Chapter Thirteen

 

 

SHEP

 

Something had changed. Somewhere between the time Ivy picked up Audrey and the time they returned, a switch inside her had been flipped. When they stopped back to pick me up, she was all smiles. She hugged me immediately, laughing and joking with Alan as though she didn’t have a care in the world. Only I knew she did. I could see in her eyes she was still waging the war about us. She was happy and bubbly, but her body language told me her true feelings were tempered by her constant fear of what would happen if we acted on our feelings. Somehow, I had to find a way to show her we could be more than friends, and it could be wonderful. I had an idea, but the plan relied on being on my toes and ready to take advantage of a situation if it came up. The only way to bring down the walls around her heart was to keep kissing her. I had to tell her over and over I loved her, and it was okay to love me back. I had to show her I would always be there for her, regardless of what labels we put on our relationship.

I tugged my neck warmer down over my head, hoping it would prevent my airways from freezing up while we were outside. I pulled on my cap and coat, and jumped down the stairs two at a time. She was at the diner checking in on everyone, but we had to get moving if we were going to get all our chores done before the stores closed. I stuck my feet in my boots and tied them on, checking my back pocket for my wallet and grabbing the keys to my truck off the board.

When she came back from seeing Lucille she was adamant we needed to get our trees immediately. I still didn’t know what the urgency was, but I wasn’t about to be uncooperative. It was rare to see Ivy unabashedly carefree, and I had to credit the magic of the season for it. There was no other explanation. When I got to the truck I double-checked the white five-gallon bucket in the back. It once held pickles at the diner, but now it held the odds and ends I need for tying things down in the back of the truck. Sometimes those things are dead animal carcasses I have to pick up and take to the county land, and sometimes, like tonight, those things are much more fun, like Christmas trees.

I grabbed the steering wheel and pulled myself up into the truck. When I started it, the clock read four-thirty p.m. We had plenty of time to get to the hardware store before they closed, then head to the Christmas tree lot. As long as she didn’t get sidetracked leaving the diner, that is. I’m used to going to pick her up and waiting thirty or forty minutes for her to be able to leave, but I was praying tonight she would be ready when I got there. I hadn’t spent more than a few minutes with her all day and I missed her. Weird, since we live together, but waking up with her in my arms spoiled me for the rest of the day. As soon as she left them, they ached with want. The ache hasn’t lessened, either. I had to hold her soon or I might fall apart. It sounds silly, I know, but ever since last night when our lips touched at the park, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I understand her fears, but I also want to explore where this could go if we give ourselves over to the idea we could be best friends and lovers. I parked the truck and moseyed into the diner, surprised to see her throwing on her coat and fixing her scarf.

“You’re ready,” I said.

She grinned. “Shocking, I know, but it’s time to pick out trees.”

I pulled her coat up around her neck and zipped it the rest of the way. “It’s cold out; where’s your hat?”

She searched around the counter before she answered. “I think I left it in the office.”

I herded her toward the back, waving at Mason as he flipped burgers. This was my chance, but I had to act normal. “Let’s get it and go out the back.”

I kept my hand on the small of her back until we reached her office. When she bent down to grab the hat by her desk, I reached up in the doorway for a moment then tucked my hand back in my pocket before she turned around.

“Got it!” she said exuberantly, holding the hat up. After tugging it on her head and checking the mirror to fix her hair under it, she met me at the door. “Ready?”

I smiled lazily and looked up at the top of the door with only my eyes. Hers followed mine. “Not yet. Looks like we have some business to take care of first.”

“How did mistletoe get up there? I didn’t hang any in the diner,” she said suspiciously.

I grabbed her coat again to pull her to me. “I don’t know, must have been the elves. Since it’s there, we’re obligated.”

“Obligated, huh?” she asked. “I always thought it was by choice.”

I leaned in close and the scent of peppermint and coffee filled my senses. “You are my choice,” I whispered, then put my lips on hers before she could speak. I purposefully kept the kiss light and tender, not wanting to scare her and make her run again. It was she who put her arms around my neck and angled her head in for a better connection to my lips. I followed her cues and let the kiss deepen, my lower half reacting naturally to the feel of this woman in my arms. I held her against me the full length, one hand on her back, the other cupping her face as my tongue ran along her closed lips. It was a teasing maneuver, but also a test to see what she would do.

Slowly her lips opened enough so the tip of my tongue could slide in, where she captured it with her teeth and bit down gently. I moaned, the sensation of pure pleasure coursing through me. When she released my tongue, hers fought against mine to find its way into my space, exploring and teasing. I allowed it, giving her time to get to know me and sense the way I felt about her without words. When she ran her tongue around the edges of my lips I moaned again, my hips shaking with desire I couldn’t chase.

I kept my hand on her face and leaned forward so she couldn’t take her lips from mine. I kissed her once and our lips broke apart. “Not yet,” I moaned, going back in for another and then another before she leaned her head on my chest breathing heavily.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” I asked, my hands rubbing up and down her back.

She nodded, the motion setting fire to my skin. “When I let my guard down I always feel it,” she whispered.

I took a long, shuddering breath and grabbed her hand, holding it against my groin. “Do you feel what you do to me? No one, and I mean no one, has ever done this to me with a kiss before.”

She held my eyes and I noticed her swallow hard as she traced her finger along the length of me, causing me to suck in air and hold my breath.

“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before?” she whisper-asked.

“Anything, sweetheart,” I answered.

“I’ve never been turned on enough with any man to, you know,” she said, her eyes flipping around the room.

“To make love?” I asked and she nodded. “Are you saying you’re a virgin?”

Her forehead went back to my chest and her hand fell away from my groin, making me want to cry out in despair.

“You know how screwed up my childhood was. I could never give myself over to anyone. They called me a cold fish, and maybe I am, but the desire was never there, until tonight.”

I held her to me, running my hand over her stocking cap to the hair below where my fingers tangled in her curls. “You’re not a cold fish, Ivy, not by a long shot. If the desire was never there then you made the right choice in not forcing it. When the time is right you’ll know, and your body will follow your heart.”

She gazed up at me from my chest and smiled. “If we hadn’t been standing here in the middle of the diner, the time would have been right as far as my body was concerned. My head, on the other hand, keeps reminding me I don’t want to be my mother.”

I cupped her cheek and leaned down, kissing her once. “What about your heart? What does your heart say?”

She sighed. “My heart has always said your name, Shep, but regardless, it doesn’t make it any less scary or complicated.”

I ran my thumb over her temple and smiled, hoping she felt safe in my arms. “Being scared is okay, as long as the fear doesn’t take over. What I mean is, being scared of the new feelings you’re experiencing is normal and part of falling in love. All the rest will come with time if you don’t force it. As far as it being complicated goes, it’s only complicated if we let it be complicated. If we follow our hearts, my guess would be it’s really rather simple.”

Her eyes bore into mine with an honesty I’ve never seen from her before. “I love you, Shep, but it’s still complicated because of our longstanding friendship and my mother’s profession.”

Those three words melted my heart into a puddle in my chest. She’s said I love you before, but not in the way she just said it now. This time it was different. “I’ve waited forever to hear you say those words, Ivy,” I whispered, as I stroked her face. “Say them again,” I begged.

She held my eyes, her hand coming up to caress my cheek. “I love you, Shep.”

I grasped her hand and held it. “I don’t care if it is complicated, knowing you love me makes no complication too big to conquer, including your past. You’re not your mother, sweetheart. You have to stop comparing yourself to her and start being who you are. She’s been gone for years physically, but emotionally she was never present to begin with. You’re nothing like her. If anything, you feel too much and have an abundance of empathy. Look at what you did today. You are not your mother. You’re Susanna Ivy Lancombe, owner of the Nightingale Diner and the woman who holds my heart. I understand it’s hard for you to put her in your past though, so I’ll be patient.”

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed my lips once. “Thank you. We should go before the hardware store closes.”

My lips curled into a smile and I stood up straight, opening the back door and checking for any lurkers before we left. I kept my hand on the small of her back as a protective gesture until we reached the truck. I gave her a boost up and then jogged to my side, turning the engine over and shivering as it blew cold air out of the vents at us.

I put the truck in gear and drove left out of the parking lot toward Heiliman’s Hardware. “You didn’t say why we need to go to the hardware store. Are you out of lights for the tree?”

She shook her head as she stared out the window. “No, I need to buy an artificial tree. I told Audrey we were going tree shopping and offered to pick one up for her, since I noticed there wasn’t one in the house. She told me Alan can’t be around a real tree this year with his respiratory issues, but they can’t afford one anyway, so they won’t have one this year. It made me sad to think they won’t have a tree. They’re suffering financially already and the holidays only make it worse. I thought I could spread some Christmas cheer by getting them a small artificial tree to brighten their season.”

I glanced over at her as we approached the well-lit plaza where the hardware store rented space. I grasped her shoulder for a moment and smiled. “I love you, Suzi Q, you’re the best.”

 

 

 

IVY

 

I wrapped my hands around the hot cocoa we had picked up at the coffee shop after we dropped the tree off at Audrey’s. They were thrilled to have a tree and I even noticed a few tears on Audrey’s face. She hugged me tightly, whispering a thank you in my ear, while we watched Shep build the tree as directed on the box. It didn’t take long, but he didn’t want Alan doing it and breathing in anything that might be on the tree. It probably wasn’t wise for Shep to do it either, but I couldn’t tell him otherwise when he set his mind to something.

Once the tree was together and in the corner, Audrey was anxious to get out the lights and ornaments. Alan sat slack mouthed for most of the interaction, clearly confused why anyone would bring them a tree.

“You made their month,” he said, angling into the truck with his to-go cup of coffee. He cranked the engine over to heat the inside of the cab and sipped his latte.

I shrugged. “It’s a simple thing, but it got me thinking. Until I spent time with Audrey today I didn’t realize how much they’re struggling. I’m going to make meals and freeze them for Audrey for the next month. All she’ll have to do is defrost them and heat to eat. I’m also going to get her a full Christmas dinner, but for her to cook. I know she enjoys cooking with her daughters on Christmas, so making sure she has a turkey to cook and all the fixings will allow her some joy without worrying about the cost. She told me once Alan can stay home alone she’s going to substitute teach to bring some income in, since Alan can never work again.”

He put the truck into gear and turned right, headed for the Christmas tree farm run by the Boy Scouts. “I’m sure she would appreciate it. It’s too bad we can’t do more for them.”

I sipped my hot cocoa and pondered his words. “Maybe there is something more we can do. I need to think about it.”

He patted my leg and grinned. “See, you’re nothing like your mother,” he said as he winked.

“Speaking of mothers, you won’t believe what happened when we went to see Lucille,” I said excitedly. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you since you got called for the water emergency when we got back to the house.”

“You’re right, you seemed awfully happy though. What happened?”

“When Audrey and I got there, Lucille was sitting up in bed waiting for us!” I exclaimed, happiness pouring from my soul. “She even spoke quite a bit to us. It was a little bit hard to understand, but with patience we were able to decipher what she meant. We told her about your promotion and she was excited for you. Her eyes had sparkle to them again. It was quite shocking considering the doctors told me she wouldn’t be around much longer.”

“Doctors aren’t always right. Sometimes, all it takes is someone who cares to push a patient to get stronger.”

I nodded as I swallowed the rich, warm, creamy chocolate. “It sure seems like that’s what happened with Lucille. Polly told me they were getting her ready for the day and she insisted she wanted to be awake and sitting up when I got there. It was great to see her with a small smile on her face and attempting to converse. She might pull through this if I keep going to see her and she keeps fighting to get better.”

He laid his hand on my leg and squeezed my thigh. “She might, but she’s still in her eighties, honey. She will never leave the home.”

I shrugged. “I know, but if she improves enough she might be moved to the nursing home where she can participate in activities, go on trips, and be involved with others again. Maybe I’m reading too much into what happened today, but it made me feel good to see her awake and alert. When I found her that morning I was sure I would be attending her funeral in the coming days. She’s already surprised everyone by still being here. Maybe she has a few more surprises up her sleeve.”

He smiled tenderly and ran his finger down my cheek. “Maybe she does. I’m happy she was better today. Even if she never improves further, you have this day as your last memory of her, instead of the day you found her.”

I nodded once. “I didn’t think of it that way, but you’re right. Visiting with her today was wonderful. I told her about the kiss in the gazebo and how I ran away.”

His head snapped sideways for a moment before going back to the road. “Why did you tell her about it?” he asked confused.

“We were talking about you getting the promotion and for some reason I blurted it out. I told them I love you, but it’s complicated.”

He rolled his eyes as we neared the tree farm. “There’s that word again. What did Lucille say when you told her?”

I laughed and shook my head. “She did a fist shake and said, ‘inally. Ive im a ance. E’s urs.”

His brow furrowed and then a grin spread across his face. “She’s a wily one, isn’t she? Give him a chance. I like her. I think she’s on my side.” I laughed happily as we pulled into the parking area of the tree lot. “We don’t have time to cut our own tree, but it looks like they have plenty precut trees ready to go,” he said, climbing from the truck. He opened my door and helped me down, then wrapped his arm around me as the wind blew.

“We need two trees,” I reminded him, “one for the diner and one for the house.”

“Okay, two trees it is. What kind do you want for the diner?”

I stood among the trees and spun in a circle. “Something tall, but skinny. We don’t have room for full, long branches there.”

“And for home?”

“I want something about seven feet tall or so, but fat. We have plenty of room there for it to be a giant, fat, fun tree.”

He threw his head back and laughed, clapping his gloved hands once. “You got it, baby. One giant, fat, fun tree coming right up. You go left and see what you find, and I’ll go right. We’ll meet up at the back of the lot and compare choices.”

I gave him the thumbs up and wound my way through the trees stuck in round, metal grids. It allowed the trees to stand as if they were still in the ground, ready to be plucked. I rounded one tree to check the back and was approached by a man in a brown jacket, his Boy Scout troop number on it along with a patch announcing him as scoutmaster. “Can I help you find anything?” he asked, approaching me as he straightened trees and brushed snow from the branches.

I eyed the tree which had caught my attention. “I need a tree for my home and business. I think this one would be great for home. I like the fullness.”

He nodded appreciatively. “It’s a beauty. We have so many to choose from. Maybe we should take a walk and check out the rest of them. We have some beautiful Douglas firs in the back. What business do you own?” he asked conversationally.

“I own Nightingale Diner,” I explained.

“No kidding? I’m from the town over, so I’ve never been there, but if someone as beautiful as you are is running the place, I better stop in.”

I tried hard not to roll my eyes while I plastered my business smile on. “I’m sure you’d love the food. You should stop in with the troop one day, we have specials for kids all the time, and the pie is worth it alone.”

I edged toward the other side of the tree hoping to escape his intense stare. I felt creeped out being in the same vicinity as him.

“I’ll stop in, but it won’t be with the kids or for the pie,” he said, wiggling his brows lewdly.

“Uh, well, I’m not always there,” I stuttered, still edging toward the row behind me.

“How about if you give me your number and I’ll call to make sure you are there before I come. I would hate to miss seeing you. Maybe we could take off and have a little fun afterwards.”

An arm went around my waist and I sighed with relief. “Are you hitting on my girlfriend?” Shep asked, his voice stern and angry.

Now I’m his girlfriend? This is new information. How did I feel about being his girlfriend? I couldn’t answer, which told me I was far more conflicted about everything than I thought. It also told me I hadn’t forgiven him the way I thought I had.

The guy put his hands up in the air. “No, we were only talking, man. Take it easy.”

“It sounded like more than talking to me. She’s clearly uncomfortable with your advances or don’t you care? I will be reporting this behavior to the council. It’s unprofessional and considering you have no idea where your scouts are right now, downright dangerous. Get it together and leave her alone.”

He swung me in an arc and kept me close to him as we walked toward the back of the lot. He strode quickly, making it hard to keep up with him until we were near the back of the cut trees where the fence started for the farm. He tucked me into him and put his hand on my head.

“I’m sorry. It was a bad idea to split up. Forgive me.”

I hugged him around the waist and stared up at him. “There’s nothing to forgive, Shep. I get hit on at least three times a day when I’m working. I’m used to it.”

“You didn’t look used to it when he was backing you into a corner,” he said, his voice angry.

“It’s true. He was the most aggressive guy I’ve ever come across. Usually I can shut them down, but he kept advancing on me like I was his prey. It was creepy.”

He kissed my nose and rubbed my back a couple times. “Let’s go. We’ll get our trees somewhere else. I don’t want to deal with him again.”

I grabbed the front of his coat. “No, they have a beautiful tree here I want for the house. I saw the other den leader helping people load. We’ll be okay.”

He frowned, but finally agreed. “Fine, but if he hits on you again, I’m calling the police.”

I laughed softly and buried my face in his coat. “For what, Shep? Hitting on me? It’s not illegal.”

“It is when you’ve told him to stop and he doesn’t. Then it’s called harassment.” He dropped his hands from around me and stepped back.

“Good point,” I agreed. “Working in a diner you get used to the constant comments and stares. It’s part of the job.”

He shook his head and took my hand, leading me back toward the tree I found. “It shouldn’t be part of the job. Men can be such pigs sometimes it makes me embarrassed to be one. It isn’t hard to be respectful. Geez.”

He was still grumbling when we approached the tree and I pointed to it, tugging on his hand to hurry over. “I love this tree,” I said, grabbing the middle and standing it up straight. “It’s perfectly symmetrical, the right height, and look at the branches, they’re gorgeous and full. Can you see it in the living room by the fireplace?”

He walked around it, inspecting it appreciatively then came up behind me, snugged my butt up to his groin and kissed my neck. “I like it, and I could fall asleep holding you on the couch watching the twinkling lights.”

“It’s a date,” I whispered, turning my head for him to kiss me. He took the hint and attacked my mouth with the fever of a man in love. He kissed and sucked my lips, holding me around my breasts. He was hard again and I still couldn’t believe how quickly he reacted to our intimacy. I had to admit to myself his kisses turned me on, too. The only difference was I didn’t know what to do about it and I was certain he did.

He let the kiss end slowly, continually kissing my lips until he couldn’t reach them anymore as I turned my head back to the tree. “We better have them tie this one while we find the tree for the diner,” I finally said, out of breath and with flushed cheeks.

He drew his arm out from around me and picked up the tree, carrying it to the front and handing it to a young eagle scout. “Would you wrap this one for us? We have one more to get.”

The kid grabbed it with a smile. “Sure, just so you know, we’re closing in a few minutes.”

Shep grinned. “Give us three minutes. I think I know the right tree.”

He grabbed my hand and weaved in and out a few more rows, stopping once to look both ways before darting right. He pulled to a stop at a tree most would overlook. “What do you think?”

I walked closer and inspected all sides. “It’s tall, but skinny, short branches, but full of needles. It could work.”

He grasped the middle of the tree and held it next to him. “It’s just about eight feet, which is all the diner can handle. With the shorter branches, they won’t stick out for people to knock the ornaments off.”

I crossed my arms and inspected the tree, shaking my head. “The branches aren’t going to hold ornaments.”

He appeared confused, glancing between me and the tree. “How are you going to decorate it then?”

“With hats, scarves, and mittens,” I said. “I want to make it a mitten tree. Anyone who brings a scarf, hat, or mittens for distribution at the food pantry will get a free piece of pie. I’ll use the scarves as garland, the hats as branch caps, and the mittens as ornaments. Readjusting the tree each time someone brings something in. What do you think?”

He let the tree go and grabbed me, kissing me smack dab on the lips. “I think you’re fantastic,” he whispered, his eyes smoky as he stared down at me. “Absolutely fantastic.”

His lips came down on mine again and massaged them until he’d warmed them from the cold. I was holding the lapels of his coat and pressing myself into him, the need to be with him almost overwhelming me, even stuck between rows of trees at a Christmas tree farm. “Oh, Shep,” I whispered around his lips. “How have I lived without your kisses all these years?”

He held my face, his eyes the color of the ocean on a sunny day. “I don’t want to go back to the way it was, Ivy. I want to keep exploring this between us, please,” he begged, his lips back on mine. I wound my hands into his hair and kissed him with abandon.

“Geez, get a room,” a voice said behind us and I realized too late it was the flirty scoutmaster from earlier.

Shep dropped me like a hot potato and got right in front of the guy, his hands in fists at his side. “I told you to stay away from her.”

He put his hands up and took a step back. “Dude, I’m doing my job and checking to make sure no one is locked in here tonight. It’s probably best if you finish your little make out session somewhere else.”

Shep was coiled to pounce and I ran up and grabbed his arm. “Don’t. He’s not worth the disorderly conduct charge or the impact on your career. Get the tree and let’s go.”

He stared the guy down for another second and then turned, picked up the tree, and stalked to the front. He handed it to the same Eagle Scout and I grabbed the young boy’s coat.

“No need to tie them up. We’re taking them right back to the diner tonight. They’ll be fine in the back of his truck.”

“Okay, whatever you’d like. I’ll have you pay Jon and then I’ll help you take them to the truck.”

I paid Jon the fifty bucks for the trees and let the two guys drag them to the truck in the parking lot. Since we were the only ones left, it wasn’t hard to figure out which one was ours. Shep spent a few minutes tying them down while I climbed in the truck to warm up. By the time he joined me, he was calmer, though still unhappy.

I tugged on his coat once the truck was running and the heat going. “Let it go, Shep. He’s not worth the bother.” He rubbed his hands together after he took off his gloves, then grabbed his rescue inhaler from the console, puffing twice. “Do you need me to drive?”

He shook his head. “I’m fine. I always use it when I’ve been out in the cold. Where to first?” He put the truck in gear and let it roll forward.

“Let’s drop the tree at the diner and let it warm up in my office overnight. Then we go home and start a fire. I’m wiped.”

He grabbed my hand and kissed it. “Sounds like the perfect way to end a great weekend.”

As we drove in silence his words at the tree farm were ringing in my ears. Girlfriend.