Alex spent the rest of his afternoon on the water. It was bitter cold, the wind was strong and the sail of the Echo Delta caught and held it. Alex tugged hard on the lines, making her cut through the waves at aggressive tilts. The salt water stung his eyes and burned his tongue as the sky turned darker and the waves became more tumultuous. A storm was coming in, he saw the lightening in the distance, heard the rumble of thunder. Still he pushed it as long as he could, coasting in to the marina as the rain really started to pick up.

He was drenched by the time he docked the boat and took down her sails, his mouth set in a grim line as he checked all her lines, watching her buoy in the angry water. He walked back to his Tahoe, bone tired and soaked, sliding into the driver’s seat and just sitting behind the wheel, letting his muscles shake from over use. He had left his phone in the cupholder and he glanced at it a few times before actually picking it up.

He had no notifications.

He checked his texts just to be sure and the last message he’d received had been around 2pm.

I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.

He dropped his phone back in the cup holder and cranked the engine, spitting gravel on his way out of the marina.

What he very much did not want to see upon entering his condo was Drew in his underwear watching TV and eating takeout. Drew merely looked at him as Alex slammed the door and walked toward the kitchen, dropping his keys noisily on the counter.

“Rough day, dear?” Drew mocked, slurping noodles and Alex pressed his hands to the counter, his shoulders tight and sore.

“Do not talk to me right now,” Alex said after a moment, straightening and turning to the cabinet to get a plate. His stomach growled noisily.

Drew sighed, “Fine.”

Alex opened the fridge and reached for the left over pad thai from last night but his hand closed on empty air. He heard Drew slurp behind him again and Alex straightened wanting very much to slam the refrigerator door but remembering how much he’d spent on it he closed it delicately instead.

“Is that my pad thai?” he asked over his shoulder. There was a pause.

“I mean it didn’t have your name on it.”

“Goddammit Drew!” Alex yelled, banging his open palm against the fridge and then pinching the bridge of his nose wearily.

“Dude you’re gonna have a coronary at 40 if you stay wound as tight as you are,” Drew said, shoveling more noodles into his mouth and Alex sighed, returning his plate to the cabinet.

“Trust me, brother, if I have a coronary, you will be the cause.”

“What did I do?” Drew asked indignantly, turning on the couch to glare at Alex who stared back at him slack jawed.

“Drew,” Alex said and couldn’t help the unbelieving laugh that pulled from his throat. “You locked me in a shed and pretended to be me at my job. I could have been fired for that.”

“Oh calm down,” Drew said waving a hand at him. “Everyone loves the bait and switch twin thing. You’re not gonna get in trouble for that. Now the texts between you and the Charming girl,” Drew said grinning smugly at him and Alex stood straight, jutting his chin out. “I particularly liked the little tet a tet where you talked about how much you enjoyed going down on her.”

Alex felt his ears burn, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “Why were you reading my text messages?”

“Because you don’t have any kind of ‘hide my texts’ app,” Drew said as if it were obvious. “Thought you’d be more mad about me texting your girl.”

Alex felt his stomach clench but refused to rise to the bait. “No, I’m more mad that you spent the day trying to fuck with me instead of looking for a goddamn job like I told you to.”

Drew rolled his eyes. “I put in some applications this morning. Not a lot of opportunities here in Mayberry for a parolee with no car. Hey do you think I could-”

“If you ask to borrow my truck I will deck you,” Alex warned and Drew snapped his mouth shut, giving his brother a hateful look.

“I’m just saying if you let me use your wheels you’d have the place to yourself and little Charming could come over for some tutoring if you get my drift.”

“You know what,” Alex said slicing a hand through the air, “Just stop talking about Kelsey okay. I don’t want to hear her name come out of your mouth again.”

“I don’t get it man,” Drew said shaking his head. “What is even in this for you? Virgin pussy?”

“Drew,” Alex said his voice a warning.

“No, I’m serious,” Drew said, setting the take out container on the coffee table where it fell over and dripped sauce onto the wood. Alex grabbed a dishtowel. “This isn’t you.”

“You don’t know a thing about me,” Alex snarled, picking up the takeout box and wiping the table.

“I know you’re my brother. You’re the good twin and I’m the evil twin. And banging an 18 year old is not something the good twin does.”

“That wasn’t funny when we were kids and it’s not funny now,” Alex said dropping the container in the trash.

“Mom always thought it was funny,” Drew grumbled and Alex gritted his teeth.

“Yeah, well, Mom thought the sun shone out your ass so forgive me if I question her bias.”

Drew snorted. “Yeah, well, you were Dad’s favorite which saved you a couple beatings I’m sure.”

Alex laughed without humor. “The fuck it did! And Dad didn’t have a favorite. He hated us both equally.”

It was Drew’s turn to laugh. “Yeah that’s why he left you all the money and the house. Jesus the least he could have done was left me the boat. I spent a whole summer sanding that thing by hand.”

Alex stared at him wide eyed. “You spent approximately forty-five minutes sanding it and then ran off to put cherry bombs in people’s tail pipes. I helped Dad restore it.” Alex shook his head. “And anyway if he’d left it to you, you would have sold it for a weekend in Vegas.”

“No I wouldn’t!”

“Oh really?” Alex mocked, crossing his arms over his chest. “How long were you in jail for this last time, Drew? What would have happened to her then? She would have been repoed for whatever fucked up dirty dealing you did. No Dad left me everything because he also knew you were Mom’s favorite and you could con her out of anything.”

“Shut up Alex,” Drew said, his voice a warning.

“She would have ended up bankrupt if he’d left everything to her. God knows where she would have ended up after she got sick-”

“I said shut the fuck up Alex,” Drew yelled, his eyes ablaze. Alex felt a small sense of satisfaction. “If your little Lolita is off the table so is Mom.”

Alex snorted, rubbing the back of his neck and they were silent for a moment. Alex could hear Drew grinding his teeth.

“Seriously dude? You’re gonna fuck up your whole life for some young pussy?” Drew asked and Alex growled, snatching his keys up off the counter and stomping toward the door. “Was it something I said?” Drew’s voice called mockingly after him before the door slammed shut, shaking the walls of the condo.

* * *

Kelsey was sitting at her desk working on a word problem that didn’t seem to have an answer. Adult Male seeks Kid Female. Kid Female acquiesces Adult Male. Kid Female and Adult Male become friends. Kid Female and Adult Male become more than friends. Adult Male becomes distant. Kid Female bridges gap. Adult Male pulls back. Kid Female pushes forward and so on and so forth. She knew it could be a differential equation; perhaps something like

dK/dt = xA.

Kid Female’s behavior (K) changes in an instant (dt). The amount of change (dK) is just a multiple (x) of the Adult Male’s (A) current behavior towards her.

Kelsey frowned, tapping her pencil irritatedly. In this light it showed that the female’s behavior adjusted in direct proportion to how much the Adult Male responded.

She tried it from another angle.

dA/dt = -yK.

She bounced her pencil again. The negative in front of the constant y reflected (A)’s tendency to cool off when (K) was pursuing.

With these equations and making the assumption that they felt nothing towards each other initially (K and A at beginning of time; t+0) she could use simple calculous to inch K and A forward, incident by incident. In this way she could figure out how much A felt (or didn’t feel) for K at any future time.

Romance, it turned out, was a simple harmonic oscillator; a force that pushed them together or pulled them apart.

Her phone buzzed as she was about to start figuring and she glanced at it. The screen did not light up. She looked back to her paper, about to scratch out another differential but stopped, throwing the pencil down and picking up her phone, accessing her hidden messages.

Alex: What are you doing?

Kelsey bit the inside of her lip, eyeing her paper.

Kelsey: Math.

Alex: Are you home?

Kelsey swallowed hard, looking around her bedroom.

Kelsey: Yes.

Alex: Is your dad there?

Kelsey snorted, jabbing at the screen with a little more force than necessary.

Kelsey: Sully is not here. Been gone for days now. Think he got some poor woman to take care of him. Likely won’t be around for at least a month.

There was a long pause then. Kelsey eventually set the phone down and picked up her pencil again, which was when her phone buzzed.

Alex: Can I come over?

Kelsey’s eyes bulged then flicked around her room nervously. Her clothes were still piled high on the chair in the sitting area. She had to call Good Will about Gram’s clothes. She had a precarious pile of research books stacked on one bed side table and an assortment of drinking glasses on the other, all in various states of fullness. Her desk was covered in open textbooks. She could see her towel on the floor in the bathroom. Not to mention whatever state the rest of the place was in. Her phone buzzed again.

Alex: Please. I’m sorry.

Kelsey made a strangled sound in her throat, her chest pulling tight and she knew what Reva would say. Reva would tell her to make him sweat. To make him grovel. Reva would have made him beg on his knees.

Kelsey: Okay. Dont use front door. Come to slider.

She didn’t wait for him to respond, just threw herself into motion, grabbing all the glasses from the bedside table and sprinting into the living room. The throw pillows were all over the floor and a few empty beer bottles littered the table but otherwise it looked relatively unscathed. She dumped the cups in the sink, collected the beer bottles and trashed them. She pulled Sully’s door closed and the guest bathroom he was using as his own, making a mental note to call her rental property manager for a recommendation on a cleaning service. The assortment of shoes that had collected by the door went into the hall closet without a glance. She scurried into the kitchen, shoving all the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher and closing it, grabbing the tub of disinfecting wipes and running one over the counters. She ran back into her bedroom where she heaved the books from her bedside table and waddled over to the desk to set them among her other research, trying to arrange it into some semblance of order without losing her place in anything.

She jumped hearing a soft rap behind her and turned to see a shadow standing just outside the glass. She walked over cautiously and was able to make out Alex’s face, haggard as it was, his hair a wet slick on his head becoming more and more drenched by the second. She hurried then, unlocking it and tugging hard to get it to slide. Alex slipped out of his shoes, picking them up before stepping inside. Kelsey heaved the slider closed behind him as a loud crack of thunder rumbled in the distance.

“Hey,” she said softly as he reached up to wipe the water from his face. “Uh… I’ll get you a towel.”

She took his shoes from him and hurried into the bathroom, discreetly picking up her dirty towel as she set his shoes in the shower pan before she walked across the bathroom to the closet. She grabbed a few fresh towels and as she started to make her way back out again she caught sight of herself in the mirror and gasped. Her hair was in a wild bun on top of her head and she was wearing tiny pajama shorts with the ridiculous science sweatshirt that Gram got her two Christmases ago. Gram had said she’d laughed out loud at the “Yeah! Science, Bitch!” part and hoped Kelsey knew who the lady scientist was. Whatever, he’d already seen it, she reasoned and stepped back into the bedroom. He was still standing in front of the slider, looking as if he were trying very hard not to drip on the carpet.

“Here,” she said, handing him the towel and he gave her his tight smile, throwing it over his head and rubbing his hair vigorously.

“Is that Marie Curie?” he asked, emerging from under the terrycloth and Kelsey’s cheeks pinkened, tugging the sleeves over her hands.

“Yes,” she said with a tense smile. “Would you like me to throw your clothes in the dryer for you?”

Alex looked down at himself and then at her, his eyes narrowing and Kelsey blushed realizing she’d just asked him to strip. One corner of his mouth tugged up. “Yeah thanks.”

He handed her back the towel and she tried to look anywhere but him while he undressed. She’d seen him naked a dozen times why did this feel so awkward? He left his underwear on however, having pulled his keys out of his pocket before handing her his wad of sopping clothes. She handed him back his towel and gave him a tight smile before she left the room.

Alex looked around curiously, setting his keys on the desk before wiping himself down. The room was a weird hybrid of elderly and teen. Floral prints on the walls, flowered bedspread with a whicker headboard and heavy cherrywood furniture. There was an overflowing pile of clothes on the chairs in the small sitting area and a poster of Nicola Tesla on the bathroom door. He wandered over to the desk, nudging the books around curiously. Multiphysics Modeling. MATLAB for Engineers, Fundamentals of Neural Networks. She had a cork board on the wall with various papers tacked to it, scribbles of code, equations and a few printouts of 3D models. Up in the corner, almost obscured by post-it notes was a Pushkin poem he’d scribbled down from memory to take her back to the basics of diagraming sentences.

“Should be dry in a bit,” Kelsey said as she walked back in and she closed the door behind her and locked it out of habit.

She stiffened seeing Alex at her desk, his eyes on the cork board and she felt her ears redden when she realized he was looking at the poem he’d written down for her. She’d tacked it up there for safe keeping, a reminder that she had other classes besides physics, other priorities than research.

“Lots of heavy stuff here,” Alex commented, tilting his head and reading the scrap page she’d been working on. He picked it up and squinted at it. “I mean I can read Russian but this is a foreign language to me.” He flipped it so she could see the K and A equation and he didn’t understand the twinge of sadness in her eyes.

“Yeah I can’t solve that one either.”

Alex looked at it again and set it back down. They stood there looking at each other for a long moment, the silence not uncomfortable but not entirely serene either. He felt exposed which wasn’t surprising considering he was nearly naked but it was more than that. He still felt keyed up from the day and his mind kept running back to Drew. When was he going to leave? What other chaos did he have in store?

“Look, I don’t want to keep pestering you,” Kelsey said finally and Alex looked up at her. “You seem like you very much do not want to talk about anything - which is fine - but…” She trailed, biting her lip as if she were worried about his reaction. “I’m just saying talking might make you feel better,” she said gesturing towards him and he blinked at her. “It doesn’t even have to be me, like, it could be Mr. Fitzstephens or Miss Drickle.”

Alex chuckled darkly and Kelsey fell silent, looking at the floor as if he’d chastised her. She looked so young then, refusing to look at him, digging at the carpet with her big toe. He wanted to pull her to him, apologize for shutting her out but his feet felt stuck to the floor. He’d come to this impasse with every woman he’d ever been with. It didn’t matter how much he wanted to let them in, he just couldn’t.

“Kels,” he said, his tone shorter than he meant it and they both winced. “I’m sorry about today.”

“It’s fine,” she muttered still not looking at him.

“It’s not fine,” he said, his voice sharp and she cringed which made him feel even worse. “I just… I just…”

He was cut off by the sound of her phone dinging and buzzing, in rapid succession making it dance its way across her desktop. Alex picked it up automatically as Kelsey walked forward and held it out to her.

“It’s a bunch of text messages. Sorry I didn’t mean to look,” he mumbled and Kelsey narrowed her eyes at him.

“Ugh it’s Reva,” Kelsey groaned, her thumbs moving at a dizzying speed over the keyboard.

“Is she okay?” Alex asked and Kelsey nodded holding her phone in her hand and looking around the room, waiting.

“Yes she’s fine,” Kelsey said and more dings from her phone, one right after the other and Kelsey heaved a sigh. “She’s at some party in Bellengrath.” She began tapping back a reply muttering to herself. “Yes, Reva, I’ll cover for you. Again.”

“Why aren’t you there with her?” Alex asked, looking at her curiously as he watched her drop her phone back onto her desktop with a thud that made him wince.

Kelsey blinked at him and then snorted as if his question was ridiculous. “Why would I go to a Bellengrath party?”

“I dunno,” Alex said looking at her steadily. “To meet boys.”

Kelsey’s face went slack with shock, his words like a slap in the face. “Why would I want to do that?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest angrily.

Alex stared at her with a calm expression but it felt as if something large and sharp was expanding in his chest. The ramifications of what they were doing were becoming more and more clear. Drew was right. She was in deep. He should do the responsible thing, the kind thing, and begin extracting himself from this. He had perfected the slow fade over the years. He winced at the very idea looking at Kelsey’s confused and angry face and when she shifted from foot to foot her expression morphed to hurt. Not yet, he thought. Soon, but not yet. He heaved a sigh, bringing his hands up to scrub through his hair in frustration.

“I dunno. To find someone to take you to Cotillion,” he said throwing a hand in the air and then sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head at himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it how you… I’m sorry.”

Kelsey watched him with concern and took a cautious step forward. Alex let his hands fall to his sides, his chin jutted out as his head hung back loosely on his neck. She was looking at him with worry in her eyes and he hated that. He didn’t like the idea of hurting her. She placed her hands on his chest, resting her palms lightly against his skin and looked up at him, her eyes open and innocent under long lashes. He closed his eyes on her, feeling a tug beneath his sternum.

“Alex, I don’t even want to go to Cotillion,” Kelsey said softly and his eyes opened on her.

“But you said Elliot asked you…” She pressed her lips together, her cheeks flushing and just as he realized it was from anger she removed her hands from his chest and turned away from him. “Kels-“

“You know… I realize that everyone in this goddamn town has a picture perfect family so they think the only obstacle to having a Debut is not having a date.” She turned to face him, her eyes full and angry. “Yes Alex, Elliot asked me, but Sully isn’t going to put on a monkey suit and walk me down a flight of stairs. So I can’t go. Even if I wanted to, I can’t.” She swallowed hard, blinking back her tears and stood straight. “So no, I don’t want to go. Mrs. Gwaultney offers a pass to students with a good reason and she gave me one.”

Alex blinked. “Can’t you just walk down by yourself?”

Kelsey’s entire face scrunched into an expression that didn’t require her to ask if he was a fucking idiot. He got the message loud and clear. Alex sighed, closing his eyes and he didn’t know how this day could get much worse. He opened them again and she was still just standing there, her mouth a grim line. He stepped forward, inching closer to her and she was looking at him with a guarded expression, almost as if she wanted to step back.

“Kelsey I’m sorry,” he said putting his hands on her arms and she jerked away from him.

“Stop saying that,” she shouted and he let his hands fall to his side. “Look, you don’t want to talk to me. Fine. Don’t. But you’re being an asshole and saying sorry no matter how many times or how much you mean it isn’t going to fix that.”

Alex breathed out through his nose trying to hang on to his patience, “It has been a very bad day. I can’t even tell you-”

“No, you won’t tell me,” she spat petulantly and he finally boiled over, his voice raising.

“What do you want me to tell you Kelsey?!” He yelled and she jumped her eyes going wide. “Do you want me to say that I hate my brother?” He asked, his eyebrows raising as he stared her down. He threw his hands in the air. “Fine. I hate my brother.”

He let out a harsh breath, his face sobering and Kelsey blinked back at him, not shocked or appalled, just looked at him as if waiting for him to elaborate. And much to his surprise, he did, the words falling out of his mouth before he could really think about them.

“I always have. Ever since we were kids. He was constantly into stuff, getting us both in trouble. And we were always shoved together because we moved around so much. Mom put such an emphasis on having a ‘built-in buddy’” Alex scoffed. “She said it was natural for brothers to get on each other’s nerves.” He shook his head as if to say she didn’t get it. Then he snorted. “She said we fought even in the womb, jockeying for space. Drew would pin me under her rib cage with his feet. The ultrasound tech thought it was hilarious.”

Alex shook his head, crossed his arms over his chest and let out a mirthless laugh. “Everyone always thought it was hilarious! ‘Oh look Drew is making Alex miserable again. How adorable.’” Alex scoffed again, grinding his teeth. “The whole pretending to be me thing? He’s done that since we were five. Dad couldn’t tell us apart because he was never around so Drew would break something or get in to something and then he would run away and Dad would grab him to give him his whipping and he would cry and claim to be me. Then I would get the belt.”

“The belt?” Kelsey asked quietly and Alex looked down at her, almost having forgotten she was there. He swallowed hard.

“It was the 80s; things were different,” Alex grumbled shaking his head. “He was troubled. He… he saw things in Vietnam. His brother…” Alex trailed, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “He wasn’t the same when he came back. They had talked about settling down in Michigan when his tour was over. He was going to work for GM and they’d start a family. After Uncle Eddie died he decided to make a career out of the Navy instead. Then we show up - surprise twins - a damn decade after they quit trying to have kids.”

Alex shook his head. “Mom was thrilled, but Dad…” He sighed. ”Dad blew where ever the Navy sent him and we were just an inconvenience along for the ride. He wasn’t around much.” Alex puffed out his cheeks and breathed out slow. “But when he was… imagine spending the majority of your time just your brother and mother, everything calm and routine, and then some man who’s practically a stranger comes in and starts making all these rules, yelling and throwing things?”

“I’m sorry,” Kelsey said with sincerity and he looked at her again, seeing a sadness in her eyes but not pity. It was understanding. Of course she knew what that was like, her father was the town drunk. He wondered if Sully had ever hit her. The thought made his blood boil. He looked down at the floor

“Anyway, things got a little better when he retired.” He grumbled, refusing to look at her. “Drew and I hated it but Mom was elated and it was nice to see her happy for more than a few days at a time. We were finally able to stay in one place for more than two or so years which let Drew and I successfully avoid each other for the most part which was nice. Except Dad hated it. He hated that we never did anything together or really even spoke to each other. If he ever caught us being hateful to each other we both caught a beating. “

“Did… did he hit you guys a lot?” Kelsey asked quietly and Alex looked up to see she had moved closer, hesitant.

“Kelsey, that’s just how it was back then. Your kid did something you didn’t like, you whacked them for it,” Alex said irritated and she seemed to shrink into herself. He tried again, reaching for her arm.

“He mellowed out a lot after he bought the Echo Delta,” Alex told her looking into her eyes and he couldn’t help the serene smile pulled at his lips. Kelsey felt her own lips curl against her will. “She was a mess when Dad rolled her into driveway but a real racing boat, a dragon, solid wood, built in Denmark in 1960. They’re rare enough but finding one with such a prestigious lineage in a price range we could afford was unheard of. She’d won a bunch of races in her heyday. Dad wanted to fix it up and Mom forced him to involve Drew and me.” He snorted again. “Which was absolutely miserable.

He paused, running his hands up and down her arms thoughtfully.”

“It was worth it when she was done though.” He sighed, shook his head and looked down at her. “She was a masterpiece. I think it was the only time my dad ever acknowledged that I’d done something good. He even put his arm around me.” Alex swallowed hard, a strange emotion welling up and he almost felt as if he were going to be sick. He blinked a few times and it went away.

“He taught you how to sail, then?”

Alex sighed giving a thoughtful nod as he watched his hands run up and down her arms. He stepped away from her and she curled her arms into her chest to watch him turn towards the bed, sitting on the end.

He was suddenly exhausted as if he’d run sixteen miles in the rain, his chest aching. He hadn’t meant to tell her all of that and now he felt exposed and raw, dreading what she was going to say, but Kelsey didn’t say anything. She just looked at him, miserable and hunched over on the end of her bed and stepped over slowly, placing a hand on his shoulder as she climbed onto the bed next to him and curled her legs underneath her, her shoulder resting against his. She hesitated before she ducked her head and her cheek rested warmly against his shoulder blade. He reached a hand over and laid it on her bare thigh, sighing at the feel of her skin, a strange comfort washing over him.

“I don’t like talking about my family,” he said softly, hooking his chin on his shoulder to smell her hair and look at her from the corner of his eye.

“Me neither,” Kelsey grumbled. Her breath tickled along his shoulder blade. He smiled, turning his head towards her again.

“I’m just tired of bailing him out,” Alex said with a sigh and he felt Kelsey, rub her cheek against him, the gesture soothing. “He always needs money or a place to stay or a fucking alibi.” Alex shook his head, humming as he felt her fingertips begin to lightly trail over his back in indistinct patterns. “I promised my mother I’d look out for him He’s a fuckup, but he was her favorite.” Alex rolled his eyes then scoffed. “Dad liked to remind us that when we were born she hadn’t wanted to hand him back when it was time to start pushing for me.” Alex bit his lip, anger and hurt as old as himself burning within him and stinging his eyes. He sniffed hard, shaking his head. “So not everyone in this town has a picture-perfect family.”

Kelsey rubbed her cheek against him again, her fingers curling enough to let her nails skitter down his spine and he flexed his shoulders, skin turning to gooseflesh.

“I’m so sorry Alex,” she said softly, her lips brushing his shoulder blade as she said it and wrapped her arms fully around him.

He felt it again, a swelling in his chest that hurt so deeply it was disorienting. He placed a hand on her arm and let her hold him, enjoying the warmth of her and the comfort. He knew he didn’t deserve it after the way he had treated her but he took solace in it all the same. He felt her head shift, her cheek continuing to rub against his shoulder again as she began the slow trailing of her fingers over his back once more while her other arm stayed draped around his stomach.

She could hear the scratchy sound of his breath pulling in and out of his lungs, her head moving ever so slightly with the rise and fall of his back. His heart thudded at a steady pace, a sound she had loved since the first time she laid her head on his chest. Her eyes followed her fingers as they trailed over his soft skin, the muscles in his shoulders and back marbled only slightly. She knew he worked out, would occasionally roll over to find him gone in the morning and see him outside doing pushups or some kind of crazy plyometrics. She’d never really given much thought to what kind of body she was attracted to but she found she very much liked his, slim and toned but not overly muscled. She liked the hidden strength of him.

“It’s really coming down out there,” he said, his head turned toward the sliding door where a storm was blowing wildly outside. Kelsey looked as well seeing the rain lashing at the glass, her fingers running back and forth over a lump under his shoulder blade.

“You’re really tense.” Kelsey applied more pressure to the knot and his shoulder twitched.

“Yeah,” he muttered, rolling his shoulders back and tilting his head from side to side in an attempt to crack his neck but couldn’t.

She pulled herself up onto her knees behind him and he glanced over his shoulder just as she placed her hands there and applied pressure. He groaned, his head lolling forward as her thumbs kneaded the tight muscles, his skin pebbling to gooseflesh. She worked her fingers up his neck, crawling along the sides and he couldn’t even think straight as tiny pinpricks of pleasure washed over him, feeling himself loosen at her touch.

“Jeez you are really tense,” Kelsey muttered, sitting higher on her knees so she could grip him tighter, rolling her thumb over the knot under his shoulder blade. “Does that hurt?”

Alex hissed and winced, rolling his shoulder back into her hand. “A little, but it’s good.”

He groaned and Kelsey bit her lip, pressing harder and was rewarded with a hiss and a moan. She could feel her breathing becoming labored, a now familiar tug pulling in her lower belly. He hummed appreciatively as she leaned into him, using her body to give strength to her arms and hands as she worked over his muscles. His head hung loosely forward on his shoulders and stayed there even as she paused to sit up straighter.

“Here,” she said sliding out from behind him. “Lay down.”

She patted the mattress in front of her. It took him a beat for the gesture to register. He turned on his hip with a lazy grace and slinked up the mattress. He buried his face in her pillow curling his arms underneath it and felt her crawling closer to him. Her hands laid against his back, warm and soft and he felt her apply her weight which made him groan. His breathing hitched when he felt her throw her leg over his hips, sitting on the small bump of his ass. She wiggled a little finding her balance and leaned forward to press her hands to his shoulder blades. He let out a low moan into the pillow, feeling his tense muscles unfurl and the heat of her through the thin articles of clothing separating them.

Kelsey’s breathing was shallow, her hands working over the taught muscles of Alex’s back as he wiggled underneath her, making sounds that were making her muscles clench and she could feel herself warming up. She pressed her hips down into him, enjoying the pressure. She’d been fantasizing about this for a while now. Not the massage but straddling him, moving against him at her own pace. It had been the same every time since the first time, him taking her to bed, sometimes making her come with his mouth before seeking his pleasure within her. But every time he was on top, in control. It wasn’t that she didn’t like it, the feeling of being taken safely, held and kissed as she laid back enjoying the fruits of his labor, but she wanted to try something different, feel him from a different angle, see his face when he came.

She was lost in the idea of it, her hands still kneading his muscles, now substantially looser from her efforts so she didn’t really notice how restless he’d become underneath her. He was panting into the pillow, the feel of her hands all over him causing a deep ache settle in his lower belly, feeling his balls tighten. He was fully hard, trapped uncomfortably against the mattress but he was torn between pulling her underneath him and ravaging her or letting her continue her slow grind against him. He could hear her breathing, her hands gripping at his flesh like she did when he was inside her but now it was just from a different angle. The thought made him shiver and he couldn’t stand it.

Kelsey was jolted from her dirty day dream as he started to roll over beneath her. She raised her hips, biting back a whine at the loss of the pressure but once he was settled on his back he gripped her hips hard and pulled her down against him. A gasp tore from her throat, her eyes rolling back in her head at the feel of him hard against her center, her hands moving to support her weight against his chest. Alex tipped his head back humming softly as he guided her hips against his, his tongue peeking out to lick his dry lips.

She found his rhythm easily and after a moment his hands began to wander from her hips up underneath her baggy sweatshirt. She panted as his hands slid up over her rib cage and cupped her breasts, molding and squeezing them, sending sharp shocks of pleasure down to her center. Alex swallowed hard, trying to concentrate on anything but the delicious friction between them as he started to tug her sweatshirt up.

Alex groaned deep in his chest as Kelsey sat back, letting her weight sit fully on his lap as she crossed her arms over her chest and pulled her sweatshirt off. She tossed it carelessly to the side, Alex’s hands reaching to cover her breasts again as she pulled the elastic from her hair, letting it tumble over her shoulders. He pushed himself up into a sitting position the best he could, his arms wrapping around her back to keep himself upright and nuzzled his nose against her breast bone. She let her head fall back in pleasure, her hips resuming their subtle rocking as her arms wrapped around his shoulders, hands delving into his hair.

He kissed across the full mound of one breast, capturing the nipple between his teeth and biting gently before rolling his tongue hard against it. She cried out, her back arching and grinding her hips down harder. He couldn’t stand it, had to feel her, to be inside her. He released her, falling back against the mattress and lifting his hips, trying to push his boxers down. She reached to aid him, her nails scratching his hipbones in her haste to pull them off. She watched him fall back against his stomach, thick and heavy the tip glistening and she slid off the side of the bed, shoving her sleep shorts and panties to the floor before climbing back onto the bed.

He reached for her, ready to roll her under him but she grabbed his wrists instead, throwing her leg over his hips and his hands turned in her grip, steadying her as she kneeled over him. His dick strained against his stomach, seeking her heat only inches away. He allowed her to fold his arms back, pinning his wrists on either side of his head as she leaned over to kiss him, her tongue surging against his, nails digging into his wrists. She was panting when she pulled back, her eyes dark, all pupil rimmed in ocher and he felt a sharp tug in his belly again wiggling restlessly under her. She slowly released his wrists but he did not move, something that seemed to satisfy her as she lowered herself over him. His eyes closed as he felt her wetness brush against the underside of his shaft and he automatically reached between them, taking himself in his hand and searching for her entrance.

“God, Kelsey,” he choked sliding against her easily and his eyes rolled back in his head, gritting his teeth against it, trying to push it down. “You’re so wet.”

“I want to do it this way,” she said, her voice low and needy, her hands planting on his chest, her head tipping back as he aligned with her entrance. “Please,” she whimpered and he was in awe, looking up at her, hair a wild tumble around her shoulders, cheeks and chest flushed.

He gripped her hips but merely held her, letting her take the lead. He wasn’t sure how long he would last already ramped up from the sight of her, the sound of her voice, needy and weak with want. She let her head fall forward, catching her bottom lip between her teeth as she began to lower herself onto him, a slow gasp pulling from her throat as she slid down slowly until her hips were flush against his.

Kelsey was trembling, her thighs threatening to shake her right off him as he pressed deep into that spot inside her that made her mind go black and her voice rip from her throat in a guttural cry. His fingers were digging into her hips hard and he was breathing sharply through his nose and out his mouth, eyes closed. She panted, pressing her palms harder against his chest and his eyes opened a slit, the slightest hint of ocean blue peeking up at her. She rocked forward, feeling him slip out of her a little before she rocked back flush against him again and let her head hang back at the sensation, breathing hard, nails scraping against his skin. She didn’t know how much more she could take, her body coiled tight but she didn’t want it to end this soon. She wanted to enjoy this, him underneath her, watching her.

She opened her eyes again, looking down at him and his chin was jutted forward, shoulders wiggling as his hips settled more firmly against the mattress. He nudged up and her mouth dropped open her thighs threatening to shake her apart. He whimpered swallowing hard and she felt his nails leaving half moon indentations in her skin, his eyes snapping shut.

She reached forward, her hand gripping his jaw and his eyes flew open in shock, staring into hers and she felt her stomach tremble. It was right there, one twitch of her hips and she would be moaning and shaking, unable to think or see. She lifted her hips, feeling every inch of him slip out and she dropped herself down hard against him, a sharp cry pulling from his lips as his feet slipped against the mattress looking for purchase. She was chasing the feeling now, her hips jerking hard against him of their own accord, his name ripping from her throat as she rode out her pleasure, waiting for it to ebb but it didn’t as she kept rocking, grinding her clit against his hipbone, stuck in a sharp state of pleasure she couldn’t stop.

Alex grunted feeling her tighten around him. The pulsing seemed to be endless and as much as he wanted to hold on he just couldn’t. His back arched, a guttural shout pulling from his chest as he ground up into her and she whined, the hand clutching his jaw moving to his chest, her fingers digging in. She was still whimpering as he came down, her hips still rolling hard against him and he flexed his wrists, his hands finally holding her still when the pleasure became sharp, too much. She let out a pitiful whimper her body giving him a squeeze that made him see stars and twitch hard into her at which she hissed.

Kelsey collapsed panting against his chest, forgetting all their practiced moves of legs together and roll, allowing her legs to uncurl but still staying on either side of his hips, her face pressed to his neck as he slid wetly out of her. She was a weak and trembling mess, small whimpers and moans still pulling from her throat. He brought a trembling hand up to the back of her head, cradling it in his palm for a moment before running his hand over her hair, his other arm wrapping tightly around her. She made another weak noise, pressing her face harder to his neck and he pressed his lips to her temple, holding her close.

He let her quiver and quake over him, focusing entirely on her because it meant he didn’t have to assess his own trembling muscles, the deep sense of intimacy between them. He had no illusions about how this was going to end, that it was going to end but this was the first time he felt a sharp, agonized stab of regret over it. He squeezed her again, closing his eyes and breathing in the sweet, sugary scent of her perfume as her muscles finally started to loosen, her breath becoming merely labored instead of erratic.

Kelsey knew she should lift herself from his chest but her arms were completely unsteady and she didn’t trust them. She’d felt wild and frenzied on top of him, the pleasure and the power of it electrifying her but as soon as it hit, the pleasure tearing through her then refusing to ebb she felt detached, and though he was still pressed impossibly deep inside her she had felt so far from him. She didn’t want to move from him now, their sweat slicked torsos plastered together, their breathing uneven and jagged, out of sync.

He didn’t seem to mind, one hand cupping the back of her head tenderly while his other ran smoothly up and down her spine, the gesture so simple but so intimate that her muscles finally began to uncurl and her limbs stilled against him. He pressed a kiss to her temple, then her forehead, then between her eyebrows. She lifted her head as he craned his neck, kissing her cheek then the tip of her nose. She planted her elbows on either side of his shoulders and held his face as she pressed her lips hard to his, feeling something sharp, something akin to pain but not, stab in her chest. She didn’t know what it was but knew it was volatile and some animal part of her brain cautioned her to proceed at her own risk.

“Alex,” she whispered, their lips parting, panting each other’s breaths in and out. “Alex I… that was…”

“I know,” he said, his voice a dry rasp and he swallowed hard, breathing in deeply through his nose.

She heaved a sigh and allowed her hips to slide off his and to the side, keeping her torso and head draped over him as he wiggled himself into a comfortable position. He nudged her gently and she pulled back just enough for him to get his arm out and wrap it around her shoulders before she clutched back against him, her ear pressed directly over his heart.

“Wow,” she sighed after an incredibly long silence and she felt his snort of laughter more than heard it.

“Same,” he growled, pressing a kiss to her hair line. She looked up at him, dark eyes sleepy and sated and he loved knowing he put that look on her face.

“You liked it?” she asked her voice dreamy as she replaced her cheek on his chest and he did chuckle at that.

“Yes,” he said into her hair, squeezing her and kissing her there again.

She looked up at him once again, her eyes dancing happily and he felt an overwhelming tenderness towards her, his hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She licked her lips, tilting her head to the side as she looked at him with an adoration he’d never seen from a woman before. It scared him and excited him, made him want to protect her, to do anything in his power to keep her looking at him that way. He pressed his lips to hers and watched through cracked lids as her eyes slowly closed, feeling her hand curl against his chest.

When he pulled back he watched her slowly lick her lips, her eyes remaining closed for a second before slowly opening to him. She rested her chin on his chest content to just look at him, memorize the lines of his face, pick out every fleck of navy in the ocean blue of his eyes.

“You’re staying tonight right?” she asked, a hint of anxiety creeping into her eyes and he couldn’t deny her anything in that moment.

“Yes,” he said automatically and was rewarded with a big smile before she tucked her head down, pressing her face into his neck and breathing him in. Her arm draped over his torso and she gave him a tight squeeze as if his answer delighted her so much she could hardly stand it.

He was on dangerous ground here. He could feel the anxiety underneath his contentment, that small sick feeling that told him he was taking a very big risk and he should cash in now before both of them lost it all. He knew dragging it out would just make it harder on both of them, but when he pressed his face into her hair and inhaled the sweet scent of her, felt her curl more into him, trying to pull herself as close as possible he could think of nothing but how to get more time. His stomach turned over itself, which he attributed to the most obvious culprit - his conscious warning him about the loss of his livelihood and her chance at a college education - and didn’t even consider the ever growing possibility that he was actually falling for her.