Brody nodded at Wade Rycroft as the door swung open, allowing him into Club Sanctum. The big dark-haired former cowboy was not only a bodyguard employed by McKay-Taggart, but he served as the club’s Dom-in-residence.

“Carter, good to see you.” He started walking up with his hand out but stopped as Brody walked in and he got a good look at the fact that he wasn’t alone. “Whoa. When did you have a kid, man? Or is that a new fashion accessory?”

Taggart had sent over something called a sling. Naturally, because he was a bastard, the sling was pink. “Big Tag swears by the sling. This is my son, Nathan Avery Carter.”

“Except his last name is actually Gibson because he refused to call the mother of his child back,” Tucker explained. “He’s not good with women.”

“And this is my…partner while I’m over here. He’s one of the lads from Dr. McDonald’s experiments. Apparently, we can’t lock them up forever so I had to take this one out in the field. Ignore him completely,” Brody said. “I was told I could set up in the conference room for the afternoon while Steph is working with Kai.”

Wade nodded. “Sure thing. I think I’ve got that information you wanted, too.”

“I thought you were protecting the royal couple.” Brody followed him through the lobby, hearing the locks on the front doors resetting. Anyone else coming in would need a key card, or someone with access to one. Not that he expected guests. The club had a gate around it as well. Having the first Sanctum blown up by a double agent had obviously taught Tag a thing or two about security.

“They’re not as exciting and fun as I’d expected a king and queen to be,” Wade said as he moved toward the big conference room. “They mostly watch movies or work out. Never together. They eat meals as fast as they can and then go back to doing things alone.”

“And when they think no one is looking, they stare longingly at each other,” a new voice said. “It kind of makes me sick. Shouldn’t arranged marriages be less emotional? I kind of thought that was the point.”

“Brody Carter, this is our resident romantic, Declan Burke,” Wade said with a bite of sarcasm. “He’s got day duty with me and then he’s providing security for the party tonight.”

“Because what you need when you’re hiding from royal assassins is a play party,” Burke replied. “You think if the assassins show up, Big Tag wants us to spank ’em?”

“You know he’s doing this because Kash is going stir crazy,” Wade replied.

“I think Tag is doing that thing where it looks like he’s doing one thing, but he’s actually being a gossipy matchmaker. Again, didn’t realize this job would be so touchy-feely.” The big guy’s brow rose over one eye. “Or that there would be all those babies. What’s up with all the kids? Most people leave them at daycares or something.”

“He just found out he has a kid,” Tucker offered helpfully. “So now he’s afraid to put the kid down in case the mom runs with him again. Not that she really ran. She didn’t have to. She left him a voice mail saying she was pregnant, but Brody here erased it without listening to it and now she’s twelve kinds of pissed, except she’s also horny and apparently big Aussie dudes do it for her.”

He sent Tucker a dark look. “Do you mind?”

Tucker shrugged. “Not really. Although all that moaning and screaming made me think about hookers again. I don’t think it’s normal to go without sex for your whole life. I’m a virgin. I don’t think I want to stay a virgin.”

“You’re not a virgin,” Brody pointed out. “I’m sure you’ve had sex before.”

“I don’t remember it so it didn’t really happen. That’s the hardest part. I can’t remember if I’m a tender lover or like a sex machine. It haunts me.”

Burke stared at Tucker for a moment and then a smile of pure joy crossed his face. “All right, he can stay. He amuses me. Come on, weirdo. I’ve got to do a perimeter sweep. You can tell me all about the things you can’t remember.”

“And Burke can tell him about how he sees things that don’t exist,” Wade said with a shake of his head.

“Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there, asshole.” Burke put a hand on Tucker’s shoulder. “Tell me about the hookers, buddy.”

“That is one weird dude.” Wade opened the conference room door. “Big Tag finds him amusing, but I worry about that kid. Kai claims he’s perfectly sane, but he talks in his sleep sometimes. I have no idea what language he’s speaking and he claims to have zero memory of any dreams.”

Brody laughed. “Oh, I thought you were talking about my weird dude. Tucker’s good enough as they come, but he’s got no life experience. He’s like a six-foot-three-inch toddler with the sex drive of a porn star. What have you got for me?”

“Remy explained that you wanted someone to do a rundown on a man named Alfred Dauterre.”

“And what did you find out? I know the background material,” Brody said. “He was born in the same town I was in Western Australia. Went into the Army at the same time.”

“So you’re friends.”

“I thought we were. I need to know what he’s been doing since he left the service. I know what he’s told me he’s been doing, but I don’t trust him anymore.” How could he? Alfi hadn’t bothered to tell him Steph was pregnant. They’d talked several times and never once had those words come out of his mouth.

“From what I can tell, he’s done a lot of odd jobs,” Wade explained, his fingers typing on one of several laptops around the room. “He spent time in his hometown. Looks like he went home for a couple of months and then his mother passed away. That prompted him to start to wander. He set up shop in Darwin as a security consultant. That’s where his business is still based. I use the term ‘business’ loosely. I think a better word for it is mercenary.”

“I’m sure he would call it soldier of fortune or some nonsense.” Alfi was forever trying to pretty up the dark side of life with fancy words and phrases. He had quite the imagination.

“And he had his fingers in a lot of pies, as far as I can tell,” Wade said with a shake of his head. “Did you know he was hauled in by the police for fraud? He’s been accused of running cons in a couple of places, but nothing stuck.”

Brody sighed. “He was always trying to make a quick buck. Hell, he conned me right and good.”

And that hurt. He had to wonder why. He knew Alfi had been upset when he’d left the Army, but they’d still been friends. How could Alfi have kept that secret from him for all those months? Had he meant to ever tell him?

Worse, he was starting to worry that Alfi had used the job Brody had been paying him to do to facilitate his never-ending quest for cash. Steph would never forgive him if he’d sent in a man who’d worked with those criminals and gotten her friend killed. “I sent him in to check on Steph after my mission was over.”

“Yes, you were the one who facilitated the rescue of Theo Taggart. I heard stories about that, though I’d only started in at Sanctum at the time. I wasn’t working for McKay-Taggart proper yet. It was a long-term op, right?”

“Exactly six months, four days, and eight hours undercover.” How that half a year, four days, and a few hours had flown by. He’d dreaded it in the beginning, but known he was the best man for the job. He had no ties to Theo at all. No ties to the Agency, and he’d been quiet about his work in London.

“That’s a long time to work with a woman. Seems odd that you would duck her calls afterward.”

“At the time I thought I was saving her from something. Well, I thought I was saving her from herself, I guess. I wasn’t good enough for her. It made sense to me. She’s a doctor. I barely got an education. I didn’t see what I could give her.”

“You gave her working sperm.”

Brody had to chuckle at that. Proof of what he brought to the table was currently sleeping against his chest. It was easy to put a hand on his son’s back and feel him breathing, feel how small and warm he was. “It’s odd how the world changes. One minute I was miserable and the next I looked down at him and I couldn’t be miserable anymore. I couldn’t think of all the reasons I’m not good enough. I can only think of how to be better. And how to murder my former best friend for not bothering to mention I was going to be a father.”

“Any chance he didn’t know?”

“Not at all.” Brody was certain of that. “He knew how much I cared about her. It’s why I sent him, and he was supposed to tell me if anything happened to her. I think having a baby qualifies as something happening.”

“So you hired him to watch over her?”

“Not exactly. I hired him to check in on her,” he explained. “I wanted to know if she needed anything.”

“But you weren’t willing to check in yourself?”

“Again, I was a bloody wanker and I’m paying for it now. She’s certain there’s no future for us. Looks like I convinced her.”

“Hey, I think that means you’re good at something,” Wade quipped. “You know if you were that good at ignoring her, you could be even better at chasing her down. I’ve found there’s very little in this old world that can’t be fixed with hard work. At least that’s what my dad always used to say.”

It was good to know someone was optimistic. “The good news is I’ve got a reason to stick around her.”

“And hey, you’re around her enough to make her scream, so there’s that.” Wade’s mobile chirped and he pulled it out of his pocket, staring down at the screen. “She in the lifestyle?”

“She’s certainly curious about it.” It was another thing in his favor.

“Then bring her by the play party tonight.” Wade typed something on the screen. “You can even bring the kiddo. They have nursery workers on play nights. You should totally come out. We’re doing a whole costume-fantasy theme. Make her forget everything for a while.”

“I thought we couldn’t come here because of the royals.” Having a few hours where she was under his command might do them both good. He had Master rights at Sanctum and she wasn’t a club member. She would likely be allowed in the club because of her relationship with Avery and Liam. But if she wanted a Dom patron, she would have to look to Brody.

Sex was how he could win her back. Sex and pure groveling, if it came to it. He could grovel. He could be the best fucking groveler in the world if it meant getting his girl back and keeping his family together. He was in the wrong here. It didn’t matter how it had started. He should have answered that call. He’d owed it to her.

“We couldn’t put you up here because the royals are taking up the rooms that work as bedrooms, but if everyone’s at the party, there’s no reason you shouldn’t come. Besides, then we don’t have to split our resources. We can have the whole team watching one building instead of two. I can talk to Remy about it, but I think we would all feel better protecting you at Sanctum.”

“I don’t want to bring the royals under any more danger than they already are.”

“Good, then don’t break up the team,” Wade insisted. “This will be the most secure place we can keep the two of you. I suspect the king and queen will hightail it out of here the minute Simon and Jesse figure out who the traitor in the palace is, and then Big Tag will want to move you two in here anyway.”

Brody held a hand up. Wade was right. “We’ll be here. I’m sure Serena’s got something Steph can use as a costume. Now, have you found where the bastard is? The last time I talked to him he said he was in a pub somewhere.”

He’d been partying. Steph had been on the run and Alfi had been living it up.

“Yeah, I got him,” Wade said. “I tracked him out of Guinea. He headed straight for Berlin. From there I lost him for a bit, but I picked him back up when he hopped a plane in Brussels for…wait for it…”

“He’s coming here.” The fucker was coming for Steph. There was no other explanation. The question was why was he coming to see Steph and who else was he working for?

“He landed forty minutes ago,” Wade replied.

Brody needed to get to the airport. How far could he have gotten? He needed to drop Nate off somewhere safe. “I have to get to the office.”

“Why? Remy’s bringing him here. I thought you would want to talk to the guy so I sent Remy out to nab him the moment he gets off the plane. He texted me two minutes ago and he should be pulling in now. You want me to tell him to turn around and head back to downtown?”

There was a brief knock and then the door opened.

“Hey, mate, no need to push. I’m perfectly capable of walking and…” Alfi walked in, Remy’s big body pushing him along. He stopped when he caught sight of Brody and his expression changed. “Brody! I’m right happy to see you.” He frowned back at the Cajun guard. “Now you’re in for it. That’s Brody Carter and he’s been my best mate since we were kids. He’s not going to let you push me around. Bloody Americans. What the hell has happened to your country? Bastard shows up and doesn’t even offer me a meal. I’m starving. Do you know what airplane food is like? And I had to fly bloody coach. Got wedged in between a grandma who smelled like spearmint and tried to convince me to date her spinster daughter and a man I’m pretty sure was really a shaved bear.”

“Does he ever shut up?” Remy asked, the end of his patience obvious.

Nope. Alfi never shut up. He could talk for hours and hours and he could make himself sound like an expert at almost anything. Mostly because he never let anyone get a word in edgewise. Only one thing ever managed to make the man go quiet.

Brody stepped up and popped his former best friend right in the face.

Nate gurgled and seemed to giggle, obviously enjoying the way he bounced from the activity.

Alfi yelped and covered his nose. “Damn, mate. What was that for?” He frowned and then sighed. “Fine. I probably deserved that. Is that the little nipper?” He was back to grinning. “Aw, you remember me. I’m your Uncle Alfi. Looks like you finally met your dad. Now, is there any food around here? Man needs to keep up his energy.”

Remy shook his head. “Can I gag him?”

Brody sighed. “Won’t work. He’ll find a way to be annoying. Besides, I could use food, too. Come on, then. Let’s sit down and you can explain why you’re such a bloody bastard.”

“Or I could shoot him,” Remy muttered under his breath.

Alfi was on his feet, trying to follow. “No need to get violent. Besides, I got intel. I can be helpful. Hey, tell me there’s decent beer here. The plane was a barbaric place. Did I tell you about the hairless bear I was forced to sit next to? Oh, that man smelled to high heaven, I tell you.”

Alfi followed Wade out and Brody kind of wished he’d let Remy have his way.

 

 

Twenty minutes later, Brody leaned over and kissed his son’s sleeping forehead. He’d found the fully functional nursery while Wade had taken Alfi to the small kitchen, which was well stocked since there were two guests somewhere else in the building.

He picked up the mobile part of the baby monitor and made sure it was on. He looked around the room, wondering if he should stay.

He had a job to do. He’d never hesitated to do his job. Not once. He would toss his personal life aside in a heartbeat. He’d broken dates, hung up on his mum (which never ended well), and once left a doctor’s appointment in the middle of an exam because his job had called him. But Nate wasn’t his personal life. Nate was his son. Nate was more important than any bloody job. Nate was his job now, the only one that mattered beyond taking care of Steph.

“It’s perfectly safe,” a soft voice said.

He looked over and a lovely woman with pitch-black hair was standing in the doorway. She was dressed in cotton pants and a long tunic that looked comfortable and oddly exotic. There was only person she could be. “Your Majesty.”

The queen of Loa Mali stepped into the room, a book in her hand. “Please, call me Day. I’m not used to the royal thing. You must be Mr. Carter. I was informed you might be in and out of the club. And this young man?”

“My son, Nathan. Nate. I’m worried about leaving him alone. His mum might get upset.”

The queen smiled, a peaceful expression. “Well, the good news for you is I happen to have a bit of time. I’ll stay and sit with him.”

Was it a trap? “You shouldn’t be expected to do that simply because you’re a woman.”

She laughed, putting her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound. “Well, you’re a well-trained one, Mr. Carter. Perhaps you can spend some time with my new husband and train him.” She sobered. “It would be my pleasure. I would find it peaceful. I happen to adore children. Whether or not that has anything to do with my gender, I don’t care. I’ve found a woman can be many things as long she accepts herself.”

If only his woman could do that. “Yes, I’m sure that solves a lot of problems.”

“Well, it solves the ones I can handle myself. Getting acceptance from others, that can be the hard part.” She settled into the rocking chair. “Go on. The quicker you deal with the charmer in the kitchen, the faster my life goes back to normal. The last thing I need is my new husband trying to deal with a serial flirter. Not that he isn’t one himself, but I’ve found we’re less tolerant when we find our own foibles in others.”

“Opposites attract, huh?” Brody asked quietly. She seemed easy to talk to for a royal. Not that he’d ever met one.

“I think it’s important that we find our natural mirrors,” she said with a sigh. “Someone who can show us who we are when we forget. Of course, if that person can’t also see or accept who he or she is, well, that’s when the trouble occurs.”

“And if they can never accept themselves?”

“We must always have hope.” But there was the saddest smile on her face. It made Brody wonder if there was more trouble than an assassination attempt in her marriage. “And we must know when the time has come to move on. Not everyone can be saved from themselves. And you have a greater duty now. You have a son. Everything changes when you have to raise a child. Children learn how to live from us. They learn our good points, but they also come to accept as normal things they shouldn’t.”

“I won’t have my son growing up believing he ain’t good enough,” Brody swore. “But that means I have to feel like I’m good enough. That could take a bit of work.”

She smiled and this time it was a brilliant expression. “But you’re ready to take it on, aren’t you, Mr. Carter?”

“Don’t have a choice, the way I see it.” Boys needed their dads. No. Children needed their dads and their mums, or however that love showed up. They needed someone who could put them first always.

Could Steph do it? Or would her penance always come first?

“I won’t be long and I’ll be sure to explain to Alfi that you’re off limits,” he said, her words playing through his brain.

“Oh, I can handle him, but like I said, my husband is itching for a fight. I would not give it to him.” She turned back to her book.

Brody walked down the hall. He knew after last night that he could be enough for Steph, but did she know it? Did she understand what they could have together?

He had to come to terms with the fact that he might have to give up the one thing he loved. His job. He might have to sacrifice his job to make sure she didn’t kill herself while trying to make up for something that had happened when she’d been a kid, something that had been a bloody accident.

He let the thought drift away because Alfi was holding court.

“So I’m walking along the beach when I hear this terrible scream. Naturally I stop everything and start running toward the sound. That’s what we do, right? This saltwater croc is coming up on a gorgeous blonde. Well, she was far too pretty to become some nasty croc’s dinner, you know. So I jumped right on its back.”

Such bullshit. “He sure as hell did not. Those fuckers are twenty feet long and they’d swallow him in a heartbeat. He did save a pretty blonde when she got stung by a jellyfish. He peed on her. That’s about the extent of his beach heroics.”

Alfi puffed up a bit. “Hey, the lady was in pain. I did what I had to do.”

Tucker frowned. “You should have found a bottle of vinegar. Peeing on a wound like that won’t actually help and the pH balance of the urine changes from human to human, depending on diet. You need a heavy acidic pH to neutralize the alkaline nature of the jellyfish venom.” He sat up, a surprised look on his face. “How do I know that?”

“You read a lot,” Brody pointed out. “Now, can I have a moment alone with Alfred?”

Wade stood up. “Are we keeping him here?”

Not after what he’d found out from the queen. “No, he can come back to the guesthouse with me, but he’s staying around until I figure out exactly what part he’s playing in all this. However, if the bullets start to fly, you can duck behind him. After all, he’s bulletproof, as I’m sure he’ll tell you.”

“I’ll make sure there’s room in the guesthouse. He can bunk with Shane and Riley. They’ll make sure he doesn’t wander off,” Wade promised. “I’ll be around if you need me. Come on, Tucker. You can meet the king. I think he’ll find you amusing.”

The minute the swinging door closed, he turned to the man who’d been his best friend for most of his life. “I thought you were my friend.”

Alfi shoved the chair he’d been sitting in back and strode to the sink, tossing out the contents of his mug. “You know I am.” He picked up the kettle and filled it. “You want a cup? The American microwaved mine. Barbarians.”

“I don’t want a cup of tea. I want answers.”

He chuckled, though it wasn’t an amused sound. “Oh, Brody, I don’t think you can handle the answers, though they’ve always been staring you in the face. You’re too noble to see it, I suppose.”

He turned the range on and set the kettle on it before turning to prepare two mugs.

“Too noble to see what? I gave you one job and you couldn’t do it. One fucking job. You weren’t ever going to tell me about my own son, were you?”

“You didn’t want Steph. You didn’t want Nate either. You sent me there to fix all your problems. I was doing you a favor.” He kept his back to Brody.

“I sent you there to look after her. I sent you there to protect her if she needed it.”

“You sent me there to ease your bloody conscience and that was all.” He turned, his eyes looking far older than they had the last time Brody had seen Alfi. “You never intended to talk to that woman again. You tossed her out like a bit of rubbish.”

His hands fisted but he forced them to his sides. “I wouldn’t send my best mate to check in on rubbish, you fool. I was trying to save her. I thought I was wrong for her.”

“You are,” Alfi said, his voice dark. “What on earth makes you think you’re good enough for that woman? She’s practically a saint. She’s gorgeous and she’s smart and she’s capable. You don’t think she needs someone better than you?”

He let out a deep breath. Something was going on with Alfi, but it didn’t have to enrage him. He knew the answer to all of Alfi’s nasty questions, and now he got why his old friend was asking them. “I think she needs me because no one on this planet is going to love her more than me, is going to see her the way I can. I love her. I thought that wasn’t enough, but it is. And she deserves me because she picked me. She wanted me and I was a fool to question it. I should have gotten down on my knees and thanked god that she had bad taste in men.”

“Not bad enough.”

Yes, there it was. “You fell for her.”

“Not that it did me any good,” Alfi admitted. “It was always you. She didn’t say your name to me, but I stood outside surgery when she was giving birth. She cried out for you. I was planning on going in and offering her my hand. I thought maybe if I was there when her boy was born, she would see me differently. But all she could do was cry out for you.”

A sick feeling hit the pit of his stomach. “I would have been there with her if you hadn’t been such a selfish git.”

He would have been standing there, lending her his strength. He would have been there to hold Nate when he was born, to help her, to make sure she didn’t find that trouble that always seemed to be looking for her.

“You think I don’t know that?” Alfi sounded weary. “I was selfish and it didn’t matter. Once again the great Brody Carter wins.”

“Wins? There’s no win here. I missed the birth of my child, Al. I might never win that woman back.”

He shrugged. “You’ll do it. You always do.”

“What the hell is behind all this? Why on earth did you agree to look after her if you hate me the way you do? Never thought you would hate me. Damn, mate, we were like brothers.”

“Brothers don’t leave each other behind. Brothers don’t walk away from each other.”

What did he mean? “I didn’t leave you. I…after Harry died, I couldn’t stay in the Army. I tried to go home, but I was lost.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have been lost if you hadn’t chucked me out with the rubbish.”

He groaned, trying to find a way to make Alfi understand. “I didn’t. I needed to be alone. I needed to deal with what had happened to Harry.”

“I loved him, too, you know. Your family was like mine. Your mum…well, she was better than mine. At least she was around. She cooked dinners and made sure you had everything you needed. Mine, if she showed up, was drunk half the time.” He shook his head. “Not that it matters. I missed Harry, too, but I didn’t stop caring about everyone else.”

He softened a bit, their shared childhood sitting between them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you behind. Like I said, I needed to figure a few things out. I drifted for a while.”

“You played around for a couple of years and then the best job in the world dropped in your bloody lap. You moved to London, found a new best friend, and didn’t call again until you needed old Alfi to help you out, check in on a girl.”

“So this was payback.” He could believe that of Alfi. If he thought he’d been betrayed, he would look for revenge.

“No. It was desperation. It was… I’m not a good man, but I wanted to be around her. I liked her. I liked how selfless she was. She cared about the people around her. She gave them everything she had. And she could use me,” he pointed out. “She needed security, especially when she leaves the clinic and goes out into rural areas. She needs someone looking out for her, making sure she don’t get hurt. I didn’t see why that couldn’t be me.”

“Because she loves me. Alfi, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you alone like that. I got caught up in a new life and London was far away. I think I needed it at the time.” Was he going to be happy leaving London? Could he live the rest of his life running around Africa? Never having a real home? How would they raise Nate? Would they be able to have other kids?

If he had his way, he would raise them in Chelsea. Close to his friends, who’d somehow become his family. He would buy a townhouse, one close to his work and a park. He would take his kids to museums and historical sites. He would take them with him sometimes when he traveled so they could see the world.

He would take them home to visit his mum and stepdad.

He wanted roots. He craved them, but he would give it all up if she would say yes. He would find a way to make it work.

“Well, she didn’t want me. Never did. I tried everything I could, but none of it worked. Like I said, she wanted you.”

Did she still? Oh, he knew she wanted him in bed, and that was what he had to build on. “You had no right to keep Nate from me. I would never have done that to you. Not for anything.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not the perfect one, am I?” The kettle started to squeal and he turned again, pouring out the boiling water. “If the shoe had been on the other foot, I’m sure you would be married to the lady by now.”

“Why did you come here? You seemed to be having fun the other night when we talked.”

Alfi shook his head. “I wasn’t. I was in Berlin. I was a bit pissed that night. I’m afraid I indulged in wine, women, and song after my meeting with those bastards. You know when you think of big, bad mercenaries, you don’t think of bloody Belgians. Shouldn’t they have been picking tulips or some shit?”

“You knew who they were? Where they’re from? You didn’t bother to tell me?”

Alfi set a mug in front of him, shaking his head. “Like I said, I was a bit on the drunk side, and I still couldn’t believe it had happened. One minute I was talking to Steph, the next I had a gun at my head and they were going to shoot her. Why couldn’t she have told the arseholes that the doc was out of town? Why couldn’t she play dumb? We might have gotten out of it.”

“She would never do that. She certainly wouldn’t do it if she thought for a second someone’s life was on the line. That’s not who she is.”

Alfi popped two tea bags in the hot water and placed one in front of Brody. This was the civility they’d been taught. Tea cured all ills. “She has to think of the boy now. She has to have a sense of self-preservation. I damn near had a heart attack when she stepped up, pretty as you please, and said ‘I’m the doctor.’”

A bit of unwelcome sympathy reared its head. He could see Alfi falling for her, maybe should have expected it. He’d also thought that their friendship would let Alfi know Steph was off limits, but then Alfi didn’t believe in things like rules. Perhaps his chaotic childhood had taught him something different. “I can see that. I watched her run into the middle of a skirmish between government and rebel forces once. I was sure she was going to die. She doesn’t value her own life.”

“Because of what happened when she was a kid?” Alfi asked.

Brody nodded and hated the way his spine was easing. It felt good to be with Alfi. They’d known each other so long that it felt right to be sitting here with him and discussing Steph.

Had he left his friend behind? He hadn’t meant to. He’d been utterly lost after he’d gotten the news that Harry had died. He hadn’t thought about the fact that Alfi would miss him, too.

Was he always this selfish? Again, not something he tried to achieve, but something a man had to look at and examine as he grew older.

“I don’t think she’s ever forgiven herself.”

“I looked into her after I met her,” Alfi admitted. “I ran a pretty thorough trace. She killed two people in that accident. Do you think anyone gets over that?”

“I think she didn’t mean to do it, and it solves nothing and serves no one at all if she throws her life away.”

“But she’s not. She’s trying to save lives.”

“At the expense of her own,” Brody shot back. “It’s why I walked away. I can say I was trying to spare her all I like, but it was a selfish act because I was in love with her and I couldn’t watch her die. But she gave that up the minute she chose to bring Nate into this world. She can’t not care about herself anymore. She’s his mum. She’s everything to him.”

Silence descended while Alfi added two packets of sugar to his tea. “You can get by without a mum. God knows I did.”

“Nate’s not doing that. Nate’s growing up with two parents, and if I have my way, he’ll have brothers and sisters.”

Alfi huffed. “You want him to go through what you did? Brothers can die. It might be better to teach him to rely on himself.”

Brody shook his head. “Been thinking about that too. I hated how I felt after Harry died, but I wouldn’t take back a single second. I loved my brother. That’s what I was trying to do with Steph. I was trying to protect my own selfish arse.”

“Yeah, you were, and you were doing the same thing when you walked away from me, you arsehole.” He sighed and slumped back in his chair. “And I decided to punish you by keeping Nate a secret and trying to take your girl. Though I do care about her. Hell, man, I started out thinking you deserved not knowing since you wouldn’t even accept her calls and then time moved on and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Phone call would have worked.” He took a sip, breathing in the smell. P&G. Not the brand he expected to find here in the States, but it was familiar and soothing.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I’m sorry, Brody. I can’t say more than that. You know I’m a selfish bastard, but I did get her out of there. I didn’t fail you when it came to that.”

“Why didn’t you fly back with her? Or call me?” He was calm, but his anger was simmering. He could understand that he had some culpability, but Alfi had taken it too far. “Anything could have happened to her.”

“I thought it best we split up. I was worried they might have recognized me. I was hoping if they were going to follow, they would come after me.”

He wasn’t sure he believed that, but he wasn’t going to argue. He needed information. “What do you know about them? And how could you have left that poor nurse behind to die?”

Alfi went white and his body stiffened. “What do you mean?”

“I’m talking about the nurse. Anya. We sent a couple of drones to get footage of the clinic and it looks like she’s dead.”

“You saw her body?”

“We saw what looked like a shoe in her doorway. Can’t tell much more but the way it’s sitting, it seems like it’s attached to something. Probably a body.”

Alfi shook his head. “Anya was supposed to run. She promised me she could make the machines look like they were working. That fucker wasn’t supposed to be back until morning, but he had a couple of men working the perimeter, keeping the locals out and us in. She can’t be dead. I left her there because she had the keys to a Jeep and she was going to sneak out and get to the village where we’d sent Keniyah. Hell, I was sure Keniyah would have sent the local police by morning. Damn it, she can’t be dead.”

His head fell forward and Brody sighed. Alfi was a bastard, but he did have a heart.

“I’m so sorry. God, I’m sorry,” he said.

Brody got up. They were going to need something far stronger than tea. “Come on, let’s get you back to the house. We’ll settle you in for the day and we’ll talk more.”

And he would wait for Steph to see how his night would go.

 

* * * *

 

Steph stared at her former head of security. She’d been a bit surprised to find him sitting in the kitchen of their safe house when Shane had driven her back. Actually, she’d been completely surprised because she’d expected Brody to wait for her, but he hadn’t been in the car that picked her up.

Now she knew why. He’d been here spending time with his bestie. His lying, sneaky, asshole of a bestie.

“You’re an asshole.” It was all the welcome Alfi Dauterre was going to get from her.

Alfi grinned, his eyes a bit on the cloudy side. “Yeah, but I’m also a charmer. It’s how I get through life, lovie. And I’m quite an attentive lover.”

She frowned Brody’s way. It looked like they’d been doing more than sitting around talking. “You had to get him drunk?”

Brody shrugged. “He’s impossible when he’s sober. Actually, now that I think about it, he’s spent most of his adult life drunk. A lot of our adolescence, too. Not a lot to do in Wanga Woo.”

Alfi slapped the table and held up his now empty glass. “To Wanga Woo. Damn but I miss that piece of shit town.”

“Did you get anything out of him?” Steph asked. She’d been with Kai for hours, patiently looking through European news sites, trying to find out if one was missing a reporter. They’d gotten someone named Penelope Knight to call around and see if she could find out any information from the big media outlets in Europe. And Liam had come to the office and set up a video meeting with Tennessee Smith, the former CIA agent who now worked odd jobs for several agencies, including McKay-Taggart. She’d met Ten and his wife, Faith, whom she’d worked with on occasion. Faith Smith was a doctor who’d worked on various charities over the years, several in Africa. It was a small world. Ten was trying to find the name of any Dutch mercenary groups working in the region.

And Brody had spent the afternoon watching Alfi get his drink on.

“I actually found out quite a lot,” Brody replied, bringing her out of her dark thoughts. “I found out Alfi here kept the secret about Nate’s birth because he fancies himself in love with you.”

She had to shake her head. “What?”

“Totally in love, luv,” Alfi affirmed with a brilliant smile. “Marry me. You don’t want that big bastard. He takes up all the space. Can you imagine what doing his laundry is going to do to you for the rest of your life? I’m much more reasonably sized, and honestly I don’t change clothes all that often.”

What the hell? “That is not a point in your favor.” She turned back to Brody, who looked so deliciously large and muscular that she really was trying to think of a way to get his arms around her without having to ask for it. If she didn’t ask for it, then she wasn’t leading him on. She was simply taking what he offered. It had been a long day and she wanted nothing more than to sink into him, to let him take over and take care of her. But she had to remember that she was alone and she had to maintain control. “And don’t play innocent here, Brody. Alfi didn’t keep the secret from you. It wasn’t a secret at all. A secret is something no one talks about. I told you on several occasions that I was pregnant. Alfi isn’t the reason you didn’t know about Nate. You are.”

Alfi nodded. “There. What the girl said. Another reason to marry me. I answer my mobile. Well, when I’ve paid the bill and it’s on, I answer it. Mostly.”

Brody sent his friend a look that should have had him running scared. Maybe it would have if the man could move. “You stay out of this.” He looked down at her. “Yes, that part was my fault. I was stubborn and selfish. I figured out a lot about myself sitting here and talking to Alfi this afternoon. I didn’t run away from you because I was trying to protect you. I did it to protect myself.”

She shook her head. She couldn’t deal with this right now. The last thing she wanted from him was a well-rehearsed speech meant to get her to forget that he hadn’t wanted her before she’d shown up with his spawn. “Doesn’t matter. That’s all in the past.”

“Doesn’t feel like it is,” he said, suspicion plain in his voice.

Alfi was shaking his head. “Women are like elephants, Brody. They never forget. One misstep and you’ll get hounded with it for the rest of your life. Like that little thing in Melbourne. You remember her. One mistake and she broke my heart.”

“You slept with her sister,” Brody shot back.

Alfi put a hand to his heart. “They looked a lot alike in the dark. Her mum did, too. Glad she didn’t find out about that until we were gone. Good times, mate. Such good times.”

Brody’s hands came up. “I had nothing to do with that. I was in town to see my aunt and my mum thought it would be smart to take that arsehole with me. I spent all my time taking my elderly Aunt Rose to various bingo parlors.”

“It doesn’t matter, Brody. I’m focused on the now not the past. So you got nothing at all out of him about why a crazy Dutch dude is trying to murder me?”

He grinned and pointed her way. “I did find something out. Dutch was the language he was speaking. Alfi knew that.”

“My brain did, too,” she shot back, frustrated as hell. “I spent all day staring at a candle with a shrink tromping through my head and Alfi knew all along. He’s a giver.”

“I do try, luv,” he said solemnly. “But they weren’t Dutch, you know. I was with ’em while you were working on the patient and I heard them talking about going home to Antwerp. That ain’t in the Netherlands. Those boys were from Belgium.”

She sort of growled his way. “Thanks for that because I’ve been working on the theory that we’re looking for Dutch dudes.”

Alfi didn’t seem at all deterred by her show of rage. “Not a problem. Anything for a pretty lady.”

Brody ignored him, his big hands coming out, cupping her shoulders. “Was Kai hard on you? Come here. I bet it was rough to have to go through all of that again. I wish I could have stayed there with you.”

There it was. She sighed as she let him pull her close. His big arms wrapped around her and she felt safe and warm for the first time in hours and hours. He’d started it. She hadn’t promised him anything. It was perfectly all right to revel in it. She let her arms drift up and around him. He was incredibly big, but she could clutch him and hold on. She felt him kiss her hair.

“Kai wasn’t bad,” she admitted. “He’s just a normal pushy shrink. They kind of have to be. At least I figured out a few things. We know the patient was a journalist. They called him that in Dutch. We have someone from the London office calling around the big European news agencies trying to see if they had any male reporters working on a story in Sierra Leone. We don’t know if the journalist was Belgian or from the Netherlands, so we’ll look all over Europe.”

Brody tilted her head up. “That’ll be Penny you’ll be working with. She speaks all the languages. She’s a good one.”

“Is she part of his fancy-schmancy London team?” Alfi asked.

Brody groaned and rested his head against hers. “He doesn’t like my new career. Apparently I was supposed to join him in dashing about the globe doing odd jobs, some of which I’m fairly certain involve criminal activities.”

“Do not…mostly,” Alfi shot back. “My point is, you ran off to England and became a pommy git who can’t even be bothered to call his friends. Or the woman he knocked up. He ain’t ever going to traipse around Africa with you saving babies and stuff. He’s too posh for that.”

“Shut up, Alfi,” Brody growled. “She’s not marrying you. Leave her be.”

Steph pulled away, not wanting to, but they’d introduced a word she simply couldn’t handle right now. That word needed to be avoided at all costs. “Could we get back to the actual job at hand? And where’s Nate?”

“He’s over at the big house with Serena and Adam and Jake.” Brody looked like he wanted to push her, but he seemed to back down. “We’ll go over and get him in a bit, and then I want to talk to you about going to the club tonight.”

Kai had mentioned that she was welcome at the club. Sanctum. She’d heard a ton about it, but she’d never been inside. Avery was fairly open about the lifestyle and how she and Liam played, but everything Steph knew came from books. The night they’d made Nate had been quick and passionate, but there hadn’t been a lot of D/s. Only the night before had given her a hint of what the lifestyle could offer her.

She shook her head. “I need to be with Nate.”

“He’ll be in the daycare with the other kids,” Brody promised. “Wade doesn’t want to split the guards up tonight. If you don’t want to play, we’ll take a couple of movies with us and sit in the conference room, but there’s a big party going on. Don’t you want to have some fun?”

That kind of fun was dangerous. That kind of fun led to getting naked and giving her body over to her Master. Oh, there it was. She was thinking of Brody that way and she shouldn’t. Though it was only for play. Only for a night.

She clung to the only reason she could think of to tell him no. “I don’t have the right clothes.”

“Serena’s going to find something for you. It’s a costume party. It should be loads of fun,” Brody promised.

“What are you going as? James Bond? Got your martini all ready?” Alfi asked, his voice harsh. “I mean you probably own a tuxedo now.”

Brody’s eyes rolled in perfect disdain. “Pass out, mate. You would be doing us all a favor.”

“I’ve the constitution of a rutting rhino. A bit of drink can’t keep me down,” Alfi vowed. “Am I going to this party?”

“No,” they said at the same time.

Alfi frowned. “What if I get murdered here?”

“I’m willing to take that chance,” Brody replied. He pulled his cell phone out. “I’m going to make a few calls and then we’ll go over and pick up Nate. I think we’re having dinner at the main house before we head to the club.”

“Brody, I think we should talk about this,” she began.

He leaned over and planted those big, sexy lips right on hers. Any thought of protest fled her brain as she felt his hands cup her neck and his body press to hers. The kiss was swift and devastating, and she was lucky to find her balance when he pulled away. There was the most arrogant smirk on his face as he stared down at her. “Don’t think, luv. Let me take control and I’ll show you what it means.” He started for the kitchen door. “If that one gives you trouble, murder him. He’s not worth it.”

He was typing on his cell screen as he walked away, and she was left with Alfi and a million questions.

“Why didn’t you tell me they were speaking Dutch?”

He shrugged. “Didn’t think about it. That day was a mess, Steph. It all happened so bloody fast and I could barely keep up with it.”

“I don’t know about that. You were the calm one.”

He huffed. “I was not. I was terrified. Don’t think because I spent years in the Army that I don’t get scared. Spent half my life scared out of my mind and finding ways to make it look like it don’t matter. That’s how you survive. You were the cold one that day. I barely saw your hands shake until you realized they had Nate. Did you think Keniyah had gotten him out?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“So as long as the nipper was all safe and sound, nothing else mattered, right?”

“It wasn’t like that. I was very dedicated to making sure no one died.”

“Anyone but you.” Somehow he made it almost seem like an accusation. “You know protecting everyone was my job. You didn’t let me do my job. You should have told them you were a volunteer and that the doctor was in the city for the day.”

“And let that man die?”

Alfi’s hands fisted on the table. “He was going to kill everyone, Steph. That damn journalist didn’t have a chance. He would have been questioned and once the boss had what he wanted, he would have killed him. Then he would have killed us. All you were doing was putting off the inevitable. I could have come up with something, but no, you step up, pretty as you please, and walk into the croc’s mouth.”

“I couldn’t let him die. Not when I could save him.” She’d taken an oath when she became a doctor and she took it seriously.

“You couldn’t save him. That’s what I’m telling you,” Alfi shot back.

She wasn’t sure what his point was or why he was angry with her. “I doubt that me telling that man there was no doctor around would have made him go away.”

“We’ll never know now, will we? You should have left it to me.” He let his head fall forward. “I thought Anya would get out.”

Her stomach clenched. “I should have thought about that. I should have stayed there with her or sent her out.”

Those red-rimmed eyes rolled when he looked back up at her. “God, Steph, does it all have to be about you? Are you the only one in the world who gets to be wrong?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” She’d never seen Alfi like this. He was always charming. Smarmy at times, but charming. He never raised his voice unless he was playing football with the local kids, and then he merely shouted out encouragements. He was a rogue, no doubt, but she’d never seen him so dark.

“It’s pretty fucking arrogant, you know. Everything bad is your fault. Like you’re some kind of goddess on earth. It’s not always about you. I can make big fucking mistakes, too.”

“Well, on that we can agree.”

“You’re making another one,” Alfi insisted. “If you let that man go, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“I thought you wanted me for yourself. Which is utterly ridiculous.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, but now that I’m here and thinking about it right and proper, I can see maybe I was right. Maybe we’re more alike than you and Brody. He spent all that time thinking he was bad for you. Maybe you’re bad for him. Maybe you’re the one who would drag him down and not the other way around.”

Wow. That hurt more than she’d thought it could. “It’s good to know how you think, Alfi. When all this is over, don’t feel like you need to check in on me again. I’ll be fine.”

He sighed, a hand scrubbing through his hair. “Damn it, you don’t understand a thing I’m saying. You’ll drag him down into the mud with you because you’re too daft to see that you don’t belong there. You think I didn’t run a check on you? I know all about what happened. I’m sure Brody thinks he knows, too, but I would bet he knows nothing about what you did in the years after the wreck.”

She felt her whole body flush with shame. “No, I suspect he doesn’t or he wouldn’t think I was too good for him.”

Alfi groaned. “That’s where you’re underestimating him. He won’t care. He won’t care how many men you tore through trying to forget. He won’t care what drugs you did in an insane attempt to make things right with the universe because you think someone somewhere got it all wrong. He won’t care what you did in the past. He’ll try to make it so you never feel that way again. He’ll love you if you let him and when that man loves… I’ve never known a better man than Brody Carter, and that’s why I wanted to take you from him. I thought if I could make you love me instead, maybe I’d be more like him. I ain’t going to change, luv. I’m going to die exactly who I am right now—a good for nothing player, but I do care about him. If you’re not going to change, then you should walk away from him.”

That was the whole problem she found herself faced with now. “I can’t walk away from him. We have a child. And I have changed. I don’t do self-destructive things anymore. I’m over that.”

“You have a child who almost got killed out there, so I beg to differ. I watched you. You didn’t care about anything until you realized Nate wasn’t safe.”

He wasn’t right. She didn’t believe it. “I did, too. I cared about everyone in that clinic.”

“Not yourself. You didn’t give a bloody damn about yourself, and that’s what will kill Brody. His brother died and I thought he would lay down and die with him. What’s going to happen when the only woman he’s ever loved dies because she needs to martyr herself more than she needs to live?”

“Hey, I think you should go sleep it off, mate. Now.” Brody was standing in the doorway, a forbidding expression on his face.

“I’ve said what I needed to say.” Alfi stood up and made his way to the door. “I’ll bunk in with the crazy one. Tucker whatever his name is.”

“Why did you come here, Alfi?” Brody asked.

Alfi stopped, one hand on the door, holding it open. “Didn’t know where else to go. If everyone I know is going to get themselves murdered, thought I probably should, too.”

He walked out, but Steph still felt a hole in her gut.

“What did he say to you?” Brody asked. “I didn’t catch anything but his tone and the look on your face. Should I talk to him?”

She shook her head. “No. He didn’t say anything I didn’t already know. I’m going to get Nate.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“I can handle it.”

He stepped in front of her, looming large. “Sweetheart, he said something that upset you. I wish you would talk to me about it. He’s pissed. You can’t listen to him.” One big hand came out to smooth back her hair. “He’s also jealous as hell. I can’t blame him. You’re a beautiful woman.”

Tears sparked behind her eyes. “I can’t do this with you right now.”

“Do what?” He moved closer, drawing her in. “Do this? Take comfort from someone who cares about you? You had a rough day. Let me take care of you. You can’t be all wound up around our boy. He’ll sense it and it’ll affect him, too. Come here and let me take some of this burden from you.”

She was enveloped in his arms again and she couldn’t find the will to break away. He was right. It had been a shitty day at the end of a string of shitty days, and he was safety and warmth and pleasure all wrapped up in one gorgeous man package. Despite the fact that Alfi’s words and what she’d realized in the shrink’s office that day were plaguing her brain, she couldn’t force herself to move away from him.

“That’s better. That makes me feel better,” he whispered against her ear. “I had a nice day with Nate. He’s a good kid. I might have called my mum and told her about him. Took a couple of pictures and texted her. I hope you don’t mind.”

Those stupid tears were playing at the corners of her eyes again. “She’s his grandmother. She should know he’s alive. I never…”

“Shh, I know you never tried to keep him from me, but I’m stepping light here. You’ve had all the responsibility for two months, and I can’t come in and ride roughshod over you. I should have asked, but I wanted to talk to her. I didn’t know what to do with the tube of white stuff and then Tucker opened it and it got all over him and it wouldn’t come off.”

She laughed at the thought. “It’s diaper rash ointment. It’s not easy to get off. He’s like a large puppy, you know.”

“You’re telling me,” he replied. “Mum cried. Said he looks just like me. Said you deserve a medal for pushing out that…well, she’s got a mouth on her.”

“For pushing a giant baby through my hoo haw? I got a mouth on me, too, and it was horrible. I have no idea how I managed that. Could you make smaller babies?”

“I’ll try,” he promised.

She started to pull back, realizing what she’d said. “Brody, I didn’t mean that.”

He held her close. “I know. I’m not taking anything seriously. You need time and I’m going to give it to you, but Stephanie, we’re stuck together for a while. We’re going to be living in the same house, spending a lot of time together until this gets sorted out. There’s no reason for us to not sleep together and play together and be kind to each other. Can we do that? No expectations of what happens when the case is done and you’re safe.”

She wanted to believe him. “None?”

“None except that I want to be in his life. I want to be his dad. God, Steph, I didn’t think I wanted kids until I picked him up and held him. Now there’s nothing I want more than to be around him.”

“Of course, but I have to go back and you’ll be in London.” Did she have to go back? That part of her that had held things together for the last decade screamed yes. She’d promised Avery that she would do good.

Avery thought she could do good here.

“We’ll talk about that when the time comes,” he promised. “For now, we’re not going to look past tonight and having a good time while we wait to see what happens next. Can you do that with me?”

She should say no. She needed to listen to what Alfi had said. Maybe he was right and she was the one who wasn’t good enough for Brody. Distance. She needed some, but she still found herself lifting her head and nodding. “Only while we’re stuck here.”

“Only while we’re stuck here,” he agreed.

So why did being stuck here suddenly seem like something she could do for a very long time?