Chapter 9

Lawson

“So you decided to stay?” Drew asks as he closes the door to the bedroom.

I brood, knowing it’s not his fault, but feeling pissed off regardless.

“I couldn’t leave you, could I?”

He gives me a small smile.

“I wasn’t choosing them over you,” he says softly. “I was choosing me over the unknown. If there’s a chance for me to have a different life than the one we’ve had, I feel like I need to jump at that opportunity.”

I bristle, knowing I’ve done the best I fucking can for the both of us.

“Sorry for providing such a shitty life, man.”

I turn my back to him. The view outside, although empty, is better than seeing the disappointment he has for me in his eyes.

He huffs, agitated with my response. “You didn’t give me a shitty life. We had shitty circumstances.”

“So it’s Mom’s fault?” I round on him and sneer. “She did the best she could, also.”

I ignore the clenching of his fists. He hasn’t tried to punch me in over a year, but I know he has as much anger in him as I do. I blame his abusive father for both of us responding with fists rather than words. We learned from the best after all.

“Really? Her best?” I hate the indignant tone in his voice. My own knuckles pop when I roll my fingers into my palms. “You seem to have forgotten the parties, booze, drugs, and a revolving door of men.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” I hiss, hating that I couldn’t protect him from all of it. “She wasn’t perfect, but she’s our mother.”

“Was,” he spits.

“I’m well aware that she’s gone.” My words are pushed past closed teeth, my jaw clenched so hard it hurts.

“What you seem to forget is it was her choices, her lifestyle that put her in that hospital bed.”

I shake my head, even though I know he’s telling the truth. You don’t live the life we have and not think of all of the things that could’ve made it better.

“She chose cancer?”

He swallows before speaking, and I already know his voice is going to tremble. No matter how upset he is or who he blames, he loved our mom as much as I did, maybe more than me since I had to endure that life longer than he did.

“She chose to drink and party. She chose a lifestyle that would make her body prone to disease.”

My anger falls away as the tears roll down my brother’s cheeks.

“Listen,” I rush out.

My hands scrape over the top of my head. I want to reach out to him, pull him against my chest and vow to protect him from the world, but I know I can’t protect him from the pain of losing our mother and the disappointment he feels toward her. I’m unable to placate him because deep down, I feel exactly the same way.

“We’ll stay here. Things will get better.”

“Y-you don’t want to leave?” Longing fills his eyes as he waits for me to answer.

“I’ll stay,” I assure him.

The knock at the door has me instantly wanting to take my words back. I knew I couldn’t just waltz back into this house without at least having a conversation with Jaxon, but I’d hoped for a longer reprieve.

Drew turns and opens the door.

“Hey, Jaxon,” he says as he hastily wipes the back of his hands over his damp cheeks.

“Drew,” he says looking over my brother’s shoulder. “May I have a minute alone with Lawson?”

Drew looks over his shoulder at me. He’s both asking if it’s okay and begging me not to fuck things up at the same time. I give a slight nod and watch as he steps past Jaxon and closes the door behind him.

He stands near the door, not stiff but not inviting either. I can’t get a clear read on how this is going to go down. That alone makes me want to puff my chest and act like a bulldog. Defensiveness has always been my go-to response for most situations.

Silence fills the room, and I can sense his eyes on me. Although my phone is lit in my hands, I’m not seeing a damn thing on the screen. Yet, I refuse to give into the pressure to speak. It feels like an interrogation tactic.

When I look up, I don’t find anger on his face, but the pity is full-blown, and it enrages me. Remembering the begging in Drew’s face, I do my best to keep my calm.

“If you’re here for an apology about earlier, you’re wasting your time.”

He clears his throat as he tries to fight a smile. Maybe staying calm is the last thing this asshole fucking needs.

I make to stand from the chair.

“Don’t,” he says. He’s not loud, but the warning is clear in his voice.

“I don’t like being mocked,” I hiss, but my ass stays in the desk chair.

“I’m not mocking you.” His eyes light up. “The resemblance, the reaction, the anger and draw to a violent response is very familiar to me.”

“I’m nothing like you.” He raises an eyebrow. “We may look similar, but that’s it.”

“You want me to prove that you’re wrong?” I shake my head. I don’t need some long life story from my sperm donor, but fuck if I don’t want to know everything about him. “I don’t mind. I’ll answer any question you have.”

“Father/son bonding?” I chuckle at the absurdity of the concept.

“You’re a man, Lawson. You don’t need some guy acting like your father, but you can’t deny that you need help.”

“I don’t do fucking handouts. I’m not some charity case.”

A smile spreads across his face, and my lip twitches in anger.

He holds his hand up and walks across the room. My blood simmers from boiling when he takes a seat on the last step of the bunk bed stairs.

“I don’t know if you’re aware of what Cerberus actually does,” he says.

“Drugs, guns, and women,” I say filling in the rest.

His eyes widen. “The only thing in this house that can be considered a drug is Delilah’s EpiPen because she’s allergic to peanuts. She’s only a girl, so no women.”

He emphasizes the word as if I haven’t noticed how fucking sexy she is, and I don’t miss the warning either.

“There are plenty of guns, but those are locked up and safely put away.”

“And?” What kind of MC did my mom get involved in?

“We’re getting off course,” he says but doesn’t seem irritated with the diversion. “Cerberus is hired out for missions. We specialize in recovery and extraction. Rescuing people who have been abducted, mostly women who’ve been sold into the sex trade.”

It’s time for my eyes to widen in shock.

“With that responsibility comes the need to know everything we can about a situation. Most everything is digital these days and tracking information is child’s play.”

The hairs on my arms stand on end because I’m beginning to understand where he’s going.

“You researched me?” That spot above my eye begins to twitch in annoyance.

“Blade did. He’s our main intel guy.” He watches my face for a reaction. “So I know all about what happened in Texas. I know you still have time to serve and there’s an active directive to apprehend you.”

Unconsciously, my eyes dart to my duffel bag near the door.

“Don’t even think about it,” Jaxon says already anticipating my response. “Running will only make everything worse.”

“I won’t go back to detention.” He nods as if he knew I’d say that.

“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you don’t even have to step foot back in Texas to resolve this issue.”

“You have dirty cops in your pocket? I mean my PO was pretty cool, but his boss is something else.”

“We’re the good guys, Lawson. I don’t have anyone in my pocket, but we’re well known and have a lot of connections.”

There isn’t a hint of malice or threat in his voice. He’s going to what? Take care of my situation the legal way? That never works, but when I look at him and see the confidence in his eyes, I can’t help but wonder if it’s a possibility. I knew Texas would come after me eventually, I’d just hoped I could run long enough for Drew to be grown before my past caught up with me.

“Tell me what happened,” Jaxon urges.

“Don’t you already know?” I can’t help the anger that rushes out. I may take his offer to help me get out of this, but I don’t have to spill my guts about what went down.

“I’ve been given the summarized version, but I want the truth from you. I’m well aware the police reports are swayed by opinions and personal bias.”

I fold my arms over my chest, keeping my lips tight.

“Okay,” he says with a nod. “Some other time.”

“What do you want me to do?” I ask, hating that I even have to.

“What do you mean?”

“To stay here? What do I need to do to earn my keep?”

“You work, go to school, and finish whatever obligation you have to probation. After that, we can go from there.”

“I’m not going to school. It’s a waste of time.”

He smirks, but not in a way I feel like he’s going to give me pushback.

“GED?” he offers.

“I can do that,” I compromise and don’t feel as angry about giving in part way as I should be. “And Drew?”

“What about him?” Jaxon stands from the bunk bed and walks across the room toward the door.

“I do that, and he’s safe?”

Jaxon shakes his head. “He’s safe whether you hold up your end of the bargain or not.”

“No strings?”

“None,” he says twisting the doorknob. His back is to me, but he doesn’t make to leave. “I’m glad you’re here, Lawson.”

His words take some of the sting out, but it doesn’t fix a damn thing. Drew may be able to blame our mom for everything, but I can’t help but place some of that on Jaxon’s shoulders as well. He didn’t love my mother the way she deserved. He used her and tossed her away. It’s something I’ll never be able to forgive him for.