CHAPTER SEVEN
Lucy’s bag was gone when I got home from work. I was happy and sad at the same time. I knew it was for the best though because if she stayed one more night in my bed I was going to fuck her.
I picked up the phone and gave her a call so I could hear her voice. “Hell Raiser, you made it to Nora’s safely?” I asked when she answered.
“Yup. I’m here with Miss Stick in the Mud herself and her stick in the mud fiancé too.”
“Was she happy to see you?”
“Eh, you know how it is with me and Nora. We fell back into our ways but she’s still standoffish and she still acts like she’s better than me.”
“You two are a lot different now that you’re all grown up.”
“Whatever, Abel. I miss you.” I could hear the pout in her voice.
“I miss you too, Luce. I’m going to miss you more tonight,” I growled into the phone and she giggled. My dick would miss her too. Nobody swallowed me whole like Lucy did.
“Call Carmen over,” she joked. It wasn’t a bad idea though.
“Maybe I should,” I sighed. Things were stressful at work between Lauren and I. It was all business and nothing extra. I winced each time I had to listen to someone ask what happened to her forehead. I kept replaying the way Lucy hurled the thick glass at her during dinner. It was a fucking mess.
“I’m going to repair things with her, Luce.”
“Why? She’s a piece of shit,” she blurted.
“She’s not. You don’t like her.”
“And why should I? She judged me from the second I walked into your office.”
“Maybe we can try over but later on. Not any time soon. I need to work on my relationship. I need to work on it without you hanging around,” I said.
“Of course. It seems everyone wants to keep me away from their significant others. Well fuck you and fuck Nora too.
Wait until I get a man. Then I’m going to ignore both of you, fuckers.” The thought of my little sister having a boyfriend sent a wave of heat across my face. I never pictured her with anyone. She was always my free spirit never tethered to anyone.
“You don’t do relationships, remember?” I reminded her.
“Well, maybe I should change my thoughts on it. Everyone else has someone and you guys are settling down. Why not me?”
Because I’m the one who deserves all your time.
“Yeah, now where are you going to find a man that will put up with you?” I laughed.
“Somewhere. Hey, can I stop by before I go to work? I want to see your face.” I could hear the longing in her voice and I caved. I always caved when it came to Lucy. I was going to let her go. She couldn’t be my lover and my sister. I had to pick one. We both had to pick one.
After I got off the phone with Lucy, I called Lauren. I needed to apologize. Whenever I wasn’t around Lucy, I was a normal, clear-headed man but something about the spark inside her tornado drove me mad.
“Hey Lauren, can we talk?” I asked hesitantly.
“Talk about what? The way your sister attacked me? The way you put me out for her? The way you hugged her and kissed her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world?” I hung my head and trudged up the steps to my bedroom. I had to shake Lucy. It wasn’t right.
“Yeah, about that…I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for making sure my sister was alright but I’m sorry that you had to see that part of me. When I’m around Lucy I don’t think straight. It’s nobody’s fault but mine and I’m not making any excuses.” I scrubbed at my cheek with the heel of my hand and let my spine bend forward while I rested my elbows on my knees. The entire situation was weighing me down.
Normally when I needed to shake Lucy, I had a business trip I could get away to. There were no trips coming up this time. I had to learn to kick my habit through willpower. Why the hell didn’t I think of Lucy the same way I did Nora? Even trying to picture Nora naked grossed me out.
“You’re saying that like Lucy is your ex-girlfriend, Abel. You need to get a grip.”
“It’s not like that,” I lied. That’s exactly how it was. Lucy was like an ex in a way. I couldn’t shake her even though I knew she wasn’t good for me. Not in the way I wanted her. “We have a unique relationship.”
“Explain it to me. Explain to me why I saw my man kiss his little sister on the lips and hug her like she was his woman.” The back of my neck burned and rubbing it didn’t help. What the fuck could I say to that?
“It was a peck. You’re acting like I made out with her. I didn’t even know you were standing there,” I frowned.
“It was a peck but it seemed like so much more. I can’t be with you if you’re going to choose your sister over me.” I stared at the ceiling and pushed out a slow breath. I couldn’t explain to Lauren that there were two versions of Lucy and I. The brother-sister version of us was something I’d never apologize for but the side of us that were lovers…I had to apologize for that. There was no way to do it without ousting something that was so private.
There was no way to do it and keep our box of secrets shut.
“She’s my sister. I will always be there for her. I want to work things out with you, Lauren but I don’t want to give a detailed explanation of each interaction I have with Lucy or anyone else in my family for that matter. I won’t let her attack you anymore. I’ll maintain feasible boundaries but beyond that, I think Lucy is something you’re going to have to get over.” I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. A headache was starting to work its way into my skull so I started looking for a way off the phone. Lauren needed to let things sink in.
“Listen, sweetheart, I’ll call you back later when things aren’t as heated.”
“They aren’t heated. I’m trying to understand, Abel.” Her voice softened tremendously but I still wanted to end the conversation.
“I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up and fell backward on my bed. I could make it work with Lauren if I stopped with Luce while I was ahead.
I needed a fucking drink so I went to the store and grabbed some beer. By the time I got home, there was a dirty, yellow Bug in my driveway. I walked up to the passenger side and opened the door. “Jesus, you scared me!” Lucy pelted my arm with her fists.
“That’s why you should always watch your surroundings. Want a beer?” I asked handing her a can. I tossed boxes and clothes out of the passenger seat and settled in beside her.
“Why not?” She shrugged and took it from my hand then we both cracked them open and sighed. “I don’t know about staying with Nora, she’s already working my nerves and you know how I get when people try to make me do things I don’t want to do.”
“You purposefully fuck shit up.” I already knew her routine.
“Exactly. Nora knows this but she still insists on fixing my life. I told her no.” Lucy took a long swallow of beer and shook her head. “I’m fine and I don’t need fixing. If anyone needs fixing, it’s Nora. She’s married to an asshole. She doesn’t even know it because he’s so fine and buys her roses and all that other stupid shit but mark my words, Abel; Eric is an asshole.” She sounded so sure of herself that I couldn’t do anything but shake my head.
“You know this without a doubt, huh?”
“Yes. It’ll come out sooner or later then maybe she and I can get back to twinning like we used to.”
“Things can’t always be the way they used to though, Luce. Like me and you…” I turned to look at her and saw sadness swimming in her eyes.
“We have a reason things can’t go back to the way they used to be, Abel. Too much pain.” Tears formed in her copper pools at the memory and I had to turn my head away from her. “Nora up and decided she was better than me one day. There’s a difference.”
“It’s okay for people to change as they grow up, even twins.” I pinched the tip of her nose and she blinked the tears away.
“You’re going to get serious with this Lauren bitch, aren’t you?” She sighed, finishing her beer.
“I’m going to try. I have to try.”
“Why? She’s not for you, Abel.”
“Because…I can’t try with you. I need someone that’s not you. I need someone who doesn’t remind me of you. We have to stop this…whatever the fuck it is we have going between us.” I gestured from me to her and she looked down at her hands.
“Would you try with me if things were different?” Her voice was small and quiet and I wanted to kiss that frown away. I wanted to replace it with a smile. I hated seeing my sweet Lucy sad.
“Of course.” Suddenly, the air in the small space became thick and heavy. “But things aren’t different. We can’t walk the same blurred lines anymore. I have to let you go and you have to let me go.”
“What if I don’t want to let you go?” She fished around behind her seat and pulled out a half-full bottle of Jack Daniels.
“You know you have to.” I cupped her face in my hands and closed my eyes against the tears shimmering in her beautiful eyes.
“Abel,” she whimpered and then I felt her soft lips on mine.
“Lucy, promise me we’ll stop this.”
“Okay, but it hurts.”
“I know. We’re still siblings though, Hell Raiser. We just can’t be anything else.” Ever since Lucy started exploring guys, I was her first choice. I was what she knew. It was like breaking up with the love of your life.
“I love you, Abel.” I knew when she said it, she meant it in more ways than one and the sentiment was mutual.
“I love you too, Luce.”
“Do you ever regret what happened between us? You know…the reason why we’re sitting here having this conversation in the first place?” She sniffled and took a drink of whiskey.
“Nah. I mean, sometimes I wonder if we just went through with it would things have been different but I’m glad we decided not to.”
“Wanna know a secret, Abel?” She took another drink and I could tell she was careening toward being drunk.
“What?”
“I wish all the time that I kept the babies. I wish I told Nora or someone about it because sometimes holding that secret between us is too big and too heavy.” My throat got tight listening to her. I tried to blink away the stinging in my eyes.
With my head held down and my eyes closed, I whispered, “Sometimes I wish you kept them too.” Silence blanketed us. It was scratchy and hot.
“We made the right choice not bringing our kids into this world though. We made the right choice, right Abel?”
“Yes, baby. We made the right choice. I need you to know that I’ll always love you more than I should and I’ll always want you in ways I shouldn’t but to avoid another painful situation like that we have to cut it out now. I can feel things heating up between us again and it’s not good.” Lucy nodded in response. “You can’t keep giving Lauren shit. She can sense there’s something more between us.”
“I’ll be nice but only for you.”
“That’s all I’m asking, Luce.” She climbed over the middle console and wrapped her arms around my neck. She smelled so good and her skin was so damn soft. I fought the urge to peel the clothes from her body. Instead, I hugged her.
We’d make it through this.
We had to.
**