Shaz stared at him. In the soft light, those green eyes glistened. No smile. “That’s a really important question.”

Oh God, he didn’t laugh. He didn’t freak. Billy let out his breath in a long sigh. “You had to answer that question for yourself, right?”

“Yes.”

“You said you were fourteen when you answered it?”

“Yes.”

“How did you know?”

He shrugged. “Sitting in my grandfather’s church listening to the begats. I realized that I had no interest in finding a female who was my opposite number. The one taken from my rib. I’d always suspected I was different from most of the people I knew, but I didn’t understand how. At that moment in that pew, I realized the joke about Adam and Steve applied to me. It was very hard to be a joke.”

“Oh God, that’s awful.”

“It was for a while.” He gave a half grin. “Quite a while. I tried really hard to be something else, since everyone in my family expected so much from me. I was lined up for divinity school. Can you imagine? I knew I was more interested in designing the choir robes.” He chuckled. “And fucking the choir boys, although I denied that to myself and everyone else for several years. Finally the pressure of living a pure lie got too much, and I exploded. I confessed everything in one giant vomit of expurgation. By that time I’d had a cock or two in my mouth, done a lot of frottage, and knew for sure that I was beyond girls. I spilled it all. Gay. Design school. Serious questions about God and religion. All out.”

Billy held his breath.

“And that was essentially the last time I saw my family. They withdrew their college money, not that I would have gone to divinity school anyway. They threw me out politely. Made excuses to their friends and congregation. Said I was trying a new path. Going on a personal retreat. Yes, one from which I never returned.”

Horror spread through Billy’s chest. His family! He swiped at his eyes.

Shaz gave him a soft look. “Tell me.”

“I love my family. I can’t have them disown me.”

That warm hand held his forearm again. “Hang on. First, why do you think you’re gay?”

“Come on. You already know.”

Shaz sighed and removed his hand. “Tell me anyway.”

“I’m a failure with women. I don’t enjoy stuff that guys like me are supposed to like a lot. I whack off to gay porn and let gay guys suck my cock.” He stared at his hands. There. He’d said it. “Shit, I even have cats.”

Shaz chuckled. “Gay cats.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me play devil’s advocate.” He ticked each point off on his fingers. “Maybe you just haven’t found the right woman. A lot of guys enjoy stuff that other men think is gay, but they aren’t. Different people find different stuff sexy, and blow jobs feel good no matter who’s giving them.”

Billy slowly blew out his breath. “I’ve thought of all of that at least one hundred times each.”

“And?”

He looked up. The scarlet hair, green eyes, full lips. There sat the most beautiful human he’d ever seen. Another true confession. “Shaz, I think you’re hot.”

Whatever the guy had been about to say must have stuck in his throat. His lips parted, then closed. Parted again.

Billy stared at that mouth. He wanted to kiss Shaz. A guy. He wanted to kiss him. Not suck him or fuck him. No, well, that too. But kiss him? That seemed like the gayest thing alive. Was he gonna? Would Shaz let him? He leaned forward. Shaz’s lips parted more. Billy could see the tip of his tongue. That tongue had licked his cock up one side and down the other. Holy shit, he wanted that again so bad his whole body hurt.

“Ummf. No.”

Voices! The sound of a man’s voice came from behind him. He slammed back in the chair. He wasn’t doing anything. Nothing.

He looked up at Shaz, who had gone very still, his head lifted like a deer scenting danger.

Billy listened. The voice came from the other room. The dark room.

“Leave me alone. We can’t do this, you know that—” Garbled.

Another voice spoke. Too low to really hear.

The first voice spoke again. “I won’t do this to her. I love her.”

What the hell? Was that Mitch’s voice?

“Come on. You know she’s just for show.”

Giles. That was Giles’s fucking voice. Billy stood and stared toward the room.

Giles went on, his voice almost sneering. “You know how bad you want it. You’re gay, damn it, and she’ll never do it for you like I can. Come on, baby. Open up. Gimme that sweet cock.”

Billy jumped a foot as Shaz’s beautiful, high voice rang out through the room. “Get the fuck away from him, you home-wrecking asshole!”

Billy turned in time to see Shaz take off like a leopard and race across the room at full speed. He shoved the foldable wall aside, showing Mitch backed against the door of the room and Giles kneeling in front of him with his hands on Mitch’s fly.

Billy shook himself and ran after Shaz, but he’d leaped through the air and landed on Giles like he was prey. Not much of a fighter, his arms flailed and missed most of their targets, but he connected enough to have Giles cowering on the floor with both hands raised. “Ow, hell, get him off me.”

Mitch didn’t move, so Billy waded in. He reached down and took hold of Shaz’s arm.

Giles raised a fist. Billy grabbed the arm in midair and crushed his huge paw around Giles’s clenched hand. “Not gonna happen, asshole.” He hauled Shaz to his feet and left Giles to negotiate his own way vertical.

Shaz vibrated with rage. “You despicable son of a bitch.”

Giles got up to sitting and tossed his thinning hair back off his face. “Oh, get over it. So I cheated.”

“Cheated. You think I care? I cheated on you. But seducing men away from their partners is dirty and rotten.”

“Yeah, well, she should be able to hold on to her man. He loves me more.”

Mitch moaned. “No I don’t.”

Billy turned to his new brother-in-law. “This is bad stuff, man. How the fuck could you do this to my sister?”

“I’m so sorry. Giles and I were lovers in prep school. We split up when my parents found out, and I was sent away to college. It took me years to get over him.” He wiped a hand over his eyes. “But I did get over him.”

“Like hell!” Giles made it to his feet.

Mitch shook his head. “I really do like women too, and I dated girls in college. I still played around with guys, but nothing serious. Then I met Rhonda. She’s perfect for me, and my family was so damned happy. But when Giles heard I was getting married, he came running and said I couldn’t do it. That I was gay and I should be with him. I wanted to say no. I tried.”

Shaz looked at Billy. “It can be hard to give up old loves. We remember the feelings and want it again, you know?”

Billy shook his head. “You’ve gotta tell Rhonda that you’ve been cheating on her with this guy. She deserves to know.”

A voice came from behind him. “It’s okay, Billy. I know.”

What? He turned. Wedding gown flowing, Rhonda marched across the room and stood in front of her husband. She put a hand on his cheek.

Tears flowed out of his eyes. “You knew?”

“You’re such a crappy liar.”

“I’m so terribly sorry.”

“I knew that you’d see him for what he is. I hoped it would be sooner rather than later. If it hadn’t happened quick, I’d likely have considered a hired killer.”

Shaz blurted out a laugh.

She looked up at Shaz with that direct gaze of hers. “I’m no fucking blushing flower, and I don’t give up my man for anyone.”

Shaz clapped a hand over his mouth.

She looked at Giles. “Get out of here. Go now, and if you ever try to see my husband again, I’ll be sure that the Auchinclosses ruin you. Is that clear?”

Giles stared at her like a snake.

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “If they have to choose between you and me, darling, guess who they’ll pick?”

She turned her back like he didn’t exist and wrapped her arm through Mitch’s. “Wipe your eyes, smile, and come back to the reception. Shortly we’ll both change and leave for our honeymoon, where I plan to impress upon you my clear advantages. Ready?”

He nodded, and they walked out of the room.

Shaz stared after them. “Holy shit.”

Billy nodded. “I come from a family of formidable women.” He turned slowly to Giles. “But I’m six five, weigh two hundred and twenty-five pounds, and hit harder than a sledgehammer. So if you want to live looking like you currently do, I’d get the hell out of here.”

Giles stepped back but looked at Shaz. “He was just a childhood love. You and I are the grown-ups. You say you cheated on me. Well, good. We’re even. Why don’t we put this back together? After all, we have so much in common.”

Shaz barked one of those laughs again. “Really, Giles? I wouldn’t consider being with a man who would do such a thing to someone he says he loves. But more importantly, yes, I did cheat on you. And I intend to keep cheating with the same man as often as he’ll allow me to.” Not once did his eyes stray to Billy.

But Billy’s heart stopped.

 

 

BILLY FLOORED the accelerator, then let up, then stomped again. He was going home—to meet Shaz. After the blowup with Giles, Billy and Shaz had gone back to the reception—separately. Billy had rejoined Sissy, and they had applauded at the sharing of cake, Sissy had caught the bouquet, and they’d cheered and thrown birdseed as the happy couple ran for their limousine. Billy hadn’t stopped shaking the whole time. Teresa had even asked him if he was okay. That’s the question.

Was he okay with being more excited than scared at the idea of meeting a man at his apartment who confessed to wanting to give him more blow jobs? His cock jumped. Yeah, you don’t get a vote.

Was he okay with the idea of being one of those guys that guys like him ridiculed—or worse? One of those guys his family would hate. Well, probably not Teresa and maybe not Rhonda, but his mother? Shit.

Was he okay with being gay?

What a question. Not one he’d ever planned to answer in his life. Was he okay with being a loser? That question he’d tried to answer many times. But never gay.

He pulled onto his street, swung into the driveway of his apartment, and took the space reserved for him in the back. In the rearview mirror, he saw the Jaguar.

Billy peered at his own wide eyes. How the hell can you have waited until you’re twenty-five to have this crisis?

I’ve always been slow.

So true.

Okay, this was it.

He climbed out of the truck, walked to the entrance of the building, and opened the door into the piece-of-shit vestibule that his landlord never spruced up. Billy had asked if he could do it, but he hadn’t had the time or money to paint the hallway and three flights of stairs that led to his apartment. Where was Shaz? He glanced back out the door. He lived in Laguna, for crap sake; nothing would happen to a gay guy here. Still, Billy took the stairs two at a time. When he got to the top, he stopped. There sat Shaz on the top step as if the suit he was wearing wouldn’t have bought the whole building, legs stretched out across the stair, leaning against the banister, reading an e-reader.

Billy laughed. “Well, don’t you pretty up the place?”

He looked up and smiled. “This staircase could use some serious prettying.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Just a few minutes. I scooted out as soon as the happy couple left.” He closed his reader, stood up gracefully, and swept a hand across his butt.

Billy sighed. “I sure hope they’ll be happy.”

“At least Rhonda doesn’t seem to have any illusions about Mitch. That’s better than waking up one day to discover your husband likes boys and, unfortunately, you don’t have a dick.”

Billy unlocked the door and turned on the light, then stepped back so Shaz could cross in front of him. “Cheating on your wedding day seems like a bad omen.”

Shaz turned to him. “But he didn’t cheat. At least, not today. Mitch hasn’t the most powerful will force I’ve ever encountered, which is one of the reasons I think he loves Rhonda. He just happens to have been particularly susceptible to the little shit I’ve been dating. I think with Giles out of the way and all the positive reinforcement he’ll get for his marriage, he’s going to do well.”

“Mewer.”

“Merwaorwr.”

Shaz looked down and smiled. “Hello, boys.” He knelt and started petting the silky fur. Clancy leaped on his lap, knocked him off balance, and Shaz plopped on his butt. Both cats crawled on his sprawled legs.

Billy laughed. “It’s their favorite trick. They’re ecstatic they got to pull it on an unsuspecting newcomer. Careful, they’ll get fur all over you.”

“What else are cats for but to leave their marks on your heart?”

Well, hell, that’s sweet. Clancy and Yerby purred so loudly Billy could hear them as he crossed into the small kitchen and peered into the refrigerator. “What can I get you to drink?” See, he sounded perfectly normal. Not like he was about to have a nervous breakdown. “I have beer, a half-full bottle of white wine that’s probably kind of old, and iced tea.”

“Beer sounds fine.”

“I’ve never seen you drink it.”

“That’s because I seldom do. But I still enjoy it.”

He wasn’t exactly setting records as a romantic host. Pushing off from the sink, he carried two bottles of beer with two glasses on top into the living room. Okay, where should he put the bottles? Finally he set them both on the coffee table in front of the couch. Was that too much of an invitation? Sit here and make out with me? But if he put one bottle by the chair, was that standoffish? Shit. He sat down.

Shaz gave the boys one last pet, then kindly but firmly removed them from his lap. He stood in one fluid motion, pulled off his suit coat and draped it over the chair in the dining area, walked over and sat by Billy. He poured the beer against the side of his glass—no head—then leaned back and sipped. “Good beer.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s Mexican.” Duh, he could see that from the label.

“Feeling a little awkward, are we?” Shaz glanced at him sideways.

“Yeah.”

“Me too. I don’t even hang out with straight friends unless they’re women, much less—well, you know.”

His voice rose. “But I’m not straight.”

“Shall we explore that further? Do you have more questions?”

“How could a guy get all the way to twenty-five and not know he’s gay?”

“I have friends who were in their forties before they knew for sure. Married, kids, the whole scenario.”

“Man, that seems like a waste.”

Shaz snorted. “Somehow that’s not the response I expected.”

“Well, hell, I know up close and personal how crappy it is to have sex when you’re not really into it. I wouldn’t want to keep that up for another twenty years.”

Shaz put down his beer and draped an arm over the back of the couch facing Billy. “So you’re thinking that having gay sex will be better?”

“I sure as hell hope so.” Once again, not the most romantic answer.

Shaz cocked his head. “And you’re thinking I should be your experiment in gay sex?”

Whew. “It’s not exactly like that. I mean, I don’t have any experience, so it has to be an experiment. But—” Wow. This is hard. He stared at his shoes. Very nice shoes. “—I think you’re more beautiful than any woman I ever saw. And any man too. I figure if I’m gonna try this, it should be with a guy I think is beyond hot, but I totally get if you think that’s a crappy reason.” He glanced up. Shaz was gazing at him with lazy green eyes that made his stomach flip. Billy stuttered. “I really like you too.”

In one move Shaz slid forward, grabbed Billy behind the neck, pulled him close, and closed his mouth over Billy’s lips.

He froze. Oh God, it’s happening. Holy fucking shit. In one second, he answered the question “What would it be like to kiss a guy?” A little scratchy. Shaz didn’t seem to have much beard, but what was there felt way different than a girl. A lot soft. Those lips. Sweet Jesus, he’d imagined they’d be soft, but this was far beyond. Like kissing satin or cotton candy or Yerby’s fur. And hot. Oh my God, hot. His lips parted and Shaz’s tongue slipped inside, exploring, tasting, and a little demanding. In one mind-altering flash, he knew. He’d never liked kissing one of the women he’d been engaged to. Never one. But this? Oh yes.

A vibration like a purr rumbled through his chest. He wrapped his arms around Shaz and pulled him closer, letting his tongue do battle, sliding and questing. Shaz made the noise this time. Like a moan. What a feeling. To make this guy moan. He pulled him even closer. Suddenly Shaz scrambled over his lap until he was sitting with his crotch pressed against Billy’s. Still kissing, he began a slow ride, rubbing his erection against Billy’s through way too many layers of cloth. Sweet God, it felt so good. He grabbed Shaz’s butt and pulled him tighter. The kiss broke as he clenched his teeth. More. More. His hips thrust up against his rider. Oh God, this was what he wanted.

Shaz ripped his head back. “Clothes. Get them off.” He scrambled off Billy, toed off his shoes, pulled down his trousers, and had his bright purple briefs sailing through the air before Billy got his belt unfastened. Shaz knelt, grabbed Billy’s shoes and bounced them on the floor, then started pulling at his pants. Billy slid the briefs off and pushed down as Shaz pulled. Success! The whole package crumpled to the floor.

For an instant Billy got to focus on what that more-than ample Shaz cock looked like erect and pressed against his taut belly; then Shaz was back on him, straddling and shoving their two upright dicks as tight against each other as physics allowed. Shaz tilted Billy’s chin up so he was staring into those green eyes. Then he pushed his hips forward and started rubbing against Billy’s belly with his own. Their cocks, caught between their two bodies, were the fuel for the fire, baby.

Shaz gasped. “Feel good?”

“Yeah.” Billy’s breath came so hard he sounded in pain.

“This is one of the many things you can do with cocks.” He leaned forward until his breath poured into Billy’s ear. “I want to show you all of them. You make me crazy with your beautiful eyes and your gorgeous body and your sweet heart. I want to eat you and fuck you and eat you some more. But right now I want you to go nuts.”

Shaz stretched out his legs until his body lay almost full-length against Billy’s. With his hands anchored on the couch, and never losing eye contact, he slid them together with a friction so intense Billy’s head wanted to explode. “Shit, Shaz. Oh God, that’s it. So great, so great.”

He rode and rode, making noises that sounded totally like a guy. Grunts and moans. Friction caused fire, and Billy was going up in flames.

Shaz pressed his lips against Billy’s forehead for a second. “I’m so hot I may turn to ash. All night long I watched that ass of yours wagging around that ballroom, and all I could think of was how I wanted to grab it.” He reached behind Billy and pressed his fingers into Billy’s steaming buns, then slid his cock against Billy’s so hard it felt like two firebrands dancing. “But not just grab. I wanted to bite it, lick it, fuck it. I wanted to own it.” On every word he gave another powerful thrust, and flashes of fire leaped from Billy’s cock into his balls.

“Shit, Shaz, this ass is yours if you just don’t stop.”

“Never?”

“Never. It feels too good.”

Shaz stared into his eyes, but he could barely see him. Lightning seared across his vision in bolts of white.

“Ready to come, my knight?”

“Oh shit, yeah. I’m not sure I can live through it. Oh shiiiiit.” Shaz gave one big thrust. Combustion! The spurts of cum pouring out of Billy’s cock couldn’t begin to put out the fire. Bright white, then pitch black. Had he passed out? His head blew apart like a big bang full of stars and he didn’t care if he died.

Shaz cried out. Loud. Who cared if the neighbors heard? Billy Ballew had made the most gorgeous man on earth come. Cause for celebration.

Shaz’s body went from rigid to collapsed but didn’t change position lying on Billy. Their hearts beat together like a couple of jackhammers.

Billy took a breath, and it caught and trembled out of his chest. “Oh God, I am gay. I am.” He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry.

Shaz’s soft high voice sounded muffled against his chest. “Yes, dear. I think you are.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’ll find out. Don’t worry. It’s better to know.”

When his heart stopped hammering—would it still be better?