Chapter 38

Lawson

As if I can sense the empty bed in my sleep, I wake with a sheen of cold sweat covering my body.

“This is not happening,” I mutter as I climb out and pull on a pair of jeans.

The house is empty, my truck keys left abandoned on the counter in the kitchen, right where I dropped them off last night.

We’d made love a second time before falling asleep tangled in each other’s arms. I’d cleaned her after releasing on her flat stomach, not willing to take the chance of another outburst.

“Where did she go?” I ask Raider as if he’ll be able to tell me. His head cocks to the side, and I know he’s calling me an idiot. “How did she get home?”

The clock on the oven says it’s after three in the morning.

“Fuck it,” I hiss and head to the bathroom.

Less than ten minutes later, I’ve dressed, brushed my teeth, and I’m out the door, refusing to let another sunrise happen without getting it through her thick skull that we’re going to happen whether she likes it or not.

I bang on her door and pray someone doesn’t call the cops.

“Really?” Ivy says when she pulls the door open. “Get your shit together. It’s starting to interfere with my life now.”

I follow her, going down a door farther when she goes back into her room. I’m in the room and on top of Delilah before she even knows I’m there.

“What are you doing?” She presses ineffectual hands against my chest, so I seize the opportunity to pin them over her head.

Dammit, she smells like sin and everything I need.

“I was a complete asshole to you two years ago. From the day I showed up, I told you all the dirty things I wanted to do to you.”

I run my nose up her neck and let her sensual moan wash over me.

I squeeze her wrists harder, and she squirms under me.

“Do I need to treat you like shit again to get you to see me?”

She shakes her head but her lips part on a soft pant.

“I hate being this way to you.”

“Liar,” she challenges. “You’re hard.”

I press into her harder, hating the covers and clothes separating us.

“It’s biology. I can’t help it. You breathe near me, and I get hard. You look at me, and I’m hard. I think about your lips, and I’m hard.”

“So fuck me then.”

“No.”

“You know you want me.” Her hips rotate against mine, grinding the zipper of my jeans against my cock.

“Always,” I swear. “Every minute of the day I want to be inside of your body.”

“You can have me,” she offers.

“I won’t deny I want to be here.” I punctuate my words by pressing my straining dick against the center of her thighs. “But I want to be here more.”

I press my mouth over her heart, my lips warming against her heated skin.

“That’s not part of the deal,” she whispers and turns her head as her eyes close.

I rest more of my weight on her. “That’s what you’re not getting, Delilah. You can fight this between us as much as you want and it will only serve to make me fight more.”

“Don’t.” The plea from her lips is sad and full of despair as if she can’t accept the things I’m saying to her.

“I’m going to fight for you,” I promise. “For your time, your heart, and most importantly, your love.”

“Loving you has never been the problem.”

My heart soars...

“Trusting you not to walk away when things get hard is what I can’t allow.”

…And crashes to the earth, shattering into a hundred pieces.

“I’ll do anything for a chance to prove that we belong together.” I softly kiss her lips. “Tell me what you need, baby, and it’s yours.”

“I need time.”

I shake my head. “You’ll only use it to push me away.”

“You’re smothering me.”

I lean back some, taking most of my weight back and putting it on my knees.

“Not in the literal sense.” She reaches for me when I release her hands and pull away. “I love the press of your body against mine.”

“That’s contradictory, Princess. I don’t know if I’m coming or going with you.”

“You could be coming soon.” She swivels her hips again, and I back away entirely and sit on the edge of the bed.

My head hits my hands as I press my elbows into my thighs.

“You make me wonder if you’re only using me for sex.”

The tinkle of her laugh meets my ears and makes my throat burn. Now I know how she felt when I laughed at her earlier in my room.

“That’s funny to you?” I ask and angle my head so I can look in her eyes.

“You’re an amazing lay. The best I’ve ever had.”

The words sting like a thousand pinpricks on my skin, but I don’t know if it’s her callous delivery or the knowledge that she’s been with other men.

“You’ve probably ruined me for other men.”

“Enough,” I roar and pin her back down to the mattress. “You won’t have to worry about comparing me to other men, Princess. My cock is the last one that will ever have the pleasure of bringing you to orgasm.”

“Your cock is the only one that’s managed it to begin with.”

“You gave yourself to men who didn’t deserve you, baby. Now I’m tasked with making up for my mistake for the rest of your life.” I lean in close, our mouths a mere inch apart. “Challenge accepted.”

“My mistake,” she says, her voice breaking on the last word.

“I own it a million times over, baby. I should’ve shown up and banged on your dorm room door the minute you arrived. Fuck that,” I correct. “I never should’ve left New Mexico without telling you how I feel.”

“How do you feel?” There’s a softness in her eyes I haven’t seen since I kissed her the very first time.

“I love you with every molecule of my soul.” She gasps. “Don’t act surprised. I’ve told you as often as I can.”

“You never used those words.” Her eyes squeeze shut.

“Don’t block me out when I’ve laid my heart in your hands. If you can’t see yourself feeling the same way, I have the patience of a saint. I’ll spend every second of my life making you realize that you’re safe.” I press my lips to her forehead. “Your heart is safe with me.”

I back away from her.

“Where are you going?” she asks when I climb off the bed.

“Home,” I answer, still unable to face her.

I don’t know what I was expecting from her when I finally had the courage to say those words to her, but the sting of her not saying them back burns more than I’d like to admit.

“Stay,” she pleads, but I shake my head.

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“If I climb under those covers and feel the warmth of your body, I’ll end up sinking inside of you.”

“Sounds like an incredible plan to me.” The playfulness after such a serious conversation gives me hope and makes my already hard dick twitch in my jeans.

“That’s not what either of us needs.” I lean in and kiss her one more time, lingering on her lips for a long moment before standing up again.

“Who’s walking away now?” She asks my back as I reach for the doorknob. I know she’s teasing but now is not the time.

“This isn’t a game, Delilah.”

“I never said it was.” The hint of anger in her voice comes from nowhere.

“Then quit playing. Your words have consequences.”

Her bottom lip quivers in the darkness. “I asked you to stay, and you say you have to go. I can’t beg you, Lawson. I don’t have it in me.”

My shoulders slump forward at the thought of causing her pain, but I need to back away, go home, and lick my wounds. Only then can I regroup and figure out how I need to approach this situation.

She turns over, giving me her back before she speaks again. “I just wanted you to hold me.”

“Damn it,” I grumble and kick off my boots. My jeans and t-shirt hit the floor next.

She moves forward, giving me more room behind her when I pull the covers back.

“You left my bed,” I remind her as my arms wrap around her. “We were lying just like this when I fell asleep. Tell me why you left.”

“I don’t feel like I deserve you.”

I hold her tighter. “You deserve the world, baby, and I plan to give it to you.”