CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Lucy stomped in the kitchen like a toddler but I was ignoring her attitude and focusing on the fact that once I met Chase it seemed like he was a lot more than just a fucking friend like she assured me. I rested my hands on the counter and looked up at her. She looked gorgeous and my little head was trying to get the best of me but I refused to let that happen.
“Are you dating him?” I asked her.
“No, I’m not. I mean, not really. I’m fucking him though.”
“Dammit, Lucy. You told me you two were friends. I’m inviting this man into my house thinking he’s your friend and you’re really screwing him?”
“It just kind of happened, Abel. It wasn’t planned and we were just friends at first.” My throat felt tight listening to her explain the fact that she was drifting away from me. I thought she didn’t care. I thought this was another one of Lucy’s moments where she wasn’t thinking about anyone but herself then I saw the tears.
“Abel, he makes me feel like it’s possible to be happy without being in love with you.”
A punch straight to my fucking heart.
Silence fell between Lucy and I. She looked down at her hands and cursed. “I really need a drink,” she sniffled.
“I’m not standing in your way, Luce. I need time to adjust though.” I ran a hand over my face and stared at her. My beautiful Lucy.
“I’ll always love you, Abel. I can’t let that love run my life anymore and neither can you. This is what we wanted right?” She took a step closer to me and I could smell her perfume.
“Dammit, why are you so beautiful?” I pulled her close to me but she made her body go rigid before I could pull her in completely. “This is what we wanted. We can do this, Lucy.” I had to say it for myself as much as I had to say it for her. “You feel safe with him?” I asked of the giant sitting on my couch in the living room.
“Yeah, I do. He’s a really good guy, Abel.” She smiled but then her face turned stormy like she was fighting her next words. “I told him about us.” Her voice was so quiet and small I almost didn’t hear her.
“What?”
“I told him about us, Abel. I had to. I’ve never been with anyone but you. I want me and Chase to be serious. I want it to work and if it’s going to work then I had to tell him about us.”
“What the fuck, Lucy? Why didn’t you tell me? Now I have to have dinner with him and sit right across from him knowing that he knows my deepest fucking secret. He knows something that not even Nora or Mom and Dad know.” My voice was getting louder even though I tried to control it.
“I had to tell him.”
“Why? Why did you have to tell him? I haven’t told Lauren and I’ve been with her for seven months.”
“You don’t love Lauren.” Lucy’s wind was starting to howl and I could feel the charge in the air around us.
“Do you love Chase?” The words choked coming out. Lucy held my gaze. Strong. Defiant. Love.
“Yes.” It broke her down as much as it did me. Instead of being pissed though, I hugged her. “I’m sorry, Abel.”
“Sorry for what?” I sighed. “We painted ourselves in this corner and it’s going to be sticky getting out. There’s no handbook for being in love with your sister that’s not your blood sister but you were raised that way.” She chuckled but it was a pained and confused sound. “I will always love you, Luce. I will always wish things were different.”
“Me too. There are no mistakes in the universe though. Somewhere in a parallel universe we’re happy and we have the twins and we’re married.”
“Do we have a dog?” I asked, rubbing her fingers with my thumb.
“Yes. And a cat. I don’t drink whiskey, I drink lemonade and we have twin boys.”
“Is this a parallel universe or a make-believe one? Lemonade?” I laughed and Lucy hit my stomach.
“Are you mad at me, Abel?”
“Yes. It’s for selfish reasons though. Maybe you’re right. If I love Lauren, I should tell her about us.”
“No. Not her, Abel. I swear I’m not being a bitch but she doesn’t deserve to know something so intimate. She’s a fucking beak-nosed bitch. She’d use it against you. Against us.”
“What is the difference between Chase and Lauren?” I asked, my arms folded. Lucy paused and light, airy laughter rang through the house. Nora was having an amazing time with Chase.
“That’s the difference. Do you see how Chase came in and didn’t cause one note of discord? If anything he blends in. Lauren fucks everything up.” The doorbell rang as if our conversation was meant to be broken apart. “Who else is coming to dinner? You didn’t invite mom and dad, did you?” She looked petrified.
“No, of course not. I didn’t invite anyone.” With long, purposeful strides, I went to the front door to find Lauren waiting there with a smile.
“Who is it?” Lucy walked up behind me and paused when she saw who it was. “Yay…” Sarcasm oozed from her tone as she turned to walk away.
“Lauren, what are you doing here? We’re in the middle of dinner.”
“Just you and Lucy? Where’s her dirty little Beetle? Plus, I see other cars here too.”
“No, not just me and Lucy. Nora’s here and so is Lucy’s…friend.” I couldn’t bring myself to say boyfriend yet. I had to work up to it.
“Well, it seems I’m right on time then. I was in the neighborhood and I got the soup you love so I thought I’d drop it off. Imagine my surprise when I saw other cars in your driveway. How come you didn’t tell me about this dinner?” She moved past me and walked into the foyer.
“Because it’s a family dinner. I wanted to meet Lucy’s friend and thank him.” Each word out of my mouth was strained. I did love Lauren but she was a pain in the ass. If I was going to tell her about Lucy and me I had to be careful.
“Thank him for what? Oh, is he a boyfriend? You must want to thank him for taking her off your hands and out of your hair.” She laughed and walked into the living room where everyone was seated.
“I know this house is big and all but we can all still hear you,” Lucy snapped. She wanted to say more, I could tell, but she didn’t.
“Hello, Lucy,” Lauren smiled.
“Hello,” she said. I noticed the grip Chase had on Lucy’s knee and averted my eyes. He was only stopping her from flying off the handle. I should have been grateful.
“Lauren, this is…”
“Hush,” he shook her hand. He didn’t want her to know his real name. I shot Lucy a glance and she gave me a mini shrug.
“Hush?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. He’d turned into an entirely different person.
“Your name is Hush? That’s different. Are you and Lucy seeing each other?” Lauren wedged herself between Nora and me.
“Yes,” he nodded.
“Wonderful. I’m so happy for you Lucy,” Lauren grinned. She was only happy because she felt if Lucy were with someone else, she wouldn’t bother me as much.
“Sure you are,” Lucy muttered.
“Let me put dinner on the table. Hush, you mind helping while the ladies sit here?” I stood and offered him an expression to let him know it was non-negotiable. He nodded and followed me.
Once we were alone, I turned to him and asked, “Why the sudden change? You’re like two different people, Chase and Hush.”
“I am. It’s a defense mechanism.” I marveled at how eloquent he was when he wasn’t Hush. “When I need to shut the hell up before I say something I shouldn’t…”
“You become Hush,” I said, understanding.
“Yup. Lucy briefed me on Lauren and no offense…I don’t have a lot to say.” Something like that should have ruffled my feathers. It should have needled its way under my skin to hear someone say my girlfriend got on their nerves instantly.
It didn’t though.
“It’s fine.” As soon as the words left my mouth, Lucy appeared and stood by Chase’s side.
“Hush?” She looked at him and he shrugged. “Is that what you want me to call you tonight at dinner?”
“If I ever introduce myself as Hush, then that’s what I’m going with.” The way they looked at each other was private. Like I shouldn’t have been watching. I was though. Lucy had never looked at anyone besides me like that. She looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars.
“Got it. You two okay in here?” Lucy swung her gaze from me to Chase.
“We’re fine,” he assured her. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and she looked at me next.
“We’re fine, Hell Raiser. Are you being nice to Lauren?”
“Yeah, I came to get her some crackers.” She flashed that devious grin of hers and I laughed. I shouldn’t have encouraged her but I did.
“Lucy…”
“What? You know birds love crackers.” Chase laughed too and shoved her a little. She shoved back and he grabbed her with one arm until she screamed with laughter.
“Can you get through this dinner without blowing up, Crazy?” He spoke against her ear. My palms tingled and itched at the sight.
“Yes, Weirdo.” She bumped him with her hips and I continued setting dishes on the table. I had to let Lucy go. She was happy. Like she said, we existed somewhere else with our twins and our dog and cat. In another lifetime we were good and perfect and that’s all I had to hold on to.
Lucy left Chase and me alone again and his shoulders slumped as he set out silverware. “If shit is awkward…I’m sorry. It’s not my intention to rub anything in your face, Abel. That girl adores you and always will. I have nothing but respect for you.”
I set the salad bowl down and looked at him. Something rang true in his energy. As much as I wanted to hate him and demand that Lucy not be with him or anyone else…I couldn’t. I had to let logic take over my emotions.
I’d always be in love with her, like I knew she’d always be in love with me. We had to learn to put it behind us and move forward. It would make us stronger.
“Thank you, Chase. I respect you too, man. Make her happy and keep her safe. That’s all I want.”
“I know. I don’t think I could ever hurt Lucy. Not on purpose.” Once the table was set, he leaned against the wall, his head nearly level with the doorway. I gave him a nod and it seemed things were set. Lucy didn’t belong to me anymore.
**