Chapter Thirty-two
Morgan
Over the past week, I've really done some soul searching. I've tried really hard to not dwell on the past and taken a good look at my life. I started by making a list of all things that make me happy and that I like doing. I’ve been keeping all my notes in a spiral bound notebook on my desk. I organize the list into different stages of my life, and it all comes down to a few basic things.
- Family
- Friendships
- Love
Before my mom passed away, I knew I was important to my parents. I knew that I mattered. I had the unconditional love of two parents, and like any unknowing child and teenager, I didn't realize how lucky I was until it was gone.
I've spent the past eight years pretty angry with my dad, but I never told him how I felt. I never told him that it felt like I lost both my parents. I never fought for his attention. I gave up, just like he did. I realize in order to be happy I need to forgive my dad and in order to do that, I need to be open and honest with him. And I need to be supportive of his decision to sell the house, if that is really what he wants. I've called him and told him that I'm going to come home next weekend, and I'd like to have dinner with him.
My friends have always been very important to me. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't become friends with Gia all those years go. She is my rock and the one person who has never left me. She knows me better than anyone, and for that I'm grateful. She is always there when I need her to set me straight. I only hope she needs me as much as I need her. I've vowed to take better care of my friendships with Gia and Ruby. I've talked to both of them about this, and they both tell me that I'm a madwoman for thinking I need to foster those relationships better. But I feel that I've been MIA for the past month, and that's not fair to them.
I'm not sure where my friendship stands with Bernie. I'd really like our friendship to grow into something great, but I'm not sure if that's doable with her closeness to Dex.
Lastly, when I think about what makes me happy, he always comes to mind. I fell for him the first day I saw him, and it was overwhelmingly scary, but he made me feel loved and whole for the first time in years. So, what do I end up doing? I go throw it on the ground and stomp all over it. Ok, I'm being dramatic, but I definitely ruined it. I freaked out and didn't handle it well. I didn't even give us a fighting chance.
~~~
As I sit here at my desk reflecting through the list and notes I've written, I've finally made a decision about what I'm going to do. I close the notebook and walk down the hall to where Ruby and Gia are in the living room getting ready for a Netflix binge.
"Is there any way to get updates on the World Finals?" I ask thoughtfully.
"Uh, what?" says Gia with a surprised look on her face.
"Yes, we can pull it up on the computer. We can probably even watch a livestream on the TV if we cast it," say Ruby, excitedly.
"Great. I'd really like to see how the team is doing," I reply while Ruby is popping open Gia's laptop on the coffee table.
"Uh, I ask again. What?" repeats Gia.
"What? I just told you," I say with a sly smile.
"Has your soul-searching finally broken through the stubbornness mucking up your mind?" she asks with a big, knowing smile on her face.
"I know, right? Took me long enough," I say rolling my eyes jokingly.
"Ok, so I've been following a little, and it looks like the team made it to the championship round. They just started playing. They have to play seven rounds, and they are only in game two," says Ruby.
We get the stream to cast onto the TV, and I get my first glimpse of Dex on the screen. My breath catches at the sight of him. Like, I forgot how darn handsome he is. Dex, Simon, Ben, and Bernie are all showcased on the screen.
"So, I guess Bernie gets to play this tournament?" Gia asks.
"Yup, Chuck’s the substitute," Ruby answers.
I've picked up a few gaming terms being around the handful of gamers, but I'm still kind of lost. Ruby tries her best to explain things. Fortunately, there is an announcer who is providing a play by play.
For the next hour or so we watch the guys kick some major butt. It’s stressful too, because the team they are playing against is really good, but Dex’s team is better. Going into the final game, the two teams are tied. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins because I want them to win so badly.
"I don't know if I can take much more of this. It's stressing me out," I say.
"Tell me about it," adds Ruby
I'm so incredibly excited for them to be in this final round. I know how badly Dex wants to win this championship. Seeing Dex in his element draws me to him even more, and cements my decision that on Monday, when he is back in town, I’m going to go talk to him and win him back.