When Christmas came that year, we’d lived in Florida for six months. After it passed, Erin came to visit. We spent ten days together, mostly at the beach. What time we weren’t at the beach, she spent playing with her sister, Charlee.

Seeing her interact with Charlee was comforting. They chased each other, played in the yard, and swam in the pool. They played with dolls, made blanket tents on the couch, and laid in each other’s arms and watched television.

In short, despite their nineteen-year age difference, they did what sisters do.

Erin and I walked along the beach one day, side by side. She, like me, enjoyed the beach in silence, allowing it to take her far away from the reality of earth. She spoke little, but when she did, it was always worth hearing.

“Do you think the boys will come soon?” I asked.

“They want to. They’re just busy with school,” she said.

They’d told me the same thing. Deep in my being, I wanted her to enlighten me. To tell me something of their thoughts, beliefs, or plans when it came to us being a family. I felt I’d lost so many opportunities with them, but I knew there was so much life ahead of me that I could spend with them.

I simply wanted things to be different. They had college to attend, yes. But. A phone call on Sundays, or a text message from time to time would be well received. More than anything, I wanted Alec to acknowledge Jess as being a part of the family.

Until he did, my heart would continue to break each time we were together.

I decided as we walked through the wet sand that Alec’s absence was God’s will. That his infrequent visits prevented Jessica’s heart from being broken any more than she was capable of handling.

Erin left, but only after shedding a few tears over missing her younger brothers, sisters, and parents.

As always, she hugged everyone, thanked Jess for everything, and kissed the kids before she went to the airport.

“It sure was nice to have her visit,” Jess said.

“It was. She’s a good kid.”

Jess chuckled. “She’s a woman, Scott. She’s twenty-one.”

“She’ll always be a kid to me.”

Four months later, while leaving a book signing, I was involved in an accident at the airport in Las Vegas. With third-degree burns over forty percent of my body, I was rushed by ambulance to the trauma unit at UMC, Las Vegas.

Jessica signed a release form to allow them to amputate my left thumb. In tears, she came to my side while they were administering anesthesia.

“They’re going to cut off your left thumb, Scott. You need to know that. I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “They said you could die if they don’t.”

I was in shock, but I understood her. It was the least of my worries. I had been burned from my hip to my knee, and the burns were so severe that my muscle was exposed in places.

I gave a nod, and then everything went black.

I awoke the next day in a hospital bed. Confused, and in agony, I looked around the room. Jess was sleeping in a chair at my side.

I lifted my left hand. It was tightly wrapped in gauze. Frantic, I dug at the bandage.

“It’s still there,” she said. “It’s really bad, but you got to keep it.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“Nobody knows,” she said. “The news is coming today to interview you.”

For over two weeks, I was in the intensive care unit at the burn center. Several surgeries later, I was fitted with synthetic skin and a few skin grafts using my own skin. The pain was horrific. To describe it as unbearable would be a grotesque understatement.

At the end of the first week, I wanted to go outside. I wanted to smell the fresh air. Visions of prison promptly returned – being locked in an institution where I wasn’t allowed to go outside.

“You can take him in a wheelchair,” they said.

“I’ll walk,” I replied.

“You can’t walk.”

“Want to fucking bet?” I said.

I attempted to stand and collapsed. They were right. I couldn’t walk. Defeated, I asked Jess to go home and be with the kids.

She laughed.

“You’re my husband. We do this together,” she said. “I leave when you leave.”

“I might be here for months,” I said. “They don’t know.”

“Then I guess I’ll be here for months, too. I’m not leaving you Scott. Now, or ever.”

On that day, she proved even further that love is much more than a word. When told by friends that she should leave me, she simply laughed and replied, you must not be in love.

Eventually, I used a walker. Then, one day, I used a cane. After a few weeks of walking with a cane, they performed an operation. After I recovered from it, I once again learned to walk with a cane.

When I was released, I walked out, using the aid of a cane.

My next book, NUTS, would be of a biker who fell in love with a burn victim. I dedicated it to the doctors and staff of UMC Las Vegas.

Erin came to visit me in the hospital, along with my niece, mother, brother, and sister-in-law. Immediately after I returned home, she came to visit again, staying for two weeks.

During those two weeks, she didn’t visit the beach once. She sat and talked with us during the day and read books at night. The time we were able to spend with her during that trip was what I’d always dreamed of.

One-on-one time with my children.

Filled with a degree of satisfaction that only a child can provide to a parent, I relished in that feeling day and night for the weeks that followed.

Two months later, Erin returned.

This time, it was with her brothers.

We spent time at the beach. We barbecued. We sat and talked. They drank wine. I drank water. We went back to the beach. We had great talks. We shared laughter, told stories, and stayed up until wee hours of the night.

Derek developed a relationship with Charlee that was heartwarming to experience. They played together. He fed her. Held her. Chased her through the house. Read to her. Watched Disney shows with her.

On that trip, he became her older brother.

Upon waking in the morning, Charlee would ask. “Where’s Day-Day?”

“Derek’s in bed,” Jess would respond.

Charlee would then run to his bedroom, push the door open, and shout at him. “Day Day!”

Derek would get up, put on a smile, and begin spending another day with his baby sister. Seeing the joy in their eyes as each day unfolded was truly a rewarding experience.

During the last Saturday of their trip, we went to the beach as a family. While Landon and Lily built sandcastles, Charlee took off in a dead run toward the ocean. Her curly hair bounced with each step she took, just as her mother’s had when she entered the donut shop on the night we first met.

At that moment, Alec, Derek and I were combing the beach, looking for the perfect seashell. Alec pointed and laughed.

“Charlee’s going to outrun Jess,” he said.

I chuckled. “Jess has short legs.”

“Not as short as Charlee’s.”

Jess reached Charlee when she was ankle deep in the waves. We were fifty yards away, but I could see that Jess was scolding her.

Alec paused. After bending his lanky body over, he stood erect. “There,” he said, raising a perfect conch shell. “This one’s perfect.”

Derek found an undamaged sand dollar ten minutes later.

Proof of their trip that I hoped they’d treasure for years to come. Something tangible they could hold while I held the memories. We walked past where Jess had the sunshade secured to the sand. Erin was playing with Charlee in the sand. When she noticed us, she jumped up and joined us.

Jess, Charlee, Landon and Lily followed.

Together, as a family, we walked along the beach, looking for sea shells.

I squished my toes into the wet sand, not bothering to look back. I knew another day would come, giving another opportunity to leave more footprints along the beach. There wasn’t anything – or anyone – who could drag me and my family from the place we loved.

As we walked back along the beach, the sun was lowering itself into the sea. Erin and Jess took photos with the sun at their backs. I noticed our previous footprints were gone, and I grinned.

Life couldn’t get any better.

Well, it could have, but it would have required a miracle.

The two weeks passed all too quickly.

When it ended, the big kids packed their suitcases and dragged them to the car. As Erin and Derek passed by the kitchen, they hugged Jess.

“It sure was nice seeing you guys,” Jess said. “Come back any time.”

“We’ll see you at Christmas,” Derek promised.

“I’ll look forward to it,” Jess replied.

Alec loaded the car while Jess bid her farewells. When Erin and Derek reached the door, Alec met them there.

He became the man in the family when I went to prison. He may have only been eleven years old at the time, but he didn’t have a choice. He maintained that fatherly position through the years, always looking out for his brother and sister.

“You guys ready?” he asked.

“Is everything loaded?” Derek asked.

Alec nodded.

“You ready?” Erin asked.

“In just a minute,” he said.

He brushed past me and peered into the kitchen. “Jess?”

She turned around. Her face wore the same phony smile it wore every time Alec left.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Come give me a hug,” he said. “We gotta go.”

She turned off the stove, set the skillet aside, and walked out of the kitchen with an ear to ear grin plastered on her face.

Alec opened his arms.

They embraced.

The miracle I had wished for happened. My heart swelled to the point I feared it would burst. It seemed he held her forever. Maybe it was because I wanted him to.

When he finally released her, he stepped back and smiled. “Thanks for everything, Jess. We’ll see you on Christmas, okay?”

“Okay,” Jess said, her face clearly expressing the emotion that was running through her. “I’ll look forward to seeing you again.”

“So will I,” Alec said.

With that one hug, a decade of misery that had lived within me vanished.

But, that wasn’t all that vanished. The cracks that once littered my wife’s heart went right along with it.