When I opened my eyes on Sunday morning, my head pounded like grenades were going off in my skull. I turned my face into the mattress and groaned, but the pounding didn’t go away. I realized after a while that it wasn’t only a roaring headache; someone was actually pounding on my front door.
Dammit. I was not in the mood to play nice. I just wanted to turn over and sleep. Maybe for a whole year. If I stayed in bed, whoever it was would catch a hint.
I had no idea who it could be. I didn’t get many visitors— surprise or expected. Ever since my breakup years ago, I kept to myself. I couldn’t fucking find it within me to be interested in seriously pursuing a woman. I just wanted to be left alone by the world.
I closed my eyes, but the constant thumping didn’t stop, which only made my headache worse. I had to get up and stop whoever was out there from knocking incessantly if I wanted to survive.
“Coming,” I called out and rolled off the bed. I groaned, clawing my head. It ached and throbbed, and the light that came through curtains I had been too drunk to draw last night stung my eyes. I had stayed in and drank a full bottle of whiskey all by myself. I regretted it now that I had a cottonmouth, and I felt like a drill bit was forcing its way into my brain.
I pulled a shirt over my head and shorts over my boxers so I didn’t look like I’d rolled straight out of bed. In the bathroom, I splashed water on my face so that I didn’t look as horrific as I felt. I looked at the toilet, wondering if it was safe to walk to the front door without hugging the toilet and emptying the contents of my stomach first.
When I was sure I wouldn’t throw up, I walked to the front door. The knocking had died down, so either whoever had been knocking stopped when I’d said I was coming or they had left. I silently prayed for the latter.
When I pressed my eye to the peephole, Jacob was on the other side of my door. He shifted his weight then Kina came into view.
Fucking perfect.
They were the last people on Earth I wanted to see. Their happiness pissed me off. Not only because Jacob was a pro player when I had dreamed of being one and hadn’t made it, but because they had found true love in each other while I was still alone. Sure, I had had love once, but I’d lost it. And I was beginning to think I’d never find anything like it again.
There was no reminder harsher than my twin sister having the perfect life while I was two steps up from the gutter— metaphorically speaking.
And I was hungover. What a kicker. I wondered if I could get away with ignoring them. If I kept quiet for long enough, they might assume I wasn’t home and walk away, but they’d heard me say I was coming. That and my car was parked the street. If I ignored them now, I would be being a dick on purpose, and I’d have even more to feel guilty about. I pulled open the door and leaned against the doorpost, running my hand through my hair.
“Kyle. Hi,” Kina said with a smile. Her eyes slid over my body, taking in my clothes, my scruffy hair. Her smile faded. “Are you hungover?”
I shook my head and regretted it. “I just woke up,” I said.
Kina glanced at Jacob, and I knew she didn’t believe me. I wasn’t lying, completely. I had woken up only moments ago.
“Can we come in?” Jacob asked.
“I’d rather you didn’t. It’s not a good time for me. My place is a mess; I wasn’t expecting guests.” It was another lie. The cleaning service had come in yesterday, and my place was spotless.
“We don’t mind. We’re family,” Kina said brightly. “And we brought sustenance.”
She held up a box of Krispy Kremes. I noticed Jacob held a carton with three Styrofoam coffee cups from Starbucks. They had come bearing gifts, gifts that might help my hangover.
I sighed and opened the door wider, standing to the side. Kina walked in first with Jacob following behind her. As I closed the door, Kina looked around, and I knew she noticed how clean the apartment was. I expected her to say something, but she didn’t.
I sat down in the armchair and took a doughnut from the box, a jelly doughnut— my favorite. Kina was married to someone I hated now, but she was still my other half, literally. She knew me. It was endearing and it pissed me off all at the same time.
“So, how have you been?” Kina asked. “How is work?”
I shrugged. “It’s going as well as can be expected.” It would have been better if I were playing professional football, for instance, instead of being an accountant.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” I said, trying to be polite about it instead of being a downright dick. “What are you doing here?”
Kina pulled up her shoulders. I could see it was hard to keep her composure, to plaster a smile on her face when she was upset with how I was acting and that I’d lied about being hungover and my place being a mess.
“We came to visit,” Kina said. “That’s what people do.”
I had to resist letting a groan escape from my lips. That may have been what other people did, but I preferred to sleep in and be left alone.
“Yeah, we hardly get to see you, man,” Jacob said. “You’re MIA, these days. We had to check that you were still alive.”
Jacob had seen me at The Corner on Friday. He knew I was alive. I bet he must have told Kina about it and how I had acted. It was probably why she had called, and why they were here now. I wished we hadn’t run into each other. It would have prevented all this awkwardness.
I couldn’t argue with them about wanting to see me. We were family, after all. Jacob was my brother-in-law. Anyone else would have been stoked that their best friend had become part of their family. I hated it. It meant I had to face him all the time, seeing him living the life I hadn’t gotten to live. My existence was stark in comparison to his, and it was hard not to resent the guy.
We sat in awkward silence for a while. I sipped my coffee and hoped to God they wouldn’t stay long. My head was killing me, and even though the doughnut and coffee had made me feel marginally better, my stomach was trying to decide whether to send it all back up again.
“You know, Kyle,” Kina started. “I don’t understand why you don’t want to see us anymore. I thought we were okay.”
Her blue eyes were glazed over, like she was fighting back tears.
“I’m just busy,” I said.
“That’s bullshit,” Kina said, and she was getting upset now. “You weren’t too busy a couple of months after we sorted out everything else. And you were still studying then.”
I knew what she was talking about. When Kina and Jacob had officially gotten together, working through publicity issues, I had told Jacob I was sorry for blaming him for taking the career option I thought I deserved. I’d apologized to Kina for making life difficult for her when I had drunk myself into a stupor every day and had been arrested for public offenses on a regular basis. I had fucking tried, for their sake, to be a decent fucking human being.
But I had failed. I couldn’t shake the envy, the jealousy, and it had hurt. I was tired of hurting. So I just stayed away instead.
“It hurts, you know,” Kina said, and I wondered how she knew what I was thinking. But then I realized she was talking about herself. “It hurts to know that my brother wants nothing to do with me when everything was cleared up and we were okay. After everything we’ve been through together,” she stopped talking halfway through her sentence, swallowing hard.
Jacob put his arm around Kina.
“What Kina is trying to say,” Jacob carried on, on her behalf, “is that we miss you. We want to see you more often.”
I shrugged. I wasn’t going to agree to that. I knew I was being rude, but I wasn’t going to apologize for it, either. I was allowed to feel the way I felt. Did Kina want to bring up pain? Seeing them hurt me more than it hurt them when I withdrew. I was sure of it.
“Why?” Kina asked. “Why are you back to this when we talked about everything?”
I shook my head. I thought for a moment to tell them, but they wouldn’t understand. We’d been through this already.
“I’m just under a lot of work pressure right now. Turns out there’s a lot of work involved in building my life back up after I tanked it. I’m taking it one day at a time, and that doesn’t always include socializing.”
“It includes drinking, obviously,” Kina said. She didn’t look like she was going to cry anymore. She looked pissed off now.
“You know what?” I asked. “It’s not illegal to drink. I’m not ruining my life; I’m not getting locked up. I cleaned up my act. I’m earning my own cash, and I have a place to stay. You can’t tell me I’m wrong.”
Kina nodded. “You’re right. I can’t.” She stood up. “I think it’s better if we go.”
Jacob stood up, too. He shot me a glare. I faced him head-on. The press had painted him as a wild card when he’d attacked another player many years ago, but I wasn’t scared of him. If he wanted to take me on, we could make it happen. If he wanted to dance, we could dance.
Nothing came of his silent threat or my challenge. Jacob followed Kina to the door, and they let themselves out. When the door clicked closed— she hadn’t even slammed it— I looked at the box of doughnuts they had left behind. Enough for three people but I was the only one that had taken one. It had been a peace offering of sorts. I had fucked it up royally, of course, but that was classic Kyle Turner.
My stomach turned, so I jumped up, running to the bathroom. The doughnut and coffee came back up along with the whiskey I’d had the night before.
I threw up until there was nothing in my stomach, dry heaving a few times before I groaned and sat back on my heels. I curled up on the bathroom floor, pressing my cheek against the cold porcelain. The tiles were like heaven beneath my legs and arms.
Fuck. Maybe I hadn’t cleaned up my act as much as I’d thought.
I hadn’t wanted to see Kina and Jacob, but it had been nice to have someone over for a change. I had few friends, and the friends I did have were at the office. I never invited them over, because I saw them five days a week. But having someone in my space was a good feeling.
It sucked being lonely. I had isolated and cocooned myself so that I was alone on an island. And that wasn’t right.
Rolling onto my back, I closed my eyes. I felt like shit about how I had treated my sister. I could be upset with Jacob all I wanted, but it wasn’t fair to take it out on Kina. She hadn’t done anything wrong, aside from marrying Jacob. She deserved to be happy, and I couldn’t resent her for that.
Maybe I should do something to make it up to her. I wasn’t going to fucking grovel or anything, but I could make a small effort. Jacob’s practice was tomorrow, and he had invited me to go watch.
Right now, I couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting in the sun, watching him play, but tomorrow, I wouldn’t be hungover. I could leave work early and swing by the training center, showing my face. Maybe it would make Jacob and Kina happy. Maybe it would make me feel better.
I covered my face with my hands. I couldn’t believe I was even considering it, but if I could put on a face for them back when they got married, I could do it again, right?
It was for Kina, after all, I told myself. She had done so much for me when she could have left me in jail overnight or left me rotting under a park bench. She could have left me on the street when I’d been evicted, but my sister had gone out of her way, even though I had brought it all on myself.
I guessed I could sit through one stupid practice to try to keep the peace.