CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

 

BILLY WOKE up—alone. If you didn’t count two cats staring intently at his face from three inches away. Six-thirty call on the new house they had to have finished by the end of the month. Shaz had said he also had an early appointment and couldn’t show up in his suit. He’d probably figured Billy wasn’t ready to spend the night with a guy. Hell, it might have been better than too much thinking time.

He turned over and extended a hand. A furry head pressed against it. “Good morning, guys.”

“Merwaorwr.” Yerby demanded food.

“So I guess you two must have known about me all along, right? You knew I was gay too or you wouldn’t have stuck around so long.” He sighed. “At least you like me for it.”

Take stock. No doubt about it. He’d never felt this good. His cock lay there like a happy cat in the sunshine. Face it. This is what you’ve wanted all along. Then why did he feel like crying?

He sat up and dropped his legs over the side of the bed. He wasn’t who he thought he was. He’d been living a fucking lie and now needed a whole new life. It was like starting over. No, not like. It was starting over.

He glanced at the clock. And he’d better get on with it.

He stood up and stretched. He felt wonderful. When was the last time he had an orgasm like that? He stared down at his cock stretching its morning wood. Mr. Happy. If you didn’t count the blow job from Shaz, which had been the best until then, the answer was never. That felt really sad.

His cell buzzed. At five-fifteen? The smile started before his brain caught up. He picked the phone up off the nightstand and clicked. “Hi. Why aren’t you asleep?”

Shaz’s sexy voice purred through the line. “I knew you’d be up, and I wanted to see how you feel.”

“Weird and good.”

“Better than good and weird, darling.”

Billy laughed. God, he liked this guy so much.

“I’m glad you feel good, and you know that weird is to be expected.”

“I guess.”

“Did you ever frot with another male before, like when you were a teenager?”

“What?”

“Frot. Rub your cocks together for satisfaction. A lot of kids do it, gay or not.”

“Yeah, once.” He smiled. “This guy on the baseball team with me in school. We were working out in the gym together, and you know how sometimes when you pump iron, you get kind of horny?”

“Ummm.”

“Well, we did, and we ended up in his car hanging on to both of our dicks and pumping like crazy. We laughed about it after, but we never worked out together again.”

“Some men do it as their primary means of sexual release.”

“No fucking?”

“Not all gay men ass fuck, darling. Some don’t like it.”

Billy watched his cock rise like the flag when the sun came up. “Do you?”

“Like it? Oh yes, I love to fuck.”

“Oh man.” The words poured out on a rush of breath.

“How would you like to pose for me?”

“What?” He’d expected the word to be fuck.

“Tonight? Remember how we talked about you being the new face of Shazam? Still want to do that? Now that we’re speaking?”

“Oh hell, I don’t know.”

“Please.”

“God, Shaz, I think I’d do anything for you.”

Two breaths of silence. “Really? I feel the same.”

His heart beat too hard.

“Come to my studio tonight as soon after work as you can get here, okay? I promise to make it worth your while.”

That promise could carry him through the whole day.

 

 

BILLY PACKED up his tools. Long day. He looked down at his dirty, dusty, exhausted body. In a few minutes, he’d be wearing beautiful clothes and maybe lookin’ a little bit good. Best of all, he got to see Shaz. Je-sus, he could hardly wait.

“Yo, Ballew.”

Billy looked up and nodded at Jim. “Hey, Carney.”

“Want to come out for a drink?”

“Can’t. Got an appointment.” He grabbed his ratchet screwdriver and loaded it in his carrier.

“I thought that damned wedding was over.”

“It is.” The silence stretched. Billy sighed quietly. “Actually, I got some clothes through this stylist who worked on the wedding. He asked me to pose for a photographer in the clothes. Said he’d give me a lot off the price of the duds if I do it.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Not even.”

“Billy Ballew, fashion model.”

Billy struck a pose. “That’s me, man. Cover of Sports Illustrated.”

“Hey, I guess somebody might want to look at your ugly mug.”

“If I don’t break the camera first.”

He slapped Billy on the shoulder. “Well, watch yourself. Most of those fashion dudes are gay as a bag of jelly beans. Be sure it’s only pictures he wants to take.”

Billy sucked wind. I could say it. I could. Jim laughed, swatted his ass, and walked off chuckling. Moment? Gone. Billy exhaled slowly.

On the short drive to Shaz’s studio, that moment kept floating back into his mind. Jim had caught him by surprise, but if he hadn’t, would Billy have said something? “Not a problem for me, Jim, since I’m gay too.” Or “Actually, the guy’s my boyfriend.” Just thinking the words made him shiver.

He found a space about a block from Shaz’s studio and pulled a parallel between two Beemers. Was Shaz his boyfriend? Or just an experiment, like he’d said? Crap, figuring out who you are is too much work.

Billy hauled some of his clothes out of the back of the truck cab and walked into the reception area. Millicent looked up from her desk and gave him a smile. “Hi, handsome.” She made a face. “Sorry, you’re a client. That’s Mr. Handsome.”

He smiled, even if it felt a little forced. How would she feel if she knew he was gay? “I’m no client. Just a big lug Shaz wants to take some pictures of.”

“Oooh, yeah. I knew Orstrum was here for some reason.” She picked up the phone. “Hang on. Let me announce you.” She said “announce” like it was a royal audience, then giggled. “Ru, Billy Ballew is here for the photo shoot.” She listened. “Coo-ol. I’ll send him back.” She hung up. “Go on in. I’m gonna come watch once they get you all prettified.”

Prettified? Je-sus. He pushed his way through the door to the working part of the office. Shaz called it his studio, and it made sense since these people were artists. Artists of clothes, eyebrows, skin, hair.

Ru hurried over to him. “Hello, Billy. Shaz is tied up with his last client, so how about we start getting you into hair and makeup so you’ll be ready when he is?”

“Hair and what?”

Ru took the hangers from Billy. “Makeup. No worries. Just a little enhancement for the camera. You won’t believe what a difference it makes. Those women have all the luck.” He paused and struck a pose with his free hand behind his head. “Well, maybe not all the luck.” He laughed.

What does he know? Ru was Shaz’s best friend. What had he told him? God, he felt weird.

Ru led him to the seat in front of the mirror Billy had sat in that day Shaz about made him blow his wad running his hands through his hair. No denying it. The guy did it for him. That was the truth.

A woman walked over, introduced herself as Sal, and went to work. After draping him in a plastic cape, she plucked the stray hairs from his eyebrows that had the audacity to grow back, then started wiping some creamy shit on his skin. “What’s that?”

“Foundation. It smooths everything out and gives it an even tone.”

“Do I really need that?”

“Hmm? Yes.” She kept applying. Then she took some dark pencil thing, pushed his head back, and started drawing a line around his eyes.

“Come on. I’m not a girl. I’m not even a model.”

“You are today, Mr. Ballew.” She let go of trying to poke the stick in his eye. “Look.”

He raised his head. “Holy shit.” He looked like—what? “I feel like a movie star or something.”

“Believe me, you look like one. Just one or two more touches.” Mascara. Yep, fucking mascara got applied to his lashes; then she came at him with this glossy pink crap in a little jar and started to put it on his lips. He pulled his head away. “Ummpft. No. There I draw the line.”

She laughed. “Okay. You don’t really need it anyway since your lips are already high colored.”

That was just the blush spilling over from his ears.

The same woman who had cut his hair at the wedding, Amy, walked up beside Sal. “Hey, how’s the hair?”

He put his fingers through it. “Probably a little dusty from work, but I washed it this morning.”

“Looks great, actually.”

Ru bustled up. “Is he good to go?”

Sal swept off the cape. “Yep, all yours, chief.”

“Come with me, darling.”

Billy got up and followed Ru. The guy’s mincing walk flagged him as gay a mile away, even without the clothes and dyed hair. Guys like Billy would catcall and jeer if Ru walked by a building site. Hell, Shaz was just as obvious. Would Billy be like them? Would he change so much people would be able to tell he was gay just by looking? Maybe they could now and they just didn’t say anything.

Ru turned and pointed at the clothes Billy had brought with him, now hanging on a rack. “Why don’t we start with the blue suit and pink shirt? I’ll do the rest. Okay?”

“Okay.” God, he could feel himself blushing. He didn’t feel comfortable around Ru anymore. He grabbed the suit and shirt, stepped into the dressing room, and pulled the curtain with too much snap. He propped himself on the stool in the corner. Breathe.

His heart slowed down, and he stripped off his dusty work clothes. Just as he made it down to the boxer briefs, the curtains parted enough to frame a beautiful face. “Hi. Oooh, my timing is perfect as always.”

Billy startled, then felt a smile spread across his face despite his odd feelings. “Hi.”

Shaz’s grin faded. He stepped inside the tiny dressing room, closed the curtain, and looked up at Billy. “Are you okay?”

Billy leaned on the stool again. “Not exactly. I just feel weird, like I can’t get my bearings.”

“Normal, sweetheart. There are a few things about coming out to yourself as a teenager that are good. No defined life yet. Plus your hormones run you, so finding sex that works for you feels like a miracle that makes everything else pale. Not quite the case as an adult. You have more to lose.”

“Yeah.”

“Take it slow. Only do what feels right.”

Billy grinned. “Waste more time?”

“No, find your way. There aren’t any rules to sexual identity and expression, no matter what people think or society says. Look around and you’ll see it all, baby.”

Ru’s voice came from right outside the curtain. “Shaz, are you canoodling with my model?”

Billy jumped.

Shaz put a long-fingered hand on Billy’s cheek and called out, “Just having a heart-to-heart, darling.”

Ru’s voice murmured through the curtain. “Is that what they call it now?”

Shaz laughed. “Be right out.” He moved his hand to Billy’s chest above his heart and sent goose bumps up and down Billy’s bare arms. “Do what feels right, darling. Now get dressed and come wow us.”

Billy put on the shirt and the blue suit, pushed his feet into the boots, and stepped out of the dressing room. On the other side of the room, Ru motioned to him to follow. He led Billy into a back area of the studio he’d never seen. Maybe it was a storage area mostly, but in the middle of the space, a big roll of pinkish paper started high on some poles and curved down onto the floor. A bunch of lights shone onto the paper. Shaz was there, and a man with wild black hair that stuck out in all directions, and a young guy who seemed to be setting things up at the other two men’s commands.

Ru led Billy to a rack and turned. “Take off the jacket for a minute.”

Billy did, and Ru held out a tan leather vest. “Let’s try this under it.”

Wow. It looked like it would be too small, but it fit perfectly. He glanced in the mirror as Ru helped him back into the jacket. The rough leather contrasted amazingly with the smooth formality of the suit. “This is cool.”

“Yes, I think so too. Let’s try another touch.” He took a patterned scarf from the rack and wrapped it around Billy’s neck. After one loop, he tucked it into the pink shirt. Billy made a face.

Ru stood back. “I agree. Too much.” He pulled the scarf off. “Let’s not gild the lily. You look great.”

Shaz called to them, “Is our model ready?”

Ru pointed Billy toward the paper. “Showtime.”

“What do I have to do?”

“Ollie will tell you.”

His feet felt heavy. This was all strange in the middle of some very strange days. As he approached, Shaz looked up. “Wow. Just wow.” He came over and took Billy’s arm. Billy glanced at Ru and the stranger. What did they think? Was Shaz just being Shaz, or did they know? Shaz pointed toward the wild-haired guy. “Billy, this is Ollie Orstrum, one of the West’s most famous photographers.”

The man spread his arms. “West’s. Where do you get West’s? Most famous photographers anywhere!”

Shaz laughed. “I meant western world, darling, but I will admit I underspoke. Ollie, this is your model, Billy Ballew.”

Orstrum came up to Billy’s chest. He walked around him like he was picking out a steak. “Nice. Very nice. I get your vision, Shaz. Show the world how good a tough guy can look. Excellent.” He pointed toward the paper. “You’ll be on there.”

Somebody had laid out an extra piece of paper on top of the big roll.

“Just walk on there. We do everything digitally now, so if you mark the paper, it’s no problem. But the seamless lets me play with light and shadow.”

What was he talking about? Billy stepped out on the paper trail. When he got a few feet in, Orstrum said, “Good, right there. Now look back at me.”

Bright. The lights were intense. He squinted.

“You’ll get used to it in a minute.”

“What should I do?”

Shaz’s voice came from somewhere in the bright beyond. “Just talk to me, darling.”

“Uh, what about?”

“Tell me about your job.”

He shrugged. “Not much to tell. I supervise construction. I do a lot of work myself and make sure the other guys stay on track. I manage the subs and try to keep the owners happy.”

“What’s your funniest owner story?”

He grinned. He could hear a lot of clicking, but it sort of came from all over. “I had this one couple where the lady was always trying to feed me and would bring food for the whole crew. Her husband yelled because she was slowing down the work, but the guys loved her. Funny thing was, nobody on the crew ever missed a day because they might not get one of Mrs. Hastings’s creations. We actually brought the job in ahead of time—and about ten pounds heavier. Those guys practically cried when they had to leave Mrs. Hastings.” He chuckled to himself and out there, the photographer just kept on clicking.

“Hang on a second.” Shaz walked out onto the paper. “I want to try something. Let’s take off the jacket now.” Shaz helped him shrug it off. “Lean down.” Shaz clipped something onto his earlobe.

“What’s that?”

“It’s an earring. I think it will be incredibly sexy. Okay?”

Billy shrugged. Seemed pretty gay to him. Oh right, he was gay.

“Here, sit on this.” Shaz grabbed a stool the assistant kid handed to him and placed it on the paper.

Billy plopped his butt down and stuck his leg out to balance.

Shaz grinned. “Perfect.” He turned. “Did you get that, Ollie?”

The photographer’s voice came from behind the lights. “Yeah. Reach back and scratch your shoulder blades, Billy.”

He raised an arm over his shoulder and scratched. Felt good so he scratched some more.

“Close your eyes for a second.”

He did.

“Part your lips.

Okay, this was kind of sexy. Click, click, click.

They finished with that outfit, and Ru changed him into some striped pants that didn’t fit exactly right, so he clipped them in the back. Said it wouldn’t show. Then added a great-looking black leather jacket.

When he walked out, Shaz whistled. “I think you have to have that.”

He smiled, but still. Easy for Shaz to say. He didn’t have to live on Billy’s income and outgo.

They changed him twice more. Man, the clothes were gorgeous. He ended up in his own new jeans that fit better than skin and a bulky knit sweater that came up under his chin. Shaz never took the earring off.

As he posed on the stool in the jeans—Ollie had him leaning forward on his hands and smiling, then not smiling—Ru’s voice came from behind the camera. “Shaz, I need to take off for my class.”

“No problem, dear. Ollie and I’ve got this. Have a good class.”

There was rustling and then the sound of the door to the reception area opening. The place got real quiet but for some music playing and the click, click, click.

Getting tired. At first he’d been scared shitless, then it turned fun, now he was pretty much over it. Models earned their money. It had been a long day before he got here, and there was Little League tomorrow.

“Billy, how about taking off the sweater.”

“What?”

Ollie walked closer. “I’d like to get some shots with your shirt off. If people can see your body, they’ll be even more impressed with how good you look when properly styled.”

“Shaz, I—”

Shaz stepped into the light. “No need to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. We’ve got great shots without it.”

Oh hell. He grabbed the bottom of the sweater in both hands and pulled it over his head in one move.

Somebody gasped. Billy sat there with the sweater dangling from his hand. “What?”

“Wow.” Shaz’s voice.

He wrapped an arm across his chest. “I know I’m kind of beefy.”

Ollie started to laugh. “That’s not what we call beefy, man. That’s what we call gorgeous.”

Billy started to put the sweater back on, and Shaz walked across the seamless paper and stopped his arm. “Truly, Billy. You look wonderful. If you don’t want the pictures, I totally understand. But believe it. You look great.”

“Okay. Sure. I don’t mind the pictures.”

Click, click, click. “Can I see your back, Billy?”

He turned and bent over a little.

“Perfect. Hold that a second.”

Jesus, it was weird. Kind of like posing for porno or something. Except with his clothes on. Click, click.

Ollie turned him around a few times and kept taking pictures. “Hey, Shaz, would you mind if I took a couple of art shots? It would only take a few minutes.”

“Not me you have to ask, darling. Billy has to feel comfortable with it.”

“Actually, I was thinking what a beautiful contrast there would be between your body and Billy’s. If I could persuade you to take off your shirt and pose with Billy, I’d take ten percent off my bill.”

Pose with Shaz? Every nerve ending woke up.

Shaz walked over beside Ollie. “You’re not trying to lure us into posing nude, are you, you young lech?”

Nude! Billy swallowed.

“Hell, if I thought I could, I’d take a much bigger percentage off.”

Billy took a step toward them. “Uh, I don’t think so.”

Shaz nodded. “There’s your answer. But for twenty percent off, I’m willing to show off my masculine pulchritude, as long as I have control of how the pictures are used.”

“Fifteen percent.”

“Deal.” He stuck out his hand, and Ollie shook it.

What would this be like?

Shaz was wearing jeans and a white shirt with a scarf tucked in at the neck. Way tame for the wild man that was Shaz. He grabbed the scarf and slowly pulled it from around his neck. He looked up and saw Billy staring. He winked, then took the scarf, tucked it under his butt, and waggled. Billy laughed. Adding a “dum dum de dum” like a stripper, he swung the scarf and tossed it toward Billy. It floated and Billy grabbed it in midair. Before he realized it, he’d pressed it to his nose. It smelled like the soft citrus-floral scent Shaz wore and, under it, like the man. The sweetness dove straight to Billy’s cock. Uh-oh.

Shaz looked over his shoulder at Billy and danced a little as he seemed to be unbuttoning his shirt. Billy glanced at Ollie, but the guy’s eyes were glued to Shaz. No judgment coming from that quarter.

Yeah, glued was the word. Shaz dropped the shirt off his shoulder, smiled, and pulled it back up. Slowly he lowered it again, then pulled the white cloth off the other shoulder and let it fall down his back. She-it. Billy had seen Shaz’s cock but not his chest. The guy’s skin glowed like milk in soft light. His shoulders were wide. Easier to notice without clothes. But then they narrowed quickly. Shaz lowered the shirt to his butt, showing off his slim waist. He stuck out his arms and let the shirt fall to the floor, then wrapped his arms so that his hands showed behind his back and waggled his fingers at Billy.

Billy laughed. The guy never took himself too seriously.

But this moment was damned serious for his cock. Shaz turned slowly. His pecs swelled slightly over the clearly defined muscle on his rib cage and belly. It was like the body of some Greek statue of a boy god. Clearly male, but so willowy he could have been a girl if he’d had breasts. So beautiful.

Can’t stop staring.

Shaz reached up with one hand and pulled off the band he had wrapped around his ponytail. He flipped it onto the floor as his hair fell like a red curtain at a high-priced strip show Billy had gone to once with Jim and the guys. He hadn’t liked that show much. This one was another story.

Ollie sighed. Billy felt his hands tighten. What exactly did the photographer have going with Shaz?

Ollie kind of shook his head. “Man, you two are perfect. It’s like the extremes of the masculine body. I’m lovin’ this. Go over there, Shaz. You two do whatever you want and I’ll get it on film, okay?”

Shaz kicked off his loafers, showing off his narrow bare feet, and padded kind of slinky-like toward Billy. Whoa. Cannot breathe. Shaz got close, turned his back, and wound one arm up Billy’s chest until his hand grasped the back of Billy’s neck. Click, click, click.

Shaz’s butt pressed tight against Billy’s thighs, and the silky hair tickled his nipple. Holy shit. He was hard as steel. Easy to see why he never knew in twenty-five years he was gay. He’d never met Shaz. The guy was like fire to his kindling. He’d been waiting his whole life for those flames.

Shaz wound his other arm backward and grabbed Billy’s hand. He intertwined their fingers and pulled Billy’s arm around him. Billy glanced at Ollie. The guy seemed in heaven. Hell, Ollie didn’t care what Billy did. The sexier the better. And right now, he felt way sexy.

Billy wrapped his arm all the way around Shaz’s slim waist, leaned down, and whispered through the veil of hair, “Shit, man. You are amazing.”

“I sure hope so.”

Shaz kind of danced around him as Ollie snapped pictures. He got behind him and peeked under Billy’s arm, then out of sight of the camera, stuck his hand down the back of Billy’s jeans and pinched his ass. “Ow.”

Billy turned, grabbed Shaz by the hair, and pulled him closer. The green eyes sparkled as he pretended to resist. In one swoop, Billy reached down and swept him off his feet, pulled that lean body into his arms, and swung him over his shoulder. Shaz squealed like a girl, and Billy smacked his butt. Oh man, he’d like to pull those jeans off, but the click of the camera screamed they weren’t alone.

Shaz squirmed until Billy slid him slowly down his back. Ollie was having a camera orgy over there, but Billy wanted a different kind of orgy. His erection pushed out the front of his jeans, and there wasn’t one damned thing he could do about it. Shaz’s weight disappeared from his back and Billy heard the soft pad of his footsteps. “Ollie, darling, you have enough, don’t you?”

“Oh sure, Shaz.”

Billy walked over to the water dispenser and poured a cup. He should dip his cock in it. Maybe it would make it go down.

Shaz kept talking to Ollie. “Why don’t you leave your gear set up, and we’ll take the opportunity to photograph some of the girls this week, okay? It seems a shame not to use it while it’s here.”

“That would be great. I think I have some time on Thursday.”

“I’ll have Ru schedule the models.” Their footsteps echoed on the wood floor, and their voices got more muffled. They must be walking toward the entrance. Billy’s heart beat faster.