Present Day
I stand in a room full of sexy Cinderellas, nurses, sailors, and schoolgirls, wearing a goddamn Pikachu onesie because my best friend is an asshole. She said this would be a onesie costume party and, like the good friend that I am, I believed her. Not one soul is wearing a onesie. When Echo gets here I’m going to strangle her with her own damn hair.
Someone bumps into me, slurring an apology as they pass by. I take a few steps back until my back is against a wall and I can look around the crowded room. Everyone is busy drinking and dancing because it’s Halloween and we’re supposed to live it up and have fun. Owen is somewhere getting us drinks. He wants to get as drunk as he can tonight so he doesn’t have to think of what tomorrow is; his twenty-second birthday also known as the day his father died seven years ago.
I keep my eyes on the front door of a stranger’s apartment looking for Echo.
My phone vibrates from inside my bra. I unzip my onesie until I can slip my hand inside.
Echo: Minnie mouse or Minion?
Me: Whatever covers more skin
Echo: Okay, be there in 15
She’s in charge of getting me a costume because believe it or not this party has a two thousand dollar cash prize for the hottest costume. Echo wants to win, hence why I’m dressed as a Pokémon, but the people in charge changed the rules and said the winner’s roommate has to have a sexy costume too in order to win. I’ve never seen girls run so fast to take off their clothes.
Fucking horny, stupid men always thinking with their dicks. They disgust me.
Fifteen minutes later, Echo walks in and pulls me into the bathroom. I take one look at the short outfit she’s wearing and the one she picked out for me. I give her a pointed look. She’s supposed to be a schoolgirl with her off-the-shoulder tie top and pleated skirt. We’re the same height but her legs look even longer now, thanks to the four-inch heels she’s wearing. She rolls her blue eyes and helps me change into my costume. It’s even shorter than I realized as it sticks to my body.
I have evolved from a Pokémon into a Despicable Me minion. The yellow top is more like a sports bra, and the navy overalls that only succeed in covering my belly button to my hips barely cover my ass cheeks. The scar on my side is visible but I’ve lived with it for so long it doesn’t bother me. I curse my best friend as I slip the black thigh-high boots on because this is not what I told her to get. I complete my look with black gloves and the goggles, which I keep on top of my head. Like hell I’m wearing those things out in public. My light brown shoulder-length hair manages to draw attention away from them.
“You look so fucking hot.” Echo twirls a blonde curl around her finger and giggles. “The guy this apartment belongs to loves the minions. We are so winning!”
“You can see my ass in this,” I comment, looking at my back in the mirror. “Coco, I can’t wear this.”
“Yes, you can. Please.” She bats her lashes at me, and the next thing I know, I’m being pulled out into the hallway, toward the living room.
This chick. I can’t help but love her.
I met Echo freshman year of college here at the University of Washington. She’s originally from Indiana, and has guys tripping over themselves left and right wherever she goes. She’s gorgeous with her silky blonde hair (professionally dyed because she hates her natural brown) and stunning blue eyes. Her bubbly personality just adds to her attractiveness. No, I’m not in love with her or something. I just think she’s hot and I’m glad to call her my friend.
Echo was looking for an apartment and a roommate who would give her some privacy. I happened to be in the market for the same thing. A week after living together we clicked and have been the best of friends since. Now, we’re seniors, so close to graduating and living on our own. I love that girl like a sister. She deals with my crazy. The crazy that Owen doesn’t see.
Owen appears in front of me looking like James Dean, his lean body on display from the white t-shirt that is hugging his every muscle. He didn’t want to dress up but the second I saw the white t-shirt I gave him a little nudge to put on the blue jeans. The fancy watch I bought him for his eighteenth birthday sits on his left wrist, adding to his sexiness. I styled his dark hair to perfection. It makes me want to run my fingers through every strand.
I know that no one can make this five-foot-eleven man do anything he doesn’t want, but for me, he’d drop the world if it were in his hands and I needed him.
His eyes widen as he stares at my body. “Fuck.”
Fuck is right.
He hands Echo two red cups as she hands my folded onesie over to him. “Come here. I can’t let people see you like this.” He pulls his arm holding a red cup back so it doesn’t spill on us and then he wraps his free arm around me, using his body as my shield.
He’s always been overprotective of me. Ever since we were five. If I’m honest, I love it. He makes me feel safe.
If only he protected me from the real monster…
Do not do this, Zoë. Do not fucking do this now!
Owen squeezes me against his chest, and I swear I feel his cock rub against my ass. He would never touch me inappropriately but he has made it known that he has feelings for me so his touches do linger a bit. I have feelings for him too, but it’s complicated. Like, super fucking complicated. I don’t even understand why we’re not together. Well, I do know but I would never tell a soul. And keeping that secret weighs everything down.
I hate that I love him because I’ve always felt that if I ever love someone, I’ll ruin them. I’ll break their heart, shattering it into a million pieces. And I don’t want to do that to Owen. I never want to hurt him, and this secret that I’ve kept for so many years will destroy him. Loving me will kill him.
Every second that I spend with him sends the butterflies in my stomach soaring. It hurts like hell to have to always lock them back up in their cage.
My therapist said it’s time to let them be free. For the last three weeks she’s been trying to help me pursue a relationship with Owen. We’ve been together (as friends) for so long that me keeping him at a distance is only hurting me. You love him, Zoë. You can’t see him with other people. Why don’t you try being with him? Start out slow. Hold his hand and see how it feels. She said it might help me live with my past no longer keeping me from the man I want. I’ve tried adding a little more physical touches here and there when Owen and I are together. Owen smiles and looks away shyly every time I grab his hand.
It’s adorable.
“Echo, what the fuck is Zoë wearing? She is practically naked,” Owen comments gruffly.
Echo shrugs her thin shoulders, a mischievous gleam in her hypnotizing eyes. “I think she looks hot. Maybe she’ll finally score a date with a hot guy.”
She’s always egging him on. Echo has this obsession with both Owen and me. She needs us together. She says a love like ours is hard to find and she’s pissed that we’re not in love with each other yet. “Were you dropped on your fucking heads as babies? You two belong together. Put him out of his misery and date him already!” she tells me when I’m having one of my moods.
Owen drops his head next to my ear. His warm breath fans against my neck as he says, “The only date you’ll be scoring is with me. Just tell me when.”
I look over my shoulder, our lips less than an inch apart.
Our eyes connect, light emerald green on forest green.
I don’t say anything but I try to tell him that I’m sorry he has to go through this with me. I’m so damn sorry that he had to fall for me; a girl that is scared of his touch, his words, his eyes.
His eyes are the hardest thing for me to look at. They are kind and beautiful. And they remind me of his father’s. Eyes that were bottomless pits of depravity.
I am not God. I don’t get to choose who lives or who does, but that day it needed to happen.
I’m so sorry, Owen.
“Let’s dance then we can leave. I know you’re dying to head home and finish your book,” Owen murmurs, running his thumb over the scar on my right wrist.
I smile, swatting away memories of eyes just like his from my memory. “You know me so well.”
Owen brings his red cup to his lips, tips his head back, and finishes his beer. He puts the cup down, stuffs my onesie into a drawer of a nearby table and then slips his hand in mine, walking me into the crowd of people taking up most of the living room.
“You look amazing by the way,” I hear him say.
His eyes stray every few seconds, making my body feel a little hotter when they stare a little too hard on certain parts of me. His hands on my hips tighten when he closes his eyes, bringing me closer to him.
I’ve always liked the way I feel pressed against him. I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes. I breathe in his cologne, the same one he’s had for years. I’ve never asked what it is. He just smells like Owen, my male best friend/person who owns my heart, regardless if I want him to or not.
We dance for the next thirty minutes, stopping when the guy in charge, Evan, announces that the votes are in and the winner is going to be named. I’m pretty sure he went around looking for girls with the biggest breasts and that’s how he chose who gets to win his money. He comes from money so giving away two grand is nothing to him. It’s nothing for my parents or me either.
“Okay, so can we have this sexy mermaid and that sexy schoolgirl come forward,” Evan says, pointing at a busty brunette and Echo.
Holy shit, Echo is going to win!
This is when she’ll say, “Never doubt the power of the boobies.”
Both women walk up to the blond haired douchebag.
“Roommates of these sexy ladies please come forward now.”
A petite brunette wearing a see-through mesh romper steps forward and stands by her friend. Evan stares at her taped over nipples with his mouth hanging open.
Sorry, Echo. Looks like we’re losing this one.
I take a small step forward, not wanting to go through with this but also wanting to do it for Echo. “Ah, fuck, Zoë. You’re killing me,” Owen growls next to my ear, his eyes dropping to my ass before darting away quickly as I start to walk. I squeeze through some people until I’m standing beside Echo. She winks at me and gives my ass a little slap.
After Evan is done gawking at Nipples over there, he struts over to me with a shit-eating grin. “I’m liking this a lot.” He runs his finger down my arm.
“Don’t touch me.”
His eyebrows jump and he drops his finger. “Well, what do we have here, a little spitfire?” He turns his back to me, facing the small crowd. “I think the sexy schoolgirl and the sexy minion can take my money.” He turns back to us, getting extra close to me. “We’ve got a winner, people!” And then he slaps my ass. Hard.
So I punch him in the face. It’s not even that hard. He’s just a pansy when he starts to groan.
“What the fuck!” he spews, clutching his nose. His wild eyes dart from me to Echo. There’s a moment of silence before he says, “That was fucking hot. Two grand for both of you!”
He walks off, most likely getting his money.
What a turd.
I turn to Echo, annoyed that just happened, but also glad I got to punch him. “I told him not to touch me.”
She breaks out into a wide grin. “You’ve got catlike reflexes! That was awesome!” Her smile falters a little. “You don’t need your two grand, right?”
I shake my head and she pulls me into a hug. “Tell your mom I say hi when you see her.”
“I will. Thank you, Zoë. This will help her so much!”
Echo’s dad died two years ago from pancreatic cancer and the hospital bills keep piling up. She refuses to take my money to help her mother so whenever we find ways to make some, we do it. Punching a dude in the face is definitely worth it.
Evan comes back and hands us our money. He doesn’t try to touch me and I’m glad.
Owen shakes his head at me, a smile of approval on his lips. I see him grab my onesie from the hallway table and then he comes toward us. He walks up to Evan with his chest puffed out and threatens, “If you ever touch her again I will set your bed on fire while you are sleeping in it, got it?”
Evan holds his hands up, dark eyes jumping to me then Owen. “Sorry, man. My hands have a mind of their own.”
“Fucking control them.”
Echo bumps into me, holding up an envelope full of cash. “Let’s go before we get robbed.” She links her arm through mine, and shouts, “See you later, bitches!” as we walk out of the door.
Walking out of the building, Owen mutters, “I’m hacking into his computer and downloading a bunch of animal porn when I get back to my apartment.”
I reach out and find his hand, lacing our fingers together. His eyes stay on our hands before he looks up, the frustration turning into something calmer.
He says I do that to him. I calm him. Most days, he does it to me too.
“Don’t do anything stupid. He was drunk. And I punched him. We’re even.”
Owen grunts. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
“You don’t like the way anyone looks at me.”
“Well, baby girl here needs some loving and–”
I freeze up, my arms going limp. “Don’t call me that.”
Echo wiggles her elbow against my side, giggling. “Yes, ma’am! Please don’t punch me in the face. I’m too pretty.”
Owen looks at me funny, his handsome face morphing into confusion. Before he can ask me why I don’t want to be called that I put a fake smile on my face, and put one foot in front of the other.
“You know what, Echo, some day I’m going to hack into your computer, find the least flattering picture of you and post it everywhere,” Owen teases.
She gasps, clutching her heart. “If you do that, I’ll hack into yours and send that dick pic to your mother!”
What dick pic?
Owen stops walking, turning toward her. “You’re the devil! That’s my mother.” His ears start to turn red when his eyes bounce to me quickly.
I roll my eyes playfully. I know he got a little serious with his ex-girlfriend sophomore year. I caught them having phone sex once and I felt horrible yet extremely jealous for walking in on that. I told him to go explore. I literally forced him into it. It just hurt when I finally saw him happy with another person. For some reason, which I know is because Owen and I are too close (his ex called me out on it), their four month relationship ended and Owen hasn’t looked at anyone else. Except me.
Those looks are the reason why I can’t look at anyone else either. I’ve tried with one guy but it didn’t work out. I constantly compared him to Owen. He had no chance, the poor thing.
Echo winks at Owen. “Don’t test me. I’m just as smart as you.”
They start throwing smart words around and it’s like I’m stuck in a foreign country, not understanding a word being spoken.
“I can finish a six-hundred page book in less than five hours!” I call out, feeling small as they stare each other down. My best friends can be cocky assholes. They make up computer codes, can hack into some unhackable places, and can do some other nerdy things so sometimes, without meaning too, they make me feel left out because I’m an English major and I love to read whereas they’re majoring in Computer Science and Engineering and can speak nerd. I don’t really have any hidden talents. I’m just a slightly above average-sized girl being five-foot-six with light brown hair, light green eyes, and a tar-black soul with a sprinkle of gold glitter. With a love for books, tea, cats, and running, I’m perfectly fine. Okay, my therapist would say the whole “tar-black soul” comment is definitely something I shouldn’t say about myself. Well, I’ve got a lot of shit to deal with. My life isn’t all fucking rainbows. I’m paying her to help me.
“Yeah, you can!” Echo confirms, throwing her hand up for a high-five. “Now you need to see how fast you’ll read that thick ass book on your nightstand.” I knew I loved her. She’s always challenging my reading speed.
“She won’t read it as fast if you’re riding her ass about parties,” Owen interferes. “You can always stay at my place if you need peace and quiet, Zo. Being around Echo for a long period of time can be bothersome.”
Echo flips him off and then trips on the sidewalk, catching herself before she goes down.
“I know,” I manage to say through my smile. “I can’t read that book yet. I’m not emotionally over the last one I read.”
Owen’s lips turn down into a sad pout. He throws his arm over my shoulder and pulls me into his side. “I told you the ending was sad.”
And because I am me, the empathic bibliophile, I start bawling in the middle of the street, thinking of the book I shouldn’t have read because I knew the hero was going to die. I haven’t even seen the movie adaption because fuck me, I think I would collapse and die. Literally, stop breathing and never inhale again.
“Ah, sweets, it’s okay. Here. Look at this cute cat video.” Echo shoves her phone in my face, and I’m a walking nightmare, crying and laughing until we’re up in Owen’s room drinking alcohol with his roommate Freddie until we pass out so both Owen and I don’t have to think about what tomorrow is.