Thirteen
The fee was astronomical, but neither Cara or I wanted to ride back to the city with my parents, and our friends had offered, but I was tired from all the socializing. I loved them, but they could be a lot. We were exhausted, they were exhausted, and I just wanted to chill out with her, just the two of us.
“Thank you for everything, Mom. This was amazing, and I’m glad you did it. Even if I was a pain in the ass about it before.” I hugged her hard and she held me tight.
“You deserve it. You both deserve happiness and I’m so glad you liked it. Anytime you want to do another party, let me know. I think I’ve found my new calling.” It was true, she had done a great job on short notice.
“Maybe that’s a new market: last minute receptions.” She laughed and went to give Cara a hug. Dad hugged me and told me that he loved me and Cara, and to come visit more often.
“I will,” I said, meaning it. I had neglected them recently, and it wasn’t right. Now that I had more money, I could even rent a car and come out here on the weekends with Cara. Cara, my wife. I would never get used to that, and I would never get used to the fact that I was her wife.
Our friends departed with promises to come and help us unpack next week and finally the car arrived to take us back.
“I’ve never been so tired in my life,” Cara said through a yawn. “I was not expecting that at all. Maybe a nice dinner with your parents, but not an awesome party. That was great.” She let her head fall back on the headrest and turned to give me a sleepy smile.
“It was. I never thought I wanted something like that, but now I can’t imagine having this day without all of that. We should have more fun.” Cara laughed a little.
“Yeah, we should. Now that we have more money, we can have more fun.” It was true. Money could definitely buy you fun.
“I do and I don’t want this to end,” she said in a sleepy voice, her eyes shuttering.
“I know,” I said, shuffling a little closer to her. Mom had put our bouquets in bags, and forced us to take leftovers so we weren’t going to need to buy groceries for like a week. The car smelled like spinach and artichoke dip.
Cara made a grumpy sound and snuggled closer to me. I put my arm around her and let her pull her feet up on the seat and practically lay in my lap. My wife. My beautiful wife. We hadn’t talked about when we were going to get the annulment, but it would probably happen soon. Maybe right after we got the money. I knew this feeling wasn’t going to last, and it hurt to think about that. This whole thing was for show, a sham, but it sure as hell seemed real. I had a sleeping woman laying on my legs who had my ring on her hand and had signed a document saying that she was mine and I was hers. What could be more real than that?
I HATED WAKING CARA up when we got to the house, but I wasn’t in a state to carry her upstairs with my noodle arms. She groaned and fussed and complained and was totally adorable the whole time so I wasn’t even mad. I shoved her into bed and she fussed when I tried to tell her that she had to take the dress and her makeup off.
“You have to take it off or it will clog your pores and then you’ll be upset. Just roll over and let me wipe your face, you goof.” She moaned and flipped onto her back. I attacked her face with wipes as she giggled and batted at me.
“Just... stop, Care!” I scrubbed at her eyes and she whined, but I got most of it off. Now it was time for the dress.
“Roll over again. I need to get your zipper,” I said. She pouted, but did it, and I pulled the zipper down.
“Now you have to sit up so I can get it off.”
“This is too many steps,” she said, but she sat up, holding her arms out so I could pull the straps off her arms. I tried not to look as she pushed the dress down off her hips and then kicked it off her feet.
“I’m going to hang this up so it doesn’t end up crumpled on the floor,” I said as she wrapped herself up in my blankets like a burrito. I hung the dress up and then pulled my skirt off. I tried to get the zipper for my top down, but it was too far up my back for me to reach.
“Care, a little help?” A pile of blankets on my bed made a grumpy sound and then her head emerged, her eyes half-closed.
“Huh?”
“Can you help me with the zipper? That’s it, I promise. Then you can go back to sleep.” She huffed and puffed, but her fingers found the zipper and started pulling it down. Really slow. She stopped halfway down, and I looked over my shoulder at her.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, but her eyes were glazed over. She was just staring at my back.
“Yeah,” she said in a faraway voice before blinking and yanking the zipper the rest of the way down.
“Careful,” I said, hoping she hadn’t harmed the delicate lace. I slipped the sleeves off and stood up in just my bra and panties.
Cara wasn’t going back to sleep. Cara was wide awake and staring.
I pretended not to notice. Maybe she was staring off into space or had checked out or something. Perhaps this was some high-level exhaustion.
I pulled on a long t-shirt and yanked it over my hips, not looking at Cara. I turned off the lights without asking her and got into bed.
“I’m so tired,” I said, hoping she would get the hint that that meant I didn’t want to talk and I just wanted to go to sleep and not think about the way she’d kissed me and the way she had been looking at me, not just now, but all day.
“Me too,” she said in that same faraway voice.
“Happy wedding night,” I said, trying to make a joke. Neither of us was getting laid, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t uncommon for a lot of other people. You were so exhausted from everything that sex was probably the last thing on either of your minds. Made complete sense.
“Happy wedding night,” Cara said, snuggling back down under the blankets. She let go of some of them so I could have some.
I lay on my back in the dark. Five seconds ago, I’d been so tired I thought I was going to fall asleep standing up and now my brain was running a marathon in circles inside my skull.
Cara made some noises beside me and turned her back to me. She was right there, but a million miles away. A little crack of the curtains let in a sliver of moonlight that caressed her back. I tried not looking, but I couldn’t help myself. She was simply gorgeous. I’d never seen anyone as beautiful as Cara, and I never would. I knew other people might not think she was the prettiest girl in the world, but I did, and always would.
I shifted onto my side so if I moved a little closer we would be spooning. We had slept that way before by accident. So why was I so scared to touch her? It was like those other nights when she’d slept over and I’d been afraid.
No, it wasn’t fear, exactly. It had a sharp edge of something else beyond fear. I pushed myself away from her. As far as I could get without falling off the bed. My head was getting confused and I needed to shut that shit down. This was Cara, my best friend in the whole world and my love for her was strictly a friendship love. Best friendship. Nothing romantic. Never had been. I’d been all about doing this wedding thing and now it was biting me in the ass.
I just needed to scrub myself of all this sentiment and get back to what mattered: getting her moved in and getting that money so she could put down her deposit for school. I would sleep so much better when we had that check in our hands and we could move forward with our lives. I’d worry about the annulment later.
Closing my eyes, I tried to wipe away the day, but it wasn’t happening. Little moments kept popping up: the moment before Cara had kissed me, the way she held me when Zane was taking our pictures, the way she’d sung to me as we’d danced, her smile when I shoved the cake in her face.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy and content. No one could have a better wedding day than Cara and I’d had, and it wasn’t even real. Best wedding ever.
So why did I feel like I was going to cry, and not from happiness?
The next day we both slept in and woke up around noon. I had finally fallen asleep, but it had been troubled and unsatisfying. After she left, I was probably going to try and nap. When I opened my eyes, I found Cara on her side, her eyes fluttering open.
“Hey,” I said, not sure what to say to her.
“Good morning, newlywed.” Her smile was lazy and slow and sent a shiver down my spine. She still didn’t have anything but her bra and panties on and the sunlight glinted off her shoulder. The way she had the blankets tucked around her, you couldn’t tell if she was wearing anything at all.
I shouldn’t be thinking about Cara naked. It was both weird and wrong. Friends didn’t think about their friends naked.
“Yeah, I guess we are,” I said, stretching. My body was sore everywhere from all the dancing.
“I don’t want to get up,” I said, turning onto my back.
“Me neither. I wish we had room service, but the closest thing is getting delivery, but one of us still has to get up and get it.” I sighed.
“But if we don’t get delivery, then we have to make food. Making food is terrible and should be avoided.” She nodded.
“You’re right. Okay, I’m ordering and paying if you agree to put on pants and a shirt and get the doorbell when it rings.” I turned and met her eyes.
“Deal.”
We shifted closer to each other in bed, and it was hard to make sure my skin didn’t touch hers. My long shirt had ridden up while I’d been sleeping, and I kept trying to pull it down so I was covered. Her thigh brushed against mine as she moved closer so we could look at brunch options on her phone. I pretended not to notice.
“I’m craving something really good. Biscuits and gravy? With bacon? And maybe some hash browns?” I was trying to follow what she was saying and keep my eyes on the phone screen, but it wasn’t easy.
“Sounds good,” I said. It actually did. I was ravenous and wanted something comforting and warm. Cara placed the order and then continued to scroll through her phone. I couldn’t handle being in bed next to her anymore, so I got up and put on some yoga pants.
“Where are you going?” Cara asked when I opened the door.
“To pee?” I said. She looked up from her phone.
“Oh, right. I hope everything comes out okay.” I stuck my tongue out at her and went to the bathroom. When I was done in there, I made a trip to the kitchen to put on some coffee for both of us. I nearly jumped out of my skin when a hand touched my shoulder.
“Hey, do you have any of the hazelnut creamer?” Cara asked as I stood there with my hand on my chest.
“You scared me,” I said, catching my breath.
“Sorry,” she said, and I turned to find her still just wearing her bra and panties.
“You might want to put something on. I have neighbors.” I gestured to the windows that were only half-covered by curtains. They could definitely look right in if they wanted.
“So?” Cara said, shrugging one shoulder and going to the fridge.
“So do you want them to see you like that?” I asked. She pulled out the creamer and did a little twirl. I had to stop looking at her. I turned to the coffee maker and stared at that, as if staring would help the coffee get made faster.
“If they want to look, I don’t care. I mean... whatever. I guess I’m old enough to not really care about modesty.” Well, I sure did and I wanted her to put some damn clothes on.
At last the coffee brewed and then I was saved by the sound of the doorbell, and ran downstairs to get the food from the delivery person. I grabbed the bags and headed back up the stairs, hoping against hope that Cara would be covered.
She was back in bed sipping coffee and sighing happily.
“Food’s here,” I said, holding up the bags.
“Thank goodness. We ate so much food, but now I’m hungry enough to eat these blankets. Can we eat in bed? It seems like a newlywed thing to do.” I didn’t want to rain on her parade, and I’d give her literally anything she wanted, so I said, “great idea.”
We spread the food out and I just decided I was going to do laundry after we inevitably spilled something. Biscuits and gravy wasn’t exactly a clean food to eat.
Cara sat cross-legged facing me with the food between us.
“There’s seven strips of bacon, wanna split them so we each have three and a half?” she asked me.
“You can have four pieces and I’ll have three,” I said, but Cara shook her head.
“No way. We’re married now, we split everything evenly, including bacon.” That made me smile. My face felt like it was cracking apart like stone.
“Well, that’s definitely a marriage perk,” I said, grabbing one of the pieces of bacon and shoving it into my mouth. The smoky saltiness revived me and then I attacked the biscuits, covering them with a rich layer of sausage gravy.
“I needed this,” I said with my mouth full.
“Seriously,” Cara said, gravy dripping down her chin. I used my thumb to wipe the gravy off her chin and then licked the excess off my finger.
She had stopped eating and was staring at me the way she had when I’d done her makeup yesterday. Had that only been a day ago? We had lived about a week’s worth of days since then. At least.
“You okay?” I asked, and she just swallowed and looked down at the food.
“Yeah, fine. Just tired.” A few moments ago she’d been bouncing and bubbling off the walls, so I didn’t buy that. What was going on with her?
I went back to my biscuits and let it drop. I didn’t want to push her. Was she regretting the wedding and the marriage? The idea that she would even regret it a little bit made me feel like I was being stabbed. I couldn’t handle being one of Cara’s regrets.
“You’re not... having second thoughts?” I said, not meeting her eyes.
“About what? The biscuits? Ask me in an hour.” She smiled and I shook my head.
“No, not the biscuits. The wedding and the marriage and everything.” I didn’t know what to do if she said yes. It would break me.
“Of course not. Are you? I mean, we haven’t even been married for twenty-four hours.” The rush of relief was so intense, I thought I was going to cry. I’d had too many emotions in the past day. I needed a break for at least a month.
“Of course not,” I said.
Cara’s eyes narrowed.
“Apple pie promise?”
“Apple pie promise. Speaking of that, we have apple pie. If you want some.” Cara put her hand on her stomach and pouted.
“I ate too much, I think. Maybe that second biscuit was a mistake, but I couldn’t let it sit there all alone. It looked so sad. So I had to eat it.” Cara tossed the remains of her breakfast in the bag and I added my trash.
“That was perfect,” I said, laying back. Cara stretched out next to me.
“You gonna stay dressed like that all day?” I asked.
“Why do you keep pestering me about what I’m wearing? Does it bother you? You’ve seen me in a bathing suit for days on end, Lo.” Intellectually, I knew that a bathing suit and underwear were basically the same, but my brain also told me that underwear was so much more intimate. Personal. It had connotations that weren’t about friendship.
“I know. It’s fine,” I said. Cara turned to the side.
“Does it bother you? I can put something on...” She started to get up and I reached out to stop her.
“No, it’s fine. You can wear whatever you want, Care. It’s your body and your clothes.”
“Okay,” she said, but she didn’t sound convinced. I got up and took the trash out to the kitchen and got my second round of coffee. How was I going to deal with Cara being here all the time? Probably in her underwear. Why was this such a big deal?
“Can you pour me some more?” Cara asked, and I saw that she’d put on a baggy t-shirt that just skimmed the tops of her thighs. I glanced away as quick as I could so I wasn’t staring at her exposed thighs.
“Yeah, sure. Give me your cup,” I said and she set it on the counter and got more creamer.
“What are we gonna do today?” Cara said. “I mean, besides nothing.”
“We can do nothing. Or we can go out and take a walk, or go to the aquarium or something.” Honestly, I didn’t want to leave the house, but being in such close quarters with Cara was scrambling my brain and making it hard to breathe.
“Ugh, I don’t want to go anywhere. That means I have to put pants on. Do you want to just look at furniture online?” That sounded like a good plan.
“We can pick a couch,” I said.
“Solid plan. And we don’t have to worry about food because we have a fridge full of leftovers. Best day ever. Even if it’s not a legit honeymoon.” That comment snagged in my brain.
“Well, we wouldn’t have a real honeymoon. You do know what people do on honeymoons, right?” I asked. She couldn’t possibly be suggesting that we should go somewhere and... do what people did on honeymoons.
“Oh, I know. But can you imagine going somewhere and staying in a fancy hotel and everything? I can’t remember the last time that happened. We were probably kids, right?” I thought back. I couldn’t really remember many trips I’d taken as an adult. Just a few short ones, nothing major.
“Well, once we have the money, we can go somewhere. Where do you want to go?” I’d go anywhere with her. We’d have a good time anywhere.
“I get to pick?” Her eyes lit up the way they had yesterday. She’d been glowing and I wanted to bring that back. I wanted to make her look like that every single day.
“Sure,” I said. “Pick a place and plan the whole thing and we can pay for it with the money. We can have a friendymoon.” I was all over inventing new words lately.
“Oh, I’m excited now,” she said, gulping her coffee down. “Something else to plan.” Now her eyes were glittering in a maniacal way, and I was having regrets.
“What have I done?” I said, pretending to wail in despair.
“Mwahahaha,” Cara said, pretending to do an evil laugh and failing miserably. She was too cute to be evil. Or maybe that was part of her master plan. Be so cute that no one would suspect that she was evil.
“Pretty soon we’re going to have spreadsheets on the fridge and wall-papering everything. I’m doomed.”
“I don’t love spreadsheets that much,” she said, but I gave her a disbelieving look.
“Okay, fine, I would live in a spreadsheet if I could.”
I snorted, because it was true.