Chapter Seventeen

 

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,” I sang, the song playing on the radio as I plugged in the Christmas tree lights. After a busy Saturday at the diner, I was ready to put my feet up and relax. I didn’t go into work on Thursday until evening when I had pulled myself together. I spent all day yesterday working so Melissa could have a day off. I was glad I did. Half of the city stopped in for a cup of coffee to talk about Lucille and her contributions to Bells Pass. When I went into work I was still sad, but by the time I left, my spirits had been lifted by the stories they shared. Ironically, the picture of Lucille I had chosen for the owners’ gallery had come in from the framers on Thursday. I didn’t choose a head shot of her smiling at the camera, instead using a shot of her handing pie to a little boy at a Thanksgiving dinner. It was much more her style, and in the end, what she would want to be remembered for.

Shep had been loving and comforting, taking care of me and holding me each night. I wasn’t sure what he had going on tonight, but he told me he wouldn’t be here until six. I checked the time on my phone and it was only four. I had time to watch a Christmas movie if I started it now. Maybe when he came home he’d want to go get dinner somewhere and take a walk in the park. I sat down on the couch to look through the mail. As it were, I only had eighteen days until Christmas and no gift for him. I had something for his mom and brother, but not him. How messed up is that? Normally he’s easy to buy for, and I end up buying him something in July, but not this year. I flipped the pages of the Cabela’s magazine, but nothing jumped out at me. Maybe I would quiz him tonight and see if there was something he needed for his new job. I like to give people practical gifts they can use every day instead of only on special occasions.

The doorbell rang and I pushed myself up, wondering whom it could be. Maybe it was someone confused about Lucille no longer living here. It had happened several times already this season where delivery people left gifts for Lucille she would never open. The brightness in my heart dimmed and I opened the door prepared to be confronted with a memory of Lucille again. Instead, Melissa stood in the doorway holding a box.

“Hi, Melissa. Did I forget something?” I asked, accepting the box from her arms.

“No, I was coming in for my shift and Shepard asked me to bring the box by and tell you to be ready at six. He’ll be picking you up. He said the specifics are in the box.”

She spun on her heel and trucked back to the diner, disappearing behind the building before I could object. I closed the door and stared down at the box. What the heck was he up to?

I set the box down on the coffee table in the living room and took the envelope off the top of the box, sliding a card out of the paper. The front had paper snowflakes and it said, “Ivy, will you be my queen of the snowball?” I opened the card and inside his handwriting scrawled across the paper.

“Ivy,

Inside this box you’ll find a dress perfect for the Snowball Dance. If I had been the man I should have been nine years ago, I would have bought it for you then. Can we chalk that night up to experience and try this again? Some call it a do over or a mulligan. I call it a second chance with a beautiful woman who deserves a man better than I can ever be. I hope she’s willing to give me a chance anyway. I love you, Susanna Ivy Lancombe, and I hope you’re wearing this dress when I arrive to take you to the grandest ball in all of Bells Pass. You can bet I’ll never let you out of my arms this time.

Shep”

 

I held the card to my chest and bit my lip. He was the greatest. He always knew how to make my heart shine with happiness when it felt sad. He wasn’t serious about the Snowball Dance, right? I set the envelope down and lifted the lid on the box, moving aside the tissue paper to find a silky dress underneath. I lifted it out by the spaghetti straps and the dress fell to its full length. I held my breath as I gazed at the white floor length gown. There were blue snowflakes falling from the waist to the floor with shimmering rhinestones added for glimmer. I had never seen anything as gorgeous as this dress, much less had an opportunity to wear it. I laid it on the couch and lifted a white sweater from the bottom, one with fur lining the collar and cuffs. I held it to my chest and sighed. According to the clock I had under ninety minutes to pull myself together, but I would be ready to be his queen of the ball.

 

 

 

SHEP

 

The suitcoat on the back of the chair looked the same as it did the day my mom bought it, twelve years ago. I wore it to every event in high school and college, but somehow, it never faded or thinned. It was an expensive suit and sometimes it’s true what they say, you get what you pay for. Luckily for me, which is how I choose to look at it, I haven’t changed physically since high school. I still have the same scrawny physique I had back then. No matter how much I went to the gym and lifted weights, nothing changed.

I slid my arms into the familiar fabric and adjusted the lapels. Wearing a suit to a school dance was probably a thing of the past, but I wanted tonight to be a second chance, and that meant recreating the night the way it should have been.

“Don’t you look handsome,” Mom said from the doorway.

I motioned her over and she strolled in, a grin on her face. She grabbed the lapels and snapped them. “I always loved you in this suit.” She adjusted the tie a bit and then stroked it until it laid down flat. “You’re a good man, Shepard. She knows who you are in here,” she said, poking my chest. “You don’t need to impress her to win her heart. You already have it; all you have to do is protect it.”

I put my hands on her shoulders. “I know, Mom, but I want to make this right. I screwed up the last time I took her to this dance, and it’s keeping her from trusting me completely. I know if I can give her a new memory to replace the old one, she’ll be able to forget the past and commit to a future.”

She patted my face once. “You’re such a nincompoop. Ivy has loved you since the day you met, and I suspect, you felt the same. You were best friends, but there was an underlying layer of love bubbling below the surface.” She took my arm and led me to my old bed, sitting down. I followed and she patted my leg. “This isn’t about whether Ivy trusts you or not. This is about Ivy not trusting anyone or anything. The poor girl has only ever had you to rely on. Her mother was,” she paused and looked up at the ceiling, “for lack of a better phrase, a piece of work. She never knew her father and she had no other family to take care of her. She has taken care of herself since she was five years old, Shep. She keeps order in her life by keeping her feelings buried so no one can hurt her again. You can wine her and dine her all you want, but until she’s ready, you’ll never break through those memories that control her heart.”

I gave her the palms up. “How do I break through and help her forget the past? I want to be the one to control her heart. It’s what I’m trying to do tonight.”

She patted my tie again. “You stop worrying about getting every detail exactly right.”

I huffed. “The point of tonight is to recreate the night we were together at the Snowball Dance.”

She shook her head. “No. The whole point of tonight is to give her a new memory. You said it yourself,” she said, pointing to the mirror where we had stood. “Which means the memory doesn’t have to be made in an old school gymnasium surrounded by teenagers you don’t know, and drinking punch you don’t like. All you’re doing is putting her back in the same environment where the negative energy lives. You have to go where the positive energy is. It’s the only way to kill the negative memories once and for all.”

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. “I never thought of it as putting her back in an uncomfortable situation, but you’re right. Now what do I do?” I sat with my head in my hand and my eyes closed, reaching out to the memories she and I have shared over the years. My mom patted my back out of motherly instinct and after a few moments of picturing her and I together, my head popped up. “I know what to do, but I’ll need your help,” I said excitedly.

She pulled me up and grabbed my hand, tugging me toward the living room. “Felix and I will do whatever you need. Let’s go find him,” she said, excitement filling her voice.

I grinned as we hurried toward the front of the house. This might work and if it does, her heart is mine.

 

 

 

IVY

 

He opened the door of his dad’s old Cadillac and helped me in, making sure my dress was inside the door before he closed it. When his dad, Bryce, passed from cancer three years ago, Shep was devastated. I knew his pain to a degree, but yet I didn’t. Shep’s dad was a good man who took care of and loved his family. Bryce once told me the only thing he used to measure how successful he was in life, was to measure his love for his family. He loved them all the way to his last breath. It’s taken Shep a long time to be able to drive this car again. His dad left it to Shep and Felix, and his mom keeps it in the garage for them to drive when they need to feel close to him. Apparently, tonight he wanted to feel close to him.

The three red roses, baby’s breath, and green ivy caught my eye again and I adjusted the corsage on my right wrist. When the doorbell rang at six sharp, Shep stood on the stoop, the corsage in his hands, and looking as nervous as he did back in high school. He had gone all out and the corsage was downright breathtaking. After he slipped it on my wrist, I pinned his boutonniere on his suitcoat, the same suitcoat he wore through all of high school and college. I always thought it made him a different person in high school, but not anymore. When he wears the suit now he looks like the man I’m in love with, not the kid he used to be.

He climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine, waiting for the car to heat and warm his fingers. He turned and took my hand, kissing it tenderly. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?”

I could feel myself blushing. “Only about twenty times during dinner.”

He grinned. “Let’s go for twenty-one. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Ivy. I am wholly and completely in love with you. All I want is for you to feel my love and know it’s true and forever.”

I touched his cold cheek and scooted forward on the seat, searching for his lips. When we connected, a jolt went through me. It reminded me of one those medical shows when they shock someone’s heart back to life. It hurt like hell and I whimpered against his lips. The pain and anguish of my past life drained from my heart as if someone had sliced it open to bleed out.

He took his lips off mine and held me, one hand pressed against my chest and the other on my face. “You’re okay, Ivy. Let it all go,” he whispered, his forehead coming to rest on mine. “Don’t be afraid, you don’t need all those heartaches anymore. I promise you, I’ll fill your heart with love,” he whispered, kissing my nose.

His hand rubbed the space between my breasts and I closed my eyes, waiting for the slideshow of pain and agony to finish reeling past my eyes and into a void I couldn’t access anymore. Each painful moment of my childhood was seen, and immediately replaced with a memory I had long forgotten. “We’re playing Clue,” I whispered, my eyes still closed, but my voice filled with awe. “You guessed Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick. You were jumping up and down thrilled you finally won one.”

He didn’t answer, but he kept rubbing my chest, putting slight pressure on my breastbone and sending slivers of desire through me.

There was a knock on the door. I opened it and two officers stood in the doorway of the dingy apartment. “No,” I cried. But the answer was yes, she was gone. Those memories flooded me, but the only ones to stick in my memory were of Shep holding me as I crumbled to the ground, loneliness filling my soul. I remembered the days that followed when he held my hand at the funeral and wiped my tears with his hankie.

“You were always there for me when my mom died,” I said, my voice still filled with pain. “You took care of me, making sure I had food to eat and the rent was paid. You never left me for more than a few hours.”

“And I never will,” he promised, kissing my forehead. “I never will, Ivy. You were my rock when my dad passed. I’ll never forget how you talked me through asthma attack after asthma attack. I spent three months hardly able to breathe and when they put me in the hospital, you were there to hold my hand and tell me it will get easier. I believed you, even in the midst of all the pain in my chest, I believed you. You never left me when I needed you and I trust you never will.”

I slipped my arms around him and hugged him, his arms coming around the back of me. “I couldn’t leave you, Shep. I love you too much to ever be without you. I realize now the bad memories had to go in order to make room for the good ones, and those good ones are all you.”

His hand came up and slipped under my hair to caress my face. “My heart stopped when you said I love you. You said it like you believed it this time. Say it again, it needs a jump start.”

I laughed softly and genuinely. “I love you, Shepard. Always have, always will.”

He did a fist pump as his lips searched for mine. We connected, his lips convincing mine to relax, and soon I was putty in his hands. He broke off the kiss, a smile tipping his lips up. “It’s weird to finally be able to be open about how I feel about you. I’ve kept it inside for years and being able to say I love you, and hear you say it back, feels like I’m dreaming. If I am, I don’t want to wake up, okay?” he whispered.

I ran my finger down his face. “It’s not a dream, Shep.”

He kissed me again for a short minute and then took a breath. “I have to stop kissing you and get to the dance.” He winked and grabbed my seatbelt, buckling me in. He brought his across his chest and clicked it, then put the car in gear.

“We aren’t actually going to a school dance, are we?” I asked skeptically.

He raised his brows. “You’ll see,” he said mysteriously.

I leaned back on the seat and enjoyed the warm air blowing at me from the heaters. “Dinner was awesome. I’ve never been to The Hideaway before. The lemon pepper chicken was amazing. I’m wondering if I can recreate it at the diner. How was the meatloaf?” I asked.

He shrugged. “It was okay, but it wasn’t Nightingale Diner meatloaf. I should have known not to order a comfort food at a fancy restaurant. They can never pull it off the way mom and pop eateries can.”

“I never considered that. You’re right, though. Unless someone has a passion for making a unique and exciting meatloaf, you’re going to get a dried-up slice of premade loaf slathered in gravy to add taste.”

He nodded, one side of his lips turned up. “Exactly what it tasted like. You know your stuff,” he said, taking my hand off the seat and kissing it. “I couldn’t be prouder of what you’ve done with your life, Ivy. You didn’t let the hand dealt to you dictate your path. You chose to work hard and be a success, regardless of your mother’s failures. Most days I wish I had half the determination you do.”

I smiled and shook my head a bit. “You have as much if not more, determination than I do, don’t you see? You worked a job for ten years determined to get to the top one day, and you did. You have a disease that could kill you at any moment, but you plow through and continue to live the way you want to live.”

“Maybe, but I also had support from my family every step of the way when it came to college and working. You had no one,” he said, his lips turning into a frown.

“Not true. I had you,” I whispered. “You were all I needed on the days when life was hard and I didn’t think I could keep going. You always knew when to show up. If I needed to relax, you brought the newest video game to play. If I needed to get out, you took me to dinner and shopping for new pajamas or pillows.”

He chuckled. “Your two favorite things.”

I nodded. “You knew they were, which is why you did it. They were simple comfort things I latched onto because I didn’t have them as a child. I still remember when you would show up at my door, grocery sacks in your arms to stock my fridge because I didn’t have any money. I had someone and he always showed up at the right time.”

His frown turned into a smile as he steered into the parking lot of the city park. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I did those things because I loved you, not because I felt obligated.”

I nodded. “You’re welcome, and I know you didn’t do them because you felt obligated. You did them because you cared about offering me happiness I rarely felt,” I said as he parked the car in a spot near the Christmas tree. “Why are we here?”

He turned and caressed my face. “We’re here to make new memories and share some happiness. As I told you, we’re going to the ball,” he answered, angling out of the car and coming around to open my door.

I glanced down at my white pumps and back to him. “I don’t think I’m prepared to walk through the snow on these heels. I thought we were going to an indoor venue.”

He motioned me out. “We are,” he answered, winking.

Once I was out and the door was shut, he bent and tried to pick me up, but failed in his attempts. I laughed and pushed him in the shoulder. “Dude, I weigh more than you do. What are you thinking?”

He hung his head and shook it. “I was going for romantic. I forgot about my lack of skill.”

I clung to his arm as we picked our way through the snow to the path cleaned off near the tree. “It’s not lack of skill, Shep. It is what it is. I appreciate the thought, but I don’t want you risking an attack because you tried to carry my Scottish backside to the… Wait, where are we going?”

We stepped around the tree and the gazebo blazed before us, lit up with sparkle lights and a disco ball. The banner at the top read, “Welcome to the Bells Pass Snowball Dance”

“You got ahold of the same banner from high school?” I asked, stepping closer.

“I’ve got connections,” he winked, holding his arm out to me. I took it and we climbed the stairs of the gazebo. Music played softly from an iPod docked on the square table, which held a punch bowl, two cups, and a plate of coconut covered macaroons. “You thought of everything,” I whispered, my hand to my chest. “This is amazing.”

In one corner, a magical winter scene waited, the perfect background to have your picture taken with your date, exactly like it was in high school. Shep stood me by the snowy background, and held up his finger, going to the camera on a tripod and fiddling with it. I glanced up, smiling at all the glittered snowflakes hanging from the gazebo’s ceiling.

“Pictures, too?” I asked when he returned to my side.

“What’s a snowball dance without pictures?” he asked, pointing at the camera. “Smile, we only have ten seconds.”

I leaned into him, my arms around him and smiled as the camera shutter clicked. I tipped my chin to the ceiling and he bent, kissing me, my leg popping up behind me as the camera whirred again.

“How many pictures will it take?” I asked, as he picked up my hand, kissing it in perfect time as the camera clicked again.

“Until the battery dies, or I turn it off,” he answered, kissing my cheek as it snapped the picture. He knelt and sat me on his leg, cupping my face, and finishing the pose the instant before it snapped.

I laughed, throwing my head back in abandon as it took another. “I think we have enough pictures,” I said, the smile on my face broad.

“Me, too,” he agreed, running to the camera and flipping the button over.

He motioned me forward and took my hand, leading me into the middle of the gazebo’s floor. “Can I have this dance?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” I answered, letting him pull me into his body and hold me tightly against him. There was no music for a second and then a new song started; Eric Clapton crooned Wonderful Tonight. The disco balled twirled lazily, throwing colors on the floor off the twinkle lights around the edge of the gazebo. I laid my head on his chest as we danced in a circle. “How did you do all of this?”

He kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear. “My mom and Felix helped. I was going to take you to the school, but after I talked to mom she gave me a new perspective on things. I wanted to make a new memory of the snowball dance, but doing it at the school would only remind you of the old. I thought of the gazebo and how magical it is when the tree is lit and the park is quiet. You aren’t cold, are you?”

I shook my head no against his chest. “You’re keeping me warm,” I said, slipping my arms around his waist. “I’ll admit I’m much more comfortable alone with you here than I would have been at the school. This feels right. You feel right,” I whispered, his hands rubbing up and down my back.

He spun me around, his lips kissing from my cheek down my neck and back up to my earlobe where he sucked gently. “You feel wonderful. You’re my Christmas wish come true, Ivy.”

The music changed to Mariah Carey’s rendition of All I Want for Christmas is You, and I smiled. “I love this song.”

He caressed my face with his hand. “And I love you.”

“I love you too, Shep,” I whispered, my head on his chest.

We danced quietly for half the song before he whispered in my ear. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“I don’t know how kids these days ask this. Maybe they just take a selfie and put it on Snapchat, but when we went to school, the boys always asked the girls like this; will you go steady with me?”

I rested my chin on his chest and grinned up at him. “You mean, be your girlfriend?”

He nodded, his eyes sparkling under the disco lights. “I would love to go steady with you," I whispered. "I'm still afraid of losing you as a best friend, but considering I can't sleep anywhere but in your arms now, I know I have to explore how we feel about each other."

"You don't know how hard I've been praying to hear you say those words, sweetheart. When I hold you in my arms I know I'll never be able to stop loving you." 

He lowered his head, his feet no longer moving as he made love to my lips. He thrust his tongue past my defenses and I moaned, the sound reverberating off the low ceiling of the gazebo. I slowed the kiss until our lips broke apart, his chest heaving from the emotion of the kiss.

"We need to be careful out here with the exertion," I teased. "I don't want you to have an asthma attack from the cold and the kissing."

He smiled and kissed my nose. "I would laugh at your suggestion, but you're not wrong." He let me go and held up his finger, digging in his pocket. He pulled out a large ring, his hand shaking when he held it up. "I asked mom to dig out my class ring. Maybe kids don't do this anymore either, but I hoped you'd want to wear it, at least until I can get something more your style."

"Are you kidding me? This is totally my style." I winked at him, holding my left hand out for him to put it on. He slid it on my ring finger and it was snug, staying in place perfectly. I flipped my hand over and thread was wrapped around the back of the ring, taking up the extra space. "You actually did think of everything."

He wound his fingers in mine. "When it comes to you, I can't stop thinking about how you're my everything."