She hadn’t changed. If anything, she was more beautiful than ever before. Her eyes were still stunning. She was a rare mix of dark hair and light green eyes. Her hair appeared longer, but the freckles dotted across her nose that I knew by memory were still waiting for me to trace my fingers across them.

I smelled her perfume as soon as she made her way to the office. It sparked memories. I was taken straight back to the train platform where I’d pressed my face to hers, taking all of her in just in case I would never get the pleasure of holding this wonderful, wild and beautiful woman in my arms again.

How had I found myself there? I had no one to blame but myself. I knew there was a chance—a chance to see her and breathe her in again—if only from a distance. I always thought that would be enough. I was kidding myself. It would never be enough. She was still a part of me, flooding my bloodstream and attacking my senses.

Fuck—what a bloody mess.

Everything was constricting me. I was pulling at my collar with my fingers and alternating between rubbing my neck and nose. I was being stared at. Shit, what the hell was I doing? I knew this would happen. I’d hoped. I couldn’t breathe and Abi was looking at me like I was a fucking dream, but I wasn’t. I was a nightmare.

The noise from the kettle brought me back to the room. It was then that I realised not only did I have to try to convince a room full of experienced social workers that I knew what I was doing, but I also had to cut through the wasteland to try to build up a relationship with Abi. But I couldn’t. What could our relationship be? Strictly professional? Boss and colleague? Adorer and adored?—Shit—What could I salvage? What could we be?

Colin bounded into the staff room where I’d cocooned myself in the hope that I could pull my shit together and avoid Abi. ‘How are you doing?’ he asked.

‘Fine. It’s fine. Honestly.’ Liar.

‘I know you two have history, but Abi’s very professional—when she wants to be. And Elle is a positive influence. She often brings her back down to earth.’ I smiled because I knew exactly what he meant. ‘I’m sure you’ll be able to work together. Positive, in fact.’ I nodded and tried to ignore the fact that Colin’s muttering meant he knew Abi would have me by the balls. ‘Can I introduce you to Vijay? She wasn’t in first thing.’

‘Of course. Lead the way.’ Fuck—not that way. That was back to her, and I wasn’t sure I could take the shock in her beautiful green eyes again. Those eyes held the workings of my heart. They held the instruction manual. No one else could come close to understanding how I worked. Just her.

Don’t take me back there. Don’t take me back there.

‘Vijay, this is Jamie Dawson. He’ll be taking over officially in around two weeks’ time.’ He could have been saying anything. All I could feel was the sharp look of hate stabbing into my back from the corner of the room. Was that her desk? Was that where she worked? Would I find a framed picture of a smiling Abi standing next to a handsome stranger? The handsome stranger who’d replaced me? I knew then that I couldn’t go over there because I would throw that picture out the window and everyone would think their new manager was a complete fucking nutcase.

‘Jamie?’

‘Sorry, so sorry. Nice to meet you, Vijay. Looking forward to working with you.’ She had a confused look on her face.

‘Vijay was just asking what brings you back to Nottingham,’ Colin said, slightly flustered. Jesus, the guy could sweat.

‘Oh, sorry, yes. Well, I trained and worked here for years. I was looking to progress. I’ve got a lot of friends in the area, so when I saw the job, it just seemed to fit together nicely.’

I heard a single laugh from the corner of the room. It was bitter and full of anger. Her soft face betrayed her. She was hurt—fucking hurt—lost and crying inside. She breezed past me, Elle and another social worker in the team, Kate, following behind. After making my excuses from the conversation, I found myself doing the same.

‘I’ve been looking for you,’ I said as I found them in the staff room. Kate smiled nervously and Elle didn’t offer eye contact. ‘I finally plucked up the courage to go to your desk, but you were gone,’ I laughed nervously through the lies. Abi didn’t offer a twitch of smile. I was officially fucked.

‘I think we’ll leave you to it. If you need me…’ Elle nodded her head towards the door. Kate followed, leaving us alone. Abi pretended to busy herself, washing a cup and wiping down the sink.

‘I think maybe we need to talk. Privately. This isn’t going to be easy for me,’ I said. She laughed that angry laugh again and stopped wiping, only to start again in a more furious fashion. ‘It’s not going to be easy for either of us,’ I said stupidly. ‘Just stop. Please. Look at me.’

She threw the dishcloth at the back of the sink and grabbed her fuck the rules bag that was so typically her, flinging it across her shoulder as she prepared to leave in a cloud of upset. She stopped a breath away from my body and spoke loudly.

‘Someone stole my sandwich out of the fridge. Can you believe it? I think you need to tackle that first. Put it on your to-do list. Solve the case of my missing sandwich. I’m having lunch early because now I’ve got to go out and get something to eat. What kind of world do we live in? Fuck!’ I shook my head sadly as she walked past. I think I called her name; I really couldn’t be sure. She ignored me anyway and walked out of the front doors with a bang.