I sat down on the couch in front of the TV with a beer in hand. I flipped through the channels, hovering on each one for a few seconds before fleeting those moments. The news, some drama show, cooking show, kids’ show, comedies, repeat. I went through the motions, following my routine without thinking about it. I didn’t want to let myself think too much.
If I did, I would start thinking about Maya. I would think about how she left and why. Then I would think that I was the problem. I couldn’t deal with that, because it was true.
My phone rang, the sound startling me out of my autopilot mode. It rang through the apartment, surrounding me. I got up and pressed the speakerphone button on the machine to make the sound stop.
“Kyle,” Kina’s voice filled the room. “Are you at home?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
“I thought you might be. You need to hear me out, okay?”
Kina only said that to me when she was going to say something I wouldn’t like. I had an idea what it might be, but if she was going to shit all over me, I wouldn’t stand for it. We were the same age, so she couldn’t play Mother.
“I know what you’re going to say,” I said.
“You’re an idiot.”
“Bingo.”
“Maya’s here at the event, and I talked to her. That girl is torn up over you. To be honest, I don’t see why. She shouldn’t have given you a second chance to begin with; she was bound to get hurt.”
I sighed heavily. I was getting irritated with Kina, and I didn’t want to fight. “What’s the point of this conversation?” I asked. “I don’t feel like dealing with you taking a dump all over me about this.”
“The point, Kyle, is that you can’t keep losing her. If she slips through your fingers this time, she’s gone for good. I know you don’t want that. She’s the only woman you’ve ever loved.”
How the hell did Kina know that? I guess she was my sister, my twin, the one person who understood me most of the time.
“I don’t want to do this now,” I said. She was too close to the truth.
“Then when? You’ll lose her, you know. If you wait too long, someone else will scoop her up. I hear you’re not the only interested party.”
“If you’re talking about the asshole that’s stalking her, that’s never going to happen,” I said. I would kill him if he ever came close to her again.
“No, you’re right. It won’t happen with him. But what about when someone else comes along and tries to sweep her off her feet? What reason will she have to say no? What reason have you given her?”
This was getting worse and worse. She was right on all counts, and it nailed me again and again.
Kina sighed. “Kyle,” she said, her voice gentler now. “I’ve seen you grow up and take responsibility. I’ve seen you pick yourself back up after you fell. But you need to drop this jealousy. It is ruining your life.”
“How am I supposed to just let it go?” I asked.
“The way you let anything bad go that happens to you. Shit happens; you know that. It’s no one’s fault. Jacob couldn’t change the outcome any more than you did, and he couldn’t say no to the dream he had, too. You can’t blame him for that.”
She was right, of course. Everyone was right. That’s what bothered me so much, because if no one could change it, I was stuck in this life forever.
“I have nothing left, Kina,” I said.
“That’s not true,” she said. “You have us. You’ll always have me, and Jacob wants to be friends with you so bad he can’t stand it. He wants what you guys had back then. He feels like shit that you didn’t make it, and he’s trying so hard. But if you keep pushing him away, he’ll disappear, too. You can’t help that you didn’t go pro, but you can help everything else you’re about to lose.”
Dammit, she was right. About all of it. And I hated it. I hated that he was right, that she saw through me, that she knew what was going to happen and that it was all true.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said. “Without football, I’m nobody.”
“That’s a damn lie, and you know it. You’re a brother, a friend, a son. You’re a colleague. You’re an uncle. You’re a brilliant CA. You could be a boyfriend. You have so much going for you.”
I took a deep breath. “So I have to move on and forget it all? Forget it ever happened?” I asked.
“Don’t forget, Kyle. But don’t let it eat you up. You can still start fresh, but you have to talk to Maya if you want her in your life at all. You can’t keep doing this. Not to us and not to her. If you can make it happen with Maya, then you’re one step closer to making it right with all of us.”
I chuckled. “Is it conditional?” I asked.
“Yes,” Kina said, but I could hear her smiling. “I want to see you with the woman of your dreams. Don’t lose another dream because of this.”
Kina finally hung up, my mind a muddled mess now that she had pointed out everything I had known deep down inside. I hated it when she called to lecture me, but she was right more often than not and I couldn’t argue with her. Maya was the only woman I had ever loved, and if I didn’t do something, she was going to slip through my fingers. Kina was right. However much I hated it, I couldn’t deny it.
Before another second passed by and I could talk myself out of it, I rushed out of my seat into my bedroom to change into something fresh and clean. I was going to win Maya back tonight.