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Let Me Be Your Hope (Music and Letters Series Book 2) by Lynsey M. Stewart (34)

Chapter Forty-Three

Abi

Now.

‘Your stubble is longer. It’s not quite reached full beard level, but it’s almost there.’ I was noticing so much about him that I couldn’t help but point it all out like some kind of ex-girlfriend commentator.

‘I still hate shaving. Such a waste of a morning when I could be doing something else,’ he said smiling.

We had taken full advantage of the free bar and were now slow dancing to a band that had been put on especially for the evening’s entertainment. Elle had gone back to her room to call Ben, but not before dragging me to the toilets to remind me of Jamie’s marital status, almost bursting a vein in her forehead when I told her about what had happened earlier. Kate was deep in conversation with some of the team at a table in the corner. I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to escape, but she would never do that. She always put others first. I also suspected Elle had asked her to keep an eye on me. Kate’s nervous glances screamed of it.

‘I’ve noticed a few looks being thrown our way,’ I said, nodding my head in the direction of the bar where Rob was standing staring at us.

‘He can fucking look,’ Jamie said, pulling me tighter towards him. I was sure I could feel the curve of a smile against my cheek. I definitely felt the movement of his arm across my back, which I assumed was a fuck off wave in Rob’s direction.

‘Ignore him,’ I said, pulling my head back to drink Jamie in, still not quite believing that he was here. ‘I just want to hold you again and pretend that you’re mine for a few minutes.’

‘You don't need to pretend. I've always been yours; always will be.’

He couldn't take those words away now. They were part of me and all I had left, even if I wasn’t sure if he was telling me the truth.

He’s married now. Don’t forget that.

I felt his phone vibrate through his jacket, so I immediately pulled back like it had burnt the space where I had been pressed against him.

‘I need to make a call,’ he said, not meeting my eyes as a look of sheer panic washed over him.

‘Your wife?’ He nodded in acknowledgement, bursting the big bubble of our imaginary world right in front of me, drenching my skin and leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

‘I have to call her. She isn’t well,’ he said as he attempted to run his hands across my arms.

‘You’d better call her then,’ I said as I started to retreat.

He stayed for a few seconds watching my face fall and studying my arms as I clasped them around myself in comfort before he left me on the dance floor. He darted away so quickly I barely saw him stop at the bar to get what looked like a whiskey before he headed outside.

‘Where’s your latest conquest gone?’ I could feel Rob’s boozy breath on the back of my neck as he laughed bitterly. I turned to see him dishevelled and rocking from one foot to the other.

‘You’re drunk,’ I said in disgust.

‘And you need a good fuck. So uptight.’ He put his hand on my shoulder. It was damp and clammy. I shrugged it off and walked towards the lifts, not sure if it was him or Jamie I wanted to get away from more.

‘My room number is twenty-seven if you change your mind. You know how you get after a few drinks,’ he shouted as the lift doors closed. I didn’t recognise him or the shit that was being thrown from his mouth. I tried to remember what had led me to his bed. There must have been some redeeming qualities. He was attractive in a not Jamie way, but then again, so was everyone. My one-night conquests all had one purpose—to forget Jamie and feel the power of knowing I would be the one to decide if I would see them again. Now everything about Rob made me want to scratch my skin off.

The key shook in my hand as I tried to open my door, nervous that Rob would follow me in the next lift. I crashed into my room, suddenly very conscious that it was too much space just for me. I leapt onto the double bed. I sat on my knees in the middle of the duvet and called Gem.

‘Hey, how’s it going?’ Her familiar voice instantly calmed me.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I’ve just had an email to say my new heels are being delivered tomorrow, so I’ve abandoned all of my plans in favour of sitting by the door all day.’

‘Oh that’s great. Amazing. Yay! I slept with Jamie.’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ she replied.

‘Joke. Well, not actually a joke. We shared a bed as we napped and I definitely felt some lazy wood poking my bum cheek.’

‘What are you doing? You’re too magnificent to be the other woman.’

‘Just talk to me for a bit. Don’t talk about him. Just make me laugh,’ I said as I flopped back onto the bed, kicking off my heels and undoing the top button of my jeans.

* * *

Gem must have talked me to sleep because I woke with a start as a loud knock broke my dream. I removed the phone from my chest where I must have dropped it as I’d fallen asleep. Peeking through the spyhole, I watched him pacing on the other side of the door before I put on the chain and opened it as far as it would allow.

He stopped pacing and met my eyes with a heated stare. ‘I want to fuck you so much but I can’t because it wouldn’t be right. But if you say you want me too, I’ll leave her. I’ll leave my wife.’ He was so bloody drunk.

‘You can’t do that.’

‘I fucking can. She’s not you. She’ll never be you,’ he said, losing his balance and swaying into the wall behind him.

‘Don't do that.’

‘I’ll ring her now.’ He struggled to get his hand in his pocket, missing it repeatedly. I pushed the door and took off the safety chain.

‘Where’s your key?’ I asked on a sigh as I put his arm around my shoulder, literally carrying him a few paces down to his room. He opened his jacket and started laughing like a switch had been flicked on at the back of his neck—wild, loud, unabashed. Drunk. He fiddled around for the key, still not quite managing to co-ordinate his fingers. I brushed his hand away and found it in his inside pocket. I let him lean against my back as I fumbled to open his door. I heard the lift arrive and when the doors opened, Rob got out. He froze on the spot as he watched us both disappear into Jamie’s room.

Jamie was still leaning against my back, his arms now draped around my front. I spun and dropped him backwards onto the bed. He didn’t move but watched me as I bent down and removed his shoes, pulling him forward by his hands to take off his jacket before heading into the bathroom to get him a glass of water. I spotted the bin under the dressing table and kicked it to the side of the bed. ‘In case of vomit emergencies,’ I told him.

You should be my wife. Look how you look after me. She doesn’t care.’ He grabbed me by my wrist. ‘She only wants me for my sperm.’ A high-pitched chuckle left his mouth before he turned onto his side, scrunching the pillow up in his fist and closing his eyes.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, confused by his words but hoping they didn’t mean what I could only assume they did. ‘Jamie?’ He didn’t reply. He was out cold.

I tidied around for a few minutes and decided to nip back to my room to fetch him some ibuprofen for the hangover that would kick him in the morning. He’d always suffered from migraines, and alcohol was one of the triggers, but he needed to be with it for his seminar. As I opened the door, Rob was leaving his room at the other end of the corridor.

‘Well, well. Looks like my offer for a bit of fun tonight is pretty redundant now,’ Rob smirked as he walked towards me. ‘I didn’t think complicated was your style, Abi.’

‘Don’t jump to conclusions. I’m getting him some painkillers for a migraine and then I’m going to bed. In my own room. Alone.’

‘I should have guessed what was going on. You’re always trailing behind him like a lovesick teenager.’ He smiled and moved in closer to whisper into my ear. ‘My guess is he couldn’t resist your charms, and let’s be honest, who could? You’re hot and fuck like a champion.’

I pushed him backwards so that he slammed into the wall behind him. He stayed there all splayed out and protesting like I’d stuck a knife in him. ‘You meant nothing, Rob. It was a couple of fucks. Half-hearted fucks at that. Now, mind your own business and leave me alone.’

‘Oh, come on now. This isn’t any way to leave it. You see, Abi, I happen to know that you’re fucking a married man. A married man who also happens to be your boss. I’m sure this will make very interesting information for our service manager. Don’t you? Or maybe Jamie’s wife would be more interested.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m not against the idea of telling his wife, but I am toying with the idea of speaking to Luke Simms Monday morning. I’m sure, as the new service manager, he would be very interested to know you’re fucking the boss.’

‘What I do is none of your business,’ I said, moving my body closer to him. ‘You’re just holding a grudge because you want more from me.’

‘I always want more,’ he said with a new, breathy tone to his voice.

I leant in to him and brushed off the gasps that made every part of me want to vomit. ‘If you tell Luke, I get a transfer. If you tell his wife, she might leave him, which would be great for me because then I could start fucking him to my heart’s content.’ My bravado was on form. ‘Either way, I’ll be thanking you. But you, Rob, I have a lot of secrets on you.’ His eyes grew wide as he pulled back. ‘I love an all-staff email. They really pull us together as a team, don’t you think?’ People love a funny story or meme to brighten up their morning. I’m sure everyone on the staff email list would love to know exactly what gets your rocks off. You know, your little fetish, the one you can’t find your happy place without. The extra grip you need,’

‘You fucking wouldn’t,’ he hissed.

‘Watch me.’

‘You bitch.’

‘No. I’m a nice girl until you cross me or the people I care about. Leave us alone. You know nothing about our situation.’

‘I knew I should have stayed away from you,’ he said as he stumbled past me.

‘No, Rob, I should have stayed away from you and your bloody rubber gloves!’

When I went back to Jamie’s room, I found him fast asleep, his handsome face turned to the side and his arms curled up in front of him. He looked so peaceful, like all the weight of the world he carried around when he was awake had suddenly started to melt away, offering me a glimpse of the man I knew before but highlighting with so much definition and clarity how much he’d changed. No amount of matching tattoos and beautiful words I’d been longing to hear again could change that.

Rob’s threats didn’t worry me. I threw my cards down and saw the look of terror as it dawned on him that an all-staff email was not a threat. It was an absolute promise.

I lay down beside Jamie and pressed my face into his neck. I wanted to blow the air back into the bubble of our imaginary world for just a few hours longer before we had to find the strength to burst it again.