In the week that followed, I finished writing Baby Girl III. During that same period of time, Jess and I shared a few text messages. I found it rewarding to communicate with her, even if it was without seeing her.

I also found it confusing. My head and heart were once again at battle with one another.

I read the manuscript, struggling with the ending being too cliché. Eventually, I decided readers of romance wanted just what I’d provided. A fairy tale. Something that allowed them to escape from reality. A story that caused them, if even for only a fleeting moment, to believe in love.

My books were sprinkled with my personality, my experiences, and my desires, but they were simply a series of lies assembled in a manner that told a story. I read the manuscript again. I came to the realization that I was not only satisfying my readers with an escape from reality, I was further satisfying myself.

I had found a way to fulfill my own desires. Forcing myself to believe, for that same fleeting moment, that love truly existed. I had the luxury of knowing that love was nothing more than a word that was spoken in an effort to manipulate another being.

The human heart was easily influenced. My experiences with relationships stood as proof of the complications associated with believing the elements in the stories I told could be perceived as being truthful.

I’d taken the relationship challenge on half a dozen occasions, and each time it failed miserably. I attributed those failures to my keen sense of human nature, and my ability to smell the stench of manipulation and lies from a mile away.

While in mid-thought, I received a text message from Jess.

Driving to St. Louis to drop off kids at my mom’s. Be back this weekend. :)

It didn’t matter if she was in St. Louis or San Diego. Our relationship was now two-dimensional and consisted of nothing more than text messages. It was lesser than it was before. My heart had been teased with a glimpse of her. Now confused on what we had, and more confused on what I wanted, I found it difficult to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes.

I took three dollars from my month’s funds, walked around the corner, and bought a cup of coffee. The coffee shop, Espresso to Go-Go, was new to the city. The owner, Warren, enjoyed his customers as much as he enjoyed hand-crafting them a cup of coffee. I found his Taoistic approach to living life fascinating. In the Baby Girl series, Kelli and Erik met at this very coffee shop on their first date.

“How’s the writing?” he asked as I stepped to the counter.

“Good, thanks.”

“Usual?”

I nodded and reached into my pocket.

He shook his head. “This one’s on me.”

“Thank you.”

He smiled. “I appreciate you putting this place in the book.”

“You’re in the last book, too.”

“That’s awesome.”

He handed me the cup of coffee. “Here you go.”

“I’ve got a question for you,” I said.

“Shoot.”

“Do you believe in love?”

He pointed to his wife, who worked at his side, running the cash register. “Twenty years.”

“Do you think we just settle, though? Most people?”

“I’m sure some do,” he said. “Others wait long enough to find it.”

I looked at her, and then at him. “How’d you know? How’d you know she was the one?”

They responded in unison. “The first kiss.”

I smiled and raised my cup of coffee in mock toast. “That’s cute.”

Certain that they’d rehearsed that response over the years, and that they’d convinced themselves the kiss was truly the point in time where their love for each other was revealed, I didn’t press the subject any further.

I took a seat and sipped my coffee.

“Where’s uhhm. Where’s the girl that was coming in here with you?” Warren asked.

I chuckled. “Found out she was married. Told her to kick rocks.”

He pursed his lips and shook his head lightly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with people.”

“I do,” I said. “They want a moment’s satisfaction, and nothing more. It’s the internet’s fault. It’s driven us to have expectation of getting what we want right now. You’re one click away from whatever it is you desire. Need a bag of almonds? Click. A bicycle? Click. Nobody goes Christmas shopping any more. They just click, click, click. Shit, there’s dating apps where you swipe your thumb across the screen to get a date. My oldest son’s friend was showing me. It’s ridiculous. I think commitment is a thing of the past. Before you know it, there’ll be the ‘one-click dick’. Just click the button and Jeff Bezos will send you a man with ripped abs and a foot-long schlong.”

He looked up from wiping down his espresso machine. “I’m sure that day’s coming.”

“I’ll give it some thought.” I chuckled. “I might write a book about it.”

When I was half finished with my coffee I walked home. During that walk, I thought about Warren’s response to my question about love. I’d written such ridiculousness into my books regarding kisses.

A kiss never lies.

It was one thing to write about it.

Believing it, however, was another thing.