Alex sat behind his desk with a stack of papers in front of him, bouncing his pen idly against the ink blotter. He’d read the same paragraph of Josh Thurlbeck’s argumentative essay - Troll in the Highlighted Mask: Why Contouring Should Be Considered Lying - four times now and couldn’t force himself to focus. He threw the pen down and brought his hands up to his face, rubbing vigorously, as if he were bored and just needed better blood flow to his brain.

He was in denial about Kelsey Charming. Worst of all he knew he was in denial and was even trying to deny that. He had tried to justify it to himself once, told himself that she was mature for her age, she flirted with him, he couldn’t just turn off the part of his brain the appreciated a beautiful woman. He immediately stopped that train of thought when he realized he sounded like one of those guys on the news for kidnapping his underage student and running with her across state lines.

Except she wasn’t underage.

She was just his student. Who trusted him to not be a total creep. But she did flirt with him constantly. She didn’t even deny it anymore. She liked to tease him that she was the only one that could get away with that kind of cheek without receiving his signature death stare. At which he gave her a withering stare and she grimaced, turned back to her book just in time to miss the small smile he couldn’t hold in anymore. There was little risk in it as she only ever did it when they were alone, which seemed to be all the time as of late.

Kelsey had put her foot down about Sully’s parties, telling him no more than two guests at a time which would have solved the problem with anyone else. Except to Sullivan Charming it only took two to tango and three made it really fun. Pair that with the fact that Kelsey was entering into a very tricky section of linear algebra that needed her complete concentration and they spent nearly every evening of the last week and a half together. It had actually been kind of nice having someone else around. She worked silently in front of the wood-burning stove and he worked at his desk. They would order take out and she would conveniently have to go to the bathroom when the delivery guy arrived. She sat at the island and he stood across from her to eat standing up, as was his custom, and they chatted about anything and everything before she went back to her math and he sat in the chair opposite her to read. Their silences were comfortable and they liked the same toppings on their pizza. If it wasn’t so morally reprehensible she’d be the perfect girlfriend. He rubbed his face hard as if he could wipe away the thought.

A series of dull thuds came from the laundry room, something akin to a knock and he felt his heart skip a beat as he stood to answer it. Kelsey was standing outside, laden with shopping bags. Her cheeks were pink from the fall chill, hair damp from the near constant drizzle that had been plaguing Lambency for the past two weeks. She was wearing a black peacoat, jeans and those tan fuzzy boots the girls broke out as soon as the temperature dipped below 70.

“Again?” Alex asked with a sigh and she gave him an exasperated look as she nudged past him to set her bags down on the kitchen island. “Is he in love with this girl or something?”

Kelsey laughed dramatically. “Oh, it’s so cute you assume that it’s been only one this whole time.” She rolled her eyes.

“Seriously?” Alex asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched her paw through her bags.

“They don’t call him Prince Charming for nothing,” Kelsey muttered, pulling boxes and jars out and placing them on the counter.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked, feeling anticipation curl in his stomach and hating himself for it.

Kelsey blinked at him. “Making dinner,” she said shucking her coat off and moving to throw it over the back of one of the barstools, setting her purse on top of it. He grimaced.

“Uh, Kelsey, I don’t-” Alex said his hand going to the back of his neck but she cut him off.

“It just really pisses me off,” she said as she shuffled around the counter again and grabbed a baguette of French bread. “In my childhood bed, Mr. Danvers I swear to God…” She trailed looking at the ceiling while holding the baguette menacingly as if she were going to use it as a sword.

“Why is he in your room?” Alex asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste and Kelsey stopped her unpacking to look at him.

“Uh, I wasn’t about to let him in Gram’s room,” she said, taking her now empty bags and stowing them away beside the counter. “Now, where’s your baking sheets?”

“Where are,” he corrected on instinct and she gave him a withering look. “Kelsey, you don’t have to make me dinner…” Alex said, watching as she programed his oven to start preheating.

“I know,” she replied turning back to the items on the island and moving them around, “But we both have to eat and you’ve been paying for most of the take out, so I figured- hey do you have a dutch oven? You know, the big pan with the handles?” She mimed holding a pan, whipping her head around as if she were trying to decide which cabinet it might be in.

“Miss Charming,” Alex said finally, his tone sharper than he intended. She stood stock straight as she always did when he addressed her as he did all his other students. It was their signal that they’d had their fun but it was time to get back to work. “This is…not…”

“Appropriate, I know,” Kelsey said with a roll of her eyes. “Look, I just lugged all this stuff here from Greens in the rainy cold. Reva’s on a date. Elliot is at a LAN party, which I didn’t even know they did that anymore, and LoKey is,” she frowned. “Actually, I don’t know where LoKey is. Anyway, if I spend one more night at the Sarno’s, Lavali is going to sign me up for Match.com.”

“Is that where she thinks you are?” Alex asked, feeling a prickle at the back of his neck which he rubbed hard. “On a date?”

“No, she doesn’t think I’m anywhere. She doesn’t keep track of me or anything. I’m eighteen,” Kelsey said with a snort and Alex swallowed hard.

“That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement, Miss Charming,” Alex said, his voice tight with stress and he rolled his neck around to try and disperse the tension. “I appreciate your… appreciation of the take-out, but this is very unnecessary.”

She looked at him and pursed her lips. “So, you’re saying you don’t want the lasagna spirals from Ezio’s?”

Alex’s eyes widened and he had to stop the moan that threatened to escape him at the mention of Ezio’s lasagna spirals. Ezio’s was one of two fine dining establishments in Lambency and it was by far the best. Ezio Sarno had brought his great grandmother’s recipes over from Italy and it was widely known that once you had Italian food at Ezio’s all other Italian food was ruined for you. It was a special occasions only spot though, pricing set more for the tourists than the locals. Alex ate there about four times a year and he always got the lasagna spirals.

Kelsey was smirking at him and he shifted from foot to foot, glaring at her. “Ezio wouldn’t give you his recipe. He guards those with his life.”

“Yeah but Reva would,” she retorted and grinned at him obnoxiously.

“You told Reva Sarno that you were making me dinner?” he asked, his voice cracking in alarm.

“Of course not; don’t be stupid,” Kelsey said as the oven beeped behind her. “I said I wanted to make some for Mrs. Konig as an apology for a solid week of Sully’s Discotheque. Which wasn’t entirely untrue.” Kelsey said with a shrug. “They’re her favorite too. So, come on. Pans? Please?”

She looked at him imploringly and he hated himself for letting her pleading brown eyes melt his resolve. He needed to put his foot down on this. This was wildly inappropriate.

“The drawer under the stove,” he grumbled, trudging over as she beamed at him and bent to open the drawer. He nearly collided with her as he was trying to skate behind her to get to the cabinet on the other side of the stove.

“Oops sorry,” she said, straightening again and he tried to breathe normally as he retrieved the dutch oven from under the counter.

“How can I help?” He asked with a sigh, planting his hands on his hips and surveying the items on the counter.

“I’m not giving you this recipe,” Kelsey said flatly and he let out a chuckle. “Seriously, Reva practically made me take a blood oath when she gave it to me.”

“I promise I will not try to decipher whatever it is you are doing with these ingredients,” Alex said and he held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

Kelsey narrowed her eyes at him. “Were you even a boy scout?”

“Kelsey, my dad was in the military. I’m a damn Eagle Scout.”

Kelsey let out a loud bark of laughter before covering her mouth to quiet it. “Okay, well, then I believe you.”

The galley kitchen wasn’t exactly built for two people to be working at once. Alex slid behind Kelsey to get into the fridge while she was mixing various ingredients in a bowl, his front sliding against her back and it was that one taste of friction that had his mind going places it really shouldn’t be going. Her jeans were that dark, skin tight variety that was popular among girls her age and her shirt was a thin cotton thing with blue stripes, the shadow of her camisole visible underneath, and a wide neckline that gave him the barest peek at her collarbones. Little silver buttons adorned the shoulders. She had thrown up her hair half way through the cooking process, tiny wisps falling from the hasty knot. He wanted to pull it down and bury his hands in it, use it to gently tug her head back and run his mouth down her neck.

Kelsey could feel a strange tension settle over them somewhere in the middle of the work. She’d felt him slide behind her, his palms resting lightly on her biceps, chest brushing her back, hips sliding against her backside. She felt her heart beat ratchet up, her breathing coming a little heavier than normal and a strange ache settled in her lower belly. She glanced at him, finding his neck and ears to be red as he rooted around in the fridge for what she didn’t know.

They ate in relative silence, Kelsey insisting that he sit down for once like a respectable human being. He felt it would be prudent to keep a chair between them but didn’t want to come off as rude. At least that was what he told himself when his elbow lightly brushed hers. That’s when she realized he was left handed.

They kept knocking elbows and eventually stopped apologizing, the silence thick between them. Kelsey felt nervous, her stomach fluttering, making it difficult to eat. Something was different between them and she couldn’t place it. They had spent so much time together recently that she thought she’d finally mastered all his silences, but this one was new to her. It felt suffocating, almost as if it were the cause of her shallow breathing, her racing heart.

He finished before her, seeming to inhale his food which she smiled inwardly at. Guess he liked it. He began cleaning up immediately, his movements quick, almost manic. It was making her nervous.

“If you hang on a minute I’ll help you,” she said, swallowing her last bite of lasagna.

“It’s fine,” he said crisply, moving to put some utensils into the dishwasher.

Kelsey rolled her eyes, stood and picked up her plate to bring it around to the sink. He jumped as she sidled up next to him and he could smell the sweetness of her perfume that reminded him of a sugared peach. He swallowed hard, feeling a pull in his lower belly that he’d been forcing himself to ignore all night. He felt as if he were walking on a wire and she was shaking it underneath his unsteady feet.

“I’ll wash if you dry and put away,” Kelsey said as she dropped her plate in the sink.

“Uh, why don’t you just sit down,” He gestured over to one of the wingback chairs, which he would not admit was her chair even though in the back of his mind it was.

“We’ll get it done faster if I help,” she said, reaching to flick on the water and when her breast brushed against his arm he finally snapped.

“Kelsey! No!” Alex practically yelled, grabbing her biceps with more force than necessary and she stumbled over her own feet as he forced her to move away from the sink.

She looked up at him shocked and maybe a little scared. Mr. Danvers never yelled at her. Not like that, and he’d certainly never looked at her the way he was now. It wasn’t anger in his eyes but something akin to it, his brow drawn almost as if he were in pain. Kelsey felt his fingers flex around her biceps, grip so firm it almost hurt. Almost. Her hands were wrapped around his forearms, having grabbed on to him fearing she was going to fall over her own feet. Something about the taut muscle under the velvet skin made her chest feel tight, a sharp ache pulling in her belly. Her eyes fell to his lips then, feeling his panting breath fanning her face. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard.

Alex had to let go of her. He had to step back. He was so far beyond the line he couldn’t even see it behind him anymore. He was trapped by her gaze, her eyes confused and a little hurt. When she finally looked away he felt a sense of relief, taking the opportunity to gather himself so it was a real shock when she rose to the tips of her toes and became eye level with him, though still not looking at him. He realized a second too late that she was looking at his lips, her nose nuzzling his as she leaned in and his eyes closed involuntarily when she brushed her mouth against his.

Kelsey could not believe she was doing this. Her brain was screaming at her to stop; she was humiliating herself. He was going to push her away any second now and yell at her to leave. He wasn’t going to help her anymore and she was going to fail his class. She was going to lose the scholarship that her grandmother had been prepping her for since middle school.

She pulled back reluctantly, keeping her eyes closed as she licked her lips and moved to release his arms. His hands came up to cup her face and she jumped under the tender touch, feeling his fingers brush the delicate skin behind her ears. She looked up to see his eyes sink closed as he leaned into her, his lips pressing harder against hers this time and she felt her stomach bottom out. She’d never been kissed like this, his mouth working wetly against hers and her head seemed to spin from it. He pressed his forehead to hers, pulling back just enough to lick his lips before going in again and she reached up to grip his wrists in her hands.

Alex started to let go of her face, feeling sure she was about to pull his hands away, scream at him, call him a pervert. Instead she let out a needy whine, her arms moving to encircle his neck and he couldn’t hold back his moan as she pressed her body fully against his. His hands clutched at her lower back, pressing his hips hard against hers and she stumbled a step back in surprise. He nudged her gently, turning them so that her back pressed against the door of the refrigerator to steady them.

Kelsey’s mouth opened against his in a gasp as her back hit something solid and his body collided with hers. A flash of heat prickled over her skin, raising goosebumps on her arms at the feeling of him against her hip, one foot slid between both her hers, thigh pressed against her intimately. Alex took the opportunity to slide his tongue against hers and she fisted her hands in his hair, a guttural sound pulling from her chest. He could feel her nipples hard under her thin shirt and he wrenched his mouth from hers, panting as he swallowed hard at the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Kelsey opened her eyes to see his head turned to the side, looking as if he was using every ounce of his control and she wondered for what over the course of a split second before it dawned on her. She swallowed hard at the idea, her fingernails scratching against his scalp lightly and she gasped at the growl he emitted, feeling him press her back harder against the fridge as he kissed her fiercely again.

There was no doubt in Kelsey’s mind that she was going through with this if he didn’t come to his senses and stop her. She felt overheated, pushing her hips hard into him, arms tightening around his shoulders to keep him from pulling back. Part of her knew that if she didn’t let up he wouldn’t be able to stop, a thought that was deeply intoxicating, almost empowering.

Alex felt her arms release him, her hands coming between them to reach for his hips. Jesus, they were really going to do this. He knew they should stop, that he was the one that had to stop them, but when her hands slid under the hem of his shirt, knuckles brushing his hipbones before sliding her palms against his lower back he knew there was not enough self-control in the world to get him to pull back from her.

Kelsey’s hands were moving tentatively up his back, his skin soft and warm while his hands fumbled at the hem of her shirt before sliding underneath her camisole. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that she wasn’t wearing a real bra until now, the built-in one in her camisole usually sufficient but under the current circumstances she felt almost naked though she was still fully clothed. The way his hands moved around her waist and freely up her back to her shoulder blades caused a rush of pleasure to tighten her muscles, her own hands fumbling underneath his thin t-shirt to feel more of his skin.

When her nails curled lightly against his shoulder blades, Alex nearly lost it. She gasped as his hands untangled from her camisole to grab her biceps, his forehead resting against hers as he maneuvered her through the kitchen and over to his bed.

Kelsey could feel herself trembling as he released her, crossing his arms over his chest to pull off his shirt. While she had seen him shirtless before many times on the beach, nothing compared to having him this close, being able to reach out a hand and feel the warmth of his skin wrapped taut around his torso. Her fingertips brushed along the faint lines of his abdomen, tracing the thin pink scar that wrapped around his ribcage. He reached for the elastic in her hair and tugged gently, watching it unravel and fall down over her shoulders. She shook her head back slightly, letting it settle and he reached for her face again, delving his hands back into her hair as he kissed her hard. His fingers slipped under the hem of her shirt and tank again before gripping it and deftly pulling up, only releasing her lips to let the garment pass between them as it came over her head. Her arms raised, feeling a prickle of insecurity as her breasts were revealed, but when the fabric cleared her head and she could see his face again, all bashfulness left her at the look in his eyes.

Alex flattened his hands against her waist, drinking in the soft curves of her torso. Small breasts with pink nipples standing, the slight dip of her waist before it expanded into her hips, her belly soft. He pulled her against him, feeling her gasp as she felt him skin on skin and his mouth claimed hers again, kissing her hard as his hands smoothed up and down her back.

Kelsey felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her skin was on fire, the ache between her legs maddening and the friction of his thigh between hers was nowhere near enough. She let her nails skitter lightly down his back, feeling goosebumps rise in their wake and he made that growling noise again, pulling back from her.

She pulled her arms to her chest, covering herself as he leaned around her to rip the comforter and sheet back, exposing water blue sheets under the navy duvet. He let his eyes lock with hers as his hands wrapped gently around her upper arms guiding her so that the backs of her thighs were against the bed and she felt safe enough to uncross her arms to support her weight as she lowered herself down onto the mattress.

She could see a pretty prominent bulge in the front of his khakis, something that excited and scared her. Despite all of Reva’s stories and insistence that sex was pretty much the best thing ever, she’d actually never pictured herself doing it. The idea seemed kind of absurd. Up until a few minutes ago she’d found kissing to be kind of gross, all slobber and forceful tongue thrusting but this, she liked all of this.

Alex guided her back further onto the bed, holding her gaze and watching for any notion that she wanted him to stop but he saw nothing but desire written plainly across her face. He pulled back from her, pretending not to notice her arm reaching for him as he moved to pull off her boots. Her arm fell to the bed weakly, looking up at the ceiling as he peeled off her socks and then reached for the button of her jeans.

She let out a slow breath as he worked them down, her underwear coming with them and hoped she didn’t have a bunch of red lines and indentations all over her skin from those stupid tight pants. She was naked now, laying back in Mr. Danvers bed, his hands smoothing up the outsides of her thighs and there was no way this was real. She felt his hands move to her inner thighs, nudging them apart and that prickle of self-consciousness was back, wondering what he was thinking about, worrying that she wasn’t completely bare like Reva claimed to be.

“Kelsey,” he said softly, his voice a low rumble and she looked down her body at him, one of his hands still on her thigh while he rested his weight on his other elbow. His eyes were all pupil ringed in blue, his breath panting past dry lips and she felt pinned by his gaze. In that moment, she would have given him anything he’d ask her for. “Are you okay?”

Her head bobbed up and down, not really sure if she had words with how okay and not okay she was at the same time. Her thigh twitched underneath his palm as he slid it higher, nudging her legs open wider still and she let her head fall back as his mouth brushed against her. She panted, staring up at his ceiling as she felt his tongue probe against her folds. The moonlight was dancing across in undulating white strobes but she couldn’t concentrate on that, the sensation strange and she wondered why girls liked th- oh. Her stomach tightened as his tongue moved more forcefully against her making her gasp at the unexpected pleasure of it. His fingers probed lightly at her entrance and her back arched as he pressed one in gently, his mouth leaving her for a second but she felt his breath panting against her, driving her insane.

Alex felt her fingers brush his ear, reaching for him and he opened his mouth against her, lapping at her wetness, feeling it coat his finger, hearing her gasp as he added another. She was impossibly tight, her walls not wanting to give way to his intrusion. Her fingers scraped at his scalp, her thigh muscles contracting as he eased both fingers out slowly, working his tongue against her. He heard her make a breathy moaning sound, her hips restless under him. He let his fingers press in again, heard her gasp and felt her muscles tighten but this time it was accompanied by a deep moan. He pulled back, letting out a harsh breath against her which she writhed at, trying to push her hips forward to find him again.

This was absolutely maddening, Kelsey thought as his fingers drug slowly out of her once more and began to press in, his tongue rolling against her most sensitive flesh. The slow burn of the stretch was beginning to melt into a pleasure she had never felt before. Her hips were moving of their own accord, following the motion of his tongue and the rhythm of his fingers became steady. She was aware that she was moaning and sighing but couldn’t be bothered to be embarrassed by it, feeling her stomach start to tighten as something began to build deep in her gut.

Alex was taking great pains to be careful, go slow and easy but the sounds that Kelsey was making were driving him absolutely insane. He could tell she was close, her thighs tensing and releasing at his shoulders, her breathing becoming erratic. He didn’t think there was anyway she could become any tighter but when her release hit her, her body gripped his fingers in a vice, her back arching as she shouted a garbled, guttural sound that sent a shiver down his spine.

Kelsey fell back against the mattress, her entire body shaking and Mr. Danvers - Alex, she thought sinfully - was still lapping at her. His fingers pressed deeply for a final time and that started the wave all over again. She struggled against him when the pleasure became sharp, even the softness of his tongue too much against her over stimulated flesh but he curled his arms around her thighs and held her in place until it was finally over.

Alex released her when he felt her muscles begin to relax, her legs still trembling uncontrollably. He wiped at his mouth, stood and watched her as he reached for his belt buckle, swallowing hard. She was splayed before him, nipples taught, head still thrown back with her chest heaving. She had gripped the sheets in both hands, tugging them and only now did she relax her grip, her eyes heavy as she gazed up at him disoriented.

He could stop this now, he told himself. Sure, he’d crossed a line but he hadn’t yet taken anything from her and after touching her so intimately he was sure he would be. There was no hesitation from her, just a dazed curiosity as he unbuttoned his pants and pushed them along with his boxer briefs to the floor.

“Kelsey, are you… do you take any…” he asked, glancing at his bedside table and trying to think if he had condoms.

She nodded vigorously, writhing in front of him as her hands released the sheets, reaching for him and any hesitation he had flew out of his mind in an instant, his knees sinking into the mattress as he crawled over her.

Alex gritted his teeth against the feel of her hands reaching for his thighs, trying to pull him closer. He closed his eyes, trying to get himself into the right headspace but he knew this wasn’t going to last long. She probably wouldn’t want it to. Supporting himself on one arm he reached between them, slicking himself in her wetness and let out a harsh breath, his eyes snapping shut against the pleasure of it. Her hands tugged insistently against the backs of his thighs, her hips wiggling and he released a breathy laugh at her eagerness.

He poised himself at her entrance, feeling the tip sink into her wet warmth and fought for composure.

“Kelsey,” he said, his voice a ragged wreck and her eyes opened fully to find his head turned to the side, that warring look on his face again before he slowly turned to look into her eyes.

He felt her inner muscles pull at him, sinking in a little deeper and he gritted his teeth against her breathy whine, her hips continuing to wiggle impatiently.

“Kelsey,” he said again, swallowing hard and she was begging him with her eyes but he needed to hear it. “Are you sure about this?” He reached up to cup her cheek and she turned her face into it, panting as she nodded eagerly, hands tugging at him again and he bit his lip brutally. “Kels…”

“Yes,” she said finally, her voice almost savage as her nails dug into his flesh, leaving half moon in his skin. “Please…Alex…”

He dropped his head to her shoulder, grinding his forehead against her collarbone at the sound of his name, his first name, passing her lips. His hips nudged forward without his permission, pushing halfway in before he could stop himself and her entire body tensed, the smallest whimper strangling in her throat. He lifted his head, resettling his hand against her cheek and bit his lip against her grimace.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked, his voice timid and she shook her head vehemently, her lips pressed into a thin line.

He held steady though it felt as if it would kill him, thinking of anything but the feeling of her tight, pulsing walls around him. He swore he could feel her heart beat squeezing at him and he couldn’t even fathom being all the way inside her. He felt her hands tug at his thighs again, her face relaxing somewhat and he nuzzled his nose against hers as he continued to press forward.

Kelsey breathed slowly against the searing burn at her center. She felt uncomfortable and stretched, wondering when he was going to be flush against her. She wondered how much more he could give, already feeling as if he were pressing impossibly deep inside her. She felt him shiver hard as his hips finally settled against hers, the dull ache almost overwhelming as she struggled to breathe against the discomfort.

“Are you… okay?” He asked weakly, his voice agonized and he almost sounded as if he were in more pain than she. She ran her hands up his back, feeling him begin to tremble against her, the squeak of his teeth grinding in her ear.

“Are you?” She asked, her voice pulled from deep in her throat and Alex heaved a laugh, panting hard against her collarbone and the movement jostled them just enough to make her wince.

“I’m fine, Kelsey,” he said, lifting his head from her neck and resting his forehead against hers.

She watched him, his eyes closed, long lashes splayed against his cheek bones. He breathed in deeply through his nose and let it out of mouth, the small gusts tickling her lips. She mimicked his breathing, keeping her eyes on his face as the burn began to fade. When his eyes opened she could see him begging her and all she could do was nod, steeling herself against what was to come.

Alex felt her breath come out in a hiss as he dragged out of her slowly, forcing his mind anywhere but here. Her hands gripped his shoulder blades and when he began to press back in her nails dug in, making him shake and he didn’t know how much more he had.

“Kelsey,” he whimpered and she looked into his tortured face. “I can’t…”

“It’s okay,” she said, trying to open her legs wider, feeling the ache in her hips from laying spread for so long. “It’s okay.”

He heaved out a breath, pressing his face hard against her neck and drew back more swiftly than before, pushing back against her with a little more force. She grunted against it and in just two more strokes he was finished, his hips pressing hard against hers, letting out a deep moan against her neck. The muscles of his back tensed under her hands and she hugged his hips with her thighs, suddenly remembering what Reva had told her was her secret weapon.

Alex let out a sharp cry as her muscles contracted around him steadily, one, two, three times, drawing him deeper and milking every last ounce of pleasure from him. Kelsey heard him hiss and tense with every pull of her inner muscles and he collapsed weakly on top of her, shivering hard as she did it one more time before trying to let her body relax.

Alex lay dazed against her, feeling almost light headed from the pleasure. He tried to gain some semblance of composure, breathing deeply into her neck, the scent of sweat and perfume mixing with the musk of what they had just done. Her hips twitched beneath him, the movement torturous against his most sensitive flesh and he lifted himself up on his elbows to release some of the pressure from her. She blinked up at him, eyes glazed as she gave him a weak smile. He kissed her lightly, feeling a tenderness towards her that he always felt for the woman he was with in a moment like this.

Kelsey felt dazed, in some state of shock. She was rattled to the core, his mouth on hers, feeling him outside and inside. She hadn’t expected this. No one ever talked about the raw intimacy of this moment, when your breathing started to slow and the ache began to fade. His lips left hers, his eyes opening and she felt a violent tug in her chest, something akin to fear but not, more a desperation to not let him leave.

He touched the side of her face, seeing the anxiety in her eyes and kissed her lightly again. “Okay I’m going to pull back,” he said calmly, his eyes holding hers and she nodded. “You’re going to close your legs and turn onto your hip as fast as you can, okay?” Her brow crinkled in confusion and he gave her his tight smile. “Trust me.”

She nodded and he nodded back. “Ready?” he asked and she nodded again.

She hissed against his swift departure but managed to close her legs while he hoisted himself over them to lay beside her and she struggled onto her side, feeling wetness trickle from her, pressing her thighs together instinctively. She felt him settle next to her, kicking his legs to get them under the covers. He pulled the blankets up over the both of them and Kelsey curled more into herself, tucking an arm underneath the pillow. She pressed her face into it, breathing in the clean, simple scent of him in the fabric. He raised his arm, reaching with his other hand to tug at her hip, getting her to scoot closer. She lifted her head to allow his arm to slip underneath her neck and pressed her face to his chest, feeling his heart pounding hard against her cheek.

He let out a heavy sigh, a satisfied sound, as he rested his cheek against the top of her head, feeling her hand reach tentatively to lay against his chest. He covered it with his, picking it up and bringing it to his lips, kissing her fingertips gently. She rubbed her cheek against his skin, pulling herself closer to him and he felt her body relax as he placed her hand back on his chest, holding it there with his own.

Alex was sure the morning would bring a lot of guilt, maybe some regrets but he allowed himself this one final indulgence, to lay here with her and enjoy the weight of her head on chest, her hair flung across his arm as sleep began to drag him under. Kelsey was fading fast, his heart beat like a lullaby in her ear. She pressed a lazy kiss to his chest before succumbing to sleep, vowing to deal with the consequences tomorrow. Tonight she just wanted to feel this.

* * *

Kelsey woke with a fearful jerk in a dark and unfamiliar place. Her hips ached and her insides felt raw. It only took half a second for it all to come flooding back. The clock on his bedside table read 4:33 a.m. The condo was all shadows and moonlight, familiar but not, in that way places had when you’d never before seen them in the dark. She felt Mr. Danvers - Alex - behind her, his breathing deep and slow, arm flung around her waist. She wanted to turn and look at him, to see his face smooth and unburdened in sleep but she was afraid to move for fear of waking him, for fear of what he would say to her.

A paralyzing dread hit her then, the thought of him scolding her and telling her what they had done was wrong made her chest feel tight and panicked. She had the nagging feeling that she’d already lost him even though he was right there, holding her. She knew that wouldn’t last. He would insist that this never happen again, that they shouldn’t be alone together anymore.

She couldn’t take it, the ache in her chest unbearable. She slid as cautiously as she could to the side of the bed, his arm sliding from her hip to the mattress, dead weight. She stood, wetness rolling down her legs and she wrinkled her nose. Reva never told her about that. She searched for her clothes in the dark, trying not to make a sound even though Alex was dead to the world. She winced as she forced herself back into her jeans, her hips resisting the stretch of lifting her legs. She looked at him then, moonlight playing across his shoulder, his face in a shadow and she forced herself to turn away, feeling her eyes sting. She wouldn’t force him to reject her. She would just dress and go.

Grabbing her purse and coat, she let herself out the back door, closed it silently behind her and winced her way down the stairs. Reva never told her about that part either. The last time she’d been sore like this was when Reva convinced her to do that spin class at the rec center. Her mind wandered as she trudged slowly down the length of Building One, the air crisp but dry. He had been so gentle, so sweet. There was no question of her getting hers, something Reva lamented about with previous beaus, and she’d had no trouble getting there. It was almost as if her body had been waiting for him all this time and once it had him, there wasn’t much he needed to do to satisfy it.

She shivered against the cold, mounted the steps to Building Two, taking them slow and she didn’t think she could bear seeing him in class in ten hours. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to pretend nothing had happened? She let herself into the condo and heaved a sigh, feeling so very heavy, the weight of what they had done, the weight of the loss of him, feeling as if it would bury her.

A light flicked on, suddenly blinding her and she threw her hand up against it. Sully was sitting on the couch, a beer in one hand looking stern.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked looking her up and down in suspicion and she fought a blush.

“Reva’s,” she replied dully and made for her room, formerly Gram’s room, and Sully reached out a hand to stop her, gripping her wrist tight.

“You come slinking in at quarter to five in the morning and you expect me to believe you were with that Indian girl?”

Kelsey ripped her arm from his grasp. “Not that it’s any of your business but yeah. She snores sometimes. I have a physics exam in four hours and need some sleep.”

She keyed herself into her room and shut the door sharply behind her, thumbing the lock over with a click. She leaned back against the door, her head falling against it and felt the tears well but she refused to let them fall. She just needed some sleep. Looking into the room it was almost easy to believe that it was still Gram’s. Kelsey made the bed every day now, something she never did in her own room, much to Eleanor’s chagrin. She spent time carefully arranging the throw pillows how Gram had liked them. It was tidy, all the matronly trinkets still on the dresser and bedside tables, flower prints still hung on the walls. The only thing that gave it away was her pile of clothes stacked on the two chairs in the sitting area by the sliding glass door. All of Gram’s things were still in the closet.

Kelsey sat on the end of the bed, holding her head in her hands and cursed the stinging of her eyes when thinking about Alex and Gram. Why did everyone leave her eventually? What about her was so terrible that when she really got close to someone it wasn’t long before they were gone?

She rubbed her eyes hard, sniffing as she stood and strode purposefully into the bathroom. What she needed was a shower to scald away the memory of his touch and revitalize her wounded heart. Hot water had a purifying effect though the temperature in an average shower reached only 110 degrees. Temps over 120 degrees would scald in about five minutes…

And so she let her mind unravel itself, shutting her hurt feelings inside and burying them underneath the heavy blanket of the only thing that never failed to bring her comfort; the steady surety of modern science and mathematics.