“So you found the thumb drive?” Hours later, Avery stood in the big kitchen of Serena Dean-Miles’s main house, making her famous grilled corn dip, across from where Steph sat with Nate in her arms. “And it was in Nate’s diaper bag?”

“I love that,” Serena said with a grin. “The whole time it was sandwiched between wipes and butt cream.”

“It fell into one of the pouches. I never zip the inside pouches.” Steph had been giving the women the rundown of how the mission had gone. It was good to have something to do rather than brood over Brody. “When Alfi told me he’d tossed it in the backseat of the Jeep, I remembered that the diaper bag had come open and I’d just stuffed everything back in.”

Serena groaned. “I hate when that happens. I’ll perfectly organize it all and Tristan will somehow get in that sucker and pull out everything. He’s fascinated with Brianna’s things. You’ll see, Avery. You think you’re out of the baby stage with Aidan, but toddlers require an enormous amount of stuff, too. Did you find the drive and pass it along to the Agency?”

She shook her head. “I told Li and he and Big Tag decided to figure out what was on it first.”

“Ah, that’s why they brought Adam up to the office,” Serena said with a smile. “He was grumbling the whole time about how someone needs to figure out how to use a computer before they start the new business. I told him Hutch would take over for him but he’s out of town this weekend.”

“So what was it?” Avery asked, curiosity plain on her face. “I’ve been dying to know what that group was willing to kill so many people over.”

“It was a video,” she said, rocking Nate gently. “The journalist had smuggled it out of a diamond mine owned by one of the world’s largest companies. Do you know what the Kimberley Process is?”

“No idea,” Avery admitted.

Serena gasped, her eyes lighting up. “I do. I wrote this book about conflict diamonds. Well, it’s mostly about a three way, but conflict diamonds were in there.”

“That’s right.” Avery nodded. “I remember. The conflict diamonds were being smuggled out of the country disguised as bling on the backs of women’s jeans.”

Serena picked up a jar of paprika. “I thought it was a fun twist. Isn’t the Kimberley Process a way the governments decide if a diamond is conflict free?”

She understood some of it. “Yes, all the legitimate diamond merchants of the world have an agreement that they will only purchase raw diamonds from mines that don’t fund wars. It’s worked quite well to get most conflict diamonds out of the public. But our poor journalist discovered that a merchant out of Antwerp had cut a deal with a terrorist group to purchase over twelve million dollars worth of raw diamonds. On paper, they’d come from a reputable mine, but Johann Kavner had the proof.”

The terrorist group was known for slaughtering entire villages in central and eastern Africa if the populace refused to follow their narrow version of religious law. They’d also made headlines for stealing young girls to gift to their soldiers. It hadn’t come as a surprise to Steph that they would trade in diamonds they had used slave labor to produce.

“So the company de Vries was working for panicked when they figured it out,” Serena surmised. “And they sent his group after Johann.”

“Who tried to get away, but got caught a few miles from my clinic. They shot him, but Johann wouldn’t give up the hiding place,” Steph explained. “At some point he gave the thumb drive to Alfi. When they couldn’t find it, they decided I had it since I was the one who treated Johann, and I ran. They took Anya and came after me. Luckily, I had friends and those friends had big guns and are paranoid about where their people are. I think if Tucker hadn’t done what he did, I would be dead now.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Serena assured her. “Adam would have found you. He was tracking the van you were in. That’s why he went in early this morning. He complained about that, too. He’d already tracked you down to south Dallas when they figured out they could use Tucker’s tracking device. Another hour and he would have known where you were.”

So she would have been saved no matter what. It had all been for nothing. And according to Fedor, he’d planned on killing de Vries himself.

It had been foolish to think she could save her son and her lover. “Well, that’s good to know. It doesn’t matter much now. Brody won’t even talk to me.”

Avery threw her a sympathetic glance. “Give him time. It was a rough day, and many men need time to switch from warrior mode to backyard barbecue party mode.”

Numb. She felt so damn numb.

“Not me, my darlin’.” Li kissed the top of his wife’s forehead as he walked past her. He had a massive platter of all kinds of meat in his left hand. There were hamburgers and hot dogs and chicken breasts all ready to be cooked on the grill outside. Naturally, Jake required a carnivorous birthday party. “It was an excellent exercise, but I’ve already forgotten the whole first half of the day. That was work. Now it’s time to play. I’m ready for beer and burgers, and hopefully not getting up at dawn’s asshole to go to work.”

Avery sent him a pointed look. “Well, I’m glad you’re good, but some of our friends are having trouble. Have you forgotten you dropped Tucker off with Kai?”

“Is he going to be okay?” Steph practically leapt at the chance to worry about someone other than herself. She wasn’t exactly sure what had happened, but Tucker had been quiet, almost haunted by what de Vries had said.

Of course, he hadn’t been the only one who had stared blankly ahead during the ride home, as though the day had been far too much for him.

Brody hadn’t looked at her during the hour it took for the CIA team to clean everything up, load up the dead and the living, and head off for wherever they intended to do the rest of their covert job. It had been made easier since Fedor owned the warehouse and had been more than willing to cooperate in exchange for not being renditioned to a foreign country and tortured for information he might or might not have. Ezra had left much of the cleanup to Fedor and his band of happy mobsters while the McKay-Taggart crew had bandaged up their minor injuries, gone back to the office for a debrief, and then all gotten ready for the birthday party.

Brody had done everything asked of him, but not once had he come over and requested to help her. He’d stayed across the building while she and Anya had dealt with the wounded.

When the time had come to walk away, she’d hugged Anya, and Brody had been there waiting for her. He’d loomed over her like he expected her to run at the first opportunity. When she’d reached for his hand, he’d switch to holding her elbow. It made her feel like a prisoner. He’d sat beside her during the debrief, not speaking a word or really looking at her. He’d looked through her, like she wasn’t there at all.

She’d tried to talk to him afterward but he’d told her it had to wait. She’d been bundled into a car with Erin and Alex while Brody had gone with the other men. He was in the guesthouse, and she wasn’t sure she would be welcome if she went down there.

Now she found herself in the midst of a happy party. It was surreal. She’d gone from a chaotic warzone to this perfect suburban paradise where kids were splashing in the pool, moms were putting together the last-minute details, and dads were sipping beers and watching over everything with indulgent smiles. Every time the door opened she could hear the sounds of party music and kids squealing in delight.

“Tucker will be fine.” Li stepped toward the door that led out to the spectacular backyard. “I don’t care what de Vries said. There’s zero way Tucker had anything to do with Dr. McDonald. He was wrong or he was lying to try to sow chaos. Kai is going to make the lad see that everything is all right. And don’t worry about Brody. My pretty lady here is correct. You gave him a huge scare and he’s processing. Take him a beer, sit in his lap, and he’ll come around. That is if you want him to come around.”

“Of course I do.” She wanted it more than anything. All she’d been able to think about when de Vries had her in the maze was getting back to Brody and Nate. “I love Brody. I always have.”

She simply hadn’t thought she deserved him. Maybe she still didn’t, but maybe that didn’t matter anymore. He’d made his choice. He’d gotten into bed with her and offered her something she’d never known before.

Perhaps when he came out for the party, she would have a chance to talk to him.

“Then you have to fight for him. He’s been fighting for you for days. I think it’s your turn now.” Li kissed Avery again. “Wish me luck. I think this job is more dangerous than the one I did earlier. I’m going to have to dodge bloody bees. Serena’s bushes seem to be home for a damn colony of them. I’ve avoided getting stung this long in my life, I’d like to keep it up.”

He strode out the door.

“Sorry about the bees. They really are bad right now. Jake got stung mowing the yard. But you have to know that Liam’s right,” Serena said as she passed Avery the pepper. “You have to fight for Brody now. Men are actually quite fragile creatures. You running away the way you did hurt him. I saw him this morning when he realized you were gone. He was in shock.”

“You not only hurt him,” Avery added. “You scared him. You probably scare him every day. The same way you scare me.”

“Scare you?” She rocked Nate, holding him close. Getting to cuddle him had been the first time she’d felt good all day long. She’d hoped that when they were safe, the three of them would cuddle together, a family bonding moment. Brody had checked on Nate, but then he’d gone straight to the guesthouse. “How do I scare you?”

Avery sighed, exchanging glances with Serena, whom she seemed to have some silent language with. Serena picked up the bacon ranch cheese ball she’d been working on.

“I’ll leave you two to talk, but Steph, you should know you’re welcome to stay in the guesthouse as long as you need to.”

She grimaced. With Brody seemingly unwilling to talk to her, she’d been ruminating for hours on what she would do in the next few days. “I think I have to consider going back to my clinic.”

Serena stopped as though the idea shocked her, but she took a deep breath and seemed to let it go. “Well, just know you’re always welcome. We’ll eat pretty soon and the cake is coming out in an hour or so.”

Serena opened the door, the sounds of the party breaking through the quiet contemplation of the kitchen. Steph could hear kids splashing in the shallow end of the pool. She caught a glimpse of Big Tag in a pair of board shorts soaking in the sun while his two girls and Aidan treated him like a jungle gym.

That was joy and happiness right there. Not a one of those kids thought twice about whether they were loved. They were surrounded by laughter and joy. By the family their parents had made for them.

Could she give that to Nate? She hadn’t tried to make a family. Avery was the one who had to call even though Steph thought of her every day. Would she pass on her isolation to Nate? Would he grow up lonely and unsure of his place in the world?

Or could she change if she wanted to?

The door closed and the room went quiet again.

“You’re seriously thinking about taking Nate back to Africa?” Avery asked. “You work around the clock most days. And how will he go to school?”

Shit. This was a serious talk. Avery had asked the question with a bit of annoyance entering her tone. She was never annoyed, and Steph realized this might be a turning point. Had she always been waiting for this in the back of her head? Had she always wondered when Avery would dump her for being too difficult?

What would she do without Avery?

“I have to go back. I’ve made a life there.” It wasn’t much of one, but it was all she had.

“Have you? Or have you hidden out there?” Avery put the bowl to the side and gave Steph all her attention. “I think we need to discuss what I meant all those years ago. I told you you owed me a life.”

“You told me I owed you two lives.” She looked down at Nate, unwilling to meet Avery’s eyes. He was so beautiful. He was the best thing she’d ever done and she had to wonder if he wouldn’t be better off with his father now that Brody seemed to be done with her. How would they share custody if they were on two different continents? It wouldn’t be like most separated couples. They couldn’t carve up the week between them.

The idea of living like they were divorced made her ache. She hadn’t even gotten the joys of being married.

Avery put a hand on her belly as she looked at Steph, intent plain in her stare. “Yes. Two lives. Not two walking deaths. Not a lifetime of aching martyrdom. Maybe in the beginning I did mean you should go out and give of yourself selflessly. I’m not such a Pollyanna that I didn’t want you to hurt back then. You should feel it. But Steph, there’s a time to feel guilt and a time to move past it and honor the lives that were lost by living. I’m changing our deal and yes, I get to do that. You owe me two lives. You owe me enough love and laughter and joy for two lives, and that means you have to change your mindset. You have to change it because you have to teach that baby how to live. And part of living is figuring out when to not give up.”

Nate was staring up into her eyes. Such perfect love and trust. “I’ve been wondering if Nate wouldn’t be better off in London.”

Avery smiled. “Yes. Yes, I think you could be happy there. And don’t think you can’t find good work to do. You know you could still work for organizations that help Third World countries, but Nate would have a stable life with family around him. And The Garden is a truly magical place. I can’t imagine you going back to Africa as a single mom. What would you do if you had to deal with an outbreak?”

She’d always had a plan in place. She’d intended to send Nate to Avery and Liam if there was an outbreak. Perhaps in the back of her mind, she’d thought that was for the best, too. Steph held her baby close. Why was she eager to leave him? It broke her heart—even the thought of not being with him killed her.

She was punishing herself again and she was tired of it.

Maybe the best way to deal with it was to admit it. She would tell Avery what she’d been thinking, admit that she was right back in that place where she punished herself, and Avery would help her find a way out. She didn’t want to leave her son and she didn’t want to give up on Brody. The truth was she hadn’t even tried with him yet. Not in an honest fashion. “I wasn’t talking about staying in London with him, Avery. You’re being far too optimistic. I was talking about giving him to Brody and letting him raise Nate.”

“I think that might be for the best.”

She gasped because that hadn’t been Avery. She turned and Brody was behind her, a grim resolve on his face.

Avery’s eyes had gone wide as she looked over at Brody. “She didn’t mean that.”

“Oh, I think she did.” Brody set down the small bag he’d shown up with.

He’d packed? He was ready to go? Naturally he’d walked in when she’d said the one thing she couldn’t defend.

“You have to understand,” Avery began.

Brody cut her off. “I understand quite well and I think I should have this conversation with Steph, please. Could we have a moment?”

“It’s okay, Avery.” She slipped off the barstool. Nate had perked up at the sound of his father’s voice. His tiny fist came out of the blanket she’d wrapped him in as though trying to reach out for him. How close they’d gotten in so few days, as though their souls had recognized each other at first glance.

“Steph, don’t forget what I said. Please, this is your whole future.” Avery picked up the potato salad and walked out back.

It was. Her future. Had she stopped thinking about it? The future, that was. When she’d been a kid, the future was all she could think about. She’d made plans. She’d been the only girl in her high school who’d carried around a massive day planner and eagerly bought the next year’s as soon as it became available. She’d had five-year plans. Ten-year plans.

And then she’d had to get through each moment separately and with no surety that she would survive the next.

She was still there, still slogging through each moment as if the accident had happened yesterday. As if her pain and guilt was something she needed to hold on to because if she let it go for one second, she might find herself being happy.

“I’m sorry, Brody.” She should have talked to him. After what she’d seen happen today, she realized how foolish she’d been to think they couldn’t protect her.

If they were going to be a family, Brody had the right to know she would be honest with him, that she wouldn’t make life or death decisions without him.

“I’m sorry, too.”

He looked grim and she hated that she’d put that expression on his face. He wasn’t grim. Most of the time he was laughing and happy. For all his height and muscle, he was a gentle soul.

“I should have talked to you.” Maybe if she explained what had happened, he would try to understand. “I should have told you what was said that night.”

“I’m sure they threatened you. Either Fedor himself or one of his men,” he replied. “I’m sure they got you alone for a few minutes and told you all the terrible things they would do. Well, not do to you, of course. You wouldn’t care about yourself at all. I’m sure they threatened Nate. I’m sure they gave you some song and dance about how they would come after your baby and they wouldn’t stop.”

So he did understand and he was still standing there looking at her with cold eyes. “Yes, he said he would kill Nate and you. He said he would take out everyone I loved.”

He put a hand up. “Leave me out of this, Steph. Got nothing to do with me.”

How could he think that? She had to tell him how she felt. She had to be brave for once, and that meant telling him the truth. “Of course it does, Brody. I love you. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone killing you.”

He sighed. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear those words come out of your mouth at one point. For over a year, really. I dreamed about you saying those sweet words to me. I walked away because I was afraid of you. I also thought I wasn’t good enough, but I’m over that. I could have been good for you if you had let me. I could have loved you, Steph.”

Could have? Her chest constricted. “I said I was sorry. Can’t you see I was afraid? I was afraid of losing you.”

Weariness was stamped on his handsome face. “Yeah, I can understand that, but I’ve figured something out. Love takes bravery, and I don’t know that either one of us is brave enough to do it. I was so damn scared when he had you. I knew I would die if you did, but now I wonder how often you’ll put me in that position. How many times will I have to watch you sacrifice yourself for someone you don’t even know because, at the end of the day, what you really want is to go out in a blaze of glory so you can make up for something that no one blames you for anymore.”

“I’m working on that.” She could feel the tears well in her eyes. “I am. I even promised Tucker I would see someone about it. I want to get better. I love you, Brody, and I love Nate. I want to be better for the two of you.”

She watched him almost falter, saw the way his hand came out. He pulled it back before it touched her own.

“I’m glad to hear that, but I think we need time. I’m going to stay with Kai for a day or two until Tucker’s ready to head home. I think I should take Nate with me if you’re planning on going back to Africa. Alfi said he would go with you if you wanted to get the clinic back up and running. I think you’ll have better funds, too, if the way Anya was yelling at her brother was any indication. You’ll have to talk to Big Tag about it, but he cut a deal to keep the Ukrainians out of Ezra’s hands. I think part of it was money for your work.”

Once that would have meant everything to her, but now she couldn’t care less. She’d been going back to Africa because she didn’t know anything else. Wasn’t it time to try? He was right. She needed to be brave. “I want to come with you.”

He grimaced. “I don’t know that’s a good idea. If you want to stay here in the States, then we can work something out. Maybe I could see about transferring to the Dallas office. I want to be in my son’s life.”

He’d put the emphasis on the word son. Not her life. Nate’s. She could see it play out in her head. They would carve up Nate’s time and see each other in those brief moments of pick up or drop off. Eventually Brody would find someone not as broken as she was and he would start a life. She would have to watch it all and know it could have been hers if she’d been braver or stronger. If she hadn’t screwed up her whole life.

How could she lose him now? How could she have just figured out what she truly wanted only to lose him? “I don’t understand, Brody. You know I didn’t ask you to come here. You did that yourself. You came here and you’re the one who made me believe we could have something.”

His face flushed but it was obvious he wasn’t about to back down. “I was wrong. I thought we could have something too, but I was bloody well wrong. If we had something, you wouldn’t have lied to me. You wouldn’t have run away. Tell me something, Stephanie. Did you think you would see us again? Did you think you were going to die?”

Tears fell and Nate started to wriggle as though he could feel her anxiety. “Yes.”

“And never once did it occur to you to take my hand and ask for help? How would you feel if I had a disease of some kind and didn’t bother to ask you to help me because I thought if it kills me, then I probably deserved it? How would you feel? Would you feel loved? Would you feel like I was a partner to you?”

“It’s not like that.”

“But it is. It’s exactly like that.” Brody sounded wretchedly weary. “I would spend the rest of my life worried about you. And I would spend it knowing you didn’t love me enough to live for me, enough to take a little time and see yourself the way I see you.”

“It doesn’t sound like you see me in a very good light right now.”

He chuckled, a humorless sound. “That’s the funny thing. I practically see you with a halo most of the time. But Steph, we can’t work. I’m not the man who’s going to fix this for you. That’s another thing I’ve learned. I can’t fix you. You can’t fix me. But the minute I had the chance, I decided I had to fix myself. Do you think I didn’t understand what Nate’s birth meant? His birth gave me another shot at you and I’ve been a completely different person. That wasn’t merely about Nathan. I knew when I found out about him that I got another shot at you. I wanted it bad, wanted you so badly. I’ve indulged you all this time. I haven’t been thinking about the bloody present. In my mind we were already practically married and having a second kid. I always wanted us to have a future, but the first chance you got, you traded it in.”

She hadn’t. Had she? “Brody, I wasn’t thinking in those terms. I wanted to save you.”

“But you didn’t care about saving us. There has to be an us in the equation.” He scrubbed a hand over his head. “Look, we’re not going to get this settled today and I need rest. Bloody chest hurts like a train hit it.”

She stepped closer to him. He hadn’t let her help him when they were in the field. “Can I see it?”

He put a hand up. “I’m fine. Anya looked at it when we were on-site. It’s bruising, nothing more.”

“But I could help.”

“I’m not your patient, Steph. Tomorrow, why don’t we sit down and we can talk about what to do with Nate. I’m not willing to only see him on holidays. In fact, I think if you’re going back to the clinic, he should come home with me.”

She shook her head. “I can’t let my baby go.”

“Why not? You left him with me last night and you never thought you would see him again.”

Why was he being stubborn? “That was different.”

“I don’t see it that way.”

The door flew open and Charlotte Taggart was standing there, her face flushed. She wore a bathing suit and it was clear she’d run from the pool. “Stephanie, I’m sorry, we need you outside.”

“I can’t right now.” She needed to talk to Brody, had to make him see that she’d been wrong, but now she wanted to try again.

Charlotte looked back outside. “It has to wait. Please, it’s Liam. Something’s happened. We don’t know what to do.”

Brody didn’t hesitate. There was no disappointment in his eyes, mere acceptance that this was her job and everything else had to wait. “Give me the baby, Steph.”

Steph passed Nate to Brody and finally really looked at Charlotte. She was a pasty white. “What happened?”

She walked through the door and saw something terrible. Liam was on the ground with Avery at his side, trying to hold his hand. She could hear that someone was already on a cell, talking to 911. Steph ran across the lawn.

Avery looked up, tears running down her face. “I don’t know what’s wrong. One minute he was swatting at a bee and the next he collapsed. Please, Steph. Please. I don’t think he can breathe.”

She dropped to her knees. Liam O’Donnell’s handsome face was red and swollen. His eyes were barely visible. There was no question in her mind what was happening. Severe anaphylactic shock. Liam was hyperallergic to bee stings. “Does he have an EpiPen?”

Avery shook her head. “No. I didn’t know he was allergic to anything. Please, baby. Please hold on. The ambulance will be here soon.”

His face was rapidly becoming a monstrous mask and Steph knew if it was this bad on the outside, that terrible swelling was happening inside, too. It was happening inside his throat, cutting off his air supply.

“No, they won’t,” Taggart said quietly. “Steph, there’s a huge fire downtown. They’re having to bring an ambulance in but traffic is blocked coming out of the city. They told me it would be a while.”

“Does anyone have an EpiPen?” She tried to get her hands to stop shaking. This wasn’t a random patient dying on the ground. This was Liam.

This was Avery’s husband and she couldn’t lose another.

“No, we don’t have one.” Adam shook his head. “I can try the neighbors.”

It would be too late. His airway was closing. He couldn’t breathe. This was the kind of freak accident that usually ended with the patient dying because there was nothing anyone could do.

Unless there was a trained surgeon who happened to be close by.

Unless that surgeon was used to working in the field where she had very little equipment.

Unless that surgeon had trained all her life to be cool and calm and to do what she’d promised that day when she’d stood in Avery’s hospital room.

You owe me two lives.

Time seemed to stop and the truth of her life lay out in front of her. Now she could look back and see the path that had led her to this moment, to this man dying on the ground. Perhaps she’d always been on this path. Perhaps from the moment she’d been born this was where she’d been going.

If she hadn’t been on the road that night, she would have been a plastic surgeon somewhere, happily fixing noses that didn’t need fixing and making plenty of money. She wouldn’t have been standing in Serena’s kitchen pleading with Brody. She wouldn’t have ever gone to Africa where she’d learned how to save a man without an operating room.

“I’m going to need a knife, something sharp with a smaller blade.” She tilted Liam’s head back. “Sterilize it please. I’m also going to need a plastic tube. Serena, get me one of Tristan’s sippy cups. The biggest one you have.”

Serena ran off.

She looked down at the man who’d become a big brother to her and the world shifted into place. Meaning. Kai had told her to find meaning in what had happened to her. This was her meaning. Yes, this was worth the pain. This was worth the years of guilt. She would do it all again so she could be here. Something lifted in that moment and she was lighter than she’d been before.

And she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would win this battle.

“Liam, I’m going to perform a tracheotomy. I need you to understand one thing. I will not let you die. That doesn’t happen today. Not on my watch.”

“Here you go, luv.” Brody passed her a knife. He must have given Nate to someone else because he was alone and seemed ready to help her any way he could. Like he had several times in Sierra Leone. “Ran it over a flame and doused it in vodka. Works in the field. How can I help you?”

She felt him kneel beside her, giving her strength. “Do what I tell you to. Let’s begin.”

Steph took a deep breath and did what she’d been born to do.

 

* * * *

 

Brody paced, unable to sit down. He was anxious, his hands shaking a bit now that the initial rush of adrenaline was gone, and he had to wonder how Steph was doing. He could still see her, see how frightened she’d been, and then something had happened. A calm, cool competence had taken over. She’d relaxed and started issuing orders like a general in the midst of battle.

She’d been the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“What a crazy fucking day.” Taggart passed out coffees before he slumped into the waiting room chair beside his wife. The entire room was filled with McKay-Taggart people. They milled around, comforting each other as they waited for news. “First we have to wage war in the middle of a downtown factory that smelled an awful lot like feet and then Li gets killed by a bee.”

Charlotte slapped her husband’s chest. “Don’t even joke about that. He did not die.”

He put an arm around his wife and hauled her close. “You’re right, baby.” He glanced up at Brody and whispered. “We’re never letting Li live this down, but dude, your girl is a badass.”

“I’ve seen a lot of stuff in my time,” Case said with a shake of his head. “But that was some heroic shit. I have no idea how she did that. It was amazing.”

Even the EMTs had been shocked at what she’d managed to do. She’d gotten in the ambulance with them, unwilling to let go of her patient for a moment.

Case’s wife Mia had called a few of the women she knew from Sanctum in to help corral the kiddos while the rest of the group had hastily gotten into street clothes and come running to the hospital. He’d been thankful to leave Nate behind with trusted watchers because he needed a minute to breathe.

He’d been ready to walk away. He’d been angry, so scared that he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to feel that way again.

But wasn’t that the fucking point of life? To have something you love so much it killed you to think about losing it, someone who could enrage you one minute and bring you to your knees with gratitude the next. As he’d watched the ambulance drive away, he’d remembered why he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. The very spirit that caused her to feel the kind of guilt she did was the same one that made her heroic.

He’d said he couldn’t fix her and he believed that, but maybe he hadn’t tried hard enough to make her want to fix herself.

For now they all waited. Avery was in the back with Steph and Li. They knew he’d been alive when he’d gone into the ambulance, but had heard nothing since.

Taggart held his wife and kissed her head. “Baby, he’s going to be okay, and now we know bees are like his kryptonite. Anytime he gets stung, I get to hit him with an EpiPen. That’s a huge plus. Li O’Donnell does not get taken down by a flipping bee.”

“Not while Doc Awesome is around, that’s for sure.” Theo held his wife’s hand.

Erin looked up at Brody. “You weren’t bad yourself, Carter. You were quite the nurse.”

He’d done everything Steph had asked him to from handing her the knife to wiping up blood so she could see properly. “It wasn’t our first time to work together like that. I was at that clinic with her for months, you know. I would help her when she went into the more remote areas. Wasn’t always an operating room, but she found a way to make it all work. She saved people I would have told you couldn’t be saved.”

“You were an amazing team,” Erin replied. “And I can’t thank you enough for that. I don’t think any of us knows what we’d do without Liam in our lives.”

Erin had been Liam’s partner for a long time, since she’d been hired on at McKay-Taggart. Li and Avery had been Erin’s support system when she’d thought she’d lost Theo and as she’d had their child on her own. As they would have been Steph’s.

He’d forgotten how good they were together when they didn’t let insecurities get between them. It had been natural to sit beside her and help her.

How could he leave her? But how could he stay when she showed no signs of changing?

“Brody, could I talk to you for a moment?”

He turned and Adam was there. He’d slipped on a T-shirt over his board shorts and looked surprisingly casual in a pair of flip-flops. “Sure. How can I help you?”

It would be nice to have a problem to work on, to get his mind off the fact that Steph was going to walk through those doors with news any minute and he wasn’t sure what he would do with her. If things had taken a turn for the worse with Liam, how could he not pull her close and comfort her?

“I think this is a case of me helping you.” Adam held up a mobile phone. “Serena told me you erased all of the doc’s voice mails.”

He had wondered if things would be different if he’d answered that first call. Hell, would they be different if he’d listened to the voice mail? He wasn’t sure, but he knew he’d missed something precious. “Yeah, I deleted them. It’s not something I’m proud of.”

“You do understand that you only deleted them off your phone, right?” Adam asked. “You see, nothing is ever really gone. You still have the same account and the same number. Those messages were all stored in the cloud. I hacked into your personal cloud and pulled them back out again. I put them together in an audio file. I think you should listen.”

“Why would you do that?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know. There wasn’t anything he could do now.

“I think you should hear what she went through. It’s not always easy, you know. Our wives won’t tell us, but that motherhood thing doesn’t happen overnight or the way it does in the movies where the mom looks down and all the pain goes away in a rush and never comes back because there’s only room for love for your child. That’s all bullshit. Stephanie went through this alone but you can hear a little of what she needed from you in these messages.”

“Steph rarely needs anyone.” That was the entire problem. She never reached out or asked for help. The only reason he knew about his child now was the fact that she’d finally found a problem she couldn’t solve on her own. Even then, she hadn’t come for him. She’d come to ask Liam for help.

“Oh, she needs you. I think she needs you more than she knows. Listen and tell me if you still think the same thing.” Adam offered him the mobile. “Hell, listen because this is a piece of the story you don’t know yet. Listen because you weren’t there and you owe her.”

“You had no right to listen to these.” He looked at the mobile like it was a snake that could bite him, injecting him with noxious venom.

Adam shrugged. “And yet I did. Someone should. Someone should know what she needed, how she cried out, how she didn’t stop hoping you would answer. Someone should know what she went through.”

He placed the phone in Brody’s hands, turned, and went back to sit with his wife, who threaded her fingers through his while Jake held her other hand.

They were a family. He was surrounded by them, happy couples who had found each other and managed to get through all the trials life gave them to make it to the point that they were more than the individuals they’d been before. For a moment today everything had fallen away and it had been clear to him that being a family with Stephanie Gibson was his natural state.

So why was he afraid that it would all fall apart?

It took bravery to love someone, really love someone. He’d told her he was worried neither of them was brave enough to do it right, but bravery was a choice. It was the conscious action a man took when he realized life was worth the pain, that no matter the cost, he had to try.

He touched the screen where Adam had queued the recording up and put the mobile to his ear.

“All right, so you’re not answering and you were serious.” She sounded deeply irritated, her voice flat. “Fine. I know I wasn’t supposed to call you. I get it, but we have a problem, Brody. I don’t know what went wrong. I am a damn doctor and still this is happening to me. Damn it. Okay, here it is. I know we were supposed to have our fun fling and walk away unscathed, but your sperm met my egg and they had different plans. I’m pregnant. Call me.”

He felt his lips curl up. She sounded annoyed and he could almost see her frowning at him, her brows creasing. She was adorable when she was frustrated, though he tended to not tell her that because those words would take her from frustrated to mad.

“Okay, so it’s been a week and you haven’t called. I’m going to pretend something went wrong with your voice mail.” Her tone was bland as though she was simply trying to get through this call with as little emotion as possible. And yet he knew that when her voice went monotone, she was usually roiling on the inside. “I’m going to handle this in a professional manner. Let me see how I can explain this to you without dragging a bunch of emotion into it. I know you don’t like that so here goes. We are two human beings who engaged in a biological function that has produced a result. That result is rapidly forming a fetus in my uterus and I would like for you to contact me in order to discuss this situation like rational adults who both have a stake in the outcome. Thank you and I look forward to your call.”

Yes, there was the anger he’d expected. He couldn’t blame her for it, either. The recording switched to another voice mail.

He grimaced because Steph knew a whole lot of swear words and she wasn’t holding back. He was relieved when that particular one ended and another began. Her tone was softer this time.

“I don’t know why I’m calling you. You don’t care. I do understand that, but I thought since it had been a while, you might be…I don’t know…curious at least. I’m six months along. I thought about whether or not I should go through with this, but I couldn’t see myself ending the pregnancy. I’m still not sure if I’ll keep the baby. I would be a pretty crappy mom. I should talk to Avery about it, but I’m ashamed to call her. Anyway, I had a sonogram today. I went into Freetown and saw an actual OB. He’s nice and seems knowledgeable. His equipment isn’t top of the line, but it’s better than anything I have.” There was a pause on the line before she continued, her voice softer now. “I got to see him. Yeah, I said him. It’s a boy. I thought you might like to know. I’ll call again and let you know what I decide to do with him. I’m trying to make the best decision I can for his future. If I put him up for adoption, I might need you to sign some papers. Good-bye, Brody. I miss you.”

He stopped, leaning against the wall, his heart aching at the dull sound of her voice. She’d considered ending the pregnancy? Of course she had. Steph looked at all options and he hadn’t been there to weigh in. He’d been traipsing around Europe while she’d been alone and pregnant.

There was a click as the message changed again. This time she sounded guttural and in pain.

“Brody, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. God, it hurts. No one can tell you how damn much this hurts. I hate you. I fucking hate you for doing this to me. I wish you were the one trying to push a baby out of the tip of your dick. I hate you.” There was a moment of heavy breathing. She’d called him while she’d been in labor? He knew why she’d done it. Against everything she’d said to him, she’d had hope. She’d tried. She’d reached out across the miles that separated them and she’d given him one last chance to be there with her.

Yes, she was saying she hated him, but he understood that. In that terrible pain, when she was alone, she’d needed him, wanted him there with her.

She groaned again. “Please call me back. I know you don’t want to have anything to do with me, but I need you. I hate this. Oh, god. I miss you. I wish you were here to hold my hand because I think I’m going to pass out. I wish I had your strength.” Another low groan. “I’m going to find Anya. It’s time. I pray it’s time because I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

He didn’t cry, hadn’t cried in years, and yet he couldn’t stop the way his eyes watered. She’d been alone and she’d needed him and he’d looked down at the name on the screen and turned his mobile off.

She’d tried. How could he not do everything he could to make it up to her? How could he even consider leaving her side?

There was a click and one last message. “Hello, Brody. This is the last time I’m going to call. I’ve decided to keep my son. I named him Nathan in case you’re interested. He’s…” She laughed over the line. “He’s so big. He’s big and he’s beautiful and he’s mine. I’m going to make this work, so don’t worry about us. When he asks about you I’ll only tell him that he was created in love because no matter what I said at the time, I loved you very much. Sometimes I think I loved you from the minute you walked into my clinic. Thank you for my son. I hope you have a good life ahead of you, Brody Carter. Good-bye.”

It took everything he had not to hit his knees.

What had he done? He’d understood it in a logical sense, but now it truly struck him. He’d left her behind. He’d loved her and he’d let his fear rule. He’d done everything he accused her of and now he was threatening to do it again, though this time he’d said he’d take Nate. She needed someone to hold her hand and stand by her. Yes, she’d done some crazy stuff, but only because she didn’t understand how valuable she was, how precious she was to him. He’d done a crap job of letting her know.

“Brody?”

He looked up, unashamed of the tears running down his face.

She was standing there, her shirt soaked in blood, and yet she was more radiant than he’d ever seen her. She was petite and fragile, and yet she’d never once wavered when the time had come.

If he could convince her to be that way in real life, could show her how strong she was, they could move mountains together.

“I just told everyone that Li is well on the road to recovery. He’s not talking yet, but the doctors said my tracheotomy was perfectly done and he’ll suffer no ill effects.”

“Of course not. You’re the most amazing doctor I’ve ever seen.”

She moved closer, her hands coming up to touch his face. She wiped away the tears. “Brody, I’m sorry I hurt you and seeing you like this makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry, but I’m not going to do that. I’m well aware that I wrecked everything, but you should know that I’m not giving up on us. I will not. I’m going to move to London and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Her shoulders were straight, her head held high. Something had happened to the woman he loved in those moments when she’d saved her friend’s life. Something that had changed her, brushing away the insecurities that had marked her up until that moment. They would come back, the war far from over, but this battle had been won and it was a turning point. He could feel it. “All right. I can’t stop you but why do you want to live in London?”

“Because you’re there and I want to be close to you,” she said.

“Because you think Nate needs a father?” He would convince her that he could be more. He would show her he was the man for her, that if she gave him a second chance he would be stalwart this time, the unwavering center of her universe. He would ground her, allowing her to fly because she’d been born to see how high she could go.

“Of course Nate needs a father, but I need you too. I need you more than you’ll ever know. I understand that I screwed up and you need time. I’m going to give it to you. I’ll find a flat somewhere close and when you’re ready, you should know I’m going to be all over you, Mr. Carter. I won’t pretend and try to steal one night from you. I’m going to be greedy. I want all the nights. I want all the days. I want everything you have to give.”

The woman standing in front of him knew what she wanted and she wanted him. This woman wouldn’t be turned away without a fight.

Not that he intended to give her one. “Yes.”

“Hear me out, Brody. I understand that I can’t take back...” She stopped. “Did you say yes?”

“He said yes,” Adam called out before leaning over to Serena and Jake. “I think something’s wrong with Doc’s hearing because I could hear him from here.”

Yeah, he’d forgotten they had an audience.

He tried to ignore them. “I said yes, Steph. Forgive me for ever saying anything else to you. I need you to understand that when it comes to being with you my answer is always going to be yes.”

“But you were mad at me.”

“And I will be in the future, but I love you and that beats everything else. You come first, before everyone else, before my own fears and insecurities,” he pledged. “You and our son are everything to me. Come to London but you won’t live anywhere but with me.”

A gorgeous smile crossed her lips, lighting up her face. “Well, if you’re in a mood to say yes, then I can fulfill my other promise. I promised Tucker I would ask you to marry me if we got out of that warehouse. Here we are. I figured something out. I figured out that it’s all worth it, all the pain and doubt. It brought me here, to you. Brody Carter, will you marry me?”

He moved in before she could do something silly like go down on one knee. There was only one knee he wanted her over and that was his when they were playing. Which they would do for the rest of their lives. Play and love and laugh and hold on when the times got tough.

“Yes.” He hauled her up into his arms, kissing her for all he was worth.

She threw her arms around him and he could feel her smiling.

“See,” Taggart was saying, “weirdest day ever. Now we have to go to England for another damn wedding. Hey, Carter, do us all a favor and glom on to Nicky’s wedding. It’s a long fucking trip.”

He ignored the hell out of Taggart—though it was a good idea—and got on to kissing his bride-to-be.